AN: So, we've finally reached Draco's breaking point. It's going to get messy and this chapter is probably about as angst filled as they come. Hope you enjoy it!
Chapter Eleven
- June 4th -
Draco sighed softly as he opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling, trying desperately to forget the horrible images he had seen in his sleep. He had been plagued with dreams and worry all night and his eyes were now burning due to lack of rest. He glanced at the nightstand to see that it was only a few minutes after 7:00 am. He had slept for just over three hours. Deciding it was best to go back to sleep, he shifted to get more comfortable, then rolled towards Cedric.
His eyes grew wide at the sight before him. He sat up slowly, his heart clenching painfully in his chest as he stared down at his two lovers, sleeping together in a position that he didn't think could possibly be any more loving. This was the position that he usually woke up in every morning. That he and Cedric woke up in.
They were sharing a pillow, their foreheads pressed together and their lips only inches apart. Harry's left arm was still braced against his chest, but his right hand was being held tightly in Cedric's left, both hands held securely against the larger man's chest. Cedric's left hand was resting on Harry's hip, in what Draco saw as an almost possessive manner, and his left leg was tucked between Harry's knees.
Images from his dreams, or nightmares rather, flashed through Draco's head and he cringed and shut his eyes, unsuccessfully trying to block them out. He had dreamt of walking in on Cedric and Harry making love in his bed, both of them screaming in ecstasy. Even knowing now that it was only a dream, the memory of seeing them in each others arms, their bodies moving together in perfect rhythm, their voices calling out each others names, made his chest tighten and his stomach turn.
He didn't want to look at them again. He didn't want to see the trusting, worry free expression on Harry's face or the relaxed and peaceful look on Cedric's. But the sound of someone stirring caught his attention and he glanced over at them only to feel his stomach drop.
Cedric's hand was rubbing slow, gentle circles over Harry's hip. He sighed quietly and raised his head, his lips brushing over the brunet's forehead. He kissed him softly on his brow, his lips lingering for a few moments too many. Shifting closer to Harry, he nuzzled his cheek with his nose while his hand ran slowly up his side and back down, his fingertips tucking under the waistband of Harry's pajamas.
Harry moaned softly in his sleep.
Before he realized what he was doing, Draco sprang across the bed and grabbed Cedric's hand from Harry's hip, roughly throwing it away from the smaller man's body.
"What the -" Cedric opened his eyes and upon realizing that the person he was holding so close was Harry, he moved back slowly, careful not to wake him. He blinked in confusion, then his eyes finally raised to see a furious Draco kneeling on the bed on the other side of Harry. "Morning, love."
Draco glared daggers at him, then jumped out of bed, storming out of the room and slamming the door as hard as he could behind him.
He wanted to scream, he was so angry, but no sound would come out of his mouth. He wanted to storm out of the flat, leaving them to wonder what had happened to him, but he hadn't dressed, so that was not an option. So, left with few alternatives, he went to the kitchen to prepare some tea, not bothering to be quiet about it.
"What's going on?" Cedric asked from the doorway. He was tying his robe around his waist and frowning at Draco, watching as the blond slammed the teapot down onto the stove and turned on the burner.
"Nothing," Draco growled softly without turning to face him.
"Something is obviously bothering you. What happened?"
"Nothing, I'm fine."
"If you're so fine, then why are you acting like this?"
"Leave me alone."
"No. Something happened and I want to know what could put you in such a foul mood so early in the morning. Did you not sleep well?" Cedric walked into the kitchen and leaned against the table, knowing better than to try to touch the angry blond while he was in the middle of a tantrum.
"Not as well as you, apparently." Draco grabbed a mug from the cupboard and set it down with such force he was surprised it didn't shatter.
Cedric sighed and scratched at his hair. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Why don't you just go back to bed? I'm fine."
"You're not fine. You're being a git and I want to know why."
Draco spun around to face him, his grey eyes shining with fury. "You kissed him."
Cedric's eyes narrowed in anger at the accusation. "No, I didn't."
"Yes, you bloody well did! I just watched it happen, Cedric! You were touching him and cuddling him and you kissed him on the forehead like you normally kiss me and you didn't even fucking notice that it was someone else in your arms. You didn't notice that it wasn't my hand you were holding or that it wasn't my legs yours were tangled with." Draco looked away, tears of anger and hurt gathering in his eyes that he refused to let spill. "How could you not notice?"
Cedric was silent as he looked at him, unsure of what to say.
"You made him moan!" the blond suddenly yelled.
Cedric took a step back, his eyes wide in surprise, both at the accusations and Draco's reaction.
"Go away." Draco turned back to the stove and stared at the teapot.
"I was sleeping, Dray," Cedric said softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. I don't even remember it happening."
"Go…away."
Cedric watched him for a few moments, then turned and walked out of the room.
I am not going to cry over this. They can have each other for all I fucking care. I will not cry. With shaking hands, he grabbed the whistling kettle from the stove and slowly poured a cup of tea, being careful not to burn himself with the boiling water. Feeling exhausted and miserable, he sat down at the table and sipped it in silence.
He heard movement from the other room, so despite the fact that he wasn't even close to finished, he stood and washed out his cup, eager to be away from both of them. The door opened behind him and he heard the soft squeaking sound of Harry's wheelchair as he entered the room. "Good morning," he said cheerily.
At least someone's happy. Knowing that Harry was there for tea, but was unable to reach the mugs, Draco grabbed one and prepared a cup for him. He set it on the table before walking out without saying a word.
"Draco?" Harry called out.
There was a painful tightening in his chest as he silently kept walking.
"Don't be a prick to him because you're angry with me," Cedric said as Draco walked passed him.
Draco ignored him and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
He took an unusually long time to get ready that day. He showered for almost half an hour, took well over fifteen minutes to floss, brush and gargle, shaved, though he really didn't need to and spent almost forty five minutes washing his face and doing his hair. When he realized that there was no reasonable way that he could draw out his grooming any longer, he reluctantly left the bathroom and went to his closet to pick out some clothes.
