Sorry for the delay, in payment, I'm giving you an extra long chapter. PLEASE review! Let me know you haven't forgotten about me! Also, as my other story came to an end, I've begun a new one called "Class for the Classless". Said story will be updated more than any of my others, as much of it is already written.
Please review, I could really use the pick-me-ups after a long work week. :) - Jen
Late Nights At The Leaky Cauldron
Chapter 6
"Why wasn't I on my guard? Why hadn't I triple checked my charms? This shouldn't have happened!" James banged his mug against the wooden table with a clunk. He groaned audibly and squeezed his eyes shut temporarily
"You couldn't have known, Prongs. Stop beating yourself up." Spoke Remus Lupin. His eyes had dark circles under them, and his hair appeared quite thin. He looked worse than usual. James knew the full moon had to have been approaching.
"She could have died, Remus. All because of me. She shouldn't be there. I'm too dangerous to her!" James growled.
"You're trying to tell me about dangerous, James?" Remus laughed, almost bitterly.
"You know what I mean!" James sighed. "I need to leave. I can't stay here. I can't put her in danger. Now that they know... they know everything..."
"She can take care of herself." said Remus, before taking another sip of his butterbeer. Remus didn't usually partake in drinking. He claimed he had enough out-of-mind experiences that he didn't need to add to it.
"And it'll be much easier for her if I'm no where to be seen!" James crossed his arms.
"Don't be stupid, Prongs. From what you're telling me, they already think you're together again. They wont leave her alone if they want to find you."
James ran another nervous hand through his hair. "I can't put her through this. It's not fair. I shouldn't have left. I should have stayed. I should have kept her safe. I'm so unbelievably selfish!"
Remus sighed, and straightened up in his chair. "You made your decision - four and a half years ago when you decided to join the order. You knew that you'd be giving up everything, that things wouldn't be easy. But don't you remember why you're doing this? Did you forget why you left in the first place? To protect her, and everyone like her. If we don't stop him, every single muggle born will be extinct. She wont be here anymore. I know as well as anyone that Lily doesn't need protecting... but imagine if you weren't there... My advice... Don't let her out of your sight."
James took a deep breath. Of course, he was well aware that Remus was correct. But that didn't exactly make him feel any better. He still hated himself for everything ... for leaving her, for wanting to be near her, for putting her in danger... everything. If anything ever happened to her, he would never forgive himself.
"You love her. Don't give up." said Remus. He put down his empty mug and stood up. "Now, get home. I've got to go as well." He waved goodbye, and apparated from The Leaky Cauldron.
James leaned back against his chair and peered around the room. A few dozen customers were chatting and drinking around the bar and at the tables. Tom, the bartender, was chatting animatedly to an old man with a giant, grizzled beard. James ran a hand through his hair. He really should be going home.
"Is... is that room still available, Talia?" Lily asked, as she pulled her hair into a bun. Her friend, who was fastening her lime green healers robes, peered up at her from the button she was working on.
"Of couse! Have you decided to leave, then?" She asked curiously, obviously trying to hide the glee in her face.
"Well... I..." Lily took a deep breath. "I got my things last night, and after what happened with the... the death eaters..."
"You're leaving because your house got attacked by death eaters? Are you trying to hide? I have to confess, we don't have the best security..." said Talia with slight worry.
"No, no it's not that. I talked to Drake last night." Lily confessed. Talia's eyes lit up.
"Are you guys getting back together?" She asked, excitedly. Lily furrowed her brow, thourougly confused as to why she wanted her and Drake together.
"No, no. Oh, God, no." Lily laughed nervously. "I just... I... we... I really don't think I should be there. You were right. It's not good for me or for him..."
Talia smiled. "My couch is always welcome to you, Lily." She put her arm on Lilys shoulder. "Now, there's a witch in ward 4 thats sprouting feathers." Lily nodded, she knew what she had to do. Staying with James was a silly fantasy that was in her mind for only a moment. Her subconscious, the part that missed the love she'd experienced with James over 4 years ago had wanted it to return. She had to be realistic, to be mature. She wasn't in school anymore.
James sat awkwardly at the kitchen table, his eyes glued to the door. Lily should be home any minute. He'd found her work schedule spell-o-taped to the refrigerator. He had to talk to her... he had to apologize for getting her into this mess... to apologize for leaving in the first place. She had to know that he still cared about her... that he missed her and wanted her back. If she didn't...
The door swung open and Lily walked in, looking slightly frazzled and tired. She gave a quick wave to James before storming right past him and into the bedroom. James cleared his throat and followed her.
"Listen, Lily, I'm... what are you doing?" He paused as he watched the red-head pile her things back into her suitcase.
"Packing. I'm going to live with Talia." She said simply. James gulped.
