I do not own Zelda.
Ilia was gazing at Link with a dreamy look for hours. "Ilia, how long are you going to stare at me?!" Link snapped, exasperated. "I could look at you forever..." Ilia replied. Link threw his hands up in the air and stormed off. He suddenly stopped halfway as his lips curled up into an evil little smile.
Link rushed into his house and grabbed a bomb and some red and green paint. Then he went to work on his evil project. Link dashed outside and placed the disguised bomb near a tree. "This will be so sweet!" He chuckled.
"ILIA! COME QUICK! ILIA!" Link called out to the annoying brat. Ilia dashed to him like a bee to his hive. "What is it, my Cuddle-Linky?" "Ilia, there's an apple over there! It's all red and shiny!" Link said. "And it's all for you." He half-smiled. Ilia let out a eardrum-shattering scream and ran towards the smoking apple.
"Oh, Linky! It's so big and red and shiny!" Ilia grinned. "I love it!" She opened her mouth and leaned her face in. Link dashed behind a boulder and placed his fingers into his ears. "Wait, what smells like smoke? And why does this apple smell like smoke? And why is it hissing?" Ilia took a careful look at the "apple".
"Wait a minute! This isn't an apple... OH MY GOD!" The bomb exploded instantly, sending chunks of Ilia all over the village. "OH, YEAH!" Link jumped out from his hiding place and did his victory dance. "DING-DONG, THE BITCH IS DEAD!" Link danced all the way back to his house.
Bo came out and looked around. "KEEP IT DOWN!" He roared. "Damn youngsters..." He slammed the door behind him. Cuccos rushed out and began to eat the remains of Ilia.
Tbc.