Just as he sat down on the bed to put on his shoes, the bedroom door opened and Cedric walked in. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, blocking Draco's only escape. "Talk to me," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest.
Draco just continued with his shoes.
"You're being irrational, you know that?"
"You're entitled to your opinion," he said quietly, no emotion showing in his voice. He stood and went back into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. As soon as it shut, it opened again and Cedric entered.
Fighting his irritation, Draco pretended to examine his hair and clothes in the mirror.
"How can you possibly be this angry over something I did while I was asleep? It's not like I was fucking him or sucking him off or any of the other things the two of you have probably -"
"Enough!" Draco yelled as he turned to face him. He tried to ignore the roiling guilt in his stomach and the voice in the back of his head that told him that he was a cheating, hypocritical prick and Cedric had a point. "Just…stop," he begged as he pushed past him and went back to the bedroom.
"What the hell is your problem, Draco? Do you think he's going to try something? Do you think I'll let him? I wouldn't let him steal me from you, you should know that."
Draco's face paled at the thought of losing Cedric to Harry. His stomach clenched as flashes of his dreams came back to him. The image of Cedric holding Harry close, his fingers wound in thick, dark hair as they kissed and thrust against each other hit Draco like a freight train. He squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed against the nausea and panic that, lately, always seemed to be lurking right around the corner.
Cedric stilled. "Or do you think I'm going to steal him from you?"
His breath caught and his mouth went dry as he shook his head and pressed his palms to his still shut eyes.
Cedric was silent until finally, he let out a soft, bitter laugh. "I can't fucking believe this."
A long silence passed before Draco finally opened his eyes to look at the other man.
Cedric was staring at him in shock. "You do. You think I'm going to seduce your poor, innocent Harry and make him my lover." He cocked an eyebrow and plastered a mocking smile on his face. "But wouldn't that be ideal for you? I mean, if your boyfriend and your lover decide to fuck, then all your problems are solved. We can be one big, happy fucking family!"
"Stop it," Draco said softly, his breath coming back to him in a rush that made his head spin. "Don't turn this around on me."
"Where else am I supposed to turn it? Haven't you ever heard that the people most likely to accuse their significant others of cheating are the ones who do the cheating themselves?"
He has a point, you know. "You cheated first."
Cedric stopped breathing and his mouth fell open. "You can't be serious. You're really bringing that up right now? Do you even remember what caused me to cheat?"
Draco's eyes narrowed. "I didn't cause you to cheat! You couldn't keep your dick in your pants, that's what caused you to cheat."
"I cheated because you loved someone else."
"I loved you, you stupid fuck!"
"But not only me. It's never been only me." Cedric lowered his voice and stepped closer to him. "I admit, a small part of me suggested that he live here so I could see what would happen. I wanted to know what you would do…if you'd be able to keep your hands off of him. I wanted to prove to myself that I was enough for you."
"You were testing me," Draco stated in a cold voice.
"In a way, yes. But I also felt sorry for him. And as sad as it makes me, I'm not at all surprised that this is where we've ended up. I knew I wouldn't win, but I had to fucking try, Draco. I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't."
Draco rolled his eyes and snorted softly. "This is a fucking game to you?"
"Of course it's not!" Cedric was visibly trying to keep his composure, but was failing. Draco watched as his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides, again and again. He watched his nostrils flare and his cheeks flush. Part of him wanted to pull the man into his arms and kiss him until he stopped talking, until this stupid argument was forgotten and they were back to the way they were when Harry was in Germany.
But the other part of him accepted that there was no going back.
"I know that you love me," Cedric continued in a soft tone. "And I love you, too. But I can't compete with whatever it is that the two of you have together. You have a connection with him that you don't have with me and seeing it first hand is fucking killing me."
"You're the one who insisted he stay here."
Cedric took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "This argument is pointless. We're just going in circles."
"It's only pointless because you won't listen to me!" Draco shouted, pointing a shaking finger at his agitated boyfriend.
Cedric slapped his hand away and frowned at him. "Can you please just quit with the denial and accept it? 'Cause I'm tired of waiting for the day that you finally realize you love him and walk out on me."
Draco gave him a cold look and stepped back. "I wasn't planning on walking out on you, but if you really want me to that badly, I could probably arrange something."
Cedric clenched his fists in anger and frustration. "Why do you always have to be like this? First you're screaming and angry and hurt, now you're sarcastic and bitter and unfeeling. Why can't we have a serious conversation for once without you turning into a fucking Malfoy?"
Draco growled in anger. "I am a fucking Malfoy! And if that really bothers you as much as it seems to, then I think we may have a slight problem here!"
"You know what I mean."
"No, I don't. So why don't you try saying what you mean. Break it down for me…and use little words since you think I'm so bloody stupid."
Cedric clenched his jaw and rubbed at his weary eyes. "You are completely blowing everything out of proportion." He sighed softly and looked up into stormy grey eyes. "You're blaming me for something that I did while I was unconscious for fucks sake. And while I may understand why your feelings are hurt, and for that I am truly sorry, what I don't understand is why all of a sudden the loving, caring man that I fell in love with has vanished and you're now putting it all on my shoulders. You're destroying everything that we've worked so hard to build together over the last eight months and all over something stupid like a kiss on the forehead that meant nothing."
Draco's eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me it meant nothing. I saw it, Cedric."
Cedric took a step toward him, his face angrier than Draco had ever seen it. "If you want our relationship to end because you want to be with him instead, that's fine, but stop fucking blaming this morning for why everything is falling apart! It was falling apart before that and we both know it."
"If you were so fucking miserable with me, why didn't you just fucking leave then?" Draco hissed.
Cedric sighed and pressed his fists against his eyes. "I thought we were worth fighting for. And I thought you agreed."
