AN: Ah…more from our good friend Drama…hope you all enjoy!
Chapter Fourteen
- February 3rd -
Draco stood, leaning against the living room wall of Number 12, Grimmauld Place and silently watched the mourners as they talked quietly amongst themselves. He had sat with his mother during the service, holding her hand and passing her clean tissues every few minutes, but as ashamed as he was to admit it, he hadn't been able to take his eyes off Harry.
Harry had put on weight and it suited him. He was no longer the weak, bony, broken man that Draco had taken care of all those months ago. Instead he looked strong and healthy. His once pale skin was darker than it had been, most likely due to the time spent in South America and Australia. And his jet black hair was shorter and a bit neater than before, though it would never be tame and Draco was glad for that. All in all, he was the same man whose memory he had clung to for over six months now, he was just twice as beautiful as he had been. Except his eyes. His eyes were dull and empty.
They had made eye contact briefly at the service. Harry had walked up to the podium to give Sirius's eulogy and as he scanned the crowd, their eyes had met. He had held Draco's gaze for only a moment longer than the others, but it was long enough for Draco to know that he had been acknowledged. It was long enough to send his blood pressure through the roof.
After the service, he had driven his mother back to the Manor before making his way to Sirius and Harry's home. He had been hesitant about coming, but only finally agreed when Molly Weasley had insisted that he come back to the house for lunch.
But as he stood there listening to old friends and family tell stories about the deceased, he felt out of place. Pansy and Blaise were sitting with Neville and Luna, discussing one of the many events that the group of them had attended without him. Ron and Hermione were with the Weasley's, comforting and being comforted in return. He hadn't seen Harry in the hour since he had arrived and he knew no one else there.
He sighed softly to himself and walked over to Pansy and Blaise to say goodbye. They gave him the same concerned looks they had been giving him all day, but he forced a smile onto his face and insisted he was fine.
As he was headed for the door, he caught a glimpse of black, unruly hair from the corner of his eye and he turned to look at Harry, who was moving towards him at what seemed to be an agonizingly slow pace. The brunet held eye contact with him, and then his emerald eyes darted to the stairs briefly before settling back on him.
Draco took in a deep breath and gave a barely discernible nod.
Harry kept walking, passing him by without a word and headed for the stairs. With a quick glance over his shoulder to confirm that Draco was following, he continued upstairs, not looking back again.
Draco followed him up to the second floor and down a long, dim hallway. Their pace seemed to slow even more the further they went and Draco's hands clenched tightly into fists at his sides, anticipation eating at him. The blood rushing in his ears drowned out the sound coming from downstairs. Just twenty feet ahead of him, Harry came to a stop, but didn't turn to him. Draco also stopped, waiting to see what the other man would do.
After a long, suffocating silence, Harry opened the door on his left and disappeared into the room, leaving the door open behind him in silent invitation.
Draco swallowed heavily as he followed Harry into the room and shut the door, cutting them off from the rest of the world.
The room was quiet except for their breathing. It was dimly lit, just like the hallway, but Draco didn't need light to know that this room, Harry's room, was beautiful. The centerpiece was the large four poster bed in the middle of the room covered in deep red blankets and black sheets that he immediately recognized as satin. There was an over abundance of the softest looking pillows he had ever seen and from the frame hung thin, almost translucent drapes that gave the bed and the entire room a romantic feel.
They stood silently and stared at each other, their breathing synchronized as they took in the presence of the other after such a long absence.
Harry moved first. He slowly closed the gap between them and reached out his shaking hands to smooth over the lapels of Draco's jacket. When he was done examining the material, he pushed it back over the blond's tense shoulders and let it fall to the floor.
Draco could hardly breathe. He never took his eyes from Harry's face as the brunet continued to undress him in silence.
Clumsy fingers made their way to the light blue tie that adorned Draco's neck. When it was finally unknotted, Harry pulled it from the collar of Draco's dress shirt and let it fall to the floor to join his jacket.
Draco's fingers itched to touch the man in front of him, but he was too afraid that he would do something to scare Harry off. He wanted this more than he had ever wanted anything in his entire life. He needed this. And he wasn't about to do anything to screw it up.
Harry's curious hands finally made their way up to Draco's face. His fingertips brushed lightly over the lines of his cheekbones, the curve of his lips, the bridge of his nose. They traced his eyebrows and his jaw. Then both hands cupped his face and Harry stepped closer.
Draco drew in a ragged breath as Harry softly brushed his lips against his. No longer able to control himself, his hands slowly and gently slid up over Harry's arms to clutch at his wrists, holding his hands to his face. He took a step forward, pressing their bodies together at long last and ran his tongue lightly over Harry's bottom lip, seeking entrance to the mouth he hadn't properly kissed in almost a year.
