AN: Hello everyone! Thanks for the lovely reviews! This chapter is a bit shorter than the others, but I promise I'll get the next chapter posted as soon as possible.
Also, this chapter is a little heavy on the secondary characters, though there's still plenty of Draco and even a little Harry thrown in. It was necessary to set up the next chapter. And I tried combining this one and the next, but then it was way too long. So…hope you enjoy!
Chapter Four
- August 20th -
"I'm worried about him," Pansy said softly into the phone. "He isn't eating enough."
"I can hear you, you know," Draco snapped as he rolled over to face the back of the couch. "I'm depressed, not deaf."
"Shut up," Pansy snapped back. "I'm talking to Hermione, not you."
He sat up and glared at her. "How about you stop talking about me at all and get the hell out of my flat. I didn't ask you to come here and coddle me like a fucking baby, so go away." He threw himself down onto his back, completely aware of his ridiculous theatrics, but he really didn't care at the moment. It would be a bad thing to fall in love with me. He covered his head with his arms and ground his teeth together, trying to shut out the thoughts that had plagued him for weeks.
Pansy sighed, said her goodbyes to Hermione and went to stand over Draco. "Why'd you leave if it's tearing you up so badly?"
"Can we please, for the love of all that is holy, not talk about him for one bloody day?"
"Hermione said he's hardly speaking to them. He's been at their house for three weeks and he hasn't left once, not even to go sit outside. She's not sure, but she thinks he was crying last night."
Draco jumped to his feet and gave her the hardest glare he could muster. "Stop trying to guilt trip me." He turned and stormed off towards his room.
"Where are you going?"
"To get dressed. I have a date."
Pansy's jaw dropped but she quickly followed after him. "You do?"
He rolled his eyes and started flipping through his closet. "Relax…it's no big deal. It's only Theo."
Pansy gasped. "But you said-"
"I am well aware of what I said, but I may have been a bit…harsh. We only slept together a couple of times after all. It's been years. I figure he deserves a second chance and he certainly jumped for one when I phoned him." He pulled off his t-shirt and slipped on a pale blue button up dress shirt. "I do hope he's worked on his kissing technique…I'm really not in the mood to be drooled on."
She ignored his attempts at lightening the mood. "Don't use him to get over Harry."
Draco threw his hands in the air and growled softly at the ceiling. "Can I do nothing right in your eyes?" He looked over at her.
Her face softened as she looked into her best friends dull grey eyes. They had been that way since he left Harry almost a month ago and she was willing to do most anything to bring back some spark of life.
"Dray? Pans?" Blaise called from the living room.
"Bedroom," Pansy called back to him, though she never took her eyes from Draco's.
"I need to do this," he told her, his voice soft. "I have to prove to myself that I don't…need him."
"What's wrong with needing him?" Blaise asked as he leaned against the door frame.
"I'm a Malfoy. Malfoy's don't 'need' people," Draco said, though his voice was less than convincing.
"You need us," Blaise reminded him.
Draco rolled his eyes as he pulled on a pair of black pants. "That's completely different."
"How?" Pansy asked as she sat down on his bed.
"You two are family." He tucked his shirt in as he moved to stand in front of a full length mirror.
"Any lover you have will eventually become family as well. I don't see the difference." Blaise went to the closet and picked out a darker blue tie and brought it to his friend. He draped it around Draco's neck and began to tie it for him.
"Eventually, yes," the blond agreed. "But Harry and I hardly know each other. He is not now, nor will he ever be, family."
"He could be," Pansy said softly.
"No," Draco snapped. "You don't get it so just drop it."
Pansy jumped to her feet. "You think you know everything Draco, but I happen to know that you are a lonely, bitter, angry person and you should be glad that someone as loving as Harry would let you into his heart!"
"Loving? You don't know what he said to me!" Draco protested. I can't believe she's taking the side of that git! Betrayal!
"So what? People say shit, Dray…get over it!"
"I can't 'get over it'! It fucking hurt, Pansy, and I'm sorry, but not all of us can just shut off our emotions like you can!"
