I'm so so sooooo sorry for not updating in over a month. I'm so ashamed! *hides face* Please forgive me? Read the short blip at the end of the chapter.
Remus walked into the infirmary to see harry sitting on the bed, as Madam Pomfrey poked and prodded at him.
"Oh, good morning Mr. Lupin, I'm almost done with Harry here, and then he is all yours." Lupin noticed as Harry looked up at him, devoid of the smile the young man had every other time he saw him. Lupin sat in a nearby chair waiting for the Mediwitch to finish, gathering his thoughts.
"All yours, Mr. Lupin." Lupin smiled at the grey haired witch as she picked up her things and left.
"Hello, Harry." Lupin said hoping to get a greeting from the young man in front of him.
"Hello, Professor Lupin." Harry said not looking up to notice the man's face fall into a sad frown.
"Come on, Harry. Please. I didn't know what the situation was. Can you really fault me?" Lupin noticed Harry glare up at him "guess you can. Look I was stupid, and I'm so sorry…"
"Professor Lupin. I'm not angry at you for not knowing the situation. I am angry at you because you didn't bother to care what the situation was before judging us both."
"Harry, you were kissing Snape, what kind of conclusion did you expect me to jump to?" Harry stood and began to yell at Lupin; neither of the men noticing Severus standing outside the door listening.
"You were not supposed to jump to any conclusion, Lupin. You were supposed to listen and be happy for me, like my other friends. Even Ron is happy for me Lupin!"
"Well, maybe it will just take some time. I mean, you have to admit, it is a little unorthodox. Do you even have anything in common?"
"Remus, maybe if you stopped judging him, you would see just how much we do have in common. And despite what you may think, I'm very lucky to have him. Not many people would want to be with someone like me, Remus. I was raped, beaten, starved, and abused at my uncle's house. I'm an outcast, and constantly misunderstood. Very few people want to be friends with me, for reason other than popularity. Surely as a werewolf, you would understand. Imagine that you found someone who doesn't pity you, but actually understands you; some one who likes you, loves you despite what horrible things happened in your past; someone who loves the good and the bad. Would you be picky about their age?"
"I suppose not."
"Now imagine that you have been in love with that person for years. You'd be so ecstatic that the person returned your feelings. Would you not?"
"I would. But I don't see-"
"Now imagine that the person, whose opinion mattered to you most, came in and told you how disgusted they were with you. Imagine them yelling about how ashamed they were. You would be devastated and crushed. I'm not going to be ashamed of my love for Severus, and no one can make me. Not even you. And despite what you may think, Sirius would be happy for us. I'm with Severus now, and if you don't like it, then you don't have to be a part of my life. Do you know what he told me? He told me that he loved me. He told me that as much as he wants to be with me, he doesn't want me to be unhappy and if that meant breaking up with me so that you would be happy, then he would do it."
"There's no need for that. Maybe I don't understand, but I believe that I'm beginning to. And yes, it will take me a while to get used to, but if this is what truly makes you happy. Then I suppose that I have no logical reason to object. I'm sorry, Harry. I know I hurt you." Lupin hung his head
"I don't think you realize how badly."
"I do. Severus showed me." Lupin noticed Harry stiffen.
"What did he show you?"
"How horrible I've been. Harry, why didn't you ever tell me that you were thinking of suicide?" Remus tried to display his feelings by enunciating the words with desperate hand gestures.
"It's not exactly something you just bring up at the diner table."
"Harry, I care for you. You're my cub; I wish you were comfortable telling me these things."
"Comfort had nothing to do with it, Remus." Harry said as he stood up and began putting on his shirt.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean…suicidal ideation is just something I learned to deal with. I grew up with it, I adapted, I adjusted."
"You don't just learn to deal with those things, you are not supposed to."
Lupin cringed as Harry laughed. "You sound like Hermione."
"It got worse after Sirius died…didn't it?" Lupin whispered
"Look, if you are here to apologize please get on with it."
"Right, Harry I'm really sorry. For everything. For yelling at you and not bothering to find out your feelings before shunning you and the person you care about."
Harry's expression gave off the fact that he was bored to tears, and wanted to run.
"I'm also sorry for not being there when you really needed me." Harry's head shot up Glaring at Lupin.
"Harry Sirius's death was not your fault!"
Harry glared intently at the wolf in front of him. Warning him to back off.
"Lupin, don't-"
"It was an accident, nothing you did could have prevented-" Harry saw red
"STOP IT! Stop talking about it!" Harry noticed Lupin's surprised face, which prevented him from continuing his yelling. "Please, just stop. You have no idea what you're talking about. So just…don't." Harry began to walk out of the room with Lupin trailing closely behind, managing to grab Harry's wrist in his large hand.
"Harry, please forgive me." Harry looked down at Lupin's hand holding his wrist; he wondered how Lupin had gone so quickly from a man whom he could tell his darkest secrets to a few years ago, to…this. Well, not his darkest secrets, only Sirius knew his darkest secrets, the secrets that he took to his grave; secrets of Harry's sexuality, the person of his affection's even some doubts he had about fighting for the Order of the Phoenix. But none the less, Remus had become just another person to shun him in the Wizarding World; he always believed that he was more like Hermione, loyal to a fault despite personal opinions.
"Auribus teneo lupum" Harry said looking down at Remus who kneeled on the floor in front of Harry waiting for his forgiveness, wondering what it was that Harry just spoke.
"I will either find a way or make a way, but you are forgiven. Goodbye, Professor." Harry said casting a sharp look at the older man, who dropped the wrist he held, sighing in relief. Harry promptly walked away, loud foot steps echoing behind him. Remus stood at the entrance to the medical Wing wondering what I was that Harry had said.
"Arribos tineo lupum?" Remus wondered out loud, and then jumped at the sound of Snape's footstep from around the corner not even 5 feet away.
"You need to brush up on your ancient languages Professor Lupin. Auribus teneo lupum. It is an old Latin phrase translating into "I hold the wolf by the ears". I'm sure the irony does not escape you." Severus smirked like the cat that caught the canary. "It means that he is in a dangerous situation and that both keeping hold and letting go could be deadly."
"But why did he say it?" Remus asked believing that something so cold could not have been said by the boy he knew, the boy with the warm, forgiving heart.
"I believe that he fears that in order to hold on to your friendship that he will have to let go of me, and that to let go of your friendship would mean being with me. Contrary too popular belief, I am not a heartless bastard. I want Harry's happiness. I will support whatever decision he makes in regards to his friendship with you, however he would be happiest remaining friends I am sure; though it is still a loss to me as of why." Snape said drawing out the last word as he eyed Lupin up and down. "If you wish to remain on his good side, I suggest that you prove your support of his decisions, all of them." Snape finished and turned on his heel; quickly walking away in the direction of the dungeons, robes billowing furiously behind him. Leaving a distraught wolf in his wake.
I'm so sorry again about not updating sooner. I finished up with school and am battling both prepaing for a vacation, and being the Maid of Honor in my best friends wedding. Lots of crazy time-consuming stuff. But I really do appologize! I get back from vacation in less than 2 weeks. I probably wont be able to update until then. But I most definietly wanted to write something for you (even if it was super short) so that you would have something to read, and hopefully not lose faith in me. Hopefully, if all goes as planned I will be working an my stories over vacations so I hope to have many new chapters up all at once! Yay! But yea- thank you for your patience *bows* and please stick with me. My muse will be more in sinc with me once everything is over. Thank You :D
My Promise For Next Time: The much-anticipated date between Severus and Harry! I'm going to try and put some juicy parts in there as well.