AN: New update, yay! Once again, thank you so much the reviews. They always make my day!
I usually write about every episode, but this time I skipped 3x13 cause I was bored. So here's what you need to know: the Chief announced he wants to retire; Addison, Derek, Mark and Burke are the candidates for his job. Addison supported Bailey with the free clinic immediately, the other three signed only after Bailey's speech as in the episode. Addison talked with Meredith about the Chief retiring but she wasn't the one who told Mark. Addison and Alex are friends, as she and Derek are. And…that's pretty much it.
This chapter is for Clai, who really wanted it, and for Kelly, because I promised it to her to convince her to get up ;)
I hope you like it. Reviews are always welcomed.
Oh and btw, don't be scared about the title of this chapter. It's just the title of a song that I love. Almost every chapter is taken from a song. If you want to know which song, just send me a message and I'll be happy to list them for you.

DISCLAIMER: My name's not Shonda Rhimes, so I do not own Grey's Anatomy and sadly, I do not own Addison and Meredith (but again, I would be soooo happy to own Kate Walsh!)

CHAPTER 11 - The hero dies in this one

Addison was sitting at the nurse station, reading some charts, when Meredith arrived running.
"Addison! My mom..." said, trying to catch her breath.
"What? Is she ok?" asked Addison a little worried.
"She's lucid."
"Lucid? What? How?"
"I don't know." explained Meredith. "She woke up and she was lucid. She remembers everything except the last five years...they say is temporary...and she's having arrhythmias so they're running some tests...and I'm hiding...I'm avoiding her."
"Meredith..." sighed Addison.
"I know, I know. It's a gift, right? This time with her is a gift. And I'm avoiding it. But... I don't wanna talk to her and find that she is disappointed in me." said Meredith nervously.
"Meredith, how can she be disappointed in you? You are a doctor, you're a great intern, she will be proud of you! Go talk to her. It's your chance, don't waste it."
The intern smiled. "How I ended up with a oh so wise friend?"
"You got lucky!" laughed Addison. "Now go, I have to finish this chart and you have to talk to your mother. I'll see you later."
Meredith nodded and walked away. Addison couldn't help but stare at the figure of the other woman, and even if she knew her thoughts were totally out of line, she thought that Meredith had a very cute butt. She didn't even realize that she was looking at Meredith with dirty eyes, running her finger along her lips. But apparently, Callie noticed and went over to where Addison was sitting.
"Uh, you know those cartoons where there's a bear, uh, or whatever and it's starving and it looks at a table. And the table turns into this delicious cooked turkey with like, lines of deliciousness coming of it..." teased her.
"I was NOT looking at her like that! She's my friend and she's the help...and I'm not looking at her like that!" protested Addison, standing up and looking at the time, like she had to go somewhere, to avoid Callie's questions.
"I married the help!" said Callie, smiling proudly.
"What?" asked the attending in disbelief.
"We went to Vegas." explained Callie. "My idea, I embrace the trashy."
Addison could not believe it. "That's...not that I'm not happy for you but...why? Married, so fast?"
"You know those cartoons where there's a bear and it's starving, and it looks at a cute intern." Callie looked so happy, so Addison hugged her. "Congratulations! Now show me the ring."
Callie gave her hand to an awaiting Addison. "Oh, it's small, I know, it's small."
"It's beautiful!" smiled the redhead. "So now you're Callie O'Malley."
"Do you realize that you said the exact same thing that Alex Karev said?" grinned the resident.
"Oh my god! Damn interns, I'm spending too much time with them!"