"Well, maybe I don't agree. Maybe I don't love you. Maybe I never did."
Cedric's breath hitched as he backed away, his hazel eyes flashing with anger and sorrow. He stared hard at him for a moment, then turned and headed for the door. "I don't want to talk to you right now. Not while you're like this." He walked out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Draco couldn't move. Oh God…I didn't mean to say that! Why the fuck did I say that? Letting his heavy head fall, he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and tried to breathe through the constricting pain in his chest. He flinched when he heard the front door slam, signaling Cedric's departure. He took a few steps back until he felt the wall pressing into his back and he slowly slid himself to the floor. He hugged his legs to his chest and pressed his face into his knees, holding his breath as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. It was only a matter of minutes before he lost the battle.
He was sitting, slouched dejectedly against the wall, staring blankly at the carpet when a soft knock came at the door. He sniffled softly and wiped at his still tearing eyes.
"Draco? Are you alright?" Harry called softly.
Without a word, he glanced at the door next to him and slowly raised a trembling hand to lock it. He let his head fall back against the wall with a soft thud and took a deep, stuttering breath.
"Draco?" Harry knocked again, this time a little louder.
"Go away," he whispered so softly that he knew Harry couldn't hear him. His voice was raw, his throat burning from the heavy sobs that had wracked his body for nearly half an hour.
"Can I bring you anything?" Harry asked, his voice soft and full of concern.
Draco cleared his throat and winced at the stinging pain. He really wanted some water, but he knew that Harry couldn't help him with that, and would most likely still attempt it and end up hurting himself in the process, so he stayed silent.
"Well…I'll just…I'll be right here if you need me."
Silence fell on the room and somehow, knowing that Harry was waiting for him on the other side of the door eased the pain in his heart just a tiny bit.
"How long has he been in there?"
Draco rubbed his tired, itchy eyes and raised his head, slightly perking up at the sound of Cedric's voice. His neck was screaming in protest of the position it had been stuck in for who knew how many hours, but he didn't care. Cedric was home.
"Since you left. He hasn't said a word and he won't let me in."
"Have you been sitting here the whole time?"
"Yes," Harry admitted without hesitation.
Draco stretched his long legs out in front of him and rubbed his neck. His body was aching, his legs mostly numb from lack of movement.
"Do you have a key?" Harry asked.
"No. Never thought to ask for one. He's never locked himself in before."
"Maybe we should just let him be for now," Harry suggested.
"Maybe." Cedric didn't sound so sure.
"Why's he so upset anyway? I could hear you both shouting, but I couldn't make out much."
"It doesn't matter." The sad, tired sound of Cedric's voice made Draco's heart hurt.
"Are you alright?"
Cedric sighed softly. "No, but I'll get over it. I always do."
Having had enough of listening to them, Draco reached over and unlocked the door.
Immediately, the knob turned and the door slowly swung open, but not one of them moved.
"Draco?" Harry finally said when the silence became too overwhelming for them all.
Draco raised his chin and looked up into concerned green eyes. He felt a pang of regret that he had made Harry worry about him, but he was emotionally exhausted and couldn't hold onto the feeling for long. All of his remaining energy was being used up feeling sorry. He was so much sorrier than he could remember being in years, but he still couldn't make himself look at Cedric. He didn't want to see that pain again and he knew if he looked, it would still be there. He could hear it in his voice.
"Harry, why don't you go into the kitchen and eat your soup before it gets cold? I already set it out for you."
Harry held Draco's stare for a few seconds longer, then nodded and slowly headed towards the kitchen.
Cedric finally entered the room, closing the door softly behind him. He crouched in front of Draco and reached out to tuck his hair behind his ears.
"I didn't mean it," Draco whispered, his eyes tearing up again.
"I know. But you said it."
Draco nodded and looked down at his shaking hands. "I don't know why I say the things I say or do the things I do. The only excuse I have is that it's how I was raised, but I don't think it's really fair to blame my childhood."
Cedric sat down on the floor in front of him and listened.
"My father, he…he doesn't love me." He swiped his hand quickly at his eyes and took a deep, painful breath. "I worshiped the ground he walked on when I was a child. It took until I was twenty three for me to realize what kind of man he really is and that I don't want to end up like him. But maybe it's too late. Maybe I'm already too much like him and that's why I keep hurting you so badly." He covered his face with his hands and choked back his tears.
"No, I don't think that's true." Cedric softly stroked his hair. "You were never exposed to loving relationships. You were only exposed to your father's harsh words. So when you feel threatened, that's your safe place. That's where you're most comfortable."
"I don't want to be like that."
Cedric leaned forward and kissed the top of his head. "I know, love. You'll just have to work at it."
"Will you be here while I do?" He finally looked up and as expected, saw the raw pain that shone in Cedric's watery hazel eyes. He knew immediately what his answer would be.
"No," he said softly.
Draco's heart thundered in his chest. "But…but it's my birthday tomorrow. You can't leave me on my birthday. It was just a fight and you know I really didn't mean any of it and I'm so sorry, you have to believe that. You can't leave after just one fight." It was more than that and you know it.
"Draco," Cedric said softly, his voice pleading and quiet. He opened his mouth to say something else, but shook his head and said nothing.
Draco could feel his sense of desperation growing, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. His father's voice was clear in his head, angrily reminding him that Malfoy's don't beg. He ignored it, cursing the man who had given him his name and he told himself that if begging was what he had to do, then that was what he would do. He took a deep breath and reached out to grip Cedric's shaking hand.
"I have to leave."
Draco went on as if Cedric had not spoken. "Give me one more chance. If you stay, I'll find new arrangements for Harry and then I'll never see him again. I'll call Ron and Hermione and have them come home or I'll talk to Pansy and Blaise…I'm sure they'll help us figure something out."
"This isn't just about Harry."
"But it's partially about him?"
Cedric said nothing, confirming Draco's suspicions.
"Just…please don't go, Cedric. Stay with me just a little longer. Please."
