I do not own Zelda.
Ilia looked up at the sky, not once turning her head down. Link walked by and saw her. "What are you doing?" "SHH! I'm having a staring contest with the sun. You're interrupting me!" Ilia hissed. Link shrugged and walked away, shaking his head.
Soon, Ilia's eyes had dried up and she was stumbling around the village, blind. "Someone help me! I can't see!" Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bull stampede ran toward her and trampled on her fiercely. Ilia stood up and as she took her first steps, an earthquake sent her rolling and flung her to a tree.
"I'M OK!" She shouted. Then a thunderbolt struck her ass on the ground. Ilia managed to stand up. "I'm still OK!" Then a tornado ran through the village and flung Ilia across the woods. She fell through some branches and landed on an acorn. "I'm still somewhat OK!" Ilia moaned.
Just then, a woman with hair green as a luscious forest and eyes blue as the shining ocean walked toward Ilia. "Who the hell are you?" Ilia asked. "Watch your language, child. You are talking to Mother Nature herself." Nature glared at her. "And personally, I cannot believe I let a piece of shit like you desecrate my lands."
"AT LEAST I'M NOT A FREAKY-DEAKY WHORE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE WALKING AROUND BUTT-NAKED!" Ilia chose the wrong words to say. Nature's eyes glowed with anger as she began opening a fissure to swallow the poor, ugly bitch up.
"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKK! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP!" Ilia screamed at the top of her lungs, but to no avail. She fell in the crevice and her body hit the magma, dissolving it instantly.
Link walked out and looked around. "Did someone call me?" Nature looked at him and shook her head. "It was nothing but the wind, Hero." She smiled and vanished in a whirlwind. "Oh. See ya later, Mother Nature!" Link waved and went back into his house.
To be continued.