AN: I'm sorry, I know it's been a long time since I last updated. But I'm having a crazy month, between travelling, studying, taking midterms and my brother here. But starting from now, I promise I'll try to update sooner.
I have a question to ask you guys. This fic will cover pretty much all seasons, from 3 to 6…I have almost everything in mind and I had this idea that won't leave me alone: I'm thinking about making Addison Chief of Surgery at the end of season 3. What do you thing? Like it? Hate it? Let me know and I will go with your suggestions.
As usual, reviews would make me incredibly happy and willing to write more to update this fic more frequently.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything bla bla bla…you know…
CHAPTER 7 – Cry no more
"I'm tired of being dark and twisty, you know? I have been dark and twisty all my life. I've just decided that starting from now, I want to be bright and shiny!" said Meredith talking at the phone. She was in the bathtub, her body completely covered with bubbles, relaxing after a tough day at the hospital.
On the other side of the phone, Addison, in her bathtub, smiled. "And how are you planning to do this?" she asked.
"I don't know, I just...I'll figure it out. It shouldn't be that hard, there are a lot of bright and shiny people in the world."
Addison laughed. "You're crazy, you know that?"
"I know, but still...I really want to try to be happy." said Meredith. "From now on, dark and twisty Meredith disappears forever! Would you still want to be my friend even if the sheer intensity of my happiness is gonna make your teeth hurt?"
"Let me get this straight...are you already happy or are you planning to be happy in a near future?" asked Addison.
"I think the second one."
"Ok then, I will still be your friend." said Addison, who couldn't stop laughing. "Moving on, remind me why are we on the phone while we're in the bathtub?"
Meredith shuddered. "I don't know, I wanted to talk to you and this is the only time of the day we're not either working or sleeping."
"Wouldn't be easier just to meet and talk in person?" laughed the redhead, finding the whole situation extremely weird.
"If you want to get out your bathtub, get dressed and come here, I won't complain." replied Meredith with a grin.
Addison rolled her eyes. "Ok you may have a point. So, lunch, tomorrow?"
"Of course. You know, is the first night in a long time that we're not together. It feels weird. I kinda miss you." confessed Meredith, almost immediately regretting it. Was it too much to say?
Luckily, Addison giggled. "I kinda miss you too. But if it's a way to ask me to get there, it's not working. I have no intention to put my clothes on until tomorrow morning."
"You can come over naked." suggested Meredith laughing.
"Ok, I'm hanging up now." replied Addison.
"Wait wait, I'm kidding. So, sleeping naked, Dr Montgomery?"
"Why are we talking about my nakedness?" pouted Addison.
Meredith laughed. "You started it!"
The attending let out a deep breath. "Ok enough with this conversation. I'm starting to feel really tired, so I better go before I fall asleep in the bathtub and drown and die."
"Geez, Addison, melodramatic much?" said Meredith rolling her eyes. "Go to sleep, I'd never want you to drown."
"Fine, see you tomorrow."
"Have a good naked night Addison!" laughed Meredith.
"MEREDITH!" shouted Addison amused.
"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Sleep well." said Meredith, hanging up the phone.
She out her phone down and rested her head on the cold wall of the bathtub. Well, that had been the weirdest conversation she ever had with a friend. But again...was Addison really just a friend?
-o-
"Good morning, Addison!" greeted Derek entering the room.
Addison took her eyes off the monitor with the file she was reading and looked at her ex-husband. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"It's a greeting." said Derek matter of factly. "Used in civilized cultures in their civilized environments."
"You're talking to me." noted Addison. "Wait wait wait...we're being mature about this? We're gonna be civil around each other?"
"I was thinking of being friends." confessed Derek smiling. "Look, Addie, I'm sorry about what happened when you told me about Mark. I overreacted. I did a lot of thinking in the past few weeks, I want camping with the guys and I realized that it wasn't just your fault. I was absent, I practically pushed you in Mark's arms. I'm not saying that I'm ready to forgive him, cause I'm not. And I'm not sure if I have forgiven you yet. But I'm taking part of the blame, and I think that we can be friends now. We may have fallen out of love, but I still think about you as one of my best friends. You've been my family for years and I don't want this to end just because we're not married anymore. We made mistakes, both of us, but maybe we can start fresh as friends. What do you say?"
Addison smiled. She wanted to cry, actually, cause she was happy. She missed Derek in her life and being friends was all she wanted. "I'd like to. Friends."
"Perfect. Come on, let's shake on it." said Derek offering Addison his hand. When their hands touched, Derek realized that Addison was still wearing the wedding and engagement rings. He looked at her.
"So, I'm still wearing the rings." murmured Addison, her eyes down. "I think they're stuck."
"Have you tried soap? I hear it's good and slippery." Derek bursted into laughter.
"I'll try." replied Addison, faking a laugh. Taking off those rings meant letting go, and she wasn't sure she was ready. Yes, they had been divorced for a while now and it was time to move on. But having those rings on her finger gave her a sense of security. It was crazy, and she knew it, but she couldn't help it.
