Supernatural Furries
Chapter 34: Hammer of the Gods
Krystal and Renamon were driving along the road.
"We could try an angel-killing knife," said Krystal.
"If we could find him," said Renamon, "how could we get near him? We were only able to shoot him with the Colt last time because there were people to kill the Hellhounds and make the road clear for us!"
"If he kills us, he'll bring us back," said Krystal. "He needs us."
"Yeah, but he'll take the knife from us before he does," said Renamon.
"Any other ideas?" said Krystal.
"No," said Renamon.
They stopped at Dominion Restaurant to get some food.
"I'll have the soup," said Krystal.
"Burger," said Renamon.
The waiter, a man with dark hair and a red suit, gave them their food. Krystal took a few spoonfuls of soup. "This is really good. What's in this soup?"
"Albatross," said the waiter. His nametag read "Mercury."
"OW!" said Krystal, and she raised her hand to touch a cut that had suddenly appeared on the side of her neck. Renamon also had one on the side of her neck, but after checking to make sure it wasn't serious, took a bite of the burger. "This is really delicious!" said Renamon.
"You like it?" said Mercury. "The secret is in the meat."
Mercury walked into a room where a man and woman stood.
"Baldur! Kali! They're here!" said Mercury.
"Excellent," Baldur said. "Did you get samples of their blood to prevent their escape?"
"Yes," said Mercury. "And from the sound of things, they enjoyed the taste of our eyeball soup and human burgers!"
Krystal and Renamon walked toward the door and tried to open it, but it wouldn't open. They stormed into the staff room, and saw their nametags all read the names of different gods. Baldur. Kali. Ganesh. Baron Samedi. Zao Shen. Odin. Anuril. Solveg. And Victor. Renamon didn't even know gods by the name Anuril, Solveg, and Victor existed.
(AN: I made up the names of the three unnamed gods because they can't really be unnamed if they have nametags yet we never find out their names).
"How nice of you to join our meeting," said Baldur. "How was the eyeball soup and human burgers?"
"YUCK!" said Renamon and Krystal.
"We have here Michael and Lucifer's vessels," said Baldur. "What do we do with them?"
"KILL THEM!" said Zao Shen in Chinese.
"So the angels can bring them back?" said Odin.
Suddenly Gabriel walked in. "Can't we all just get along?"
"Loki," said Baldur.
"I thought your name was…" said Krystal, but Gabriel waved his hand and she suddenly couldn't talk.
"Lucifer's coming!" said Gabriel. "We have to get you all out of here."
"Angels can be killed," said Baldur, "and we will kill him."
"You're no match for the devil," said Gabriel. "You must escape from this place as quickly as possible."
"Since when did you care about us, Loki?" said Kali.
"I've always loved you," said Gabriel.
"You took Betty out to the dance instead of me," said Kali. "Why did you reject me?"
"I am the Trickster," said Gabriel.
"What made you reject her?" said Kali.
"She rejected me," said the Trickster. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go talk to the vessels." He snapped his fingers and the three of them appeared in a room of the restaurant's hotel with the blood samples.
"These," said Gabriel, "are how Baldur is keeping you in here."
"So what's your twisted plan this time?" said Renamon. "Time loops? Trapped inside the TV? Or will we be abducted by aliens or placed in an MST of Mucha Lucha?"
"None of the above," said Gabriel. "I'm here to help you this time." He smashed the blood samples on the ground and gave them a Spongebob DVD.
"Is this a joke?" said Renamon.
"Guard it with your life," said Gabriel.
"What are you going to do?" said Krystal.
"I'll get Kali out of here," said Gabriel.
"Aren't you going to try to kill Lucifer?" said Krystal.
"I can't kill my brother," said Gabriel.
"Can't or won't?" said Renamon.
Gabriel didn't answer.
Lucifer entered the council room.
"You can't come in here!" said Mercury. Lucifer snapped his neck with the wave of his hand. The other gods attacked him but Lucifer snapped his fingers and made them explode one by one until only Baldur and Kali remained. Baldur faced Lucifer and raised a stake. Lucifer impaled him with his hand and he fell dead. Lucifer licked the blood off his fingers.
"Tastes like moron," he said.
Kali shot fire at Lucifer from her arms. Lucifer was unaffected and walked toward her, when suddenly Krystal, Renamon, and Gabriel ran up to him.
"Diamond Storm!" Renamon shot shards of glass at Lucifer, knocking him backward against the door. As he was getting up, Krystal shot him with a rocket launcher. It hit him directly in the mouth and blew out a chunk of his head. Lucifer got back up and healed the hole in his head. By this time Krystal, Renamon, and Kali were on the run. They ran into the Leadra Ink Endol Omni Bob Dodge and drove away.
"Lucifer," said Gabriel, holding up an angel-killing knife. "You're my brother and I love you, but you're a bag of dicks."
"You took sides with Michael didn't you?" said Lucifer.
"No," said Gabriel. "I'm on the humans' side now. I can't let you and Michael destroy humanity."
"Please don't make me do this," said Lucifer.
"I have to," said Gabriel.
"Well I know where your heart is," said Lucifer. Behind him, the real Gabriel was sneaking up on him with the knife – the one he was talking to was an illusion. At the last second Lucifer turned around and stabbed Gabriel with his own knife. "Right here." Light flashed from his eyes and mouth and he fell to the ground dead. His shadowy wings could be seen and the fake Trickster disappeared. Lucifer sadly walked out the door.
Krystal and Renamon put the Spongebob DVD into their DVD recorder. Spongebob and Patrick were acting like idiots, as usual. Then Spongebob walked up to the TV screen and his form changed to that of Gabriel.
"If you're watching this, then I'm dead," he said. "Without me, you've got zero chance of killing Lucifer. But you can trap him. To open his cage and seal him inside it for good, you need the Four Horsemen's rings."