Immediately, Harry's lips parted and Draco didn't hesitate in making up for lost time. He pushed his tongue into the brunet's eager mouth and his hold on Harry's wrists tightened for just a moment before he released his grip and wrapped his arms around his waist.
Harry whimpered softly into the kiss and his arms wound around Draco's broad shoulders, his fingers clutching at the back of his shirt, bunching the material in his hands.
Draco kissed him harder and pulled him closer. Just feeling those fingers on his face had been enough to make him painfully hard and he was pleased to feel Harry's erection pressing sharply against his hip in return. He shifted their bodies until they were lined up and slid his hands to Harry's ass, grinding their hips together.
The brunet let out a long, quiet moan and let his head fall back, exposing his neck.
Long fingers wound into Harry's hair to hold him in place as Draco attacked the boy's neck with his mouth. Not caring if he marked him, he licked, bit and sucked a line from right below his ear to the place where his neck met his shoulder. "I missed you," he mumbled into his slightly salty skin. "God, Harry…I fucking missed you."
Harry grabbed Draco's hair and forced his mouth back to his, pulling him into a long, desperate kiss that made the blond's head spin. Harry stumbled backwards, dragging Draco's body with him and fell back onto the bed, never releasing his hold.
A loud grunt escaped Draco's lips as he collapsed on top of the smaller man. His mouth moved softly over Harry's face as he pressed their hips tighter together, rocking slowly and relishing in every tiny sound the man beneath him made.
Harry craned his neck up to continue kissing Draco as his hands moved between them, making quick work of belts, zippers and buttons. He pulled back from their kiss and shoved at the blond, pushing him up onto his knees and motioned to his pants as he took off his own.
"Shirt," Draco reminded him as he pulled his dress shirt over his head and threw it on the floor, not bothering to unbutton it first.
Harry was almost frantic in his quest to remove his clothing and Draco had to hide a smirk. Now was certainly not the time for laughter.
When both men were finally naked, Harry roughly grabbed Draco by the wrist and pulled him back on top of him.
As their bodies came into contact, Draco closed his eyes and groaned, savoring the feel of Harry's soft, heated skin rubbing against him for the first time in too long. He pressed his forehead to Harry's temple and breathed deeply, forcefully restraining himself from taking him too quickly.
Arms and legs wrapped around him as Harry pushed his hips up against him. "Now," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.
"Hold on." Draco tried to pull back, but Harry was much stronger than he remembered.
Harry growled in frustration. "Now!" He licked his own palm and reached down between them to coat Draco's cock.
Draco groaned as Harry's familiar fingers wrapped around him, stroking him quickly. It reminded him of his dream from only a few days before and he had to reach down to still Harry's hand before he came. "I need to…" He gasped as Harry gave a hard squeeze and ran his thumb over the head. "Fuck…" He pressed their foreheads together. "I need to prepare you."
Harry shook his head. "No, please. Just do it."
Draco looked down into green eyes that were steadily filling with tears and he swore he felt his heart breaking. "Maybe we shouldn't -"
"Draco, please," Harry begged him. "Now."
After only a brief moment of staring down into anguished eyes, he gave in, as he suspected he would always do when it came to this man. Draco kissed him softly and reached down between them to guide himself to Harry's entrance. He pushed slowly, easing himself carefully into the tight body he had been craving for so long. Fearful of hurting the smaller man, he bit down on his lip and watched Harry's face closely, looking for any signs of distress. He sank deep into him and couldn't help the soft moan that escaped his lips.
Harry winced and let out a sharp cry of pain, his fingers digging deeply into Draco's back as he bucked up against him. "Go."
Every last bit of his self control was needed for Draco to keep his hips still. He propped himself on his elbow and looked down at Harry's face. "Hey," he whispered, unable to keep the worry from his voice. He gently stroked dark strands from Harry's damp forehead, then brought his hand down to brush his fingertips against the boy's flushed cheek.
Harry opened his eyes and tears finally spilled down his face and into his hair.
The intensity of the grief he saw in Harry's eyes hit him in the chest like a sledgehammer. He had never before felt that kind of despair and selfishly hoped he would never have to. He swallowed heavily and leaned in to kiss the brunet's lips. "Are you sure you want to do this right now?"
Harry gave a small nod as more tears escaped. "Please, Draco. I just need to feel something…anything but this. Please."
Unable to refuse him, Draco nodded and kissed away his tears. Then he slowly and gently began to move inside of him. Cringes and quiet whimpers made it obvious that the first few minutes were uncomfortable for the brunet, but Draco knew that Harry needed this more than he did, so he ignored the painful clenching in his heart and didn't stop.
