CHAPTER 8
Usagi searched through a rack of clothes, fingering through the garments as she laughed with her friends.
"I'm so glad you came, Usagi-chan," Ami smiled at her from a rack nearby.
"Me, too," Usagi responded, smiling genuinely and her soft-spoken friend.
"So, Usagi-chan," Minako drawled, a devious smirk crossing her sparkling features, "You and Mamoru-san seemed awfully close this morning."
"Not to mention this afternoon in the arcade," Makoto added, making her way over to the group.
At this, Usagi blushed, turning her attention back to the clothes, though she had already searched through the rack. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, please! Don't try to act so innocent with us, Usagi-chan. We're not blind," Rei said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"So spill!" Makoto encouraged, "What happened between the two of you yesterday?"
"He's taking care of me," Usagi shrugged, hoping to avoid this conversation.
"Yeah, but something tells me you're taking care of him, too," Minako stated suggestively.
"Minako-chan!" Ami admonished her, while Makoto giggled in the background.
"Minako-chan, I can't believe you said that!" Usagi blushed at the bold statement.
"What? What did I say?" Minako asked, clearly not realizing the implications.
"Usagi-chan, are you two back together?" Ami asked seriously, ending the joking atmosphere.
Usagi paused, unsure of the answer herself. "No," she sighed, then "Yes. Maybe." Finally, she dropped her hands from the hangers, turning to face her friends. "I don't know."
"Either way, I, for one, am glad to see you smiling again. I haven't seen you this happy in a very long time, Usagi-chan," Makoto softened as she looked at Usagi's smiling face.
"Me, too," Rei moved to Usagi, taking one of her hands in her own and smiling down at her. "As much as I hate to admit it, that man brought you back to life."
"But, what if he leaves again?" Usagi asked softly, finally allowing herself to voice her fears.
"Usagi-chan, if there's anything I know, it's love! And that man is still head-over-heels for you!" Minako reassured her with a wink.
"But I made him leave," Usagi reminded them, her voice lowering as her eyes began to cloud over. "And it's been so long. Why would he forgive me for what I did?"
Rei shrugged, a smirk on her face. "I have no clue. I sure as hell wouldn't take you back." Usagi nodded in agreement. "But for whatever reason, that idiot would probably beg on bended knee for you to take him back."
"I don't deserve him," Usagi stated simply.
"Usagi-chan, don't say that!" Ami interceded quickly. "You two make each other happy. You've been miserable without him! And Mamoru-san has probably been the same way. You need each other."
Seeing Usagi struggle, Minako moved to her friend and placed a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Usa-chan, you don't have to make a decision right now. We're supposed to be shopping, not making life-changing decisions!"
"For you, Minako-chan, deciding what to buy is a life-changing decision," Makoto teased lightly. The other girls laughed as Minako tried to defend herself.
Usagi gasped, regaining the attention of the group. "What's wrong, Usagi-chan?" Ami asked worriedly.
"There's a sale at the store across the street!" At that, Usagi and Minako squealed, running out of the store.
"Are we absolutely sure that we want the old Usagi-chan back?" Rei teased as she, Ami, and Makoto followed behind.
"What do you want for dinner, Usako?"
Mamoru stood in the kitchen, looking through the groceries he purchased while Usagi was out with the senshi. Usagi was busy in the guest room, sorting through her purchases. When he didn't receive an answer, he walked to her open door. He smiled when he saw her tossing her new items all over the floor.
"Usako, what in the world are you doing?"
At his voice, Usagi's head snapped up, "Mamo-chan!"
Mamoru shook his head and moved to pick up the clothes, folding them and placing them on the bed. "Why are you throwing your clothes on the floor?"
"I can't find it!" Usagi responded frantically, continuing her search in another shopping bag.
"Find what?"
"I can't tell you!" Usagi answered, as if his question was ludicrous.
"Whatever you say, Usako," Mamoru stated lovingly, rolling his eyes and laughing lightly at her antics. He then remembered the purpose of his visit to the guest room, "What do you want for dinner?"
At that, Usagi paused before returning to her mission with renewed vigor. "Dinner? The girls and I already ate dinner."