Cedric looked away as he started to cry. "I'm sorry, Draco."
Hearing the breaking sound in Cedric's voice, Draco finally began to accept that this time, he had gone too far and hurt him too deeply to be forgiven. He nodded in understanding and looked away. His shoulders shook as he bit down hard on his lip, trying to hold in the newest batch of tears that struggled to get out.
Cedric moved to his side and slid an arm around him, pulling him against him. "I love you so much," he whispered into his hair. "And maybe this won't be forever. Maybe I can come back after we've spent some time apart." He kissed his temple and held tighter. "I just can't do this now."
Draco nodded as he clung to him, his fingers bunched in his shirt and his face pressed tightly into his neck. He tried to breathe him in, to move closer, to hold tighter, but he was so weak. "I love you," he mumbled softly against his skin. "I'm so sorry, Cedric. I love you…I really do. So much."
"I believe you," Cedric whispered, then he pressed a soft kiss to the blond's temple.
Draco let out a sob and burrowed tighter into his neck.
The strength of Cedric's hold on him increased as he rocked him gently and made soft shushing noises, trying to calm him.
It's over…it's finally over and it's all my fault. I knew it would be my fault in the end, I think we both did. I will never forgive myself.
I will never forgive Harry.
When he awoke, he was lying in bed alone. It was dark outside and he could hear the rain tapping gently against the windowpane. He left. You're all alone now because Cedric finally left you like he should have done long ago. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, wishing he could turn back time and kick himself in the teeth to stop from saying something so utterly stupid and hurtful.
"Draco?"
I don't want to see you. He rolled onto his side, away from Harry's voice.
"You need to eat something. Cedric made dinner before he…left. He told me to make sure you ate." Harry rolled his chair closer to the bed.
More reason not to eat anything.
"Will you please talk to me?"
No.
Harry looked down at his hands and sighed softly. "I'm sorry if I had anything to do with this. I didn't want to mess up your relationship. I admit I was jealous and there were times that I wished he wasn't around, but Cedric was really nice to me and he made you happy."
"Get out." Draco was surprised to hear himself speak, he certainly hadn't been planning to say anything.
"No. You shouldn't be alone right now."
With you…I shouldn't be alone with you.
"I'll just sit here quietly then, if you don't want to talk."
"Of course I don't want to talk and especially not to you!" Draco sat up and glared down at him. "The love of my life just walked out the fucking door because you couldn't sleep in your own bloody bed for one night."
Harry's face paled and he pushed himself back, away from Draco's angry stare. "I…I didn't…I had a nightmare. I wasn't trying anything with Cedric, I just…"
"What? Couldn't stand going more than a few hours without someone touching you? That starved for attention are you?"
Harry recoiled as if he had been slapped. "This isn't my fault."
Draco glared down at him. "Just leave me alone."
Harry's face darkened and he frowned. "Fine." He turned around, pulling his casted arm from his sling so he could use both hands to quickly roll himself to his room.
The urge to argue was still there, so Draco got out of bed and stormed down the hall. He threw open the door to the brunet's room. "And why the hell did you have to make friends with him anyway? Things were fine before, just the way they were."
Harry snorted softly. "Things were not fine, Draco. They were never fine. You used him to get over me and he fell in love with you despite the fact that you're a manipulative, egotistical prick! And that wasn't fair. Not to him."
"And what about me?"
"You did this to yourself."
Draco stomped over to Harry's chair and leaned over so they were face to face, resting his hands on the arms of the wheelchair. "I would have thought you would be thrilled when he walked out the door. Now you can have me all to yourself."
Harry's glare faltered, but he pressed his lips together and raised his chin. "Who says that I even want you anymore?"
Draco flinched.
Harry stared at him, then looked down at his hands. He fiddled with the loose sling and slowly slid it over his head and threw it on the bed.
Draco stepped back and folded his arms over his chest. "Do you?"
Curious green eyes came up to look at him.
"Still want me," Draco clarified.
Harry just looked at him for a moment then took a deep breath. "Always."
Draco watched the many emotions that read in Harry's eyes and felt his anger receding. After a long bout of silence, he realized that he was holding his breath and he slowly let it out. "Alright then."
Harry gave him a small, confused smile and sat up straighter.
"I…" Draco blushed and looked away from him. "I should probably eat something." He turned and headed for the kitchen. "Coming?"
Harry's small smile grew as he followed.
*.*.*.*
- June 5th -
"Happy birthday!"
Draco blinked against the harsh sunlight that suddenly flooded his room. "What the fuck?" He covered his face with his arm and groaned.
"Wake up, darling!" Pansy jumped onto the bed and crawled over to him. She pulled the pillow from over his head and tossed it on the floor.
Draco growled softly and squinted up at her. "I am so not in the mood, Pans."
"Bah," she said, waving a hand at him. "Blaise is helping Harry get dressed and we're all going out."
"What part of 'not in the mood' are you having trouble understanding?"
Pansy laughed and grabbed his arm, forcing him into a sitting position. "You're such a downer, Draco. Get up, get up, get up!"
"I hate you." He pulled his arm free and climbed out of bed. "What the hell are you doing here so early?"
"Early? It's almost one o'clock."
Draco raised an eyebrow in surprise and turned around to glance at the clock.
"What did you get up to last night that has you sleeping so late?"
"Harry and I just watched a bunch of old movies and…" His voice trailed off as his eyes fell on Cedric's red sweater which was lying on the dresser. He swallowed hard and reached out a hand, running his fingers lightly over the soft material.
Pansy stood from the bed and walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his back. "I am so sorry, Dray."
He cleared his throat and nodded. "Harry told you?"
She nodded against him. "Don't be angry with him. We drilled him a bit when we saw the state of the kitchen and living room. I knew there would be no way you would live in such filth unless something devastating had happened."
Devastating…that's the perfect word for it.
