How to Kill Ilia in 50 ways

by RyuuRanger

This fic is inspired by reading MCS's "100 ways to kill Ilia". I thought I should try my hand in this. The story's finally done. And it has a surprise ending!

13. Death, Garfield Style

I do not own Zelda nor Garfield.

Link was sitting on his stump as Ilia ran around in a circle. 'That's getting so annoying!' Link thought angrily. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. "ILIA, STOOOPITT!" He grabbed her head, causing her body to spin around like a top. Suddenly, her neck snapped and she fell dead at his feet. "Oh shit!" He ran out of the village in a flash.

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Ilia was staring at Link's cookie jar lovingly. "Ooooh..." She drooled. "TOUCH MY COOKIES AND DIE!" Link shouted from behind her. Ilia ignored him and wolfed down the cookies. Link pulled out his sword and sliced off her head in a fluid motion.

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Ilia grabbed a mug of coffee and drank it. Suddenly, she began to shake violently. "COFFEE ISSH GOOOOD!" She squealed as she bounced around all over the place. "WOO-HOO!" She dove out of the window and landed on a rock, breaking her spine. "AAGGGAGAGH!" Ilia belched out blood as she thrashed around until she stopped moving.

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"My legs!" Link panicked. "I can't feel my legs!" He looked around for someone. "MEDIC!" He screamed as Ilia tossed around on his lap. "Linky-winky.." She murmured. Link grabbed a rock and began bashing her head in repeatedly.

TBC