Mamoru raised a brow, skeptical of her hesitant response. "Really? Where did you go to eat?"
"Well," Usagi drew out her next statement, "we went to a restaurant next to the mall."
"Oh? What was the name of it?"
"I don't remember," she responded quickly before redirecting the conversation, "But I'm way full so you should just go ahead and eat."
Mamoru sat next to the blonde imp, saddened at the realization that she was lying to him. "What did you have to eat?"
"Just food! Enough with the third-degree!" Usagi lashed out, stopping her search, while still avoiding Mamoru's face entirely.
"Usako," Mamoru started, but was quickly interrupted.
"Stop! Don't even start." Usagi stood up, moving to the window across the room.
Mamoru followed slowly, "Usako, please," he reached the window, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist. "You're hurting yourself and it kills me." She only remained silent and Mamoru rested his chin on her shoulder, looking out at the city skyline through the glass.
"Everyday I was gone, I thought about you," he began, "Your eyes, your smile, your laugh. I missed every part of you. I wondered what I did to lose you and if I would ever have the chance to hold you again. Just like this," he tightened his hold on her and Usagi placed her small hands on top of his strong arms. "And when I was sent here, I knew there was no way I could stay away from you. I had to see you again to see everything I had been dreaming of the past three years."
Mamoru paused and silence hung in the air as Usagi waited patiently for him to continue, as she knew he would. "And when I finally saw you, you were as beautiful as I remembered you to be. But, when we were in the back of the arcade, you looked so different. Your eyes didn't sine, you looked so fragile and pale."
Finally, Mamoru turned Usagi around, insistent on seeing her face, and placed his hands on her silky cheeks, while Usagi kept her eyes lowered. "Even if you never want to be with me again, Usako, I have to know that you're safe and happy. That's all that matters to me. I will do anything to make you happy again."
Usagi slowly opened her eyes, smiling gently as she met his deep blues and placed her hands on top of his. "You've always made me happy, Mamo-chan. That was never an issue."
"What do I have to do, Usako? Tell me what to do," Mamoru pleaded.
Usagi shook her head, "I'm the problem, Mamo-chan. Not you."
Realizing that there was more to be said, Mamoru stood patiently, dropping his hands as Usagi moved away and began to speak again.
"It started as a way to shut Rei up about how much I ate. I was just sick of hearing it all the time from her, and from the others. I was going to eat like they did so she would stop picking on me. But then, I just became obsessed with it. Every day that I ate less, I felt better about myself. Rei stopped making fun of me, Ami said she was proud of me for growing up, and Minako said I looked great. You," Usagi paused in her rambling and smiled, "Well, I know you would never care how much I ate. It seemed like I could finally fix everything. I finally had control over something in my life. After years of doing things for everyone else, I finally had some control over one aspect of my life. So I had to keep controlling it.
"But I knew what was happening. And I knew it wasn't healthy. So, I," she stopped and closed her eyes, searching for the right words, "I broke up with you because I was scared. Even when I thought I was controlling my life, it only seemed to get out of control." With her eyes closed tightly, she felt an unwanted tear form and slip through rebelliously. "I didn't want to bring you into it. I didn't want you to know about it. I was so ashamed of what I was doing, but I couldn't stop! I did everything I could to stay away from you. My entire life revolved around food and how much I ate, or didn't eat. It was all I could think about. I was ashamed and I didn't want you to see me like that."
Usagi felt a stream of tears begin to fall and she attempted furiously to wipe them away before they were noticed. "And then you left... I thought it would make it better! But it only made it worse. I was so obsessed with how much I was eating, when I was eating, what I was eating..." her voice dropped as she threw herself on the bed, "And there was no one around to stop it."
After waiting to ensure that she was done, Mamoru wiped a stray tear out of his eye, moving over to the bed to sit next to the lying figure enveloped by the large bed. "I wish you would have told me, Usako. You know you can tell me anything."
She nodded slowly, "I know, but I was so ashamed. And I knew, at the time, that if I told you, you would talk me out of it. If you knew, you would have done everything in your power to make me healthy again. And I couldn't take that. Not then."