"So…where are we going?" He gently pulled away from her and began to dress, eager to change the subject.
"I thought we'd go to lunch and maybe take in a ballet."
He rolled his eyes. "I may be gay, but I'm not that gay. Besides…I don't think that's really Harry's thing."
She laughed. "I was only kidding anyway. I would never subject either of you to that. Or myself for that matter. It's bad enough when Blaise drags me to see that nonsense."
"You married a snob," Draco laughed.
She shrugged and smiled. "But he's my snob."
Draco dressed quickly, for once not too concerned with his appearance, then he followed her out to the living room where they found Blaise and Harry chatting comfortably together.
"So what's the plan?" Draco asked Blaise.
"Right now, lunch," Blaise said as he stood. "I'm starving."
"Just make sure it's someplace that has a large soup selection," Draco said as he gathered his wallet and keys from the coffee table.
Harry smiled softly at his back, a slight blush on his cheeks.
Pansy shook her head and sighed as she observed the exchange.
"Are we ready?" Draco took hold of the handles on Harry's chair and started pushing him towards the door. "I'm thinking Italian."
"You read my mind," Harry agreed.
Pansy, Blaise and Harry did their best to keep Draco's spirits up throughout the day. He only faltered a few times during their afternoon together, but he was always quick to snap out of it.
They ate a quiet lunch at Draco's father's restaurant then spent a few hours shopping. No matter how many times they asked him, Draco insisted that he didn't want to do anything special for his birthday and that he was quite content to just hang out with them and spend some money. A lot of money.
Sometime around four, Harry dozed off in his chair, so Draco said his goodbyes to his friends and started the short walk home.
As he was tucking the brunet into bed, there was a soft knock on the front door. He finished adjusting the blankets and pillows around Harry's broken limbs, then hurried to open the door, staring in shock when he found Cedric waiting on the other side.
"You don't have to knock," Draco said as he stood back, holding the door open for him. He was surprised he could speak through the knot that had formed in his throat at the sight of him.
Cedric gave him a nervous smile. "I didn't want to assume anything." He walked in, hesitating briefly before leaning over to place a soft kiss at the corner of the blond's mouth.
Draco sighed at the contact and let his eyes flutter shut. I miss you already.
"I wanted to bring you this." He held out a gift wrapped in red paper with a silver bow. "It's not much, but I thought of you when I saw it."
Draco went into the living room and sat down, holding the gift in his lap and staring down at it in silence. He didn't want to unwrap it yet. He wanted to draw out this visit as long as possible.
"What happened in here?" Cedric asked as he looked around the living room, taking note of empty beer bottles, ashtrays full of cigarette butts, candy wrappers and empty cereal bowls.
Draco smiled fondly at the memory of the night before. "Harry was trying to cheer me up. Apparently, cereal, tobacco and Jimmy Stewart movies do the trick for him, so he thought I should give it a try. So I did."
Cedric looked at him with nervous eyes. "How'd that work out for you?"
Draco shrugged. "I made it through the night in one piece, though it doesn't really feel like it." He rubbed gently at his still aching chest.
Cedric cleared his throat and sat down next to him. "Did you have a good day today?"
"It would be a better day if you'd come home."
"I can't do that. Not right now."
"Right." Draco looked back down at the gift. He ran his fingers over the shiny bow and found himself wondering if this would be the last gift he ever received from Cedric. The sudden thought made him unbearably sad, so he set the gift on the table. "Do you mind if I open it later? I'd like to save it."
"Sure."
An awkward silence filled the room.
"Do you hate me?" Cedric asked.
"What? No! How could you even ask that?"
Cedric shrugged and leaned back into the couch. "I don't know. I just woke up this morning with a fear that you did. It scared me. I thought about you all day today."
Draco smiled and leaned back next to him, pressing their shoulders together. "Me too. I missed you last night."
Cedric was silent for a long time before he finally spoke. "Did you…sleep alone?"
Draco fought the urge to get angry and nodded. "Yes."
Cedric nodded, but said nothing.
They fell back into silence. Draco shifted closer and carefully rested his head on Cedric's shoulder, fully prepared to be pushed away. He held his breath for a moment, then slowly moved his hand to touch Cedric's.
With a soft sigh, Cedric took Draco's hand in his, lacing their fingers together and holding tightly.
Draco almost cried at the feel of it. But he had had enough of crying to last him a lifetime, so he just closed his eyes, basking in the contact.
"How's Harry doing?" Cedric suddenly asked.
Draco raised his head and looked over at him. "He's alright. He took off the sling and refuses to put it back on even though it makes his shoulder hurt. He gets around easier without it."
Cedric nodded.
"We had a long talk about Oliver last night. Apparently, he had decided to not press charges."
"What?"
Draco nodded. "I think I convinced him to change his mind. If not, I'll have Ron and Hermione talk to him when they get home."
"I'll talk to him, too if you need me to."
Draco frowned as he looked at his ex. "Why do you try so hard with him? Why did you take such good care of him if he was such a threat to you?"
"Because he matters to you."
Draco swallowed through the lump in his throat. He wanted to kiss him, but he knew his advances would not be welcome, so he bit his lip and sat back enough to ease his craving. "You always were too good for me."
Cedric smiled sadly. "Maybe."
Draco laughed and squeezed his hand.
"Did you know his parents died?"
Draco's smile faded fast and he stared at Cedric in shock. "What? No, I didn't know that."
"They died when he was only a baby. He was raised by his aunt and uncle. They were pretty horrible to him."
Why didn't he tell me that?
"They had a boy his age. Tormented him on a daily basis and they never did anything to stop it."
"What…when did he tell you this?"
"That night…before you got home. He just started rambling and it all came out. He lived with them for fourteen years until he found his godfather and went to live with him. Sirius Black. He was his father's best friend and he went into a deep depression when James and Lily died so he was in no condition to take care of a baby."
James and Lily…I didn't even know their names. But he told Cedric. Why would he tell him and not me?