She snorted. "Oh, that's rich coming from the Ice Prince himself. Do you really think Blaise and I would still be together if we split up every time one of us said something stupid or hurt each others feelings? Relationships take work, Draco, and you and Harry need to work on yours or-"
"We don't have a relationship!" Draco yelled at the top of his lungs. He slapped at Blaise's hands which were fiddling with his collar and stepped back. "Will you just please mind your own business?"
"You are my business!"
"I am not your business nor do I want to be your business so go pay attention to someone else for once because I'm sick of the hovering and the mothering and I just want to be left the fuck alone!"
Blaise and Pansy stood staring at him in silence for a moment.
Pansy stepped closer to him. "You're going to get your wish if you don't stop talking to your friends like you have been. We're not to be treated as your personal punching bags and I can't speak for Blaise, but I refuse to put up with your childish tantrums any longer."
Draco's mouth fell open in shock as he stared at the small furious woman in front of him. "I'm not being childish," he said, his voice low and angry. He turned back to his reflection and started to fix the tie that Blaise had only been able to half finish. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart and ease the burning in his cheeks.
"Why are you so upset about this if it doesn't matter to you?" Pansy's voice was soft and calm.
"Why are you so upset about it? That time of the month?"
Blaise took in a sharp breath next to him. He looked at his wife as her eyes began to tear and she turned to hurry out of the room.
Draco's jaw dropped as he turned to Blaise. "What the hell…?"
Blaise stared at the empty doorway, then sighed heavily and sank down to sit on Draco's bed. "We're having some…trouble," he said softly.
Draco forgot about his tie and his anger at Pansy and went to his friend's side. "What kind of trouble?"
"You know we've been trying for a baby?"
Draco nodded. "But it's only been like six months. I've heard it can take up to a year."
Blaise shook his head. "Pansy won't be able to carry a baby," he said softly. "She had a doctor's appointment the other day and they confirmed it. Something about the car accident she was in as a kid and scar tissue and..." He scratched his head. "I didn't ask too many questions. Didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was." He rested his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.
Draco was dumbfounded. He dropped onto the bed beside Blaise and stared blankly at the door. "Well, fuck."
Blaise rubbed his eyes. "I think you were her project. You know how she gets when she's upset about something. She finds something to replace it with and if I'm not mistaken, you were that something. She wanted to take care of you so she didn't have to take care of herself."
"Jesus, Blaise…why didn't either of you tell me?"
He sighed heavily. "She didn't want you worrying about her on top of everything else."
"Well…I feel like an absolute git."
"Would you…do you mind checking on her? When she sees me upset, she just cries harder."
Draco nodded and stood. He squeezed Blaise's shoulder, cleared his throat and shook off his shock, then went to find his friend.
Pansy was sitting on a chair on the balcony, her knees pulled up to her chest and her face pressed into them.
Draco swallowed hard. He had never seen her look so vulnerable. For thirteen years, Pansy had been the one to do the comforting in their small group, she had been their rock. He wasn't quite sure what to do with the role reversal. He took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the sliding glass door. "Pans?" he said softly as he stepped outside.
She straightened herself up and wiped her face with the palms of her hands. "Hey," she whispered back, trying to force a smile onto her face.
Draco crouched in front of her and rested his hands on her knees.
She looked anywhere but at him.
"Pansy…love…" he squeezed her hand.
She finally looked at him and burst into tears. She slid off the chair and into his waiting arms. "Dray," she cried softly.
He had to hold back his own tears as he rocked her and stroked her hair. "I know, love…I know."
She gasped for air between sobs. "It's so unfair!" she cried, choking on her tears. She took a deep breath and pulled back to look up into his eyes. Her own eyes were flooded with fresh tears and her lower lip trembled. "I know I'm being rather selfish, but why did this have to happen to me?"
Draco gave her a weak smile as he wiped her face with his thumb. "I don't know. And I won't try to pretend that I know how you feel." He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her again. "I can't even begin to imagine."
"I'm only twenty four. I'm not supposed to have these problems." She buried her face in his neck to muffle a sob. "He's going to leave me," she whispered.
"Pansy, no!" Draco said, a little more forcefully than he had meant. He pulled back from her so he could see her eyes. "That isn't true. You know how much he loves you."
She nodded. "But would you really blame him if he did? To have a…a broken wife…at such a young age? How could he not consider it?"
"You are not broken and I never want to hear you say anything like that again. Do you hear me?"