Soon though, Harry's body began trembling with pleasure beneath him and Draco almost sighed in relief when the tears dried up. He kissed every inch of the smaller mans face, ending with his lips, which he was sure to spend more time on then usual. He pushed deeper and moaned softly, but despite Harry's desperate thrusts, he refused to pick up the pace.
Harry writhed beneath him, trying to urge him to go faster and thrust harder, but Draco stayed steady, letting their climaxes build slowly. Now that he was finally with him again, now that he was finally inside him, he found it hard to believe that he had ever thought it was possible to replace Harry with random strangers. No one else felt this good. No one else made him want to please them like Harry did.
He pressed his face into Harry's thick, dark hair and inhaled the smell of his shampoo and faint traces of smoke. The hairs tickled his nose and he smiled as he trailed his lips down to a perfectly shaped ear and lightly traced the shell with the tip of his tongue.
Harry moaned quietly and thrust up against him when warm breath brushed over his ear and down his sensitive neck. "Draco," he whispered softly. He ran the soles of his feet over Draco's calves and his hands slowly over his back, his fingertips tracing his spine.
Shivering at the feel of calloused fingers on his skin, Draco pressed his lips to Harry's throat and kissed him gently. He had missed those hands more than he realized. Just the feel of them made his cock twitch, the tightness in his groin becoming almost painful. No longer able to control himself, he began to thrust faster.
Harry threw his head back and closed his eyes as he let out a sigh of relief. His hands slowly slid up over Draco's shoulders and down over his collarbones to his smooth chest. He gently pinched and stroked his nipples, increasing the pressure when Draco gasped. His hands moved further down between them and he brushed his fingertips over the blond's cock every time he pulled out.
"Fuck…Harry," Draco groaned, his hips pumping faster against him.
Harry inhaled sharply at the increased pace then ran his hands back up his own body to his chest where he pinched and stroked his own nipples.
Draco groaned at the sight of Harry's hands as they expertly caressed his body, giving himself extra pleasure than just what the blond provided. Not to be outdone, Draco raised himself up onto extended arms and pushed faster, pounding deeply into him as he continued to watch, mesmerized.
Harry's mouth fell open slightly as he gasped for breath, his green eyes shut tight and his face tense and flushed. At a particularly hard thrust, he arched his back and white teeth clamped down on his lower lip as his hands finally gave up on his nipples and moved towards his cock.
Draco's eyes followed Harry's hands and he licked his lips when Harry began stroking himself in time with his thrusts while simultaneously cupping his balls and rolling them gently between his fingers. He groaned at the sight and finally looked back up at Harry's face to see him smirking at him.
"Shut up," Draco said with a soft smile, then he leaned in to kiss him quickly before moving his mouth to his chest to suck and lick at his nipple.
"Draco," Harry groaned as he bucked his hips harder and slid his hand faster over his aching cock. He continued to pump himself but brought the other hand up to hold Draco's head against his chest. "Don't stop…more."
Draco nibbled softly and flicked his tongue over the abused nipple, then sucked it between his teeth and tugged gently.
Harry's fingers tightened painfully in his hair as he cried out and wrapped his legs around the blond's waist. "Draco…Draco, please…bite me."
Draco growled softly at the request and almost came on the spot. His tongue traced slow, gentle circles around the sensitive skin, teasing and licking before suddenly biting down harshly.
Harry let out a strangled scream and came. His fingernails cut into the skin of his lover's neck while his heals dug into the small of his back, holding him deep inside as his muscles constricted around him.
Without warning, Draco's arms gave out and he collapsed on top of the brunet as his orgasm, almost painful in its intensity, ripped through his body in long, pulsing waves, setting every nerve on fire. The pleasure was so sharp that his mouth fell open, but not a sound escaped his lips. He couldn't control the tremors or the continued rocking of his hips, so he just buried his face in Harry's hair and rode it out.
They lay there together, both panting heavily, sweat covering their still entwined bodies as they slowly came back to themselves.
Draco groaned and nuzzled his nose behind Harry's ear. "Amazing," he whispered.
Harry sighed and ran his hands slowly up Draco's sides, then up over his shoulders and back down again. "I forgot how soft your skin is," he whispered back. He took Draco's face in his hands and raised it so he could kiss him deeply, his tongue slowly tracing every inch of the blond's mouth. "I missed doing that."
"Me too." Draco smiled and kissed him again.
Harry gave him a soft, sad smile in return as he lay back on the pillows.
