AN: Another update…wow! This was fast! I think Clai pressuring me really works ;)
I don't have much to say, I guess I just like to write random things before starting with the chapter.
Anyway, I'm not sure this is good, but I hope you'll like it anyway. Don't forget to review.

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Grey's Anatomy, I'm sure Addie would still be at SGH and Lexie wouldn't exist (I hate her, that's one thing you need to know about me). But unfortunately, Addie's in PP and Lexie exists, so no, I don't own it.

CHAPTER 13 – The trick is to keep breathing

To say Addison was confused was an understatement. Meredith kissed her.
Ok, she wasn't stupid, she realized that Meredith had feelings for her. They way she had freaked out when she had founded Addison having sex with Mark, and she admitted she was jealous...so yeah, Meredith had feelings for her. What confused Addison was that Meredith had kissed her and then left without giving her the chance to say anything. Not that she knew what to say. She had tried to ignore the feelings that had exploded inside of her when her lips collided with Meredith's but it was pointless. Cause even if Addison didn't want to admit it, she felt something, she felt like electricity through her body. And desire.
So no, she didn't know what she could have said if Meredith hadn't stormed out the closet, but surely she didn't like that the intern had kissed her and left. They needed to talk. Cause all those past months, all the tension between them, all the jokes of their friends were suddenly making sense and they had to figure out what was going on between them.
Addison was tempted to go find Meredith, but instead she decided to go back to the hotel and take some time to think about what she wanted. She needed to figure out her feelings before talking to Meredith.
So that's how she spent the night, tossing and turning in her bed, her mind replaying the kiss all over again. It has been ages since she last felt that aroused with just a kiss. Last time has been...hell, she didn't even remember. And she never thought she would feel that way kissing a girl. But Meredith wasn't like any other girl. And Addison was scared by her feelings for the interns, but she didn't want to run this time. She had denied everything she was feeling after their almost kiss but now...she couldn't deny it anymore. She knew what she wanted now. She wanted Meredith. She loved Meredith. She was ready.

-o-

"Cristina!" shouted Meredith, entering her friend's apartment, not really caring that Cristina was in bed with Burke. "You. Me. Talk. Now!"
Cristina looked at Burke, who left the room without questions.
"I kissed her!" said Meredith when they were alone. "I kissed Addison and she kissed me back."
"You kissed her?" asked Cristina surprised. She knew Meredith wanted to apologize to Addison but she never thought she would have kissed the redhead. "Wow! What happened then?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?" repeated the dark-haired girl, confused.
"I kissed her and then I left, without giving her the chance to say anything." confessed Meredith, suddenly regretting her behavior. "God, I'm such an idiot!"
"You are" confirmed Cristina. "Why did you leave?"
Meredith shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I panicked. I didn't plan to kiss her, ok? It just...happened...and I didn't want to give her time to regret it."
"Mer..." sighed Cristina. "You two can't go on like this. You have to talk about what's going on between the two of you. You can't keep doing things or saying things and then run away because you're both chickens, too scared to admit to one another what you're feeling."
"Wow, I didn't know you were able to make this kind of speech." Meredith teased her, a little bit more relaxed.
"If you tell someone, I promise I'll hunt you down for the rest of your residency! Now go home, get some sleep and tomorrow talk to Satan and tell her that you love her, so you two can finally stop annoying the whole hospital with your problems."
Meredith laughed and left her friend's house. Cristina was right. She needed to set the things straight with Addison as soon as possible. A part of her wanted to go to the hotel and talk to the attending that night, but she knew it was better to give Addison some time to think. They would have talked the next morning and, this time, Meredith was ready to confess her feelings. No running, no hiding. Just the truth. "Addison, I'm in love with you." Damn, it wasn't that hard, was it?

