AN: Warning…Super drama ahead! I know…you never expected it, did you. :) Hope you like!
Chapter Sixteen
- May 7th -
"I ran into Cedric last week," Draco said, trying his hardest to sound casual. He downed his second glass of whiskey and set the crystal tumbler on the nightstand. He sprawled himself out on his bed in what he was sure his father would consider an undignified way, not that he much cared. He toed his socks off and stretched his legs before sliding under the covers and settling back against his pillows, his head pleasantly clouded with alcohol.
"How's he doing?" Harry asked a bit nervously.
"Wonderful, actually. He's dating Theo." Draco couldn't help the slightly bitter snort that escaped at the thought of the two of them together. "He seems genuinely happy. I guess he moved on rather quickly." That's completely unfair and you know it.
"Well that's a bit unfair," Harry said softly, echoing Draco's thoughts. "He's had just as tough a time as we have, maybe even worse if you consider the fact that he…killed someone." Harry was silent for a long while before continuing. "I think he deserves a little happiness."
Draco frowned, pouting softly to himself at Harry's gentle reprimand despite the fact that he had just been thinking almost the exact same thing. "I know. I'm happy for them, I really am. It's just… strange to see him with someone else. And not just someone else, but someone that I've slept with." The mental image of Cedric and Theo together made him cringe and he sat up to pour another double shot of whiskey which he immediately drained.
"Well, my God, Draco," Harry said with a soft, teasing laugh. "If he isn't allowed to be with anyone you've slept with, then he'd have to leave the country if he ever wanted to get laid again."
Draco almost choked on his drink as he laughed, surprised by Harry's comment. "Or switch to girls," he added with a grin. His smile quickly faded though as Harry's words sank in and worry began to overwhelm him. He had never really cared before what others thought of him, but Harry was a completely different story. "It doesn't really bother you, does it?"
"What?"
"My past."
"Of course not! I was only teasing. I'm sorry that I said that, it must be the alcohol talking and I just…" He sighed softly. "That was a stupid thing to say. It was a bad joke, which you can ask Hermione, I'm known for. I'm sorry."
"No, don't be sorry. I'm fine with the teasing. Lord knows I'm used to it, having Blaise and Pansy as best friends. I just wanted to be sure that it didn't bother you. I mean…I was with a lot of people."
Harry was silent as he thought it over. "Your past is your past, Draco. Just like my past is my past. I can't hold your old lovers against you or use them to judge your character just like you can't use Oliver or the Dursley's against me."
Draco flinched and gnashed his teeth together in anger at the thought of Harry's so called 'family'. "Why did you tell Cedric about your childhood and not me?" As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them.
"I…" Harry fell silent.
"I'm sorry, forget that I asked. I don't even know why I said that." Draco shut his eyes and silently cursed himself for his stupidity. He had promised himself that he would never pry into Harry's past, that he would let him tell him when he was ready and here he was, whining about not being told before his ex.
The truth was that he was fine with Cedric being with Theo and, surprisingly, he found them to be quite the charming couple. But ever since he had run into them, he hadn't been able to forget the fact that Harry had divulged his secrets to, in Draco's opinion, the wrong person. Jealousy had been eating at him for days as he thought about it and the idea that Harry had trusted Cedric more than he trusted him was heartbreaking.
"They weren't very nice people," Harry said softly, interrupting his train of thought.
Draco held his breath, waiting to see if he would continue.
"I don't like talking about it."
"But you know you can tell me anything, right? And if you were comfortable telling Cedric, you should definitely be comfortable telling me." Shut up you fucking idiot!
"Draco…"
Other than the admittedly irrational jealousy he was fighting and the alcohol that was only fueling his curiosity, he couldn't explain why he was so desperate for Harry to tell him about his horrible home life. It wasn't as if knowing how Harry had been hurt was going to make him feel any better, if anything, it would only anger him and frustrate him with the fact that he could do nothing to change the past. And he knew that it hurt Harry to talk about it, but he was almost desperate for him to trust him enough to tell him. "My father thinks my being gay is something that I'll grow out of," he suddenly blurted. "He still expects me to get married and have children to pass on the family name. He thinks I'm disgusting."