Draco leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on Harry's neck, then sighed and rolled off of him and onto his back, taking a few minutes to catch his breath. He felt Harry shifting on the bed and looked over to see he had turned away from him and his shoulders were shaking. Draco moved as close to him as possible, spooning him from behind. "Are you alright, love?" he said softly, then gently kissed the brunet's shoulder.
Harry nodded.
Draco could feel the tension in the smaller man's body and knew that he was lying. He wrapped his arms tightly around him and pressed his cheek to his head, holding him as close as possible. "I am so sorry, Harry."
Harry's body jerked and he took in a shaky breath.
"Sirius was a good man," Draco whispered.
Harry shook his head. "Stop…please."
"He had every reason in the world to hate me for what I did to you, but he didn't. He loved you so much, Harry. More than my father ever loved me."
"Draco," Harry whimpered softly.
"The only bearable part of being away from you for so long was the knowledge that you were with him and that he would keep you safe and happy."
Harry grabbed Draco's arm and pulled it tighter around him as his grief finally overwhelmed him. "It isn't…fair," he eventually managed between sobs.
"I know, love." Draco rocked him and kissed his head.
"I fucking hate this."
Draco shut his tearing eyes and held on tighter. "I know."
Harry turned himself around and buried his face into Draco's chest as his fingers dug painfully into the blond's shoulders.
Draco ignored the pain and continued to rock him, Harry's tears soaking his chest. "You'll get through this," he promised. "You have so many people who love you. You will get through it."
"It hurts." He burrowed closer to him, tucking his leg between Draco's and sliding his arm under his body so he could wrap himself around him. "I can't stand it. I can't."
"You can and you will." Draco kissed his forehead and rubbed soothing circles on his back.
There was a soft knock on the door. "Harry?" The door opened and Ron peeked his head in. His eyes grew wide at the sight of his best friend, naked and hysterically crying into Draco's bare chest.
Harry didn't even acknowledge Ron's presence.
"I've got him," Draco said softly. "We'll be down in a little while."
Cheeks flushed and eyes trained on the floor, Ron nodded and closed the door behind him.
Draco held Harry until the trembling stopped and continued to hold him when the tears dried up. He silently vowed to hold him until whenever Harry chose to pull away.
An hour had passed before the brunet finally stirred in his arms and loosened his painful grip. Draco knew he'd have bruises on his back and shoulders, but nothing in the world could have dragged him away from where he was.
"You know," Harry said softly, his hoarse voice slightly startling Draco after such a long silence, "he told me to give you another chance. He said if I could finally forgive myself for Oliver's death and if you could finally forgive yourself for what happened with me and Cedric, we would be good together."
"He was a perceptive man," Draco said softly, trying desperately to ignore the lump that had formed in his throat. I can never forgive myself for what I did to them.
"So…maybe, when we've both figured out what the hell we're doing…maybe then we can…talk."
Draco nodded and kissed his head. "Sounds like a plan."
Harry lifted his head and gazed up into silver grey eyes that shone with unshed tears. "Thank you." He kissed him softly.
"Anytime." Draco managed a small smile and placed a long, gentle kiss on his forehead before wrapping him tightly in his arms again.
When the time had finally come that Harry could no longer ignore his duties downstairs, Draco sat silently on the side of the bed and watched him dress. And for the first time that he could remember, he feared the future. Not knowing how long it would be until he would see the brunet again was eating at him, but his pride wouldn't allow him to ask.
"Draco?"
He focused on Harry, who was staring at him with a quizzical look on his face and he blushed as he wondered how long the smaller man had been trying to get his attention. "Yes?"
Harry shifted awkwardly and scratched as his already messy hair, only mussing it further. "Can I…well, I was just wondering…would it be alright if I…maybe…phoned you?"
Draco couldn't help the smile that spread across his face and he sighed as relief flooded through his veins. "Of course. I'd like that."
Harry smiled back, though a bit hesitantly. "My therapist doesn't think I should be in a relationship at the moment and I tend to agree with her mostly. I mean, she is the professional, right?" He shot a quick glance at Draco, but looked away almost as quickly. "Sometimes I think about dating again and it just…" He slowly shook his head and forced a too loud laugh which rang completely false in Draco's ears. "Even just considering it seems…wrong somehow." He bit his lip and glanced up at his companion with desperate eyes. "Am I making any sense?"
Draco swallowed and nodded. "Perfect."
Harry let out a soft breath and looked away again, his eyes darting around the room and eventually settling on the messy bed. "I suppose I'm getting a bit ahead of myself anyway. We were never really 'dating', were we? That's not really our thing, is it?" His eyes stayed focused on the bed, but he seemed to be holding his breath as he waited for Draco's response.
