"Alright, Potter, why in the name of Merlin, would you be wearing a glamour?" Severus asked
"In the middle of my third year, Dumbledore noticed the physical changes that I was going through and told me that there was a strong glamour he created long ago that would take the physical appearance of the person casting it and the glamour would age and change little by little at a normal aging rate until it reached the end result pictured by the caster. He told me the story of how it was created and gave me the option to take on the glamour. He told me that I could time the end image it would morph into with the time of my graduation. At first, I wondered why he was telling me all of this, giving me such a silly option. He told me that after I defeated Voldemort, he imagined that I would like to live a quiet life. He said that with everyone looking for the image that they cherished all these years, they would not think to look for the person. I would be able to be free after the war, no constant reporters, no blasphemous stories, or unauthorized photos, no one knowing where I was unless I wanted them to. That's something I've never had. Freedom. Dumbledore gave me a week to decide and of course I took him up on the offer. It seemed too good not to." Harry paused to stir the cauldron as he dropped in some more ingredients.
"You regret the decision? Why?" Snape asked, hoping to edge the younger man into telling the rest of the story.
"It's complicated. The offer was tempting, to be free after the war. But much later on I realized that it was only part of the reason I went through with it, and by then it was too late, I had go through enough changes that my glamour differed greatly from my real form. Part of the reason I went through with it was because I knew that I'm not a savior. I'm not pure or sinless as the rest of the world believes. I thought that if I could keep the appearance of the modest, innocent savior…well, than maybe I could become that. Little do people know that the savior that they see, the innocent boy who they believe will rescue them from fear and confinement, is stuck in his own cage, with a lock that he put on and lost they key to. People will not accept me for whom I've become. I'm not pure enough, not innocent enough, not sinless. And my appearance now, they would either shun me, or accuse me of being a dark wizard. My looks have not exactly kept the light, gentle, air they once had."
"No, I suppose they have not, but do not fool yourself into thinking you are not beautiful." Severus mentally cringed. "I for one am glad to have relief from looking at a mini replica of your father." Snape sneered hoping that the man in front of him missed his slip-up. "Take comfort in the fact that once you are done with defeating The Dark Lord, you can have your freedom. You can marry Ms. Weasley, or play professional Quidditch, or whatever it is you wish to do after you graduate." Severus felt some sort of pain in his chest. After realizing it was sorrow at the last thing he said, he began to wonder about his sanity. Harry however burst out into laughter.
"What, may I ask, is so funny?" Severus looked at Harry with anger, though his mind held none of the feelings he displayed.
"Sorry," Harry wiped away his tears. "You'll be happy to know that I've decided to pursue a serious vocation, not just a useless career in sports. It's just funny, is all. That's why I'm putting all my effort to succeed for the rest of my duration at this school."
"What ever you decide, I'm sure Ms. Weasley will-" Severus glared at the man in front of him "And why are you laughing again?!"
"Clearly you need to know the person, not the image. Ginny and I are just friends."
"Well, I'm sure any woman would welcome you with open arms." Harry tried to stifle his giggles and the depression at how hopeless his love life was, silenced any other laughter that may have been wanting to escape.
"I'm not- there won't be any woman. Surely you remember my conversation with Hermione and Ron?"
"I thought that I may have…misheard a few aspects." Severus asked shocked
"You didn't, I'm gay. I have been for quite some time now. As I said earlier, freedom is something I've never had. If anyone found out- it would be all over the papers by morning. I cherish what little privacy I am able to maintain in this world. So, I just sit in my cage and wish for the only person I've ever truly been in love with, to come and set me free." Harry silenced as he peeled a root to dice in the potion
"Do you think they will?" Severus inquired, though why he felt sadness and jealousy mix together in his heart he could not fathom.
Harry hung his head low. "There have been little glimmers of hope, but no. No, he would never allow himself to feel the same." Harry felt a wave of sadness wash over his soul, and he thought that maybe Severus sensed it, because he put a hand on his shoulder
"Harry, I'm no stranger to Homosexuality, being a member of that club myself. Should you ever wish to talk…"
Harry smiled softly "Thank you."
Severus broke the awkward silence with another question. "So, you have decided to pursue an admirable vocation, which means you are dedicated. I, however, wonder why you have deemed it acceptable to allow yourself to be dismal up to this point." Snape tried to keep the anger out of his voice, but it was difficult. "If the essay you wrote for me is any true indication of your ability, you could have easily surpassed Ms. Granger and been in advanced classes at this point. Did you simply feel it was too much of a bother to try to succeed?" Snape hated when students did not give their full effort, especially when they were so obviously gifted with intelligence.
"I hate the fame that surrounds me, Professor. It's crushing, suffocating. I have never wanted anything more than to have a normal childhood, to be like everyone else. Fate however, has not been kind enough to grant me that. By doing no more than was absolutely necessary, I could hide with the rest of the students. I studied, believe it or not, but if I were to excel in school…well, that was just another way I would stand out. I realized at the end of last year that if I wanted a normal, respectable job in the Wizarding World, then I would have to earn it. I suppose people would hire me based on my fame, but that would be detestable to me. I want to earn my place like everyone else has done."
"I suppose that I can understand not wanting to stand out. Wanting to earn a vocation instead of having it handed to you on a silver platter is both respectable and admirable, Mr. Potter." Snape said with a gentle voice, trying to demonstrate his understanding.
