I do not own Zelda. It is owned by Nintendo.

Ilia was skipping in the forest, singing a happy tune. "Oh, LINKYYYYYY~" She sang, with a smile on her face. Nothing would ruin her day, not even everything!

Suddenly a meteorite fell upon the dumb blonde village girl.

BOOM!

"I'm ok!" Ilia stood up and climbed out of the crater. She brushed herself off and kept walking. She headed towards Link's tree house and climbed up.

Suddenly, a piece of the ledge fell from her grip and she fell onto the ground. "I'm… ok!" Ilia got up and climbed up the steps again. She went inside and saw her Link and his friends playing video games.

"HI, LINKY!" Ilia shrieked.

"Oh, dear god." Link moaned.

"You," Ruto hissed in anger.

"Me!" Ilia chirped back in response. "And I know you dirty jerks have been thinking about trying to kill me."

Everyone widened their eyes in surprise. "What do you mean?" Zelda asked.

"DON'T PLAY DUMB, ROYAL TITS!" Ilia snapped. "I know that the author has been killing me for 49 times in this story!" She then smiled evilly. "But I now have immunity!"

"What?" Link shouted.

"I kicked Death's ass and now I'm immortal! I CAN BE WITH LINKY FOREVER!"

"She's lying!" Ruto roared. "KICK HER ASS!"

Everyone hurled every pointy and sharp object that they could find towards Ilia.

SPLAT! SHING! CRACK! POW! CRUNCH! SMACK!

Ilia stood there, unharmed from the barrage of items. "PFFFFT." She blew a raspberry at everyone. "LOSERS!"

"NO!" Link shook his head in horror. "SWEET GOD, NO!"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" Ilia laughed and grabbed Link and ran off.

Soon, everyone had heard about Ilia injuring Death and decided to go kick her ass.

Kaguya Houraisan and Moukou no Fujiwara ambushed the farm girl with danmaku and spell cards.

Ilia grabbed the Master Sword and hacked Moukou to pieces, then she cut off Kaguya's head and kicked it to a hollow stump. "GOAL!" She roared.

"HELP ME!" Link screamed.

"Be quiet, Linky." Ilia stuffed one of her socks into his mouth, the smell nearly making him gag.

Soon, everyone from the previous chapters came and surrounded Ilia. Even the characters that were in the featured series, but didn't make an appearance in the fic, came as well.

"You're the girl that beat death," Dracula growled, flexing his fingers. "No one beats my second in command except Belmont!"

"This girl claims that she's a god?" Susanoo asked. "I don't believe it."

"It's true." Vishnu narrowed his eyes. "The girl has lost her mortality."

"SHUT UP, YOU BASTARDS! NOW, IT'S TIME FOR PAYBACK!"

Ilia let out a roar and jumped into the air with Link's Hylian shield in one arm, and the Master Sword in another. "AAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!"

She ran towards Satan first, and slashed at his chest, leaving a gash. "ARGH! YOU DAMNED GIRL!" He howled in pain. Ilia then stabbed him in the face.

Then she jumped off of him and lunged at Salior Moon, who was trying to defend herself. "DIE, MOONBITCH!"

Ilia stabbed her in the gut and kicked her in the groin. Then she ran towards Shiva and kicked him in the nuts. "Take that, you crossdresser!"

Shiva (from Final Fantasy) blinked at her male counterpart as he held his crown jewels in pain.

"METEO!" shouted a voice. Ilia was struck by many meteors as she struggled to stand. "FUCK! FUCKING ASSHOLES!" she cursed.

"HOLY!" Ilia was blasted with a shining light. "ARRGH!" She blocked it with her shield, but the impact sent her flying towards a large man with an eyepatch.

"Are you gonna put up much of a fight, I wonder?" He raised his blade and swung down. Ilia dodged out of the way, nearly avoiding getting cut in two.

"RRRAAAAAH!" Ilia screamed as she stabbed Cloud in the shoulder and snatched his Buster Sword from him and began to use Omnislash.

The man in the eyepatch was sent flying back into a faraway tree. "NO ONE CAN STOP ME!" Ilia unleashed a powerful shockwave that blew everyone away, including her Linky.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!" Ilia laughed evilly. Her vengeance was nearly complete!

But suddenly, a black light emerged from the ground and a being in a black cloak, holding a scythe, walked towards Ilia.

"Death…" Ilia whispered.

"Hello, Ilia." The grim reaper held up a hand. "I have come to grant you your mortality back."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ilia screamed in anguish as her mortality returned to her body. She began to feel the pain of the attacks upon her body grow stronger and fiercer. Then she went into a horrific spasm, her arms and legs jerking in an odd manner.

"AHAHHHAHAHARGHARHGGHRGHAHH!" Ilia cried out in tongues as she began to die. Everyone watched in horror, awe, delight, joy, pity, and empathy.

"BLAAAARGH!" Ilia's eyes bulged out as she feel back to the ground, dead.

Link got onto his knees, a smile in his eyes. "MMMPPFFF!" He cheered.

Everyone let out a roar of victory as they danced in joy. Ilia, was finally dead. She was no more!

Death walked over to Link and pulled out Ilia's sock from his mouth. "I'm sorry, young hero. I wish I could've gotten here sooner…"

"Well, you killed Ilia. That's all it matters." Link smiled. "Wanna go to my house and play some Fallout: New Vegas?"

"I would like that very much." Death's tone had a hint of happiness in it. Then he and Link and everyone went back to the house to celebrate Ilia's death.

Ilia's body lay there in a rotting heap. Then something moved inside her and burst out. "Oh, god! I'M FREE! I'M FINALLY FREEEEEE!" Navi shouted as she flew around the forest. "THANK GOD!" She then flew off to parts unknown, possibly on a new adventure.

The end.