Shit. What's the right answer here? What does he want me to say? "Uh…no, I guess not," he eventually agreed and immediately suspected that he may have said the wrong thing, even thought it was, technically, the truth.
Harry exhaled hard and gave a sharp nod. "Exactly…so…I don't want…" He scratched his hair again and his lips pressed together in a thin line as he furrowed his brow. He finally pulled his gaze away from the bed and turned it to the silent blond standing before him. "I have your number," he said softly.
Draco breathed deeply, trying to force back the tightness in his chest and the sudden feeling of hopelessness that was filling him, but he nodded and tried to smile through it. He had dealt with many different versions of Harry in the past. He had seen him angry and hurt and ecstatic and giddy. He had dealt with outbursts that ended in sobbing and yelling, listened and watched as he stirred in his sleep from nightmares that Draco knew he could never even imagine. But somehow, this Harry was different. It was flat out painful, the idea that Harry couldn't get a sentence out of his mouth without second guessing what he was saying. An unwelcome uneasiness had somehow developed between them and he hoped it was a cause of their long separation and not something that would permanently hamper their relationship.
"I can't cut you out of my life again," Harry finally blurted, seemingly startling himself as well as Draco. He shook his head again and ran a trembling hand over his face. "I'm sorry about that, by the way. Not talking to you for so long was one of the most painful things I've ever had to do and I still don't know if it was the best course of action, but I think it helped me in a strange way. It helped me get my thoughts straightened out…well, a bit anyway. Part of me wonders if I'll ever get it all worked out or if I'll just…" He sighed heavily, frustrated with his lack of eloquence and his tendency to babble. "What I'm trying to say is…I know it wasn't your fault what happened to…to Oliver…but…" At the mention of Oliver's name, his words failed him and he shrugged as he looked up again, his eyes pleading for forgiveness and understanding.
Draco ignored the sharp sting of rejection that was coursing through his body and concentrated instead on the helpless look on Harry's face. He managed to muster up a smile as he stood and rested his hands on the boy's tense shoulders. "No hard feelings," he said softly, honestly.
Logically he knew that Harry's hesitance to date had nothing to do with him, nor did it reflect the brunet's feelings for him. It was, sadly, the expected result of Oliver's physical and mental abuse. But knowing that did nothing to change the fact that his heart still felt like it was breaking into a million shards of glass. He also knew this was neither the time nor the place for such painful thoughts, so he took a step closer and pressed the lightest of kisses to the corner of Harry's mouth, hoping to reassure him that everything was alright, even if he himself didn't believe it. "You should get back downstairs."
Harry stared up at him for a long moment, as if he wanted to say more, but finally, he nodded and turned towards the door without another word.
"Hey, Harry?"
The brunet stopped in the doorway and turned back to him expectantly.
So many words ran through Draco's head, so many things that he so desperately wanted to say, but couldn't voice. So instead, he forced a soft smile onto his face and let his shoulders slump forward in a sort of half shrug. "It was really good to see you again."
Harry smiled. "You too, Draco." Then he disappeared from the room.
Draco took a deep breath and grabbed his jacket and tie. He shoved the silk neckpiece into his pocket and draped his jacket over his arm before taking a moment to compose himself and heading downstairs.
*.*.*.*
When he left Grimmauld Place an hour later, it was with a quick wave at Harry who was sitting on the couch in the parlor holding the hand of an older man in a shabby sweater, his amber colored eyes red rimmed and glassy with unshed tears. He wondered at the identity of the distraught looking man, but knew his curiosity would have to wait.
He wasn't yet ready to go home to his empty house, despite the fact that Chuck was waiting for him. So instead, he gave in to his sudden need to see his mother again and headed to his childhood home.
"Mother?" he called out softly as he closed the front door behind him. His voice echoed back at him through the large entryway, making him frown at the cold, sterile feeling the house filled him with. He took off his coat and scarf and tossed them onto an uncomfortable looking chair in the corner.
When he received no response, he made his way towards the sitting room to his left where his mother usually took her afternoon tea. He hadn't made it even half way across the hall when he found himself distracted, his eyes drawn to the large family portrait that had hung over the stairs for the last fourteen years. He stared up into his own silver grey eyes. God, how he hated that painting. Per his father's instructions, none of the three family members had been smiling when they sat for the artist. Narcissa was seated in a chair, her elegant sapphire gown bringing out her blue eyes and draping beautifully over her thin frame. Lucius stood at her left in his usual dark business suit, his perfectly manicured hand resting on her shoulder in an almost possessive manner, his face frozen and expressionless. Draco had only been a child when the painting was done, but looking at it now, it was obvious that he had tried his best to copy his father's cold demeanor. He stood on the other side of his mother, wearing a suit that was almost identical to the elder Malfoy's, his still chubby hands folded neatly on the arm of the chair and his face showing none of the signs of childishness or youthful enthusiasm that would normally be seen in the face of an eleven year old boy.
