AN: So this chapter is a little bit chaotic…I'm not sure it's good, there was a lot I wanted to write, a lot of thinking and a lot of conversations, and I had to fit everything in it. So I hope it's ok.
This will be the last chapter for a while, my brother is coming to visit me and we're going to NY for a while, so I'm not sure I'll have time to write in the next couple of weeks. But I'll do my best, I promise.
Please review to let me know what you think about this chapter.

DISCLAIMER: Same as usual. Still want to own Kate Walsh.

CHAPTER 6 – What is this feeling?

A week went by. During that week, Meredith spent five nights at Addison's and one night Addison was invited to Meredith's for dinner and she ended up sleeping there. Every morning after those six nights, the two women had woken up in each other's arms. Addison seemed not to care about it, she seemed fine with that, but Meredith was starting to freak out. She had never done something like that. Neither with Derek, nor with her previous boyfriends. Even when she went to sleep cuddling with someone, in some way she always ended up on the opposite side of the bed. But with Addison, it was the exact contrary. They always fell asleep on the opposite sides, not even facing each other, and they always woke up snuggling in each other's arms.
That morning Meredith was once again in Addison's bed. The alarm went off and, as usual, she was the first one to wake up. Addison wasn't exactly a morning person, so Meredith was always the one hearing the alarm, turning it off and waking up Addison with whispered words and brushing softly the attending's red hair. But that morning, something made impossible for Meredith to move. They were as usual in the middle of the king sized bed, Meredith's head was on Addison's chest, their fingers entwined and, that's what made hard for Meredith to breathe, Addison's long, almost bare leg, was between Meredith's tights.
"Oh God!" thought Meredith, trying not to pay attention to the arousal she was feeling in that moment, having Addison's leg touching her just THERE. "Oh my God!"
She didn't even find the strength to shut the alarm off and wake Addison. She was just paralyzed. And, to be honest, a little turned on.
Addison began to stir, moving slowly the legs.
"Please, stand still, stand still..." repeated Meredith in her mind.
"Good morning." said Addison softly. Meredith smiled and blushed a little. Addison didn't seem to notice the position they were in and Meredith was seriously freaking out.
"Look, I...I have to go, I need to get to the hospital earlier cause I..I have something to do, so...well..." rambled Meredith, finally standing up.
Addison looked confused. "Ok, I...I guess I'll see you at the hospital."
Meredith nodded and disappeared in the bathroom, coming out only a few minutes later with her clothes on. "So..see you later!"
Addison couldn't say anything, she just nodded and watched Meredith storming out of her room.
"Well...that was weird."

-o-

Meredith was trying to avoid Addison. She couldn't help it. Every time she thought about her and about that morning, she blushed. What was wrong with her? Why did she have to feel like this? It was Addison, just Addison. Her friend. Her gorgeous, leggy, smart, amazing, breathtaking, hot friend Addison.
No! She couldn't think about that. And she couldn't think about what she felt that morning with Addison's leg between her tights. She had to focus on her job and try not to think about Addison. But that seemed quite impossible. She was staring at the board, without really looking at it. She barely heard Izzie's voice calling her.
"Meredith, are you ok?" asked the blonde doctor.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"You seem...distracted this morning. Anyway, the boys went camping today, did you know that?"
Merdith shook her head. "No...who went camping?"
"This morning Derek, Burke and the Chief stopped by to pick up George and Alex. I believe Joe and his boyfriend joined them." said Izzie.
"Prestons do not go into the woods. A guy named Preston is gonna get his ass kicked...by a squirrel!" commented Christina and Meredith couldn't help but laugh a little. She pictured Burke having his ass kicked by a squirrel and the scene was hilarious.
"It's basically a slumber party. They do it outside, we do it inside, that's really the only difference." explained Izzie.
Their little chat was interrupted by Mark Sloan, requesting Meredith for the day. She wasn't thrilled by the idea of working with Sloan all day, but she needed surgery, to get her mind off from Addison, and Mark was offering a surgery. So plastic it is!
They were in the elevator and Meredith thought it was better to set some rules, to get through the day without complications.
"Ok, before you start, there are rules to this...friendship thing or whatever."
"The Dirty Mistresses Club has rules?" smirked Mark.
"Gosh, you think a club of dirty mistresses would be a little less uptight about things like rules."
Meredith rolled her eyes. "Number one: no flirting. Second, no talking about Derek. And C, no giving me the face."
"The face?" asked Mark.
"The McSteamy face. It doesn't work on me. I'm immune!"
"If you are immune, why can't I give you the face? It shouldn't bother you...or the problem is that you want to be immune, but you're not..." teased Mark.
"You're breaking a rule! Come on, let's go to work!" ended the conversation Meredith. It was going to be a really long day.