She nodded and looked away.
"There are ways, Pans. There are always ways and I promise you, we will figure this out."
"He wants children so badly. A big family…that's what we agreed to." She sniffled softly, but her sobs had calmed. "I really wanted to give him a baby."
"I know you did. And as much as you're making it about what he wants, I know that you want it too."
She nodded into his shoulder. "I really do."
With a little effort, Draco managed to move them both to a chair without letting go of her once. He continued to stroke her hair and back until he felt her body relax as she fell asleep.
"Is she alright?" Blaise asked as he joined them on the balcony.
Draco sighed and nodded. "She's just angry…and scared."
"I won't leave her," Blaise promised as he leaned on the railing and gazed lovingly down at his sleeping wife. "She's perfect for me in every way and I know I could never live without her."
Draco smiled. "How'd you know that was what she was thinking?"
Blaise laughed softly. "Sometimes I think I know her better than she does." He looked up at Draco. "Just like she knows you better than you know yourself."
Draco blushed and looked away from Blaise as he shifted Pansy in his arms. "I take it she hasn't been sleeping much?" He stood and motioned for Blaise to go inside.
"Not for a few days now." Blaise grabbed a pillow from the couch and a blanket from the chair in the corner. He set the pillow on the chaise in the other corner and covered her once Draco set her down.
Pansy stirred and opened her puffy eyes. She looked up at her husband and smiled a sad, but loving smile.
Draco stepped back and watched them for a moment as they bent close together, talking softly. They'll be just fine…they always are. "I have to finish getting ready. You know you are welcome to stay as long as you like." He leaned over and kissed Pansy's forehead. "Do you want me to stay?"
"No." She smiled up at him and brushed his hair from his eyes. "You deserve to go have some fun."
"If you're sure." He kissed her forehead once more.
She grabbed his hand before he could pull away. "I'm sorry I called you lonely, bitter and angry."
He smiled and kissed her hand. "You were only speaking the truth." He squeezed her hand and let go. He kissed the top of Blaise's head and went to finish getting dressed.
*.*.*.*
The restaurant was nothing too fancy, but it was quiet and dim, the atmosphere romantic with its white roses and candles on every small round table. It wasn't overly crowded at five on a Wednesday, but it would only be a half hour or so before people were lined up outside.
Draco sat at the table, drumming his fingers on the wooden tabletop. He was already on his second glass of red wine, trying hard to drown out the nervousness that was eating at him. You've known him for years. Get a fucking grip.
"Draco."
Draco looked up into the smiling face of Theodore Nott and couldn't help but smile in return. They had been great friends while in school…until they had slept together that is. And Draco had to admit now that he had missed him.
The blond stood and extended his hand to his date. "Theo…you look good."
Theo shook his hand and leaned in to place a lingering kiss on the corner of Draco's mouth. "You look amazing," he said softly. "As always."
Draco was disappointed to find that he didn't feel anything when Theo kissed him.
They sat down and looked at the menu in silence. When the waiter came, they ordered – steak for Theo, fettuccini for Draco – and finally settled back in their seats to look each other over.
Theo wasn't what one would necessarily call handsome, but he had good features that Draco appreciated. His eyes were a soft brown which almost exactly matched his hair. And though there was nothing special about them or his nose or his skin, he had a smile that could light up a room and that brought out a strange sort of beauty in his plain face that was surprising.
"God…I've missed you," Theo said softly. He leaned his elbows on the table and reached over to cover Draco's hand with his. "I was so surprised when you called."
Draco laughed softly and concentrated on not pulling his hand away from Theo's touch. "I figure it's been awhile and it might be nice for the two of us to catch up."
Theo squeezed his hand and let go. "That's all this is then? A chance to 'catch up'?" He gave Draco a suggestive look and licked his lips.
Draco felt his heart pound and a stirring in his groin and he almost sighed in relief that he was able to feel something for someone other than Harry. He gave his old friend a smile and raised an eyebrow. "You better eat fast, Nott…I've already lost interest in dinner." Well, that's certainly an exaggeration, but we might as well do this before I lose my nerve.
"We could get the food to go," Theo suggested.
Draco laughed, though he hated how awkward it sounded to his own ears. "We could. Excuse me." He stood and walked over to the bar where he had a quick conversation with their waiter. The waiter nodded and went off to bag up their food.