-o-

After talking with Addison, Meredith went back to her mother's room, willing to talk to her. Everybody was right, she had to treasure the moments her mother was aware.
"Seems like you finally decided to come talk to me." said Ellis when her daughter came into her room. Meredith smiled shyly, sitting on the chair in the room, her legs closed to her body. "So, tell me about yourself. What's your life like? I...I really do wanna know you, Meredith."
Meredith didn't know where to start. Five years were a really long time and her mother missed so much about her life. Since Ellis already knew that she was an intern, Meredith decided to start with her personal life.
"Well...I...I think I'm in love with someone mom. I never thought I could feel like this, but I do...and even if it's complicated, it makes me feel so happy."
"Do they understand the demands of your career? Cause not all men do. They say they do upfront, but they..." said Ellis.
"They're great. They're a doctor too, so they get it."
"Good." nodded Ellis.
"Actually, mom..." started Meredith. She wanted to tell her mother that she was in love with a woman. Ellis wasn't the kind of woman who could freak out for something like this and she wanted to tell her as much as she could.
But Ellis cut her off. "Have you chosen a specialty?"
"No, it's...it's still early." replied Meredith, a little disappointed that her mother wasn't that interested in her personal life.
"Cristina has already chosen cardio-thoracic." stated Ellis.
Why couldn't Cristina keep her mouth shut? "Yeah, well, I guess I'm just waiting to be inspired. I'm happy now. I feel like I know who I am...plus I think when you have someone in your life that you love, you really love, I think that's...I don't know I just...I'm really happy."
Apparently Ellis wasn't happy about her daughter's answer. "What happened to you? You're happy? You're happy now? The Meredith I knew was a force of nature, passionate, focused, a fighter. What happened to you? You've gone soft. Stammering about love and saying you're waiting to be inspired. You're waiting for inspiration? Are you kidding me? I have a disease for which there is no cure. I think that would be inspiration enough!"
"Mom..." sighed Meredith, but Ellis wasn't willing to let her talk.
"Listen to me, Meredith. Anyone can fall in love and be blindly happy. But not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life. I raised you to be an extraordinary human being. So imagine my disappointment when I wake up after five years and discover that you're no more than ordinary. What happened to you?"
"I...I'm sorry." stuttered Meredith, running out of the room. She knew talking to her mother wasn't a good idea!

-o-

She needed Addison. After what her mother just said, she needed Addison, because Addison was the one who believed in her, Addison was the one who always told her how great she was, how extraordinary she was. And because Addison once had it all...she had love, she had happiness, even if it didn't last, but she still became a great surgeon, an extraordinary surgeon. So she needed to find Addison, to hear her say those words she once said in the hotel room, months before, she needed to hear those words again. "You'll be even greater than your mother." She needed that.
But Addison was nowhere to be found.
"Excuse me." she stopped a nurse in the hallway. "Have you seen Dr Montgomery?"
"She's in the ER. She passed out." replied the nurse.
"What?" panted Meredith. "What...oh god, what happened?"
"From what I've heard, she went in the OR without any kind of protection because the patient with toxic blood was waking up. She managed to put her to sleep again."
Meredith face became pale and she ran to the ER.
She found Addison laying on one of the beds, with an oxygen mask.
"Are you insane?" she shouted, hugging her. "You must be crazy cause there's no other explanation for that. What were you thinking, going into that OR? You could have died, we don't know the long-term effects of the exposure, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" Meredith was now crying, sobbing actually.
"Meredith, she was open on the table and she was waking up..." tried to explain Addison.
"I know! Dammit, I know! What you did was pretty heroic, but Addison, don't ever do that again! Please. I...I could have lost you. When the nurse told me you passed out I was so scared...Addison, I love you for being so dedicated to the patient, but please, don't ever do something like that again! Please...I can't lose you..." sobbed Meredith, holding Addison tight.
"Meredith, look at me...I'm fine, ok? See? I'm ok. What's wrong?" the redhead wiped away Meredith's tear, trying her best not to focus on the "I love you" part of the other woman's speech.
"My mom...she needs heart surgery and she's refusing it...and she told me I'm ordinary...I told you, I'm a disappointment for her...you are a hero and I'm just ordinary..."
Addison's heart broke at those words. "Meredith, you're not ordinary! You're not, at all! You're great! She doesn't know you Mer, not like I do, she doesn't see you every day, becoming a great surgeon. But I do, and I promise you, you're anything but ordinary."
"You serious?" said Meredith sniffing.
Addison nodded and hugged Meredith once again, when Cristina entered the ER, calling for Meredith.
"Mer, we need you. We have to do damage control on the patient."
Meredith looked at Addison. "Go." said the attending. "Go and be a hero too. I'm fine. I'm going to an on-call room to get some rest, I'll find you later and we can go back to my hotel together, ok?"
Meredith nodded and left her to go with Cristina.