He could hear Harry's unsteady breathing, but he didn't say a word in response.
Draco's heart began to pound hard against his ribcage. "I thought maybe if I told you something about my family, you would tell me something about yours."
"Those people are not my family."
"Well, the Dursley's then." Why can't you just let it rest? "Come on, Harry…you told me about the things Oliver did to you and it didn't kill you, and he did some horrific things. Why can't you share this too?" He closed his eyes and braced himself, recognizing immediately that he had pushed it too far.
"I'm sorry, Draco, I…I have to go," Harry said softly. There was a soft click, then nothing but silence.
Draco held the phone to his ear for a long moment before snapping it shut and throwing it down on the bed beside him. He should have known better than to drink so much while talking to Harry. Alcohol had always loosened his tongue and caused him to act like a jealous schoolboy.
He jumped out of bed and grabbed the bottle of whiskey that was already more than half empty. He took long drinks as he began to pace back and forth, ignoring Chuck's soft whining as he watched his owner mumble to himself and occasionally pull at his own hair.
You stupid, insensitive prick! Why are you so determined to ruin this? He's just starting to trust you again and you go and pick at wounds that are in no way even close to being healed.
He finished off the whiskey and tossed the bottle on the bed before grabbing the phone and, after two failed attempts, successfully managed to dial Harry's number. A soft growl escaped his lips when he went straight to voice mail. "God damn it!" He tossed the phone back on the bed and stood there for a moment, one hand on his hip and his teeth gnawing on the thumbnail of his other hand. He glanced at his warm, comfortable bed and considered just curling up under the comforter and sleeping off the sudden drunkenness and the heavy heart that was twisting painfully in his chest. It was tempting. But he really wanted to talk to Harry. He needed to talk to Harry. You have to apologize before it has time to fester. "Right," he said softly to himself as he pocketed the phone and slipped on a pair of shoes.
Before he could even consider the potential consequences of his actions, he was in his car, speeding down the deserted road and mentally going over the directions to Harry's house on Grimmauld Place. He had only been there one time, for the funeral, but he was sure, even through his alcohol clouded mind, that he would be able to find it again.
Luckily, he came across very little traffic. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but he was so eager to get to Harry that he shut out the part of his mind that was screaming at him that he was in no condition to be on the road.
After driving slowly around a dark and quiet neighborhood that looked vaguely familiar, he finally spotted what he thought was Harry's house. He parked his car rather crookedly, jumped out and practically flew through the gate and up the steps where he immediately began pounding on the door. "Harry?" he called out in what he was sure in his drunken mind was a quiet voice, but which was actually a near shout. He stood back from the door and leaned over the railing, trying to peak in through the dark living room window, but frowned when he couldn't see a thing. When a minute had gone by with no response, he resumed his frantic knocking and pressed the doorbell at the same time. "Harry!"
The door opened so quickly that Draco stumbled forward and would have fallen if two hands hadn't reached out to grab his shoulders and steady him. He straightened himself and looked up into the face of a confused and somewhat angry Harry Potter.
"Hiya, Harry." Draco flashed a crooked grin at him and reached out to pat his chest.
Harry frowned as he looked down at the blond's hand which was now lightly clutching his shirt. "Please tell me that you didn't drive here, Draco."
Draco's grin faded and he let his hand drop to his side where it began to nervously pick and pull at the hem of his own shirt. "I just…you know…" He tried for a casual shrug, but it came off more like a twitch and he silently cursed himself. "I had to see you. I had to make sure that you weren't angry with me." He stepped closer and lowered his voice. "I needed to see you, Harry."
Harry crossed his arms over his chest, but glanced over Draco's shoulder to see his car parked in front of his house, the front tire up on the curb. "Give me your keys and get in here." He held out his hand.