"Gotta go now." Derek snapped her out of her thoughts. "Guess I'll see you around, friend."
"See you around." said Addison, waving goodbye.
-o-
"What are you two doing?" Meredith asked Izzie and Alex after she had listened to them speaking in third person for a good twenty minutes.
"Izzie and Alex have a patient who speaks about himself in the third person." explained Izzie.
"They thought it was annoying at first, but now they kind of like it." added Alex. They were enjoying themselves so much.
Meredith rolled her eyes. "Good. Is it going to stop soon?"
"Wow, what happened? I thought you said you wanted to be bright and shiny this morning." asked Cristina.
Meredith shuddered. "I said I was working on it."
"Oh, Meredith. You know, Izzie is starting to understand why you're friend with Dr Montgomery. She's a badass! She yelled at Sloan cause he was treating Alex and Izzie like slaves." said Izzie.
"Alex thinks it was hot!"
Meredith was happy to see that their friends were starting to like Addison, and she pushed aside the part of her that was annoyed by Alex's comment. "I'm glad. So Izzie wouldn't mind if she comes over tonight for dinner?"
"Izzie is fine with that." replied the blonde intern.
"Meredith, do you realized that you and Satan are starting to look like a couple?" asked Cristina.
Meredith blushed. "What? Are you crazy? Too many surgeries are starting to damage your mental health. Look guys, I've got to go. I'm meeting Addison for lunch. I see you later."
Meredith walked away and the other interns looked at her.
"Izzie thinks she's hiding something." said Izzie.
"Alex agrees." nodded the young man.
-o-
"So, Derek wants us to be friend." said Addison letting herself fall on the chair next to Meredith's.
"Excuse me, WHAT?" asked Meredith in disbelief.
Addison sighed. "He came to me this morning, apologized for his reaction about the Mark's thing and asked me if I want us to be friend. He actually looked pretty bright and shiny. And you said you're trying to be bright and shiny too...so I have to ask you Meredith...have you two...hooked up...or something? That's the reason of your brightness and shiningness?"
Meredith looked at Addison, expecting her to add that this was a joke. When she realized that the redhead was serious, she bursted into laugh. "Oh my god, Addison, you are fucking insane! Tell me, when would I have had time to hook up or something with Derek? When I'm not working, I'm somewhere with you! Even last night...I called you when I was bathing. I can't believe you actually thought that. Addison, no! I told you like a million times, I don't want to be with Derek, ever again!"
"Ok, ok, I was just checking." mumbled Addison, lowering her head. She herself couldn't believe she thought something so stupid. She knew Meredith wasn't done with Derek. So why she even asked? And why she had felt that sharp pain in her chest while she was asking that question? Was it jealousy? She wasn't still in love with Derek. So what was that? Addison couldn't find an answer, but she felt relieved to learn that Meredith wasn't the reason of Derek's happiness, and vice versa.
"So how's your day going?" asked to change the subject.
Meredith sighed. "Kid with an absent workaholic mother. It doesn't make sense, you know? I mean why bother to have a kid if you're only going to see it on weekends and holidays? Might as well just get a cat."
Addison rolled her eyes. "Tell me about it. When I was little I thought my nanny was my mom."
"Oh, mommy issues?"
"And daddy issues too. I call them Bizzy and Captain. What does it say about my family?" sighed Addison sadly.
"I think you and I are more similar than I thought." said Meredith, placing her hand on top of Addison's.
The redhead smiled. "Whatever, we're grownups now. I'm sorry for your patient, though."
"Yeah, me too. Anyway, how's your day, beside Derek?" asked Meredith.
"Nothing exciting. Actually, Derek and I spoke to Richard; I think he's depressed. You know, with the Adele thing and everything."
"Speaking of Richard and moms...he's coming to visit my mom every day. And she's happy about it, happier than she is when I'm with her." sighed Meredith.
Addison gave Meredith a supportive look. "It must be hard for you."
Meredith nodded. "I'm used to my mom's disease. It's just...I don't know, I just...it's really hard to accept the fact that she had an affair with the Chief."
After that, they just ate their lunch in silence.
The bright and shiny thing wasn't really working.
-o-
"Did you ever think about having kids?" asked Miranda while they were in the gallery, watching Derek's surgery.
"Derek and I talked about it, but I wasn't ready." replied Addison quickly. That was just half a truth. Yes, they talked about it at the beginning of their marriage and she wasn't ready. But then years passed by and when she was ready, Derek was never at home enough to even try to conceive a child. And then Mark...no, she couldn't go there and think about it.
"I love kids. I'd have a dozen." she heard Callie say.
Miranda laughed bitterly. "Believe me, one's enough. Unless you plan to put away the scalpel."
"That's why God invented nannies." sentenced the ortho resident.
"I wish it were that easy." sighed Miranda.