-o-

Addison would have traded the day she was having for a long day with Mark Sloan. How could she tell that happy couple waiting in the room that their baby was dead? So that's why she was in the bathroom stall, crying. She went looking for Meredith, she found her in a hallway, but the intern ran away, saying that she had to study for a surgery. Addison sighed. She really really needed to talk to somebody right now.
In that moment, Callie Torres entered the restroom.
"You ok?" the ortho resident asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm ok, I'm good." answered Addison, sobbing.
Callie shook her head. "Don't make me climb over the stall. I'll do it, but I'll be really pissed cause I don't know you that well." Addison opened the door. "You're not ok." said Callie noticing the tears streaming down on Addison's cheek.
"I don't know why...there's no reason why this should affect me this much, I'm used to this, I am, but..." sighed Addison. "That woman...yesterday she's just as healthy as could be, and today...today her baby's dead..." She couldn't stop crying. She really didn't know why this affected her so much. It wasn't the first time she had to break a news like that. So why that reaction? Maybe because she couldn't understand why a couple so happy had to suffer something like that. The poor girl was having a textbook pregnancy, then she fell and in a moment everything was gone. That wasn't fair.
"Hey. I know. It sucks. But I'll be there with you when you talk to them. You don't have to do it alone, ok?" tried to comfort her Callie, rubbing a hand on her shoulder.
"Thanks" murmured Addison, drying her tears.
She didn't know Callie Torres, but she could see she was a good person and a great doctor. Maybe they could be friends. She really needed to make new friends. Yes, she had Meredith now, but for some reason, the intern seemed like she was trying to avoid her, and Addison couldn't understand why. Maybe it was for the way they had woken up that morning.
Addison took a deep breath. It wasn't the time to think about Meredith and the way their bodies seemed to fit so perfectly every night. And the way Meredith's heartbeat had increased that morning when they woke up. No, it wasn't the time. She had to deliver a very sad news to her patient. Meredith could wait.

-o-

Meredith was studying for the surgery, when she heard a voice calling her. "I'll trade you."
Meredith turned around and saw Vicky, her patient's wife. She and Mark were going to remove Daniel's penis to make him turn into Donna for good.
"Insurance forms. Donna gets the surgeries and I do the forms. Super fun." continued the woman.
"Well you seem to be handling this remarkably well." stated Meredith. The woman seemed so calm and controlled.
Vicky sighed. "Well, I left at first...when she...when he told me...we planned a life together, you know...kids...suddenly that's all out of the window...suddenly your husband is this other girl in your house, who's borrowing your eyeliner and waxing her legs."
"But you came back. Why?" asked Meredith. That conversation interested her more than she would admit.
"Honestly, right now...I have no idea. I'm really gonna miss the penis." confessed Vicky.
Meredith smiled shyly.
That was just perfect: she wanted one day not to think about what was going on in her life. One day to focus on her job, so she could take her mind away from Addison and how she had felt that morning. But that situation, Vicky and Donna, two women...well, that was just perfect!
As Vicky was speaking, Meredith's mind had wandered, trying to imagine Addison in her house, using her eyeliner, and other things like that. And, Meredith had to admit, the idea scared the shit out of her, but she also liked it. So what? What was she feeling? What about that morning? What about Addison's body so close to hers? Meredith was going crazy. She wanted to hit her head on the wall. Damn Mark Sloan who trapped her into that case. Vicky's words echoed in her mind. And just on top of that, she saw Addison coming down the hallway, looking at her.
"Meredith...do you..." started the red head.
"I'm sorry Addison." Meredith cut her off. "My patient's labs are ready, I have to bring them to Mark. I'll talk to you later, mabye."
"But..." a confused Addison watched Meredith going away. Now she was sure. Meredith was avoiding her. But why?