Draco bit his lip and handed over his keys, then stumbled when Harry grabbed his arm and dragged him into the dimly lit entryway. "Why are you so mad at me?"
As soon as the front door was shut and locked, Harry roughly dropped Draco's arm and stepped back from him. "You're lucky you didn't kill anyone! Are you that bloody stupid, Draco?"
"I…I just wanted to see you." Draco stepped back, confused by the intensity of Harry's obvious anger. He leaned heavily against the wall, hoping it would help support his wobbly legs and give him a chance to regain his balance.
"You should have just waited until the morning then. I turned off my phone for a reason."
Draco frowned as his worry over Harry's anger faded and his own anger took over. "Being rude isn't much of a reason if you ask me."
Harry's emerald eyes narrowed and his hands tightened into fists at his sides. "Excuse me?"
My God…he is so fucking sexy when he's angry. A wave of lust washed over him as he stared into anger filled eyes. Without any conscious decision he shoved off the wall and moved closer to him, stepping directly into his personal space. He flashed him a bright smile and licked at his dry lips. "Harry," he whispered softly, his voice instinctively falling into a low, seductive drawl that he had mastered years ago to aid him in his all too often quests for the next one night stand. A part of him acknowledged what he was doing, that he was using such an impersonal tool against Harry and that he deserved better, but the other part only acknowledged the sudden tightness of his pants and his desire to be rid of any clothing separating the two of them. "Let's not fight, Harry…I hate fighting with you." He reached out and tried to take Harry's hand, but the brunet yanked his hand free and took a step back, effectively pinning himself against the wall. The blond stepped even closer until they were merely inches apart. Draco's lashes fluttered and he sighed at the feel of Harry's alcohol scented breath brushing softly against his face. "It's been far too long since we've seen each other." He raised an eyebrow and smirked down at him. "We should fuck."
Harry snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah…that's not going to happen."
He leaned in until his lips were closer to the others ear. "Come on, Harry. Fucking is what we're good at, or don't you remember all those times I was buried to the hilt inside of you?" His hands roamed over a hard chest and up to caress Harry's jaw and neck, stopping briefly at his throat to feel the racing of his pulse and the heat of his flushed skin. There was a faint trace of stubble on his face and he stroked it, loving the rough, prickling feeling against his fingertips. Harry had always been fairly clean shaven when they had been together in the past and he couldn't help wondering how it would feel scraping over his smooth chest, down his stomach and across his thighs. He bit back a moan as he pushed himself closer.
With a soft snort and a stern look, Harry pushed Draco's seeking hand from his face. "What do you want, Draco?"
Silver eyes flashed dangerously and the blond growled as he took the man's chin in his hand, forcing him to hold eye contact. "I'll tell you what I want…Harry," he whispered, ghosting his lips over the other his cheek and mouth. "I want to go upstairs and tear your clothes off." He flicked his tongue quickly over Harry's bottom lip before continuing. "I want to touch you, lick you, suck you…I want to fuck you so hard that you can't walk properly for a week. I want to make you scream my name again and again and again until you're so hoarse that you can only speak in whispers." He sucked the brunet's lower lip into his mouth and bit down gently, holding back a smirk at the slight whimper that escaped and the darting tongue that pressed against his teeth, trying to gain entrance to his mouth. "Fuck, Harry…I miss being inside of you…I miss coming in you." He thrust his hips sharply against the trembling man in his arms and sighed at the lovely friction it created, though it wasn't nearly enough. "Let's go upstairs." He smiled to himself when he heard Harry's breathing hitch and felt eager hands clutching tightly at his shirt. He lowered his lips to his neck and sucked and licked a line from his shoulder up to his ear as he pushed his erection harder against him. "God…do you see what you do to me…how fucking hard you make me? Can you feel how much I want you?" He continued to lick and suck at his ear and neck as he grabbed Harry's hand and guided it to his painfully hard cock. "No one else has ever made me this hard…only you, Harry."