"He thinks you pity him."
Draco looked at him in confusion. "I don't pity him."
"I told him that. But he just doesn't think it's possible that you might love him."
"I don't love him." Are you sure about that? He swallowed hard at the thought. "I love you."
Cedric gave him a disbelieving look. "Draco…it is possible to love two people at the same time."
He shook his head as his eyes began to well up. "Can we not talk about this right now?" He moved closer to the sandy haired man and wrapped his arms around him. He pressed his face into his neck and breathed in his scent. "I just want to be close to you for a few minutes. Please just let me be close to you."
Cedric breathed deeply and brought his arms up to hold him. "I have to go soon."
"Just a few minutes," Draco mumbled. He burrowed closer to him, shutting his eyes tight and trying to memorize the feel of Cedric's fingers stroking softly against his back and his soft hair pressing against his face.
They sat in silence, holding each other close as four o'clock turned to five o'clock and five faded into six.
"I really have to go." Cedric kissed him softly on the head and gently untangled himself.
Draco's heart stopped and he inhaled sharply. He managed a small nod.
"I'll call you in a few days. Maybe we can have dinner or something."
He forced a smile and nodded. "I'd like that."
"Happy birthday, Dray." Cedric leaned over and kissed his forehead, then turned and hurried out of the flat, closing the door behind him without looking back once.
Draco had never felt so alone in his entire life. He stared at the closed door for a long time before getting up and moving towards Harry's room, looking for a distraction from the pain.
What else don't I know about him? He went inside and stood next to the bed, staring down at the brunet as he slept peacefully. Is it pity that I feel? Do I love him? He shook off that last thought, not ready to think about it yet, though the sudden painful throbbing in his chest told him that the answer might not be what he wanted it to be.
With slow, careful movements, he climbed onto the bed and crawled over to Harry's side. He stretched out beside him, lying down and resting his head on the sleeping man's chest. He closed his eyes and listened to the quiet sound of Harry's steady heartbeat, letting it lull him into a relaxed state.
"Draco?"
He didn't move, but he exhaled softly, feeling tears again pricking at his eyes.
Harry's hand came up to gently rest on the back of his neck. He stroked his hair and skin and pressed a kiss to his hair. "What's wrong?"
Draco just shook his head. "I feel so empty."
Harry's hold on him tightened.
Draco shivered at the feel of Harry's hand running slowly over his neck and through his hair. He sighed softly, then turned his head up and stared into worried green eyes. "I want you too," he finally said.
Harry smiled at him.
Draco turned, raising himself up onto his elbows and leaned over to kiss him. It started slow and gentle, little pecks on the lips and cheeks, soft touches and whispered sighs. He ran his lips over Harry's face and to his ear, loving the feel of his soft skin and the smell of his soap. He lightly ran his tongue over the shell of his ear, tracing it slowly as his fingers drew lazy lines over the smaller man's chest and stomach.
Harry tilted his head to the side, giving Draco access to his neck and moaned softly when lips and tongue caressed him.
As Draco sucked and licked at the throat that was so trustingly presented to him, he felt the pain in his heart slowly melt away to be replaced by desire. He knew what he wanted, even if only at that moment and he was going to take it. He sat up and smiled down at Harry. "I'll be right back." He jumped off the bed and hurried from the room, returning just seconds later. Quickly pulling his shirt off, he climbed back onto the bed and straddled Harry's hips. He leaned in to kiss him, rocking his hips slowly and moaning at the feel of Harry's cock hardening beneath him.
Harry ran his fingers down Draco's arm, then back up again, over his shoulder and up into his hair. He gripped a handful and gently pulled, forcing his head back.
Draco sighed and closed his eyes when Harry placed a gentle kiss on his throat, his shoulder, his neck, his ear. Unable to stand it any longer, he turned his face and pressed their mouths together, silently cursing the wire that kept their kisses from becoming all that they should be. "Harry," he said softly against his lips while blindly reaching down and pressing something into the brunet's hand.
Harry pulled back and looked down at the bottle of lube that now rested in his hand. Brow furrowed in confusion, he looked back up at the blond.
Draco blushed and leaned in to kiss him again. "I want you to make love to me," he whispered, his voice shaking with nervous excitement.
Harry's eyes widened in surprise. "Are you sure?"
Draco nodded and slowly licked Harry's chapped lips. "Yes." He ran his tongue lightly down Harry's throat and to his bare chest. Grazing his teeth gently over a nipple, he reached down between them, sliding his hand into the other man's boxers and finding him harder than he had ever felt him before. He moaned at the feel of it and shivered at the idea of having it inside of him.
Harry squirmed under his touch, breathing deeply and groaning at every stroke. His hand shook as he ran his fingers through Draco's silky hair. "Alright," he finally agreed, then he hissed and arched his back as he was engulfed by the blond's warm, wet mouth.
Draco sucked him hard, but only for a moment, he didn't want him to come too quickly after all. He ran his tongue up the sides and circled the head, looking up to watch Harry watching him. He pulled back and smiled at the look of pure desire that flashed back at him.
"Come here," Harry said, his voice low and husky with want. He pursed his lips as he watched Draco slowly crawl back up the bed towards him.
Draco sat back on his knees and helped Harry remove his boxers before laying down beside him and pulling his own clothes off. He turned into the brunet's waiting arms and kissed him as he rolled, pulling Harry onto him and settling him between his legs. Their erections pressed tightly together and he let out a low moan as Harry began to move on top of him.
"You are beautiful," Harry whispered.
Draco's hands moved down Harry's back to his arse. He dug his fingers into the firm muscles and pulled him tighter against him, increasing the speed and pressure of their movements.
"Wait," Harry said softly as he sat back on his knees.
The blond groaned at the loss of contact and shifted restlessly.
Harry repositioned himself, sitting down between Draco's legs and stretching out his casted leg. Once comfortable, his eyes moved over Draco's pale, flawless skin. His hand reached out and lightly caressed his thighs, pushing them further apart.