"I've always hated that portrait."
Draco looked up at the sound of his mother's voice and watched her make her way down the stairs, one small hand holding tightly to the banister as she forced a smile down at her only child. Her eyes were a bit red and puffy, but even her grief couldn't take away from her beauty.
She paused on the second from last stair so that she was at eye level with her son. "Your father insists that it shows the best of the Malfoy's." She looked over at the painting and pursed her lips together. "I think it shows a miserable, lonely child. Every time I look at your face in that picture, I wonder if I somehow failed you as a mother."
"Of course not!" Draco protested, surprised at the direction of their conversation. "If anything, you were the one person that I absolutely knew loved me. You have no idea what that meant to me."
Narcissa turned her face to him and smiled sadly.
Draco took her hand in his and squeezed it. "You were and are a wonderful mother." He leaned in and kissed her cheek, hoping to push as much reassurance and love at her as possible.
She sighed softly and stroked his cheek before finally taking the last two steps down to his side. "Come sit with me, darling."
He guided her into the sitting room and they sat close together on a comfortable leather sofa by the window.
Draco held her hand in his as he gazed out at the gardens he had played in as a child.
"Your father isn't here, Draco. You may speak freely."
He visibly relaxed at the news and slouched down into the soft cushions of the couch. "I don't know where to begin."
"You can begin by telling me what it is that keeps you and Harry apart."
He looked over at her in surprise, his mouth opening to speak, but snapping shut almost as quickly when he found that he didn't quite know what to say to that. She couldn't possibly know…could she?
Narcissa laughed softly at his startled expression and patted his knee. "Darling…you have always loved Harry Potter. There's no need to hide it from me now."
His brow furrowed as he turned his attention back to the window. "What do you mean by 'always'?"
She stood and went over to a bookshelf in the corner and took down a photo album that Draco was sure he had never seen before. He had spent very little time in this room while growing up and he had never given much notice to any of the books, which he had known to be his mother's and was sure he would have no interest in. Besides, he had had his own small library in which to disappear when struck with the urge to read, so he had never been tempted to snoop through her things.
Narcissa sat down beside him and flipped open the book. She turned a few pages until she found what she was looking for, then set the book down on Draco's lap and pointed to a photograph.
Draco's breath caught as he looked at a picture of himself as a toddler, sitting in a pile of brilliantly colored leaves in the garden behind the Manor. His nose was pink from the cold and a red knitted cap was pulled down over his ears. A blinding grin was spread over his chubby face making him look more carefree and happy than he could ever remember feeling.
And sitting next to him was a child he could not remember ever having seen before, but instantly recognized. Harry's unmistakable sparkling green eyes were looking towards the camera, his mouth turned up into a shy smile and his round cheeks rosy. Tufts of black hair stuck out from under his yellow cap and a white and yellow striped scarf was knotted around his neck.
The caption below the picture read: 'Draco & Harry - October 27, 1981'.
Draco's stomach clenched painfully as he looked up at his mother and frowned. "What is this?" he asked, his voice catching in his throat. This has to be some kind of joke.
"That was four days before Lily and James Potter died." She smiled fondly down at the picture of the two small boys, but there was a sadness in her eyes that had nothing to do with the recent loss of her cousin. "I was very close with Sirius at that time. Lily and James Potter were two of his best friends, so it was only a matter of time before Lily and I grew close as well."
To say that Draco was surprised at the idea of his mother and Lily Potter being friends was a bit of an understatement, though it was beginning to make perfect sense.
Narcissa absentmindedly stroked the page as she continued. "After they died, Harry went to live with Lily's sister and her husband. Petunia was cold and completely unlike her sister and Vernon was a cruel, bitter man. They already had a child of their own and were not pleased to be taking in another, especially one that was born of a sister that Petunia held such immense hatred for." She frowned to herself for a moment and shook her head. "Harry's uncle was working for your father at the time and didn't want to do anything to anger us, so he and Petunia continued to bring him over here every Wednesday and Sunday so the two of you could play, just as Lily and James had done."
Draco smiled softly down at the picture of baby Harry. My God…even as a child he was beautiful.
Narcissa turned to the back page and pointed to another picture dated June 5, 1984. "Your fourth birthday. This was the last time you saw Harry before your father and Vernon got into a horrible, silly argument about something that no one even remembers now. Your father fired him and after that, Vernon refused to let Harry spend any time over here."