Harry moaned softly and began to stroke him roughly through his jeans. He wrapped his free arm around the blond's neck and kissed him violently, his tongue plunging deep into his mouth, his lips sucking, his teeth biting.
"Yes," Draco mumbled around the kiss. This was what he wanted. This was what he needed. He thrust himself into Harry's hand as he reached down between them and frantically began to undo the brunet's pants.
Reality came crashing down on Draco as Harry suddenly pulled his hand away and placed it on his chest, pushing him back roughly. Harry's cheeks were flushed and his breaths came in hard, gasping pants, but he struggled and eventually managed to calm himself enough that he could finally speak. "You are aware that my parents were killed in a car crash, yeah?"
Draco blinked at him through lust fogged eyes and frowned, the words seemed jumbled and he tried desperately to make sense of them. "What?"
Harry just stared at him in silence, emerald eyes that only a moment ago had been darkened with lust now turning cold and hard. He opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind and just shook his head as he turned and walked down the hall, disappearing through the swinging door at the end.
Left alone to his thoughts, Draco silently cursed himself when Harry's unspoken words finally sank in. See…you're a fucking idiot. He sighed softly in defeat and followed him into the kitchen.
Harry was standing at the sink, staring blankly at the tea kettle on the stove and waiting for it to finish boiling.
"I'm sorry," Draco said softly as he wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly ashamed of his behavior in the hallway. "I shouldn't have said what I said on the phone and I shouldn't have driven, I know that now, hell I knew it then…but I can't change the fact that I did something stupid, so I'll just call a cab and go."
"Sit down."
Draco frowned at Harry's back, but didn't move a muscle.
With a heavy sigh, Harry's shoulders slumped forward and his hands tightened their hold on the edge of the countertop. "Just…please sit down, Draco."
Grey eyes drifted over to the surprisingly large table and he found himself looking longingly at a comfortable looking chair. After a few moments of silent deliberation, he moved on shaky legs and fell into the chair, his legs grateful for the rest.
Harry didn't say another word as he continued preparing their tea. After many long, tension filled minutes, he brought two cups and a plate of cookies to the table. He set the cookies and one of the cups in front of Draco before sitting down across from him. "You should eat something. It will soak up the alcohol."
Draco ignored his comment, or more accurately, he didn't even process that Harry was speaking. "I didn't know…about your parents, I mean," he whispered. He wrapped his hands around the mug, hoping the warmth would ease the chill in the room. His eyes wandered, looking at anything but Harry.
The obviously exhausted brunet shrugged. "How could you have? I never told you."
Draco glanced up at him, but immediately looked back down at his tea. "I know I push you too much. I keep telling myself that you'll tell me in your own time. And really, I'm alright with that. I don't know why I keep pushing."
The room fell into silence and Draco wrapped his free arm around his stomach, silently cursing himself and wracking his brain for a way out of this unbearably tense situation that he was well aware he had caused.
"You have no idea how tempting it was to let you just take me right there in the hallway," Harry's quiet voice came from across the table.
Draco bit his lip and looked up at him with cautiously hopeful eyes.
Harry was staring at a point on the wall, somewhere over Draco's shoulder. "But, despite what you seem to think, there was a perfectly valid reason for why I wanted us to talk on the phone. I really meant what I said about us getting to know each other better."
"Well," Draco said softly, his voice cracking and causing a blush to spread quickly over his pale cheeks. He cleared his throat. "I think we know each other well enough."
Harry just nodded, never once taking his eyes from whatever spot he stared at so intently.
Draco huffed softly and leaned over the table, trying to force eye contact. "Why won't you look at me?"
Harry shifted in his seat and finally looked down at his tea. He picked up the cup and drained it in two long swallows. "I don't want to cave in. Looking at you makes it hard to think straight and I need to be clear right now."