Draco smiled as he turned to go back to his table. He stopped in his tracks when he almost ran directly into Ron Weasley.
"Malfoy," Ron said in surprise as he extended a hand. He smiled.
Draco was hesitant, but shook Ron's hand anyway. "Weasley…is Hermione with you?"
Ron nodded. "We tried to get here early enough to avoid the lines, but I had to work a bit late. 'Mione ran to the ladies room."
"You should have made reservations," Draco told him.
Ron laughed. "That may work when you're Draco Malfoy, son of millionaire entrepreneur Lucius Malfoy, but I assure you, it doesn't work when you're Ron Weasley, primary school teacher." He blushed softly and looked away.
Draco couldn't help but laugh. "How long did they tell you?"
"About an hour."
Draco took Ron's elbow and guided him over to the hostess.
"Mr. Malfoy," a young woman said as she hurried to them. She looked at Ron with suspicious eyes. "Is there a problem, sir?"
"Yes," Draco began, his voice quiet, yet commanding. "My good friend Mr. Weasley and his lovely fiancé," he motioned to Hermione who had wandered over to them, a look of confusion on her face, "were told they would have to wait an hour for a table."
The hostess's face paled and her eyes went wide. "Mr. Malfoy, I'm sorry, we didn't-"
He held up a hand to silence her. "No apologies…just get them a table immediately. And their meal is to be complimentary."
"Draco, no," Hermione protested.
The hostess nodded and hurried off to find them a table.
"You shouldn't have done that," Hermione said softly.
Draco shrugged and smiled. "My father owns this place."
Ron snorted. "Of course he does." He grinned at Draco and slapped him on the shoulder.
"Hello, by the way," Draco said as he turned to Hermione and held out his arms for a hug.
She couldn't help but return the smile. "Hello," she finally said as she stepped into his arms.
"How are things?" Draco asked once she had released him.
"Wonderful," Hermione said as she slipped her hand into Ron's. "Today is our anniversary."
"Four years," Ron said as he smiled down at her.
Draco bit back his jealousy, but couldn't help but wonder how Harry was doing. "How is – "
"Draco, did you forget about me?"
Draco turned to see Theo standing behind him with his arms crossed over his chest. He didn't look amused.
Well, actually, yes I did. "Theo…I just ran into some good friends of mine and was helping to get them a table. I'm sorry it took so long." He felt his cheeks flooding with color and tried to stop it as he looked back at Harry's friends.
Hermione's mouth was open a bit as if she were about to speak and Ron's brow was furrowed in confusion.
Draco desperately clung to his composure. "I'm sorry," he said again as Theo joined them.
Theo extended his hand to Ron. "Hello, I'm Theo, Draco's date."
Ron raised an eyebrow at Draco before shaking Theo's hand. "Ron Weasley."
"Hermione Granger," Hermione added as she also shook his hand.
Theo looked at Draco and smiled. "Are you ready to go? Here comes the waiter with our food."
The waiter brought the bag and handed it to Theo before nodding to Draco and walking away.
"You got take out?" Ron asked.
Draco blushed and nodded.
Theo laughed. "Someone was a bit impatient to get home, so we had them bag it up." He laughed again as he winked at Ron and Hermione and slid an arm around Draco's waist.
Draco's face was burning. He chanced a look at Hermione and found her biting her lip and avoiding eye contact with him. He felt a sharp pain in his chest. She thinks I'm a slut. Oh God…she's going to tell Harry.
Ron's face was a bit red and he was staring at the floor.
"Ready to go, love?" Theo asked, his impatience growing.
Draco couldn't move or speak. Love? Did he just call me love? Say something Malfoy! Just open your mouth and tell him no, damn it!
"Draco?" Hermione said softly, concern in her voice.
Theo leaned in closer to him and squeezed Draco's hip to get his attention.
Draco let out a slight squeak and stepped away. "I…I can't, Theo. I'm…fuck…I'm so sorry." Draco couldn't make himself look away from the suddenly fascinating floor.
"What do you mean?" Theo's eyes narrowed as he took a step back.