-o-

Donna's labs came back showing breast cancer. That was insane. A man with breast cancer. Mark tried to explain her that she needed to stop the hormones and cancel the surgery, but Donna insisted she wanted to become a woman. Vicky went crazy and left.
Meredith was at a nurse station, still studying. That whole day has been insane.
"So basically you're getting paid to look at penises all day?" she heard Cristina's voice.
"I'm studying for McSteamy's reassignment surgery." explained Meredith.
"You like McSteamy?" asked Cristina, grinning.
"Yes." said Meredith, then she realized that Cristina would take that word in the wrong way. "I mean no, no, not like that! He flirted with me, but after that he kinda asked me to be friends."
Cristina shook her head "You're becoming friend with McHot and now with McSteamy. We're losing you, Mer."
"You're not losing me!" sighed Meredith. Thanks to Cristina now she was thinking about Addison again. McHot. Well, that nickname was perfect for her, that's for sure. Addison was hot. And beautiful. And funny, smart, kind. And she never complained about Meredith snoring. Not once. And her smell...and her voice...and the way she snuggled into Meredith at night. Meredith sighed again. There was no way to avoid that thoughts.
"Are you ok?" asked Cristina concerned.
"I...I don't know..." admitted Meredith. "And the worst thing is that I don't know who to talk to."
"Oh you don't know who to talk to...why don't you talk to Addison, seems like she's your new BFF." snapped Cristina.
Meredith cursed in her head. That's not what she meant when she said that she didn't know who to talk to. It's not like she didn't want to talk with Cristina. She was just ashamed of her own thoughts, and freaked out, and she couldn't talk to her. And suddenly, she felt irritated by Cristina's comment. She was always bugging her about this Addison thing and Meredith was tired of that.
"She's not my new BFF, Christina, come on, what are we, twelve?"
Cristina rolled her eyes. "Now you're starting to sound like her. Go talk to her. I don't even know why I'm wasting my time here with you."
Now Meredith was pissed. "I can't talk to her. Not about this. And I can't talk to you because you're behaving like a bitch."
"What is wrong with you, Meredith? I don't even know who you are anymore. You are out every single night, Izzie told me, and you prefer spending time with Satan rather than being with your friends. And now you say that you don't know who to talk to when I'm standing right here in front of you? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What is wrong with me?" shouted Meredith. "What is wrong with you? It has been weeks since you last talked to me. When I tried to ask you what was going on, you told me that the world doesn't revolve around me. You have lunch with us but you always complain every time we say a word cause you're studying for some surgery. And now you attacked me cause I said that I have a problem and I don't know who to talk to? No wonder I prefer spending my time with Addison. At least she listens to me."
"You know what, Meredith? Whatever. I have to go!" said Christina walking away.
Meredith sighed. What the hell was going on that day?

-o-

"I'm sorry." said Cristina approaching Meredith a few hours later. "I was nervous and I took it off on you. I didn't mean to say those things to you."
"No, I'm the one who's sorry." said Meredith looking at her person. "I was nervous too. It's not like I don't want to talk to you, Cristina...it's just that I can't...not now...not about this."
Cristina nodded. "I know. Same here. Look...uhm...when your mother was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's, why didn't you tell anyone?"
"She asked me not to. Why?" asked Meredith confused by that sudden change of subject.
"So you think it was right to keep her secret?" continued Christina.
"Yes. Why?"
"Even if it meant you had to fish crap out of a toilet all day and probably for years to come..." Cristina ignored Meredith's question again. She was dying to tell Meredith everything. She needed someone to talk to, but she couldn't.
"Ok, rewind. Start at the beginning. Whose secret are you keeping?" Meredith was interrupted by Cristina's pager.
"Sorry, I have to go. Uhm...I'll see you around."
Meredith shrugged. That day was getting weirder and weirder.