Draco slammed a hand down on the table, startling both himself and Harry, though he shook it off faster than his counterpart. "You need to be clear? I haven't been clear for almost a year, Harry! You've done something to me and…and…I don't like it!"
Harry's mouth fell open as he finally looked at the angry blond across from him. "I haven't done anything to you."
Draco snorted bitterly and rubbed both hands over his face. "Jesus, Harry…you…you got under my skin or something. I don't know what you did, but…I was never this…messed up before. I've never been as nervous around another person as I am around you. I've never thought about anyone as much as I think about you and it's driving me insane! It's like…" He sighed and tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling. "It's like you haunt me." He inwardly cringed at the emotion that he could hear in his own voice and prayed that Harry hadn't heard it as well.
Harry's mouth opened and closed, again and again as he struggled for something to say in response. "Draco…"
As the seconds ticked by, Draco found himself becoming embarrassed by the things he had let slip. He tried to wait patiently for Harry to continue, but when nothing else was said, his embarrassment turned to fury and he stood up quickly, pushing his chair back and sending it sliding back to thump heavily against the wall. "Why did you get to decide how we handled everything that happened anyway? Why were you allowed to push me away? Why do you always get to make up all the bloody rules?"
Harry shook his head slowly and looked down at his hands which were folded so tightly together in his lap that his knuckles were white.
Draco stared down at the mop of messy black hair and hated that he knew how soft it was. He hated that he still wanted to touch it, run it through his fingers, bury his face in it and just hide from the world. He scowled down at the brunet, even though he wasn't facing him to see it. "None of it was fair. Being left in the dark…not knowing if you were alright or not…having to hear from Pansy and Hermione that you left the fucking country!" Adrenaline was pumping through him, clearing his clouded mind and causing his hands to shake with hurt and resentment. There was a small part of him that told him that if he kept going he was going to say something he didn't mean and would regret it in the morning, but mostly, he didn't care if he hurt Harry. Because Harry had hurt him.
"You have no idea what I was going through," Harry whispered, though there was a lack of conviction in his tone. "If you knew…if you had been me…you would have done the same thing."
"Bullshit! Stop playing the fucking martyr with me, Potter. You weren't the only one who lived through it. I took care of you after what he did! I was there. I witnessed the aftermath and if you think seeing you lying there broken and bruised didn't affect me than you're either blind or stupid."
Harry shifted in his seat and kept his eyes trained on his cup. "I never asked you to take care of me."
"You didn't have to ask. I did it because I wanted to. But do you have any idea how hard it was for me to look at the things he had done to you and try to keep a smile on my face and assure you that everything was going to be alright? He broke you, Harry, body and spirit, and it fucking killed me to witness it."
"If I was such a bloody nuisance, then why didn't you just leave me in the hospital and let me fend for myself?" Harry's voice had turned cold and sarcastic and his cheeks were flushed with color. "I don't want anyone's pity, certainly not yours, so if you didn't care, you should have –"
Draco saw red. "I ruined the best fucking relationship of my entire bloody life for you so don't you dare even suggest that I don't fucking care!" Blood rushed in his ears and his heart thumped so violently in his chest that it caused him actual physical pain. His head was swimming from the roller coaster of emotions and the large quantities of alcohol he had consumed and all he could think about was that he couldn't remember ever being this angry.
Harry shut his eyes and took a few deep breaths before finally looking at him again. "Are you done yelling at me?"
Draco huffed in frustration and crossed his arms tightly over his chest. "I'm not yelling at you, I'm only trying to make a point."
"Certainly sounds like yelling to me."
"Oh, come off it, Potter," Draco said, rolling his eyes dramatically. "We have to talk about this. You keep pushing me away and it's completely unfair and – "
"Unfair? How fair is it that you're standing in my kitchen, uninvited, and reprimanding me for doing what I had to do to get my life back in order?"
