Jack of Hearts

I poked at the embers of the fire with a long stick as I sat on the grass having a one-sided conversation with Tana, the princess of Frelia. Animated, jovial, spirited and carefree, she had once again launched into one of her favourite topics.

"And when he turned around and he saw me on the ground, he was really nice about it and he helped me up in such a gentlemanly manner. Then he asked whether I was tired and then I nodded and guess what?" she turned to me, practically bouncing up and down with excitement. "He told me to take a rest and then he put me on his horse and let me ride with him! It was SO awesome! Like, his arms were wrapped around me and he was so protective and his embrace was so warm…"

My lips curled upwards as she swooned at the memory of her Lord Ephraim riding behind her, all chivalry and regality. I had known her for long enough to be used to her long anecdotes about Lord Ephraim and her relationship progress.

"And then when we reached base camp, he helped me down and he told me that he really liked what had just…" Tana paused in mid-sentence. "Hi, I think I know your name...Joshua right?"

My eyes widened as the stick in my hand nearly slipped and fell onto the ground.

Why was he here?

"And I am pleasantly surprised that almost every girl in the army knows me." Indeed, it was his voice. "And you are none other than Princess Tana of Frelia I presume, sister of Prince Innes?"

Tana giggled. "Uh huh, I think my brother knows you right? Sometimes he tells me funny stories about you and the coin trick." The energetic princess flounced over to my side and retrieved her lance. "I think I better go and see Ephraim, before he starts wondering where I am. Bye Joshua! See you, Marisa!" With another wave of her hand, she walked away with a spring in her footsteps.

"She's a funny one, isn't she?" He chuckled. "How did you know her?"

"…" Silence ensued.

Tossing the stick into the fire, I picked up my shamshir and stood up.

His hand enclosed around my wrist tightly just as I attempted to brush past him. "You have been avoiding me lately," he said. "Why?"

I attempted in vain to twist my wrist free from his iron grasp. From the beginning to the end, no longer how much I tried, how long I trained, how hard I practiced, I could never match his capability in terms of strength. "I haven't been avoiding you," I said with a straight face. "Let go of me."

He grabbed my other wrist and turned me to face him. "You haven't?" His eyes were blazing. "Ever since that day I saved you in the forest when you were dying of that snake bite you have been avoiding me. Whenever I am in your vicinity or within visible sight you move away. At mealtimes you stick to either Tethys or Tana. You don't find me to spar with you. Last week when I walked into the room where you were sparring with Gerik you walked out of the room before there was a clear victory for either of you. And yesterday I saw you walking into the tactician's tent." He frowned as I opened my mouth to protest. "Don't deny it! I heard every word of what you said. You wanted to change battle partners, but he wanted you to reconsider. Yet you insisted on not being my battle partner any longer, and he let you battle alongside that sage named Saleh. You would rather rely on someone you don't even know than have me as a battle partner?"

His words were the truth, nothing but the truth. I was silent, trapped. I could not free myself from his stranglehold, but neither could I throw away the last shard of human dignity and pride in me by confessing that I was in love with him and was evading him.

"Please, Marisa…" He was pleading now. "Tell me…if there is anything I can do to have you back, be back in your favour, I will do it. Just tell me what did I do wrong and I will correct it, alright?"

I shook my head as I continued trying to pull my hands free. There was nothing that he could do to help me. Why could he not understand that?

"Marisa, please," he begged. "At least if you're really unhappy with me, you could tell me what I did to make you so angry at me? Now, I really have no idea what criminal offense I had just committed."

More silence. If only he could see that I was the one at fault for the entire incident. He had never been wrong, I was to blame for everything.

"Fine, if you refuse to talk it out, we could always battle it out," he said drawing his sword. "

"…" I closed my eyes as the blade of his sword slashed towards my neck. To die in his hands, at this juncture, seemed strangely ironic but fitting.

His blade grazed the skin on my neck, exactly where my jugular artery was located. Yet, although I could feel the coldness of the metal, I did not feel the rush of warm blood that was the expected outcome.

I opened my eyes in surprise. The blunt edge of his blade was the one that was resting against my neck.

