CHAPTER ONE

Hours later, Mamoru found himself back on the beige upholstered couch in the hotel room which would be his for the next five days. Sitting on the couch, his elbows resting on his thighs and his head in his hands, Mamoru could only wonder. Questions flew through his mind so rapidly, he wasn't even sure they formed complete thoughts. What had he gotten himself into? Why did he agree to come here? How was he going to get through this?

Even through his worries, he knew he was glad to have seen Motoki again. In his attempts to rid himself of the painful memories, he had also forgotten about his friend, which wasn't fair to him. Motoki deserved more for his years of putting up with all of Mamoru's annoying habits. As the memories came rushing back to him, he laughed and shook his head. Yes, Motoki certainly had done more than his fair share and there was no reason Mamoru should have left him out in the cold like he had been doing for the past three years.

But thinking back to the encounter at his former haunt, Mamoru knew that this wouldn't be just about his friendship with Motoki. It couldn't be just about Motoki, that much was obvious. Where there was Motoki, there was his job at the arcade, and where there was the arcade there were people like Ami. Her friends. Ami, Makoto, Rei, and Minako.

And her.

He had seen and spoken to Ami and he was almost certain that the encounter would get back to her. Even if the soft-spoken, non-confrontational Ami didn't tell her directly, she would certainly have told Makoto when she arrived. And Makoto would be absolutely livid. And Makoto would definitely tell her.

God, he still couldn't even say her name. Her name only evoked the images of her face, her smile which would inevitably cause him to smile, and those eyes… Of all the things he tried to forget the most, it was her eyes. Always her eyes. Those eyes were beyond words. There was no color known to man that could accurately represent the deep, soulful, shining blue. But more than their color was their ability to reflect everything . Whenever he looked into her eyes, he could see his own soul exposed completely to him, and to her. They reflected every thought, emotion, and memory he ever had. He was completely vulnerable to her whenever he looked into those eyes.

He had to stop this. He couldn't take these feelings. Desperately, his eyes searched the room for a distraction. Anything to stop him from thinking about her any longer. Noticing the darkness of the hotel room for the first time, he realized that he hadn't turned the lights on since his return… How long had he been back? The generic digital clock gleamed in the darkness, alerting him that it was nearly ten o'clock and he had yet to eat. In his few minutes at the arcade, he hadn't gotten anything to eat, which had of course been the goal of the visit. Looks like it would be room service tonight, after all.

Suddenly, his cell phone rang, causing him to jump in surprise. He found the device in the pocket of his dark jacket, placed carefully across the back of the couch. His surprise was only furthered by the realization that Motoki was calling.

"Motoki?"

"You know, you didn't get anything to eat. And I bet you still haven't eaten," Motoki teased. Mamoru realized that this man knew him better than almost anyone and, even though they hadn't seen each other in too long, that hadn't changed at all.

"Leave it to you to worry about my eating habits," Mamoru returned with a grin.

"Listen, Mamoru," Motoki's tone shifted almost immediately, "I didn't realize any of them would be coming tonight. If I had known, I wouldn't have suggested it."

"Don't worry about it," Mamoru consoled, even though he knew it was unnecessary. It wasn't necessary to attempt to make Motoki feel better, and it definitely wasn't necessary to pretend like what happened didn't matter.

"I know you didn't want to see any of them. It's not too hard to see that Tokyo is the last place you wanted to be right now, or ever for that matter." Motoki laughed sardonically, only creating more guilt as Mamoru realized how unfair he was being to the man who had been his only family for so long.

"I shouldn't have just left like that, man. I'm sorry." As he said it, Mamoru wasn't sure if he was referring to what took place only hours before, or his disappearance. Mamoru rubbed his temple in frustration.

Either way, Motoki seemed to accept the rare apology from his friend, his voice returning to its cheerful timbre. "No problem, man. I get it. But I still want to make sure you eat. If you don't meet me for dinner, I'm sure you probably wouldn't eat anything at all. I just closed, so you can come down and we'll eat alone, like old times."

"I'd really like that." And, surprisingly, Mamoru meant it. He loved the nights he and Motoki would sit and chat for hours in the empty arcade, devoid of its usual loud atmosphere.

"Great. Come back down and I'll have your usual ready for you." Mamoru smiled, thankful that his friend was so willing to forgive. Of course, he shouldn't have expected anything less from Motoki.

Mamoru approached the glass doors once again and waited patiently with his hands in his pockets, bracing them against the cool night air. Motoki quickly saw his figure through the glass and walked toward him, keys in hand. As he unlocked the doors to allow him in, he heard the familiar ring of his cell phone. "Hey Mamoru. Your burger is at the counter. Go ahead and start eating, I'm just gonna take this call."

Mamoru nodded and continue on the straight path to the counter at the back of the arcade, noticing a plate and glass placed in front of one of the metal bar stools. At the door, Motoki reached in his pocket for his phone, looking at the front to see who was calling. As the name flashed across the front of the screen, he looked back at Mamoru who was settling into his seat and taking a sip of water. With a deep sigh, Motoki answered the phone, remaining at the door to keep his distance from Mamoru.