"This isn't a reprimand; it's a reminder that you are not the only person who was hurt by everything that happened. So don't sit there spouting your sanctimonious garbage and expect me to fall at your feet and beg for forgiveness because I wasn't the one to leave you behind to figure it out alone!"
Harry stood and faced him, crossing his arms tightly over his chest in a defensive stance. "Nothing I did was done to make you feel that way."
"You fucking abandoned me!"
Green eyes widened in surprise and a sharp intake of breath was the only sound that permeated the deafening silence that surrounded them. Harry opened his mouth as if to speak, but instead just swallowed heavily and averted his eyes.
Draco's own eyes grew wide at his unplanned accusation and he found himself quickly turning away, wondering how long he had been thinking of Harry's lack of contact as such a betrayal. He was slightly embarrassed that he had shown such weakness, but he couldn't ignore how much lighter he felt. Once his racing pulse had slowed and his ragged breathing had steadied, he turned around and glanced at Harry to see him still frozen in shock and staring at the worn wooden floor. Draco sighed softly and ran a shaking hand through his hair before finally dropping back into his chair, utterly exhausted.
Harry slowly sank into the chair across from him and raised his head to stare at him, dumbfounded.
"You keep pushing that you want us to get to know each other better," Draco said softly, his throat raw and scratchy from yelling and drinking. "And I…I just want to be near you."
Harry slouched in his chair and let out a harsh breath.
"Say something," Draco begged when the silence had gone on for longer than he could stand.
"Like what?"
He shrugged and looked down at his still trembling hands. "Tell me that you don't hate me."
Harry immediately sat up and reached across the table, taking one of Draco's shaking, clammy hands in his. "Of course I don't hate you. I could never hate you."
The blond swallowed the thick lump that was threatening to choke him and clutched at Harry's hand, watching as their fingers instinctively wound together. He couldn't bring himself to look into those eyes again, so he just stared at their hands and studied the contrast of their skin tones. "I'm not used to caring so much. Even when I was with Cedric, I never worried so much about what I said or did… about how he was going to take things…if he was going to cut me out of his life forever."
"I wouldn't do that," Harry insisted.
"You already tried once."
Harry's grip on his hand tightened, but he said nothing.
"Sometimes I wonder if…if Sirius hadn't died, would you have ever spoken to me again?"
"Of course I would have," Harry insisted, his grip becoming almost painful. "It was never my intention to not talk to you, it just…happened."
Draco snorted in disbelief. "Sure."
"Really." Harry never released his hand as he stood and quickly moved to the seat beside him. He placed a hand on Draco's knee and brought their joined hands to his chest to rest over his pounding heart. "At first, I just needed a break from anyone and anything that reminded me of Oliver. After a week, I was missing you so terribly that I think it only added to my grief. But by then, Sirius was already making plans for our trip and I told myself that it would be best if I didn't see you before I left."
"Best for you maybe," Draco said softly. "But what about me, Harry?"
Harry gave him a small, sad smile and rubbed his thumb softly over the blond's knuckles. "God, Draco… I'm so sorry that I hurt you. But my leaving wasn't about you." He reached out and gently pushed a few fallen locks out of sad silver grey eyes and let his fingertips gently graze his cheek before eventually, and reluctantly, pulling away. "I had to be selfish for awhile. And it helped in the long run."
Draco took a deep breath and finally looked up at him. "You don't trust me."
Harry's brow furrowed as he sat back, though his hold on Draco's hand never faltered. "Of course I trust you. What does this have to do with trust?"
"You won't let me near you. You are always the one to phone me. You don't seem to want to be seen with me in public and you won't give me a chance to prove that…that we could be really happy together."
For the second time that evening, Harry's eyes widened in shock. "I wasn't aware you wanted a chance to prove we could be happy together. You never said anything."
Shit…you're saying too much. Tone it down before you scare him off. Draco pulled his hand away as he stood and began pacing the length of the table. "I'm just saying… You get to call the shots. I have no say." He avoided Harry's gaze, not liking the way his eyes seemed to see right through him.