-o-

After a check-up confirming her that she was ok, Addison went to find an empty on-call room to have some rest. She was still coughing a little, but she felt fine. She was a little worried for Meredith, though. How could her mother tell her that she was ordinary? Meredith Grey wasn't ordinary, Meredith Grey was one of the most gifted interns she had ever seen in her career, she was talented, strong, passionate, kind...beautiful...and Addison lo...NO! She could not think about that. She could not think about what Meredith said before. "I love you"...it was the second time that Meredith told her those three words and Addison could not understand what was she meaning. Was it just "I love you cause you're kind of my best friend" or "I love you, I'm in love with you"? Did it matter, anyway? Addison could not let herself go to those kinds of thoughts. It was wrong. It was so wrong. And anyway, she wasn't in love with Meredith, right? She wasn't...it wasn't possible. She couldn't be in love with Meredith. She was so young and she wasn't really the relationship kind of girl. She told her once that she was no good at relationship, and Addison wanted someone stable, someone who would marry her and give her a family. So no, she couldn't be in love with Meredith.
To interrupt her thoughts, Mark opened the door of the on-call room.
"Hey. Are you ok?" asked the man.
Addison nodded. "Yeah, just coughing once in a while, but I'm ok. How's the patient?"
"She's better. She's on CRRT now. It was pretty cool what you did, Addie. I was scared to death when you went into the OR, but...it was really brave." said Mark sitting on the bed next to Addison. "That's the kind of person you are. You immediately signed for supporting Bailey's clinic, you rushed yourself into a dangerous situation just to save the patient...I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you deserve to be chief, more than me and Derek and Burke. You have something we don't have."
Addison shuddered. "Maybe, but you got all the glory."
Mark laughed. "Nah, you know it's not true. I'm the cautious doctor who decided to stay out of the OR cause the hospital needed at least one healthy attending, but you were the one who kept the patient from waking up on a table with her body open. You're a badass!"
"Thanks...I guess..." smiled Addison.
Mark looked at her and started to get closer to her. "Addison...I...I know you don't want me anymore...I know I'm a manwhore, I know I screwed up with you in New York and I treated you pretty badly last week, but...I still love you, Addie...I still want you...and I know I don't deserve another chance, but if you..."
Mark's words were cut off by Addison's lips crashing against his. Mark responded to the kiss and pretty soon their scrubs were lying on the floor.
Addison knew this was a bad idea. She had promised herself a long time ago that she would have never ever have sex with Mark Sloan again. But right now she felt too confused, she was trying to understand her feelings and she was scared to know the truth, and Mark was a safe distraction. She also knew that probably her having sex with him would have given him false hopes, but she needed it. She needed a release, she needed to take her mind off Meredith for a while. But it wasn't working, anyway.
"I thought you said you didn't think about me." smirked Mark between the kisses.
"I don't. I am actively NOT thinking about you...right now!" panted Addison. And it was true. She wasn't thinking about him. And she wasn't thinking about him when he penetrated her, and she wasn't thinking about him while she was screaming for her first orgasm. All she could think about was Meredith.

-o-

Meredith left the lockers room after a shower and after George's explosion against Izzie. She was willing to give Callie a try, cause she made George happy and he needed someone by his side right now. Also, Callie was Addison's friend, so she couldn't be that bad. Ok maybe the Vegas wedding was a little bit impulsive, but who was her to judge?
She walked down the hallway, heading to Addison's usual on-call room. She wanted to make sure that she was ok, and she wanted to go back to the hotel and fall asleep with her, to forget about her mother's words, the heart surgery and the toxic patient.
The door of the on-call room was unlocked, so Meredith entered carefully, she didn't want to wake Addison up in case she was asleep. But she wasn't prepared for the sight in front of her eyes. Addison was on top of Mark, both totally naked, and they were panting and moaning and sweaty and...oh my god, they were having sex!
When they heard someone coming in, they stopped and Addison froze at the sight of Meredith.
The intern felt the tears forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry" she mumbled and ran away, hearing Addison calling her name.
Addison quickly climbed off Mark and got dressed and she ran looking for Meredith. She couldn't shake off her head the look on the intern's face when she found her and Mark...like she was heartbroken...Addison couldn't help but think that maybe Meredith's "I love you" really meant in a more then friendly way.
She found the intern in the hallway, walking to the locker room.
"Meredith, wait!" she called her, but Meredith kept on walking, without paying her attention. "Meredith! God, what is wrong with you?" She didn't want to sound that annoyed, but the words came out from her mouth like that. And anyway, Meredith didn't really have the right to be pissed. They weren't a couple and Addison was free to have sex whenever she wanted to. At least Meredith could stop and listen to her.
"What is wrong with me?" shouted Meredith turning around as she entered the locker room, clearly upset. "What is wrong with you? Mark Sloan? Very classy, Addison! So much for all your pretty talking about not sleeping with him ever again! Damn, Addison, you just can't keep your legs shut around that man, can you?
And what about Alex? You're gonna fuck him too? You want to fuck all the nice guys around the hospital? But again, what do I expect from someone who was so whore to fuck her husband's best friend? Once a whore, always a whore!"
She instantly regretted those words, when she saw Addison's face turning from concerned and sorry to angry.
"Fuck off Meredith! Don't ever come close to me again. Just...fuck off!" yelled Addison, tears starting to stream down her face. She turned around and walked away, hurt and pissed.
"Addison, I didn't..." Meredith tried to stop her, but it was too late, Addison had already left the room, slamming the door.
"Oh god, what did I do?" thought Meredith, breaking down in tears.