"You're leaving?" He asked with a slight squeak to his voice. "No, Lily, I'm sorry - don't leave." He apologized.
"I can't live with you, James. This is ridiculous! I'm sorry I ever proposed the idea in the first place." She smiled slightly, and opened the bedside drawer to pull out the t-shirts she'd packed in there.
"You can't leave!" He protested, almost too loudly. Lily paused and turned to face him.
"Of course I can." She laughed. "Why shouldn't I?"
I need to protect you. You need to stay because I need to know you're okay. You need to be within my sight at all times. I need you here.
He stared at her green eyes, wondering how to say the things he wanted to say. "Be-because. You can't. You need to stay." He said stupidly. Lily laughed.
"This will be easier, James. I'll only live with Talia for a short while, I've got plenty of money to get my own place, I just have to find one that suits me..." She began to pile things into her bag again.
It seemed so much easier for James to think the things he wanted to say rather to say them straight out when she stood in front of him - the love of his life - preparing to leave. He supposed it had always been a curse. He'd never been able to find the right words to say around Lily Evans.
"It's not safe." James said quietly.
"I can take care of myself." She replied, not looking at him. He watched as she tensed up a bit.
"They think we're together again." He added. She tensed up even move, and coughed slightly.
"Well, they'll figure out they're wrong." She nodded. "And I can take care of myself."
"It doesn't matter. They think I'm in love with you." said James. Lily smiled politely.
"They obviously don't know what they're talking about."
James wanted so bad to tell her that they were right. That he loved her with everything he had. Somewhere between his brain and his lips the words got lost.
"James, I'll be fine. You weren't there protecting me for the last 4 years, you don't need to be here now." said Lily. James' heart sunk into his stomach, and he slowly backed from the room.
She was right, after all.
Lily sunk onto the bed, the expression on James' face etched in her mind. The way his mouth opened slightly, and his eyes lifeless. The way his hand, halfway towards being ran through his hair, fell to his side, limp. She took a deep breath. She hadn't exactly meant to say that - not like she did, at least. But where was James to protect her for the last four years? Why should she need him now? She could protect herself, she didn't need him. All she needed was her trusty willow wand, and her memory. She didn't need James Potter. And just as she thought that, he walked away.
She pulled open the last, bottom drawer, maybe too harshly. A small blue box rolled from the back end to the front. Slightly stunned, Lily wrapped her slim fingers around it. What was a jewelry box doing in the dresser? Lily didn't own much jewelry, and especially not anything to be received in a velvety blue box. She pried the gold clasp open, and inside sat a shinning, silver colored ring with One large diamond in the center, and two smaller ones on the side.
An engagement ring.
Lily dropped the box as if it were boiling, and stared at where the ring fell out onto the floor. It glimmered as the sun light reflected off of it.
What in Merlins name was an engagement ring doing in the apartment? James had never proposed to her... never given the inclination... never said anything that would have made her thought...
So what was it doing here?
Trying to push all memories of their previous relationship aside, Lily scooped the box into her hand and deposited it back into the drawer. She had to leave. Wasting time was no longer an option. She grabbed her bags and exited the room.
James was sitting in the living room, his feet propped up on the coffee table and a troubled expression on his face. He didn't say a word as Lily silently crossed the room, pulled open the oak door, and was gone. Overwhelming guilt washed over him. He'd felt alone for four years, but never this kind of alone. The non-self-inflicted alone. Was this how Lily felt when she watched James' leave four years ago? Like a rock had crushed through your lungs, and something was pushing your lunch up from your stomach, and simultaneously pulling your heart down to your bladder?
James had spent the first 18 years of his life never feeling sorry for himself. He'd always been proud of who he was, and, all cruel pranks aside, what he'd done. Since he'd come back, why had it been a constant string of bringing himself down?
A life without Lily just wasn't a life at all.
Talia's house was small, but loud. As Lily rang the doorbell she heard a loud, deep bark, and the sound of running. The porch light flickered on and the door was pulled open. In front of her stood a tall, dark haired man, whose smile caused dimples in his cheeks.
Before Lily could say anything, a large brown dog squeezed past the man and jumped on Lily, placing his front paws near her shoulders.
"Canon!" Cried both Lily and the man, in apposing tones. The man latched his hand around the dogs collar and pulled him back inside the house. A few moments later, Lily heard the sound of a door closing shut, and then he returned.
"Lily!" He grinned, and pulled her into a tight, crushing hug.
"Hi, Alvin. Thank you for taking me in. I'll try not to impose!" She promised as she pulled her suitcases inside. Alvin, Talia's husband, grabbed one from her and shook his head.