-o-

After a good night of sleep, or better, lack of sleep, Addison's mind was finally clear. Now she was 100% sure of what she wanted: she wanted Meredith, she wanted to be with her, to be able to kiss her like they have kissed the previous day anytime she wanted, any other day of her life. And she knew it wasn't going to be simple. There were so many obstacles in their way: first of all the fact that they were both women and Addison wasn't naive to think that nobody would care...then Derek, that Addison knew was still in love with Meredith...and the hospital gossip (Addison HATED hospital gossip)...and Mark...and so many other things...but she didn't care, cause all she wanted was to be with Meredith.
A thought crossed her mind for a second: what if Meredith didn't want to be with her? Yes, she kissed her...but she never really said anything about them being together...she never said anything at all. So maybe...maybe it was just...an experiment, or something like that...maybe it was just a physical attraction, but at the end of the day, Meredith didn't want to throw herself in a relationship with her ex-boyfriend's ex-wife...with Satan.
Addison needed to talk to Meredith and ask her if she really wanted to be with her.
"Have you seen Dr Grey?" she asked to a nurse.
"All Bailey's interns are at the bay, for the ferryboat crash." responded the nurse. "I think Dr Yang is the only one around here, do you want me to page her?"
Addison shook her head and walked away. Ferryboat crash? God she was so deeply involved in her personal life that she had forgot that she was at work and that maybe somebody could need her help. She decided to reach the ER to offer her help, maybe there was a pregnant woman there...she had to focus on saving life and put her love life on hold.
In the ER things were out of control. Dozens of injured people were waiting for someone to check on them and in the waiting room, the relatives were asking questions about their beloved. Most of them were missing.
For the moment, there were no pregnant women so Addison decided to help the Chief with administrative duties and went to clear the surgical board for the emergent surgeries the new patients required.
"All of the non emergent surgeries have been postponed." she told the chief. "I checked of discharges and I freed up as many beds as I could."
"Good." said the Chief. "I would have done that but...you did good, Addison. You'd be a great Chief, you know?"
Addison blushed. "Thanks. I think I better go, see if somebody needs me down there."
The Chief nodded and watched Addison walk away. "Addie." he called her back. Addison turned around. "Are you ok? I mean...I never really asked you after the divorce and now...I'm starting to understand how you might have felt...so...are you ok?"
"I'm fine, Richard." smiled the redhead. "I'm moving on."

-o-

"So?" Callie asked Addison while they were watching the scans of a pregnant patient who broke almost every bone in her body during the crash.
"So what?" asked Addison confused.
"Meredith...did you finally listen to her?"
"I did...I..." blushed Addison. "We kissed."
"Way to go, Manhattan!" cheered Callie! "Was it good? Did you talk after it? Are you two...together, or something?"
"I don't know." admitted the attending. "She left after the kiss and I was looking for her today but she was still gone with Bailey. But I've been thinking tonight, Callie and...I want to be with her. I feel something for her...I'm a bit scared to say it out loud, cause I've never said that but...I think I'm in love with her."
"Wow!" stated the resident. "She's in love with you too, you know?"
"I don't know." sighed the redhead.
"She is. She told me. Yesterday I was in my overprotective-best-friend mode and I was yelling at her for what she said to you and she told me she's in love with you. Everything's gonna be ok, Addie. You two just need to talk."
Addison nodded. "Look, I think I'm gonna go down to the ER, if you can take it from here. The baby's fine, so I don't think you're gonna need me anymore. If anything happens, page me."
Addison just had the time to walk into the ER when Alex arrived with an ambulance.
"Addison!" he shouted and she reached for him. "Jane Doe, about six months pregnant, found under a pile of rubble. Sustained crush injuries to her right torso and upper extremities as well as severe trauma to the face. BP initially low but now up to 90 over 60 after a liter of fluid and placing her on her left side."
The Chief and Cristina joined them in the trauma room and they started to work to stabilize the woman.