"Would it be acceptable to request for you to call me Harry?" Harry asked
"I suppose that would be acceptable for these sessions. Does it really make a difference?" Snape wondered.
"To me, yes. Mr. Potter is the boy with the scar, the mask I wear; Harry is who I really am, deep inside. Does that make sense?"
"It does. Now, if I may venture to ask, why do you speak so much about wanting to be normal? It is not all that its cracked up to be. Was being treated like a king a home not enough for you?" Snape immediately regretted his words when he saw the man in front of him tense then drop his shoulders with a resigned sadness. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. It's going to take a bit of time to fully realize that you were not the boy-king I always thought you to be."
"No, it's alright. I wish for a normal childhood because I never had one. My parents are dead and I lived with my aunt and uncle. Not exactly normal. They hate the Wizarding World, you know. When I was younger, my uncle tried to beat the magic out of me. They treated me very similar to how Malfoy Sr. treats his house elves actually." Snape cringed at his words knowing exactly how Lucius treated them. "When I became old enough I started taking classes at the community college near their home during the summer. I would take enough classes to occupy most of the day." Harry scoffed. "I told them that I just wanted a quiet muggle life when I was done with Hogwarts, and that if I could gain a scholarship, my uncle wouldn't have to pay for anything. The fools believed me, and granted me permission to attend classes. With schooling and doing the same amount of chores after I got home, my uncle found less time to beat me. I excelled, of course, taking every class I could get into. I have never earned less than a 'B' at the college. I actually have enough credits to get a degree. Over the summer, Hermione helped me to map out a study schedule for this school year, which has proven rather beneficial. I'm excelling at Hogwarts for the first time and I'm finally earning my place in this world. So, to answer you're question, no, I have never had a normal childhood."
"Surely the head master would change your living arrangements if you let him know how the muggles treated you!" Severus felt sorry for the man in front of him, realizing just how similar they really were.
"I have discussed it with the Headmaster. Needless to say, he was enraged to find out. He told me that I was welcome to stay at Hogwarts during the summer and the holidays. But I knew the importance of the blood wards at my Uncle's house, so I told Albus that I would return to their house for the summer. He objected of course and made conditions to which I had to meet; writing every three days, sending Hedwig if I needed help, staying at the school during he holiday breaks, you know how Albus is." Harry smiled at the thought of how caring the great wizard was, how he was like a grandfather to him.
"I see. So, has he allowed you to call him by his first name?"
"Oh, sorry. Yes, he has. We are on a first name basis as you can imagine. He helps train me during the holiday breaks." Harry laughed thinking of his last lesson with the older man.
"I see. Alright, next question…."
Harry looked up at his professor wondering if the man knew how beautiful he looked, how desirable he was with his long sleek hair and pale skin. He wondered if he knew how the man constantly amazed Harry with his love of potions and his seemingly unending knowledge of everything. Harry wished that there was some alternate universe where Snape would fight the Dark Lord side by side with him. Harry became lost in thought.
"Harry? Are you alright?"
"Hmm? Oh, yes. Sorry, just lost in thought." Harry said forcing a smile to his face
"As I was saying, who else besides the Headmaster and your two school mates knows?"
"Remus, Neville, Luna Lovegood, and yourself. I only told those I knew would keep my secret. Those are the few people who know me for who I really am."
"Then it seems that I have much to learn." Severus said as he marveled at how little he really knew Harry.
"Indeed. I believe the potion is done." Harry said looking at the contents of his cauldron.
"And why do you believe that, Harry?"
"Because it has just turned to the proper shade of emerald. Am I incorrect?" Harry asked nervously hoping he was right, hoping that he had not been brewing the potion for Remus wrong this entire time.
"No, you are correct. I simply wanted to test your knowledge. You passed with flying colors of course." Severus said, his heart melting at the smile that shone on Harry's face. "Bottle it up and we will give it to that mangy wolf of yours." Severus handed Harry the large vial as their fingers brushed against each other, the older man felt a tingle, a nervous sensation, soon replaced by a warm feeling taking over his every sense.
"Very good job, Harry." Snape quickly recovered and looked at the potion.
"Thank you, Professor Snape." Harry said as he gathered the ingredients and flicked a wand which sent them flying back to their original spots on the shelves.
"Severus." Snape said plainly
"I'm sorry?" Harry asked
"You may all me Severus." Snape said as the young man looked at him with a smile. "But only in our private sessions. You are to address me normally elsewhere."
"Of course, Severus." Harry said. "May I ask you a question?" Snape nodded "I have been making the Wolfsbane for quite some time and I know that peppermint oil helps with pain in many potions, I also know that it will counteract the Monkshood. But recently there was a derivative of peppermint oil found in Nepal, deep in the Himalayan Mountains, it is said to have the same properties, but differs molecularly. If it were added to the Wolfsbane potion to help ease the pain, would it have the same negative reaction with the Monkshood?"
"I will look into it. Now, it is nearing curfew. You should be getting back to your dormitory, and don't let me catch you wandering around." Severus marveled at the man walking out of the room. That finding was exclusive to Potion Makers Monthly; clearly Harry was more than he appeared, much more. Especially since the magazine only briefly mentioned using it in pain potions, not at all in the Wolfsbane potion. Severus himself had not even thought of that possibility! Harry was a wonder, Severus decided as he ended the night in front of the fire with a glass of Firewhiskey.