-o-

Cristina found Meredith sitting on the floor of the locker room, sobbing.
"Meredith, what happened?" she asked worried. "It's your mother?"
Meredith shook her head. "Addison…"
"Addison what?" asked again Cristina. "What did she do? Do I have to kick some ass?"
"No, she…I was looking for her, she told me she wanted to get some rest in an on-call room, so I went looking for her and when I opened the door she…she was there, in an on call room, having sex with Mark Sloan. Mark Sloan, again!"
Cristina couldn't understand why her friend was so upset about it. Meredith was crying, for god's sake, sobbing…why would she be so upset about Montgomery having sex with Sloan? It wasn't even a surprise, everyone knew that the two of them were sex buddies, or whatever. "What did you do?"
"Nothing, I just...I ran away...I thought...you know, I thought we had something. And then she got naked in an on-call room with Mark Sloan. I don't know why that man has that effect on her...she just...apparently she can't keep her legs closed around that manwhore!"
"Why are you so upset about it, Mer?" When Meredith didn't answer, Cristina slowly realized something. "Oh my God, you have the hots for McHot!" she shouted. She knew it wasn't really the time for joking, but she couldn't help herself. She was Cristina, that's what she did.
"What? NO!" Meredith denied. The shock of hearing those words out loud made her stop crying. "It's just that...she promised she would never sleep with Mark again. She promised. And there she was, all naked, on top of him."
"I've always pictured her for the one on top, guess I was right!" There it was again, Cristina with her jokes.
"Cristina! Focus." Meredith rolled her eyes.
"What Meredith? It really seems like you're jealous."
"I'm not jealous. It's just...I thought we had something…it's just that…" rambled Meredith.
"Meredith, you keep saying that, but what exactly does it mean? Look, I don't know why this is getting so much to you, but...this...you getting upset, you two being this close...do you have feelings for her?"
"I..." Meredith was trying to find something to say, but she couldn't. She couldn't deny it anymore. Not to Cristina, not to her person.
"Oh my God, you do! You have feelings for Satan! I knew it! You two have been acting like a couple since day one of your friendship. It was inevitable. You have feelings for her!"
"You tell someone and I'll stab you with a scalpel!" Meredith threatened her.
"I won't tell a soul, but trust me, Mer, it's pretty obvious that the two of you are not just friend. Anyway...that's why you're crying? Cause she was having sex with Sloan and not with you?"
"No. There...there's more..."
"What else, Mer?" asked Cristina, almost fearing what was coming up next.
"She tried to talk to me, and I...I called her a whore...I said that she can't keep her legs closed around Mark, that she wants to fuck every good looking guy in the hospital, that she was a whore for sleeping with her husband's best friend...god, Cristina, you should have seen her face. What did I do?" the blonde intern started crying again.
"Meredith, are you insane? You called the woman you love a whore! What were you thinking? I get that you were upset, but this…you're such a screw up, Mer!" said Cristina, hugging her friend. They weren't really the hugging kind of persons, but Meredith was so upset and Cristina knew she needed her comfort. "You have to talk to her. Apologize. And tell her how you feel."
"Cristina, I cannot tell her how I feel! Are you kidding? I don't even think she would talk to me again, I can't tell her that I'm in love with her. I can't ruin this friendship more than I already did."
Cristina sighed. "Meredith, it's so obvious that she feels something for you too. You must be blind not to see it."
Really? Was it so obvious? But how could Addison be in love with her? She was such a mess and Addison…Addison was amazing…she couldn't be in love with her. "No Cristina, I won't tell her. But I will apologize…I'll explain to her that I was upset and I didn't mean what I said. Thank you, you know…for being here."
Cristina nodded. "Anytime." she said, wondering how Meredith was going to explain her outburst to Addison without confessing her feelings for her.
Meredith left the locker room, looking for the redhead attending. She looked for her everywhere, without success. Maybe she was already gone. She tried to call her, but Addison didn't pick up the phone. She went to Joe, but Addison wasn't there. She was about to go to the hotel, but she decided it wasn't a good idea. Maybe it was better to give Addison time to chill before talking to her. Yes, it was definitely better.
"I will talk to her tomorrow." she thought, heading home. Hoping tomorrow wouldn't be too late.

-o-

AN2: Wow that was long! Please don't hate me for this. I promise, I know what I'm doing. Remember to review this chapter, so maybe you'll have the next one soon.