Draco stared down at the second picture. It was a slightly older him at a table wearing a party hat, his blond hair brushed and styled perfectly even at the age of four. He was standing on his seat and leaning over a large, elaborately decorated cake that held four lit candles. At his side was Harry, also wearing a party hat and his hair messy as always. He was holding Draco's hand in his and was leaning over, preparing to help him blow out his candles.
"I don't remember him," he said softly as he ran his fingers over the picture.
"Of course you don't. You were only four years old after all. After he had fired Vernon, your father refused to let us speak about him. He had never taken to Harry the way you and I did. The Dursley's moved that summer and we lost all contact. Sirius was nowhere to be found, lost in his grief over the deaths of his best friends, so he couldn't help me to locate them. And I did try to find him, darling. For two years, I tried." She reached over and tucked a few strands of Draco's hair behind his ear. "It broke your little heart, the loss of Harry. You cried that first Sunday when you finally realized that we weren't lying to you about Harry no longer coming to visit. You cried every night for a week. Most of those nights, I cried with you as I rocked you to sleep." She stroked her son's cheek. "You eventually forgot him, though it seems, never completely."
"Why didn't father want us to talk about them? Why did he want me to forget him?" I could have had him in my life all along!
"He thought the two of you were much too close." There was a hint of anger in Narcissa's voice, but she pushed it away. "He said Harry made you weak. He didn't want you raised in the same manner that Lily and James were raising Harry. He wanted you to be stronger."
Draco's steely eyes flashed with anger. "But I was only a child!"
"I know that, love. But there was nothing I could do to make him understand."
Trying to forget his anger, Draco turned back to the album, his hand shaking as he reached out again to touch the picture. "Can I have them?" he said softly.
Narcissa nodded. "There are many more in there. I believe there are even a few with Lily, James and Sirius in them. Harry may like to see them." She let out a soft sigh. "He was such a delightful child. It saddens me that the two of you did not get to grow up together as you should have."
He sighed heavily. It saddens me too. You have no idea how much so.
His mother smiled as she flipped to another page. "You named your teddy Harry," she said as she motioned to a picture of Draco lying in bed holding a small brown bear up for the camera to see. "It was Harry's gift to you on your second birthday. He had one that he called Draco that you gave him just a month later."
Draco smiled at that and reminded himself to search the attic to see if "Harry" was in with his baby things.
Narcissa laughed softly. "You told your father that you and Harry were going to get married when you were older. To say that he was absolutely livid would be the understatement of the century. He sat you down to explain that you had to marry a woman so you could have children…so you could have a 'real' family. You threw a tantrum to rival all tantrums." Her laughter faded. "He expected too much of a child. He didn't know how to act around you and insisted that he was only trying to make you strong. But I was the one who had to comfort you when he set his mind to something."
"So, not much has changed since I was a child?" Draco asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"He means well, dear, though his execution could stand some improvement."
Draco gave a bitter huff. "He's cold and uncaring and it doesn't matter to him if I'm happy or not. It took me a long time to see that. I only wish you could see it as well."
Narcissa pursed her lips together, but said nothing.
After a long silence, Draco finally looked up at her. "Why didn't you say something at the funeral? Why didn't you talk to Harry?"
She frowned, though it was directed more at herself than her son. "I didn't know what to say. He doesn't remember me, Draco. He was grieving and I…I hadn't spoken to Sirius in almost twenty two years. What was I to say?"
"He has no family left. You would be a comfort to him. He would love you, I'm sure of it."
She tried to smile. "Well, maybe you can bring him by sometime. I can tell him stories about his parents and Sirius."
Draco nodded and looked back at the pictures. He couldn't get over the shock of having known Harry as a child or the anger at his father for having torn the brunet away from him.
"I don't mind it, you know."
He looked up at his mother in confusion.
"That you love him," she clarified.
A deep blush stained Draco's cheeks as he realized that he had said nothing earlier to dispel her belief that he was in love with Harry. "But father…" He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Technically, both of his parents knew he was gay, but his father firmly believed that it was a faze that Draco would grow out of, or at worst, learn to ignore. He fully expected Draco to marry and produce an heir and never failed to remind him of his 'duties' when they were in the same room.
"Your father is stubborn. He will eventually come around."
"No. He won't."
Narcissa sighed softly and patted his knee. "I'll talk to him."
"Why do you stay with him? He doesn't love us. He doesn't love me."
"Oh, but he does," she said as she reached over and grasped his hand tightly in hers. "Only he doesn't know how to express it. Just because he can't show it, doesn't mean it isn't there. It's…different than how I love you, but it is love, my darling. I promise you that."