-o-

Addison was sitting on the floor in the hallway with Callie, after her patient gave birth to her stillborn child. It has been so painful and she had looked for Meredith to talk to her, but Meredith was still avoinding her.
"So...you're sleeping with Sloan..." she asked Callie, to introduce a conversation.
"Was..." corrected Callie.
"Me too was. Which is just a hailstorm of self-loathing and misery." sighed the redhead.
"Yeah." laughed Callie. "So rumor has it that you and Meredith are friends now. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?"
Addison shook her head. "It's not like that...we started talking and...I don't know, she gets me...I thought we were totally different, but she gets me. And I get her. It's nice to have a friend around here, for a change. Considering that Derek's mad at me and I'm trying to avoid Mark, so I won't be back in his bed again."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm not exactly miss popularity around here." confessed Callie. She didn't have any real friend in that hospital. She started dating George, but it ended badly, and then she slept with Mark but she couldn't exactly consider him a friend.
"You want to...get a drink or something?" asked Addison and before the brunette could reply, her pager went off. "Some other time then."
"Definitely." nodded Callie standing up. She liked Addison and she thought they could be good friends.
Addison sighed. Her day was finally over, so she decided to go to Joe's. She needed a drink. And maybe she could find Meredith there and ask her why she had avoided her all day.

-o-

Meredith entered in Donna's room and found Vicky sitting by the bed. "You came back..."
Vicky sighed. "I was heading home...I was on my way to the airport, and then...you know, you asked before why I came back the first time? You know, I tried not to...I went on dates, I had a lot of great first dates with guys who were planning to stay guys...but you know, you have a great day and you wanna go and tell your best friend about it...and my best friend is Daniel...Donna...and then you have a few bad dates and...she's my best friend...she knows me, she loves me, she's...my husband...at the end of the day it's Donna, even when she hurts me, even when I hate her."
"She's who you wanna talk to."
Vicky nodded. "Yeah. She's the one I wanna talk to."
Those words were enough to make Meredith realize something. Those feeling she was starting to have for Addison...it didn't matter if she hadn't figured out a name for them yet. It didn't matter if she was freaking out. She wanted to talk to Addison. At the end of the day, Addison was the one she wanted to talk to. And yes, maybe everything had happened so fast, it was a little bit scary. But it didn't matter. She had to find Addison, apologize for her behaviour, tell her about her day.
So, when her shift was over, she started looking for the redhead.
She found her at Joe's, drinking a Martini all alone. Meredith approached her and sat next to her.
"I'm not the kind of person who lets people in easily. I have walls, and trust issues, and I'm bad in making friends. But with you...it was so easy it's scaring me. I mean, we went out for a drink once and suddenly I'm sleeping with you every single night. And the only night we haven't slept together in a week was because I was on call."
"I didn't ask you to sleep in my bed every night Meredith. If I remember correctly, you were the one asking me if you could stay." said Addison, looking at her.
"Exactly!" exclaimed Meredith. "I was the one. And it scares me. It scares me to feel so attached to you, it scares me to wake up every morning in your arms. And I tried to ignore you today, I did, but I couldn't, cause at the end of the day, you're the one I wanna talk to."
"So now what?" sighed Addison.
"Now I order a beer, you finish your drink and you tell me about your day, cause you seem pretty upset. Then I tell you about mine, that trust me, it was pretty crazy. Then we go back to your hotel and sleep until tomorrow, cause I am really really tired."
"Sounds like a plan." smiled Addison, taking a sip of her Martini. "So, my day...I had this patient..." started the redhead.
Meredith relaxed, enjoying her beer and listening to Addison. There still was a lot to figure out, but she had time. For now, she just wanted to enjoy Addison's company.