Addison was lost in her thought. She was looking at the two rings in her hand, finally off her finger. "What do I do with these? Hock them? Keep them?"
"My mom says divorce wedding rings are bad juju." said Callie.
"Does your mom say juju?" asked Addison surprised.
"She does." nodded the dark haired girl.
Addison smiled. "Well, what would your mom do?"
"Burn 'em. Bury 'em." suggested Callie. "But I don't know, my mom's kind of insane."
"Hey, don't talk smack about your mom!" snapped Miranda.
Addison looked at her. "Miranda?"
"Yesterday I left for work early, and Tuck's favorite food was strained peas. Nasty green gunk, but he loved them. Ate them for breakfast. I got home after a 15 hour shift and he didn't like strained peas anymore. He only wants carrots." There was sadness in her voice, sadness because she loved her job, but she was missing her kid's growing up steps.
"Life moves so fast." sighed Addison. "Everybody moves on."
Callie got up and left.
"Where are you going?" asked Addison.
"I'm not ready to move on." replied Callie, closing the door of the gallery.
Addison looked at her ring again and then at Derek and Meredith performing the surgery, and in that moment she realized that she was ready to move on. It was over. Totally over. She was ready to start fresh. And there was something she needed to do.
-o-
"Hey, nice job in the OR." Addison said approaching Meredith. "You busy tonight?"
Meredith sighed. "Well, there's someplace I need to stop by, but it won't take long. Why?"
"I need to do something, and I'd like you to come with me...but if you have other plans..."
The intern shook her head. "Don't worry, I'm all yours. My shift ends in an hour, if I remember correctly yours too. I'll meet you in the lobby."
-o-
"Ferryboats?" asked Meredith when she realized where Addison was taking them.
The red head nodded. "I need to move on. I need a closure. This is the perfect place."
Meredith didn't understand what the other woman was saying, but she decided to wait and see.
So they were, on the ferryboat, staring at the water below them in silence.
"You know, before things with Derek started to fall apart, I never really cried." started Addison, her eyes still fixed on the water. "I can't remember a single moment when I cried. I mean, of course I cried when I was a kid. But after that, nothing. People used to call me the Ice Queen, cause I never shed a tear for anything. Brides usually cry at their wedding. I was just smiling. I didn't cry at my grandma's funeral, even if I was close to her. But when Derek started to ignore me, I turned myself into the crying mess you found in the supply closet that day. I cry all the time. And I'm tired of it. I don't wanna cry anymore, not for Derek, anyway." She took the rings off her pocket and stared at them. "From now on, no more tears. I'm moving on. It's over." She threw the rings in the water.
The two women watched them sink.
"I'm proud of you." said Meredith hugging her friend. "Let's start fresh. No more McDreamy, no more tears."
Addison nodded and they stayed there on the ferryboat, in silence, hugging.
"I have to tell my mom that Richard won't come to see her anymore, cause he's trying to make his marriage work." confessed Meredith after a while. "Would you come with me and wait for me in the car while I do this? Then we can go at my place, eat something and relax."
Addison nodded. "Of course. Let's go."
-o-
Addison and Meredith were in the intern's bathtub, covered with bubbles.
"Thank you, Meredith. For being with me tonight." said Addison with a smile.
"Thank you for being with me. It was tough to see my mom so upset."
Addison's face darkened. "Meredith...I'm sorry if you felt the same way...when Derek chose me. I never wanted you to get hurt, you know?"
"I know." nodded the intern.
The silence fell again. It was weird, there was a lot of silence between them, but it wasn't an awkward silence. It was comfortable. It was nice.
"I may not be cut out for bright and shiny." said Meredith looking Addison in the eyes.
The redhead smiled. "I'm not either. We can be dull and lifeless together."
Meredith laughed. She was still amazed how she could feel so close to someone she had only known for a few weeks. Well, they've been known each other for months, but still..
And here they were, totally naked, taking a bath together.
"I am glad you're in my bathtub." said Meredith smiling.
Addison returned the smile. "Me too."
Maybe the other interns were right, thought Meredith. Maybe she and Addison were really acting like a couple. And maybe they were more than friends. Maybe Meredith was starting to feel something for the attending. (For example, she froze for a moment, staring at Addison's naked body getting in the bathtub. Damn, Alex and George were right when they named her McHot!). Anyway, she didn't care right now. Once again, thinking would just make her freak out, and she didn't want to. She didn't want to avoid Addison like she already did once. She felt good with Addison. She felt happy. Not bright and shiny, maybe, but it was a start. Besides, Addison herself said they could be dull and lifeless together. And Meredith was ok with that. Right now, she couldn't ask anything more. Dull and lifeless with a naked Addison in her bathtub was exactly what she wanted.
-o-
AN2: I'm not really satisfied with this chapter. Basically, it's useless...I just really wanted to put them in the bathtub together ;) anyway, please review and let me know what you think, so maybe next time I can do better.