"Not at all, Lily. You're a delightful house guest. Now, we've got the couch all ready for you. Talia is making dinner. The twins are doing Merlin knows what - causing trouble, that's for sure." He laughed his deep, booming laugh. Lily couldn't help but smile. Alvin and Talia had a pair of 4 year old twins who were seemingly still stuck in the "terrible twos" mindset. While delightfully sweet and bright, they also had a knack for causing messes.
"Thanks, Al." said Lily. He patted her on the back, and led her to the kitchen where Talia was stirring a bowl of something with her wand.
"Ah, you're here!" She grinned. Lily nodded.
"Thank you, again."
"Oh stop. You can repay us by babysitting the twins so Al and I can have a night or two to ourselves." Talia winked over the steam from the boiling bowl in front of her.
"Of course!" Lily laughed for a moment at her friends roguish attitude. "Whats the occasion?" she asked, gesturing to all the food.
"Ah, the Chudely Canons are playing the Holyhead Harpies tonight. We'll be listening over the wireless."
"I see." Lily nodded. Alvin was a solid Chudely Canons fan, he listened in on as many games as his work schedule would allow, and a few times a season, he'd have the opportunity to attend games. "Do you need help?" Lily asked, gesturing towards the bowls of steaming food on the stove. Talia quickly shook her head.
"No, No, I'm just about done. The boys are outside somewhere, will you grab them for me?" She asked. Lily nodded, and exited through the back door. The warm night air encompassed her as she stepped under the porch light. June bugs fluttered around the light, entranced by it. She watched as the two four year old boys ran around the yard, pointing sticks at eachother and pretending to shoot spells. One of the boys, Aldred, fell to the ground after the other boy, Josef, shot a "stunning" spell at him.
"Oof, you got me, Joey!" Aldred cried from him his place in the grass.
"You're stunned, Al, you can't talk!" Josef complained. Aldred made a motion as if to "zip" his lips, and then turned his head to the side with his tongue sticking out. His eyes widened as he spotted Lily, and he jumped up from his spot.
"Lily! Come play!" He ran towards her. Lily laughed lightly.
"It's dinner time, Al. Come on, lets go eat!" She ruffled the boys hair. Josef ran up to them as well.
"Five more minutes, please?" Pleased Josef. Lily shook her head.
"Your mothers orders, come on, you don't want cold food!"
"Al is stunned! He can't come in now!" Josef crossed his arms with a frown. Lily pulled her wand out of her pocket, muttered a bogus spell, and tapped Aldreds head.
"He's not stunned any more. Lets go eat!" She grabbed the boys hands and led them inside.
"Ah! There you are! I thought you'd been pulled into a game with them." Talia laughed as she placed a loaf of warm bread on the table. The delicious smell of home cooking ran through the room.
"Are you living here again, Lily?" Aldred asked as his mother put some vegetables onto his plate. He scrunched his nose at them.
"For a few days." Lily shrugged.
"What about your house?" Josef asked.
"Oh... well..." Lily ran a hand through her hair. She didn't exactly have a house.
"You should stay here forever." Aldred nodded as he bit off a piece of bread.
"That's enough, boys." Talia commanded, noticing how uncomfortable Lily was getting.
Lily sighed. Imposing on her friends was never something she enjoyed. For once in her life, she wanted to be on her own. Without someone else breathing down her neck. She'd never had that. As soon as she left Hogwarts, she moved in with James. When he left, she lived alone for a short while - in his apartment - until she moved in with Drake. She had always prided herself on being independent. Just what was she doing now? Being completely and totally Dependant.
She stood suddenly from the table. Talia raised her eyebrows at her friend.
"Thank you so much for the offer, Talia... but I... well... I really can't stay here." Lily smiled at her friend. "I'm sorry."
She moved to the other room and grabbed her bags. Just as she was reaching the front door, Talia grabbed her wrist.
"Where are you going?" She asked in a low voice.
"I can't do this." Lily admitted. "I need to... I need to go."
"Go where?"
"I need to be on my own." Lily said simply.
"You don't have a home, Lily."
These words struck Lily harder than she expected. This was something she knew, of course. But she was determined to find one. There had to be somewhere she could go...
"I do." Lily whispered. "I just have to find it."
She kissed Talia's cheek, who looked as if someone had obliviated her, and apparated away.
The doorway of the Leaky Cauldron looked oddly familiar as she stood in front of them.
"I need a room, Tom." Lily told the bartender. Tom nodded, and rounded the corner, grabbing her bags for her. He led her to a room on the upper floor, and handed her the key.
"Welcome back, Miss Evans." He nodded to her, and departed back to the bar.