"Hi Rei," he answered calmly.

"'Hi?' That's all you have to say to me? 'Hi?'" The strength of Rei's voice over the receiver caused Motoki to pull the phone away from his ear to ease the shrill sound.

"What do you want me to say, Rei?" Motoki sighed.

"What the hell is he doing back here? And what are you doing with him? What does he want?" Rei continued to ramble and Motoki knew he had to quickly put an end to this.

"Rei, you have to calm down. He's here with me. We're eating at the arcade. He doesn't mean any harm," Motoki continued to defend his friend.

"Why the hell are you protecting that asshole? What the fuck are you thinking, Motoki?" The strength of Rei's voice only continued to rise with each acid-laced question.

"Rei, he's not hurting anyone! He's just here on business! Calm down!"

"Calm down? You want me to calm down? Makoto comes back screaming at the top of her lungs that that bastard is here! And do you know what happened, Motoki? Do you?"

Motoki sighed again before answering, "No, Rei, I don't know. But I'm sure you'll tell me."

"She comes walking out of my room! Where she had been the entire time! She heard the entire damn thing!"

At that, Motoki could feel his eyes double in size. He looked behind him, to the counter where Mamoru was sitting quietly, seemingly deep in thought. As his attention was given to Mamoru, he could still hear Rei continue to let him know just how angry she actually was. "Rei, I don't know what you want me to say…"

"Why are you letting him think it's OK to be here?" she demanded.

"He's my best friend, Rei. And he's hurting. I'm not going to shun him!"

"My best friend is hurting too, Motoki. She has been for three years." Finally, Rei seemed to calm down as she thought of her friend. "And now, she's sitting on my bed, crying. What am I supposed to tell her?"

Motoki took a moment to think about it, taking the time to glance at his friend again. "I don't know, Rei. I wish I did."

Rei sighed as she realized that this conversation wasn't going anywhere. "I'll talk to you later, Motoki," she paused as she considered her next statement, "Don't let him do anything we'll all regret."

"Later, Rei." Motoki could only end the call.

"Bye, Motoki."

After hanging up, Motoki took a deep breath to regain his composure, before heading back to his friend with a smile on his face. As he approached the tall man, he realized that his friend was slouching. Never before had he seen his confident, composed friend slouch. In all his years of knowing Mamoru, he had only ever expressed complete control over his appearance around others. Quietly, he took his seat next to the dark-haired man.

"You haven't eaten your burger yet," he stated the obvious, "Do you not like burgers anymore?" He meant it as a joke, but the change on Mamoru's already-distraught face only seemed to turn to pure self-loathing.

"It was about her, wasn't it?" The question was so soft, Motoki wasn't sure he heard him correctly. Instead of answering, Motoki only nodded in affirmation. Mamoru sighed, fighting an inner battle, wanting to ask the question in the forefront of his mind, but hesitant to hear the response. Finally, "How is she?"

Motoki was sure he didn't realize it, but as Mamoru asked the question, his voice broke, signaling his fear. "She's been OK." Clearly the answer wasn't enough for Mamoru. "She's been doing really well since she started college."

Mamoru couldn't help but think that that was only after he left Tokyo. But, for the first time, he realized how much he had probably missed in the three years of his absence. Now he was being faced with the obvious. Since his leaving, she had moved on with her life. She was in college. Actually, she would be graduating soon. And he didn't even know her major. Had she gotten any taller? Had she changed her hair? Mamoru didn't know how he would react if her beautiful golden locks had been chopped off. All of the little things he missed. All of the big things he missed.

He should have been there for her. Even after what happened.

Pushing that thought to the back of his mind, he realized there was another thing he didn't know. Something he wanted to know. But he couldn't ask.

"She hasn't seen anyone since you left."

Mamoru's head turned to face Motoki. He had to have been reading his mind. He was sure he didn't ask the question. But Motoki always knew what he was thinking. He couldn't hide anything from him. And Mamoru knew he was pleased with the answer.

"She's not the same girl anymore, Mamoru… While I'm certainly glad she's doing well in school, she's lost some of herself…" That statement quickly grabbed Mamoru's attention. What did he mean? "She doesn't smile very much anymore… She doesn't laugh as much anymore. All of the brightness that we loved so much about her is…" Motoki searched for the right word, "missing."

Whenever Mamoru thought about her back in Osaka, he always imagined that she had continued with her life as it was. He imagined her bouncing through the streets, laughing with her friends at the arcade, and lighting up everyone's day, just as she always had. To hear that all of that was gone was more than Mamoru could handle.

"Something in her left with you, Mamoru."

With that statement, Mamoru felt the rush of emotions he had worked so hard to dispell. But that couldn't happen. He couldn't let himself feel. He had destroyed his life here. It was over.

Now, he just had a job to do.

END CHAPTER ONE

AN: I know I updated fast, but when I'm on a roll, I'm on a roll! And hopefully this will encourage more reviews! Let me know what you think!

Thanks for all of the reads and reviews so far!