-o-

Meredith was walking around trying to find a little girl's mother, when Derek called her.
"Meredith, hey, you got a free hand? Here, hold this bandage for me." he asked her, then he noticed Meredith's face. "You all right?"
Meredith shrugged. "Yeah, it's just...a lot. My mom's having heart surgery today and...well...there are other stuff too."
"Is it Addison?" suggested Derek.
"What? Yeah, I mean...we had a fight. but now it's ok..I guess..."
"Look Meredith..." sighed Derek. "I know it's none of my business, and maybe I should be the last to talk, but...Addie's my friend and I care about her and yes, she cheated on me, but now it's over and what you said it's not fair to her. Why did you do it?"
"Because I l..." started to say Meredith but then she stopped. She couldn't tell Derek that she was in love with his ex wife. "I just snapped, ok? I don't know why, but I apologized and she has forgiven me, so..." Ok that wasn't really the truth. Addison never said she forgave Meredith. But she kissed her back, so maybe that can count as forgiveness. "Now, are you good? Cause I gotta get this kid to triage?"
Derek nodded, so Meredith took the kid and left. That whole conversation made her realize once more that she needed to talk to Addison as soon as possible.
Her mind went back to the last months, how she and Addison went from being almost enemies to being that close...and they fell in love...at least, Meredith fell in love, she wasn't sure about Addison's feelings yet. She thought about the fight they had over Molly, she thought about that night in the bathtub and the countless nights they spent in each other's arms. She laughed a little when she realized that her friends were so right when they were teasing her about them behaving like a couple. From the outside, they looked like they have been dating for months. She wondered what would it be like to date Addison for real. Well, maybe not that different from what they had been doing for months, plus the sex. Sex...Meredith blushed at the thought of having sex with the gorgeous redhead.
Then she finally remembered where she was and that she still had to bring the little girl to the triage tent. She was about to head that way when she saw a man crawling on the ground, his leg badly injured.
She tried to stop one of the paramedics to bring the girl to the tent, but they were all too busy, so she had no choice but to ask the girl not to look and started helping the man.
She managed to sew the man's leg, she just needed to bandage him up and take him to the hospital. The man was shivering, so she took off her coat and covered him with it.
"Oh, I can't stand the pain. I gotta get out of here." complained the man and he tried to stand up, but doing that, he hit Meredith, pushing her over the dock edge into the water.

-o-

Jane Doe's surgery went pretty well, she was stable for the moment, and Addison was positive she was going to survive. She checked the chart and headed to the cafeteria cause she really needed a coffee, when her pager went off.
"911" she thought. "God, what a crazy day!"
She reached the trauma room and heard Richard from the outside. "Whoa, was that V-fib. Charge to 300. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Clear."
Addison entered the room, but she wasn't prepared to the sight in front of her. Meredith was lying there, motionless. Worse, Meredith was crashing, and she looked like she was frozen.
"Back to asystole. Keep compressions going." said Richard.
"Oh my god!" whispered Addison in shock.
"She's hypothermic." explained Burke, not noticing Addison's shock.
"Oh my god!" repeated Addison, louder.
Bailey looked at her.
"Meredith!" Addison started shouting. "Oh my god, Meredith...Meredith please...MEREDITH!"
"Shepherd, get her out of here!" Bailey ordered Derek.
Derek went near Addison, but the woman shouted louder. "MEREDITH!"
"Addie, come with me." said Derek softly, but Addison wasn't listening to him.
"NO!" she screamed. "MEREDITH!"
Derek dragged Addison out of the room, not knowing what to do to calm her down. "Addie, listen to me..."
"Derek, let me go, I need to go back there! Derek please...MEREDITH!" cried Addison collapsing on the floor. She was sobbing and shaking and she couldn't hear a single word Derek was saying to her, trying to explain what happened. Her mind was blank, she only had one thought: Meredith, lying on that table. HER Meredith, dying. "Meredith..." she kept on whispering between the sobs, until she had no more strenght and let herself fall in Derek's arms.