He looked even more surprised than I did. "You…really won't even lift your sword?" He sounded incredulous. "Why…What…"

I sighed audibly. There was really nothing to be done. And no matter what he said, what he did, nothing could be changed. "Joshua, it's not your fault…It's mine." Turning, I ran away as fast as I could, before he could see the tears that were threatening to spill over.

"Marisa?" The person gently tapped me on the shoulder.

"What is it, Tethys?" I turned around, removing the blanket cover from my face.

The dancer sat down gracefully on the side of my bed. "Gerik and I are worried about you," she said hesitantly. "Ever since that day when Joshua carried you back from the forest, you haven't been acting normally. Your appetite is smaller than usual, you don't bother sparring with anyone, you spend an abnormally large amount of your time polishing your shamshir, even if you haven't used it, while you were once quiet you are now silent." She paused. "All that and you have been avoiding Joshua for all this time."

"…" I tried tugging the bedsheets back over my head. If she wanted to play 'Aunt Agony', she should go find Rennac. Heck, he would probably be so happy to tell her all of his many problems that she would be occupied for the rest of her life.

"You love him, don't you?"

I froze. Was she talking about Joshua? How in the world did she find out? How in the world could she know? I never did tell anyone that I felt something special for Joshua.

But…even if she did know the truth, what difference would it make? As I had tried to tell Joshua just now, nothing could be done anymore.

I shrugged nonchalantly.

She sighed. "I knew this would happen, and I can only guess from what I feel and see. But from what I can tell, you really love him very much."

I tightened my grip on the bedsheets. Please let her be talking about Gerik; the last thing I wanted was another emotional breakdown, this time in front of a living, breathing person.

"I don't know what happened that day, but I believe you saw something that broke your heart, that made you think that he will reject you if you open your heart to him," she continued. "And so now you're avoiding him, because you can't forgive yourself for falling in love with him, and neither can you forgive him for making you fall in love with him, be it intentional or unintentional."

I kept my silence. As hard as I tried, a lone teardrop still flowed down the contours of my face and landed on the pillow.

The teardrop did not go unnoticed by her observant gaze. Lightly, she patted my hand. "You know, Gerik and I both think that you two are very suited for each other. You concentrate on what you do, and you have great aspirations, Marisa, but you were never a people's person, and you never had a strong heart, regardless of what you display on the outside." She sounded that she was doing a psychological analysis of her patients. "Joshua is flippant, casual and he has a more carefree approach to life, but he knows how to take care of himself, the people around him and get what he wants at the same time. If you two were together, he would be your pillar of support, and you would be the aim of his life and teach him to lead a life with more than just gambling and luck…"

"…" Everything that she had just said was beautifully ideal, mythical. It was a summary of the kind of dreams I had been having ever since I met him, a dream where there was no unrequited love, no feeling of loss, no heartbreak, nothing but love and happiness.

I pulled the blankets over my head once more, stifling the muffled sounds of crying until I heard her walk out and the door close.

But dreams are called dreams for a reason, and dreams are not supposed to come true. They are fantasies that remain beyond your grasp, so far yet so near.

Like the fruits of Tantalus, they linger before your eyes, tempting you, mocking you. Yet, when you reach forth to pluck, they are just beyond your grasp.

Dreams will remain as dreams.

Author's Note:

Hope you have enjoyed this chapter! Following this will be the three-part finale :D

In the 2nd last line, Tantalus is a reference to Greek mythology. Tantalus was this man who was condemned by Zeus to a life of eternal torment where he would be hungry and thirsty and fruits would dangle beofre his eyes. But as he reach out, the fruits will move out of his reach. It refers to eternal torment and the longing after something that you never will have.

Oh and for the last part, I think that Marisa cries too. She's cold and aloof, but i don't think she's a particularly strong person at heart. She's motivated, but she would be easily saddened by unrequited love, i presume, since people like her, when they fall in love, it's an all-out fall. And I believe that deep down inside her, she still has the full range of emotions from desire to sorrow to happiness.

Please review! Thanks so much ~