Draco was trembling. He was anxious and excited and scared and more aroused than he had ever been. He picked up the lube from where Harry had dropped it next to him and pushed it at the smaller man.
With a soft laugh, Harry took the bottle and poured some onto his fingers. He rubbed his fingers together, warming it, then he brought his green eyes up to meet grey. His breath came faster when he saw the longing look on Draco's face. "I never dared imagine it would actually happen," he admitted with a small smile. "But I've always wanted this." His hand moved up between the blond's parted legs and he gently stroked a finger over his opening. His breath caught when he looked back up into passion filled eyes.
Draco's eyes were wide and a low moan escaped his lips as he watched Harry touch him. Seeing the look of amazement on the brunet's face was more than he had expected and it caused a deep burn to start in the pit of his stomach. "Harry," he whimpered softly. God, how he wanted him. How he wanted this.
Harry pushed the tip of his finger inside, watching Draco's face for any signs of discomfort or pain. When he saw none, he was encouraged to go further and pushed slowly inside, all the way. He bent over and ran his lips over the head of Draco's cock.
Draco's breath caught in his throat and he wanted to scream at the sensation of finally having Harry touch him like he was. The feel of his finger moving inside him wasn't as uncomfortable as it had been when he was with Blaise, but he chalked that up to their inexperience. This…this was heaven.
Harry groaned softly when Draco experimentally clenched his muscles down around his finger, letting out an involuntary gasp as he did so. He chuckled quietly at the blond's reaction and looked up at him. "Feel good?"
Draco couldn't speak, so he nodded his head once and exhaled hard through his nose.
"Tell me when you're ready for more," Harry said, then leaned over and continued lavishing attention on the blond's perfect cock.
Draco gasped and arched his back when Harry's lips pressed against the underside of his erection, tracing slowly over the ridge between head and shaft. "More," he breathed softly.
Harry pushed in a second finger and stilled at the sound of Draco's soft cry. He looked up at him with fearful eyes. "Did I hurt you?"
Draco closed his eyes and breathed deeply. "No." He hadn't been expecting the stinging burn that had come with the second finger, but it didn't really hurt. It was mostly just uncomfortable. He wiggled his hips to test himself and found that the discomfort was already gone. He opened his eyes and smiled at Harry. "Keep going."
"Are you sure?"
Draco clenched his muscles down tight and groaned. "Yes. Keep going."
Harry moved his fingers faster and soon, added a third finger.
"Fuck." Draco threw his head back on the pillow and sucked in a lung full of air.
"I can stop."
"Don't you fucking dare."
Harry buried his face in Draco's thigh to hide his smirk at the blond's look of death, then continued preparing him.
Draco groaned and moaned and writhed on the bed, gasping and grunting and crying out Harry's name. He was ready. He was so far passed ready that he thought he might actually combust if Harry didn't get on with it soon. His orgasm was already sneaking up on him and he panted heavily as he tried to contain it, but it was a fruitless struggle. "Harry…stop or I'll…fuck…Harry…"
"If you come first, you won't be as tight and it won't hurt as badly."
"I don't want…" He arched his back and let out a sharp cry when Harry's fingers brushed against his prostate. "Holy hell. Do that again."
Harry stilled his hand and gave him an evil smile. "Make up your mind, Draco. Do you want my fingers or my cock?"
Draco breathed deeply, trying to force his brain to work. "Your cock," he finally said. "Please. Now. I can't wait any longer."
Harry slowly removed his fingers and sat back up on his knees. "Give me that pillow." He motioned to the unused pillow on the other side of the bed.
Draco grabbed it and tossed it at him, then raised his hips, knowing Harry's intentions.
Harry slid the pillow under him to elevate his hips. "Are you sure you want this?" he asked as he positioned himself.
Draco nodded frantically. "God, yes."
Harry leaned forward, holding himself up on his good hand, and kissed him lightly. He reached down with his casted hand and guided himself in, pushing slowly.
Draco's eyes grew wide and he let out a long, hissing sound as Harry sank deep into him. Jesus Christ. This is it. This is what I've been waiting for. He couldn't help the small whimper that escaped as he pressed his lips to Harry's and kissed him.
"Draco," Harry whispered as he continued to push forward. His arm shook with the strain of holding himself up.
Draco wrapped his arms around the trembling brunet and pulled him down on top of him so they rested chest to chest. He gasped for air as they both lay there, completely still.
Harry breathed heavily in his ear, then slowly raised his head to look down at him with eyes wide with amazement. "You feel so good," he whispered.
Draco's hands were shaking as he brought them up to cup Harry's flushed face. He ran his thumbs lightly over the healing bruises then followed the same path with his lips. He sighed softly as his mouth finally met Harry's and they kissed.
Harry started with small, shallow thrusts, pausing in between to give Draco time to adjust to the feel of him. His eyes were glued to the blond as he watched every expression that fluttered across his face.
Once the initial burning passed, Draco tentatively began to push back against him, reminding himself to breathe through the pleasure.
Harry's breath was blowing in quick puffs against his cheek. "Are you alright?"
Draco nodded against him and swallowed the lump that suddenly developed in his throat. When did I become so bloody emotional?
"Is it all that you remembered?" Harry whispered against his ear.
It's better. It's so much fucking better. Draco shook his head. "This is…" He shook his head again and raised his face to kiss him. "I've never felt…this."
Harry kissed his blushing cheeks and began thrusting faster. "Me neither."
Draco ran his hands over Harry's hard body, feeling every muscle and every inch of skin that he could reach, but it wasn't enough. He pushed his hips up, wanting him deeper and harder and faster, but his voice failed him again and again and he was unable to ask. Never had he felt so out of control. And he knew that he would never again be like this with anyone else.
Harry raised himself up onto his knees and moved faster. His eyes traveled over the writhing body beneath him and his hips pushed harder, deeper, as if they knew instinctively what the other wanted.