The silence reigned over them as Mamoru allowed her the time she needed to recuperate from her confession. "So what changed?" he questioned lightly.
Usagi hummed her response, needing him to repeat the question which had brought her back rom her own thoughts. "What changed?" he repeated patiently.
Usagi contemplated the question for some time, finally shaking her head, "I don't know." The silence hung in the air before she continued, taking a deep breath. "I still can't keep anything from you. I never could."
Running through her confession in his mind, Mamoru considered the reason she gave him for what she had been doing to herself. Control. Usagi had felt as if she was unable to control any facet of her life. Before finally defeating Galaxia, Usagi had been living her life, not for herself, but for the sake of others. While she may have accepted her destiny with open arms, she had given her life over to something else. She was never able to call the shots in her own life.
But Galaxia was gone now. Mamoru, Usagi, and the rest of the girls had been able to rest for the past few years without any disturbance. Simply waiting for the next call to save the world. And with the end of Galaxia, Usagi had been left without that part of her life. For years she had been the savior of love and justice, protecting the world from evil, knowing that she would one day rule over the entire galaxy.
But what was she supposed to do in the mean time?
Finally understanding the strange limbo that Usagi had been facing, Mamoru sighed and turned his body awkwardly to face the slight blonde. Usagi, for her part, was deep in thought as well, focused intensely on the vaulted ceilings of his guest room. Mamoru rested his head in his hand, and, feeling his gaze, Usagi turned to him.
"You can do whatever you want, Usako." Mamoru's words surprised and confused Usagi and she scrunched her face in response, only causing Mamoru to smile at the sight she made. Unable to stop himself, even in the serious moment, he reached his free hand out to grasp a lock of her hair, feeling its shorter length. "There is nothing you have to do now. Galaxia is gone. Who knows how much time we have before some new evil arises, but until then your life is whatever you want to make of it."
"But how long do I have?" Usagi questioned, sadness laced in her words.
Mamoru shrugged, "Who knows? Besides Setsuna, of course." At that, his smirk grew and he winked down at her. Catching on, Usagi, gave a half-smile and a half-hearted shove at his wall of a body. "But who knows how long anyone has, Usa? No one is in control of their destiny or what happens next. The only thing we can do is truly enjoy the time we have."
Usagi seemed to accept this and resumed her position staring at the ceiling, considering the meaning of his words. Finally, just as Mamoru had decided to leave her alone to her thoughts, she turned to him, matching his own posture.
And she was smiling.
"So, what's for dinner?"
END CHAPTER 8
THIS IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT...
AN: OK, so this will be an interesting way to see how many people actually read these notes... Two things!
1. As you may (or may not) know, all of my stories are inspired by songs. This one is no exception! It's even there in the title! But it's very subtle. So, my point - IF YOU CAN GUESS WHAT SONG THIS STORY IS INSPIRED BY, I'll... give you a cookie. Or something. Or maybe just the satisfaction of meeting my little challenge! I will be BEYOND impressed if someone can figure it out. Good luck!
2. Call me crazy, but I started another story. I know - this one isn't even done! But it almost is. And you can't stop inspiration! I have the first two chapters written, but I won't release them until this story is done. That is to ensure that this doesn't get put on the back-burner and that I can ensure that the new story will actually go somewhere.
3. This isn't as earth-shattering as the other two may be, but it is very important. Eating disorders, especially among teenagers and 20-somethings, are very prevalent. The results of eating disorders are very serious, something to which I can attest. Eating disorders, including Anorexia, Bulimia, EDNOS, and Compulsive Overeating lead to more deaths than any other mental disorder and cause severe, long-lasting, or even permanent damage. If you, or anyone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, PLEASE get them help. And realize that for the vast majority of these men and women, food is not the problem. There is something else that is causing these men and women to hurt themselves. I, myself, will be living with the results of my eating disorder for the rest of my life and will always struggle with these unhealthy compulsions and addictions.
OK, I'm off my soapbox, I promise! Just wanted to insert all of those in there. Figured it would be best to do it all at once. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that it answered all of the questions! Remember, always read carefully and don't assume things! I imagine there should be about 3 more chapters or so. I'm very excited about the ending!
Loves!