Draco managed a small, helpless shrug. "I just…can't. I know you don't understand, but I'm just not ready for this. I am so sorry." He turned and hurried out of the restaurant. Stop panicking! What the hell is wrong with you? Malfoy's do not panic! He couldn't breathe, so he stopped and leaned back against the side of the building, hanging his head and resting his hands on his knees.
"Draco?"
He held his breath for a moment before looking up to face Hermione. "I couldn't do it," he said softly, running his trembling hand through his white-blond hair. "I had all these grand plans of getting drunk with an old friend and then fucking until neither of us could see straight, but…" He sighed heavily and shook his head.
She blushed at his statement, but smiled sympathetically as she pulled him into her arms. "He's not okay either," she said softly.
He held onto the small brunette and rested his cheek on the top of her head. "What am I supposed to do?"
"Follow your heart?" she suggested with a small laugh.
"He'll break me, Hermione…you and I both know it. I can't go back to him."
She sighed sadly and nodded. "I know that, sweetie." She rubbed his back in slow circles.
"Oliver will always win over me and…the idea that he could even look at someone who hurts him as the love of his life…" He shook his head and held her closer.
"Did he tell you that Oliver is the love of his life?"
Draco was silent for a moment then he let go and looked down at her. "Well, no, but I just…I thought…"
"He's never told me that he loves him at all," she said as she took his hands in hers. "And I don't think that he does. I think it's more of an addiction."
"One that he's not willing to give up in order to be happy." He squeezed her hands. "Pansy said you told her that he hasn't left the house…does that mean – "
She shook her head. "No, he finally caught up with the rest of civilization and got himself a cell phone. He's been talking to Oliver every day. He just refuses to see him. I've tried to get him to stop the calls too, but he gets so defensive."
"It's a step in the right direction at least." He sighed heavily and leaned back against the wall. "What a bloody mess."
They both looked up when they heard foot steps coming their way. Ron smiled and waved as he made his way towards them.
"Thanks for leaving me with your very angry date," he said, smirking at Draco. "He called you some very interesting names."
Draco blushed and looked away.
"Leave him alone," Hermione said as she smacked her fiancé on the arm.
"Ow! You've been spending too much time with Pansy." Ron rubbed his sore arm.
Draco laughed. "Pansy is a hitter." His laughter faded as he thought about the condition his friend had been in when he had left. "Have you spoken to her about…?" He looked up at Hermione, unable to finish his sentence.
Her face fell and she nodded. "Yes, the poor thing. It's quite tragic and unfair, really. I've been doing a bit of research on the subject and once she's calmed down some, I will talk to her about her options."
"You're a great friend." Draco leaned in and kissed her cheek.
"Still in the mood for dinner?" Ron asked.
Hermione looked at Draco. "Are you going to be okay?"
He nodded and managed a smile. "You two run along and enjoy your evening. It's your anniversary for fuck's sake. The last place you should be spending it is in a parking lot with me."
"Don't say that," Hermione said. She grabbed his hand and gave a reassuring squeeze.
"I've never even made it to a first anniversary," Draco said with a forced laugh.
"You've got plenty of time, mate." Ron patted his shoulder and held an arm out for Hermione. "Shall we?"
She kissed Draco's cheek and gave a smile. "Call me please. We'll do lunch."
He agreed and watched them walk away to celebrate something he was sure he was never going to have for himself.
*.*.*.*
- September 18th -
Draco scanned rows and rows of books. He had no idea what he was looking for; he just hoped that something would pop out at him and scream "Hermione".
What the hell do social workers read? He picked up a self help book, something about breaking through to your inner hero. He scanned the back and rolled his eyes. I should buy this for Blaise, knowing his crap taste in reading materials. He slid the book back onto the shelf. "Can never go wrong with a gift card," he muttered to himself as he shoved his hands into his pockets and headed for the front of the store.
He grabbed a card from the greeting card section, a blank leather bound journal and a gift certificate and went to get in line. He smiled to himself, quite pleased with his selections.
"I'm sorry sir, your card has been declined."
Draco looked up towards the front of the line. He stepped back to see around the incredibly tall blond man in front of him and his eyes widened in surprise when he saw Harry standing at the counter, his cheeks red with embarrassment.