Draco didn't believe her, but sensing that the argument was pointless, he let the subject drop. He looked back at the pictures and felt a clenching in his chest as he remembered his and Harry's first conversation on the bus stop bench.
"Why do you care anyway?"
"You remind me of someone."
"Who?"
"You know…I have no idea. Just…someone."
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he flipped back a few pages where his eyes fell on a photo dated just a few weeks before his third birthday. He was kissing Harry's cheek. Harry's eyes were shining, a bashful smile spread over his face. "Do you believe in fate?" he asked, his voice hardly a whisper.
Narcissa was silent for a moment as she thought it over. "I don't really know," she admitted, her voice almost as soft as his.
"I thought I believed in it, but…Harry's entire life would have been different if father hadn't fired that vile uncle of his and I refuse to believe that he was fated to be abused. We would never have let him be mistreated. With us, he would have grown up happy and loved. We would have protected him." He finally shut the book and closed his eyes tightly. "I would have protected him."
His mother moved closer and put her arm around him, guiding his head to her shoulder.
"I need him in my life," Draco whispered softly as he clutched the book to his chest. "But everything is so fucked up now and…and I don't know what to do to fix it." Tears pricked at his eyes and he blinked rapidly, hoping to clear them away, but one escaped and slid slowly down his face. "I know that he loved me once. But we hurt each other so badly and with everything that happened…what if he doesn't feel that way anymore?" The thought made a fierce ache develop in his chest and he bit down hard on his lower lip as another tear fell free.
"Oh, my Draco." Narcissa wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly against her.
It had been years since his mother had held him in her arms like this, and the simple comfort was just enough to finally break him. He let her hold him as his tears came faster and harder and before he could stop himself, a flood of words began spilling from his mouth. He told his mother the story, leaving out the intimate details of course. He told her of their first meeting at the café and their second meeting at the club. He told her, to her horror, of Oliver choking him and slamming him into the wall and of Cedric's heroic defense of Harry that ended in Oliver's death. He told her of his cheating and how he broke first Cedric's heart, then Harry's. His tears eventually dried up, but he was too far gone to stop himself and just continued to talk.
His love for his mother only grew when she laughed and cried right along with him. She never interrupted, choosing instead to let him go at his own pace. There had never been a doubt in his mind that she loved him, but he had never opened up like this to her before and as sad and as angering as the story sometimes was, he could tell that she cherished every moment that he sat there, holding her hand as he admitted his faults and mourned his mistakes.
She cringed in disgust and fury when he spoke of the injuries that had put Harry in the hospital. But her eyes lit up with hope when he told her of the whispered "I love you" that had taken him so off guard and had turned his entire world upside down.
"At least that explains your sudden desire for a dog," she laughed softly.
Draco smiled, but it faded quickly.
Narcissa quickly sobered as she watched her sons face fall. She patted his hand gently. "Why did you not tell me about Cedric while you were together?"
Draco blushed and sank further into the couch, managing a slight shrug. "I don't really know," he said softly.
"I would have liked to have met him." She said it in a way that somehow managed to sound both nonjudgmental and disappointed at the same time. Though Draco thought that might have something to do with the immense guilt he was feeling at keeping something so important from the woman who loved him most in the world.
"I'm sorry," he said as he squeezed her hand. "It wasn't my intention to keep him from you. I just never thought to bring him here, especially with father around. Besides, it isn't as if I've ever brought anyone else home for you to meet."
Narcissa raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at him. "Has there ever been anyone else besides him? I was under the impression that until Cedric, there had been no long term relationships."
He felt his cheeks burning and looked away. "There hadn't been."
She reached out and gently touched his chin, bringing his face around to meet hers. "In the future, please do not make such decisions based on whether or not your father is here. I will find a way around him if I must. I can arrange for him to be gone or I can meet you somewhere else. But I do want to meet those who are important to you, darling. I want to see you happy."
He nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, dear." She patted his cheek and sat back against the cushions. "Just promise me that you will bring Harry around when the time comes. It would be wonderful to get to know him again and I would love seeing the two of you interact."
"Don't get your hopes up about Harry." Draco sighed softly and cuddled closer to her, resting his head on her shoulder. "I messed it all up, mum."
"Oh no, I don't think that's true." She kissed his head and rubbed his arm. "Harry will come around, love. You just have to give him time to figure things out. You may not believe in fate, but the two of you have a connection that can't be ignored. He'll come back to you if you just give him some space and time to heal."
Draco nodded against her, though he wasn't sure that Harry would ever really come back to him.
*.*.*.*
TBC…
An: So…I'm not really happy with this chapter, but I'd love to hear your opinion. Thanks for reading!