"Yes," Draco whispered as his eyes fell shut so he could better concentrate on the feel of Harry's cock sliding in and out of him. It was different than any feeling he had ever felt. He felt whole. He felt full.
"I dreamed of this," Harry said softly as he gripped his thighs. "I dreamed of being in you…seeing you…just like this. My dreams were nothing compared to reality."
Draco opened his eyes to look up into shining emerald. There was a tightening in his groin and he gasped when Harry changed up his angle and hit the mark. "There," he whispered, bucking his hips hard against him. He hadn't thought the pleasure could become any more intense, but oh, how wrong he was. "Right… there." He bit down on his lip and his hand slid down to stroke at his aching cock.
Harry held tightly to him as he pushed again and again, keeping his rhythm steady and his aim accurate. "I want to feel you come around me," Harry told him as he pumped faster and harder.
Draco couldn't breathe. He wrapped his legs tighter around Harry's thighs, trying to pull him closer as a strange feeling of drowning began to overwhelm him. I'm going to die…holy shit…I can't fucking breathe… I'm going…to… He threw his head back and let out a choked, breathless cry, his hips bucking erratically, his entire body completely out of his control as he came violently, explosively, all over his chest and stomach. White light flooded his vision and he opened his mouth to scream or to breathe or to say Harry's name…he wasn't really sure which. He just knew that this was what he wanted to feel for the rest of his life. This was perfection.
He was brought back to himself when he felt Harry's fingers digging sharply into his legs, his hips pounding into him, almost brutally. He opened his eyes and smiled tiredly up at the flushing, panting man who was staring back at him, his face tense with his oncoming orgasm. Draco clenched his muscles again and again and moaned softly at the slight aftershocks that rippled through him. "Harry," he whispered and he reached out a hand to touch his face.
Harry's mouth fell open and he pressed his cheek into Draco's hand as he shuddered, coming hard inside of him with a long, deep moan. His hips rocked slowly and he turned his face to press a kiss to the pale, shaking hand that stroked his cheek. When he was finally spent, he turned back to Draco and lowered himself onto him. A tired smile spread over his face as he pressed their foreheads together.
Draco breathed deeply as he ran his hands slowly up and down Harry's sweat covered back. He sighed in contentment. "I didn't want it to end," he whispered.
"Me neither," Harry whispered back to him. He kissed Draco's forehead, his closed eyelids, his nose and each cheek, before brushing his lips softly against the blond's. "Draco…I have to tell you something. It's something that I've been meaning to say for a really long time and…"
"What is it?"
Harry sucked in a nervous breath and pressed his face into Draco's neck. "Draco, I…I -"
Draco gasped as he glanced at the open bedroom door. "Cedric."
Harry raised his head and looked over to see Cedric backing slowly away from the door. "Cedric," he said softly, a hint of sadness in his voice.
Draco pushed Harry off of him and grabbed his pants, almost tripping as he pulled them on. He ran from the room, catching up with his ex-boyfriend just as he was reaching for the front door.
"You said I didn't have to knock," Cedric said softly.
Draco grabbed his arm and turned him around. "Cedric," he said quietly when he saw the tears that were streaming down his face. "It's not…it's just…"
Cedric snorted softly and wiped at his face with his sleeve. "I should have known really. I all but pushed you at him by leaving, didn't I?"
"No, you…" Draco didn't know what to say. "I was sad and lonely. I just…" His shoulders slumped and he sighed heavily, annoyed at his inability to say anything meaningful.
"I don't know why I'm so upset." Cedric frowned as he wiped at the tears that just wouldn't stop. "I mean, you haven't touched me since you found out what happened to him and…I know you were with him that first day, so this shouldn't surprise me." He finally looked up at him. "But it does. I just…I know this is going to sound selfish and petty, but…I can't believe you let him…do that. Why him and not me? Didn't you trust me enough or…" His head fell and he started to cry harder. "Never mind…it doesn't matter."
Draco stepped forward and tried to pull him into his arms.
Cedric put a hand on his chest and weakly pushed at him. "Don't!"
Shocked at his outburst, Draco stepped back.
Cedric wiped at his face and straightened his clothes. He smoothed down his hair and breathed deeply, trying to regain control of his emotions. Finally, when he was calmer, he looked at Draco. "I had meant to pick up a few things while I was here earlier, but being with you had gotten me all…flustered and I forgot. So…"
"You can get them now," Draco said softly. He had given up completely on fixing this. He knew there wasn't a chance in hell that Cedric was ever going to come back to him now. Not after witnessing what he had just witnessed.
"No, I…I'll come back when you're not here." He turned and walked out of the flat, shutting the door quietly behind him, which Draco couldn't help but think was actually worse than slamming it.
"I'm sorry," Harry said softly from behind him.
Draco just stood motionless, staring at the door.
Harry moved closer. "This is my fault."
"Yes. It is." Draco was surprised by the lack of emotion in his voice.
A long, drawn out silence stretched over them, until Harry finally turned his chair and headed back towards his room. "I'm going to bed," he said softly, then he left the room without another word.
Draco couldn't bring himself to go back to his bedroom. He didn't want to spend another night alone in there. So he slowly made his way over to the couch and collapsed onto it, burying his face in his hands.
He didn't sleep. He lay awake all night listening to the faint sound of Harry sobbing, then talking to someone, then sobbing some more. There were bouts of silence, but they never lasted long, usually ending with a scream followed by more crying. Every terror filled scream caused Draco to flinch. Every sob made his chest ache and the need to comfort him almost overwhelm him. But he didn't comfort him. He just let him cry.
He rubbed his tired eyes and turned to face the back of the couch, hoping that a change of position would allow him to sleep. It didn't.
*.*.*.*
TBC…
AN: Sorry to all of you who were hoping this story was going to go in the direction of a threesome. I admit, the idea was tempting! Thanks for reading!