Remus sipped at his water idly. Sirius and James were laughing about something Sirius had seen during a raid at the ministry (which led Remus to wonder how Sirius had ever gotten a job in the Auror's office in the first place). He watched as a young girl walked in, two suitcases in hand, and asked Tom for a room. Tom obliged, and led the girl to upstairs. As she turned, Remus' eyes widened as he watched Lily Evans trail the old barman, who was now carrying her bags, to a room in the Leaky Cauldron.
"You look like you've seen a ghost, Moony." James mentioned. He looked around the bar, hoping to catch what had caught Remus' eye.
"Hmm?" Remus asked, immediately bringing his attention back to his friend. He tried to calm his expression. He knew whole-heartedly that letting James know that his ex was in the same building would not be a good idea. "No. No, I just... I thought... nevermind." He shook his head. "I've got to use the restroom, though. I'll be back shortly."
"Alright." James said slightly skeptically. Remus watched out of the corner of his eye to make sure James and Sirius weren't watching him, and he sneaked up the staircase.
Once on the top floor he pulled out his wand. "Homenum Revelio" He muttered as he walked down the hall. Eventually the spell alerted him that someone was in room 11, and simultaneousness, he heard Lily Evans shriek, and she pulled open the door to said room, he wand pointed straight in Remus' face. Remus silently cursed himself, remembering that the spell caused the person being relieved to feel whooping feeling across them.
"What are you..." She muttered, their wands still pointed at each other.
"Hi, Lily." He smiled, returning his wand to his pocket. Lily faltered for a moment, and then did the same. "What are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here?" She asked, a bit loudly.
"Shhh." Remus ordered. "James and Sirius are downstairs. Lets go inside." He motioned towards her room. Lily looked as if she were about to puke, and returned to her room as Remus had suggested.
"Now, what are you doing here?" He asked again. The redhead sat on the bed, allowing it to groan.
"Where else am I supposed to go, Remus?" She said quietly.
"Home?" He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Yes, well, once you tell me where that is, I'll be glad to go there." Lily snapped bitterly.
Remus sighed and sat down next to his old friend.
"I'm sorry, Remus, I've had a long few days..." She sighed. "I feel so... lost."
"Ah." Remus placed his hand on Lily's leg. "We're young. We're supposed to feel that way."
"Not this lost. I'm homeless, Remus. I'm homeless, and I'm alone, and I'm ... well... I'm scared."
"You're not alone. You'll never be alone. You have so many people who care for you." He assured her. "And as far as being scared, that's understandable. You've been through a great deal. And what with the war..."
"Can't you just tell me what to do?" She asked sadly.
"You're not a kid anymore." He reminded her.
"I wish I were. Things were so much easier when we were in school." Lily looked up at him, sadness relevant in her green eyes. "Please, tell me what to do."
"Go home with James." He suggested. He knew it wasn't what she wanted to do, but he also knew that that was where she belonged.
"With James." She repeated dumbly. "Splendid idea. Then he can leave me again, and I'll be left alone to fend for myself while he's off galavanting with Merlin knows how many women! Great, just absolutely superb idea, Remus."
Remus stood. "You asked me what you should do. Don't get mad at me when it's something you don't want. I'm not your father, Lily. At least with James, you were safe. You know James would never let you get hurt."
"Unless it's him doing the hurting! How quickly you all seem to forget that he left me!" Lily roared.
"He left you to protect you!"
"To protect me? Yes, because leaving me, a muggleborn, alone is such great forms of protection."
"You're so stubborn, Lily! Open your eyes! He left to find him. You're being very selfish about this, you do realize that, don't you? Do you not think he cares? Do you think he's not being torn apart right now? He never expected you to hate him when he returned!"
"He broke up with me, was I supposed to wait for him?" She fumed. Her eyes were filled with anger.
"You weren't supposed to hate him!" Remus growled. "You're being so immature!"
She folded her arms across her chest.
"Yes, and what about all the other women he was with while I was gone?" She asked.
"What other women? Lily, you're the only woman James has ever loved, and since he fell in love with you, he hasn't so much as noticed another woman!"
"You expect me to believe that he was loyal for four years - when we weren't even together?" She raised a questioning eyebrow at Remus.
"You know what, Lily? Believe what you want. You don't deserve everything he's done for you. That man downstairs cares for you more than he cares for anyone. So much that he's let you do as you please - he's let you walk all over him - hoping that maybe one day you'll realize what he's done. The sad part is that he'll never stop. He planned to marry you as soon as he returned, and for his sake, I'm glad he never got the opportunity to ask you." He stormed from the room and slammed the door shut behind him.
Lily sat at the edge of the bed, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was disheveled, and her eyes growing red. Lily had never known Remus to yell. In the 10 plus years she had known him, he had never once raised his voice at Lily, or anyone from what she could remember. He was the most honest man she had ever met... What had she gotten herself into?
Jen Riddle
10-27-10
Please Review!