"Oh…well, I think I may have some money on me…hold on." Harry dug through his pockets. His blush deepened when he looked at the enormous blond man staring down at him. He quickly looked away and continued to rummage through his pockets. He pulled out a few crumpled bills and began to straighten and count them.
The tall blond sighed heavily and stomped off to a different register.
Draco took Harry's side, though the brunet was too overcome with embarrassment to notice.
"Would you like me to hold your items and you can come back for them later?" the cashier asked, sounding highly annoyed.
Draco frowned as he watched her snap her gum. He slid his items up next to Harry's and pulled out a credit card. "That won't be necessary," he said with a sharp look at the cashier.
Harry flinched and turned to look at Draco in surprise.
Draco didn't look at Harry. He watched the cashier ring up their items and place them in two separate bags. He scanned his credit card, signed his name and grabbed both bags, then headed for the doors. "Coming, Potter?" he called over his shoulder, never breaking his stride.
Harry caught up with him outside. "Why'd you do that?"
Draco finally stopped and turned to him. "Why wouldn't I?" He held out Harry's bag.
Harry shrugged and took the bag.
Draco couldn't help noticing the bruises around Harry's wrist and he bit down hard on his tongue to keep quiet about it. Should've known he'd eventually go back. But, it's not your business Malfoy. Move along.
"Thank you," Harry said softly. He noticed Draco eyeing his wrist and quickly pulled down his sleeve. "You really didn't have to do that."
Draco turned and headed for his car. "I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't known that it was a gift for Hermione."
Harry followed him. "How did you know it was for her?"
Draco shrugged again. "Lucky guess."
"Her birthday is tomorrow. She's having a party."
"I'm aware," Draco said. "I'll be there."
Harry looked surprised. "Oh…I didn't know she invited you."
"Yes, well…maybe she figured it wouldn't matter to you now that you're back with what's his name." Draco pulled out his keys and pressed the 'unlock' button. He stopped and looked at Harry. "Will your charming boyfriend be gracing us with his presence tomorrow?"
Harry's cheeks flushed and he gave a jerky nod.
"Excellent," Draco said between clenched teeth. "Tell him to keep his hands to himself and we'll all get along just fine." He turned to open his door. "Oh, and if he so much as looks at Pansy, I will fucking murder him."
Harry nodded.
Draco moved to get into the car.
"What about you?" Harry suddenly asked.
Draco raised an eyebrow as he looked back at him. "What about me?"
"Are you bringing a date?" Harry looked down at his feet and kicked at a small stone.
Draco also looked at Harry's feet, gleefully watching the brunet's awkwardly shy mannerisms. "Do you really think I'd show up at a social event, no matter how small, without a date?"
Harry shook his head, but didn't look up.
Draco turned again for his car.
"Will you bring Theo?" Harry's voice was barely audible.
Draco sighed softly and opened the car door. "Hermione told you about him?" He set his bag on the driver's seat and looked over his shoulder.
Harry shook his head. "Ron."
Draco laughed, genuinely amused at the idea of Ron Weasley gossiping about him. "Should've known." He turned around to face Harry.
"Is he…" Harry finally looked up at the blond. "Is he your boyfriend?"
Draco raised an eyebrow and smirked. "I don't really think that's your business…do you?"
Harry blushed again. "Not really, but I was only asking."
Draco leaned against the door of his car and folded his arms over his chest. My God, it's fun to make him squirm. "Since you asked so nicely…no, Theo is not my boyfriend."
Harry visibly relaxed, though he tried to hide it.
"And it won't be him that I bring to the party." He climbed into the car, done with the conversation.
"Oh, okay…I'll…" Harry raised his hand in a half wave. "Goodbye, Draco."
Draco felt that familiar tightness in his chest that he had hoped would never return. But all it took was Harry saying his name to bring it back. "Bye, Harry." He gave him a small smile then shut the door and quickly drove away.
He growled softly to himself as he pulled out his phone and dialed Blaise. "We have some work to do. I am not showing up at Hermione's party without a date, and no, I'm not calling Theo. Figure something out fast. I'm on my way over." He hung up the phone and gripped the wheel as he sped down the road.
*.*.*.*
TBC…
AN: Thanks for reading everyone! I'm working diligently on the next chapter. There's a slight chance it will be up tonight, but most likely it will be tomorrow. In the meantime…please let me know what you think!