"Draco…are you…" Harry lightly cleared his throat. "Do you want to…date me?"
The blond forced a strained laugh as a strange sense of panic seized him and caused his chest and stomach to tighten in either fear or excitement, he wasn't sure which. Maybe it was a bit of both. "I didn't say that," he said with a soft shake of his head.
"Oh."
Oh for fucks sake! Just tell him the fucking truth already! He gathered up all his courage and forced himself to stop pacing. He looked down at Harry – who was staring at the wall again, his lower lip wedged tightly between his teeth – and took a deep breath. "But…what if I did say that?"
A light blush covered Harry's cheeks as he looked at Draco, then away. "I don't know," he whispered. "Maybe someday, but…" He shook his head and looked down at his hands.
Draco's face fell and he sat back down, slouching into his seat. "Why not?"
Harry shrugged. "What do I know about dating, really? My experiences haven't all been good ones."
"That's no reason not to try," Draco said softly.
Harry looked up at him. "I can't, Draco. I'm too scared."
"What if I talk to you more? What if I promise to tell you anything that you want to know? We can go as slowly as you want to, Harry. I won't rush you and I swear I won't push anymore." He hadn't realized how badly he wanted this until Harry made him say it out loud. But now that he had voiced it, he could finally admit to himself that he wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything in the world.
Harry looked thoughtfully at him for a moment as he chewed on his bottom lip. "Do you really think that we could make it work? We fight more than anything and you have a hard time opening up with me. I'm afraid we'll ruin what we have and at least right now we have something."
"I'm afraid too," Draco said softly. "I'm afraid that if you get to know me better…you won't like me anymore." He let his tired eyes close and took a deep breath as he awaited a response.
The room was perfectly still and silent. Draco couldn't even make out Harry's breathing and his heart clenched painfully in his chest at the implications of that silence.
His mind raced, trying to come up with some plausible way to take back what he had just said, to pass it off as a joke or as a drunken misunderstanding. He couldn't deny that he wanted Harry, but he couldn't handle another rejection like Blaise or to have his heart shattered again like it did the night Cedric had come home from Japan. He wanted to leave and before he realized what he was doing, he was standing and swiftly making his way out of the kitchen and back towards the front hall.
A very unmanly squeak, which he would later deny adamantly, escaped his lips as he was grabbed from behind. An arm was around his waist and he was being tugged back against Harry's body, which he could feel trembling from head to toe. Shaggy hair tickled his neck and hot breath was heating his already too warm skin, but he stood still and let himself be held as he waited to see what the brunet would do or say.
"Don't leave," Harry softly begged him. "I couldn't stand it if you walked out on me right now. We're both always walking away and it never gets us anywhere." His other arm came around Draco's middle and he held him tightly as he buried his face deeper into his neck.
Draco felt himself deflate as Harry's words washed over him, soothing his frazzled nerves. Without dislodging Harry's arms, he turned himself around and wrapped both arms around his neck. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered as he nuzzled the hair behind Harry's ear.
Harry sighed and relaxed against him.
For many long moments, they just stood in the kitchen and held each other. It occurred to Draco that they had never really done that before and he found that he liked the closeness of it. The smell of Harry and feel of his chest rising and falling with each soft breath seemed so natural to him that he could easily envision a world where this was an everyday occurrence.
The closest they had ever come to this was that first Christmas Eve well over a year ago when Harry had asked him if he loved him. Draco closed his eyes as he remembered and held Harry even closer.
"I don't think we should talk about this anymore tonight," Harry said as he ran his hands slowly up then back down Draco's back. "We've both had too much to drink and I don't know about you, but I could fall asleep just standing here if I let myself."
Draco laughed softly, for he understood exactly what Harry was saying. "I'm quite tired myself," he said as he finally pulled his head back. He looked down at the brunet and smiled. "Mind if I crash on your couch?"
"Or you could sleep in my room with me," Harry suggested with a shy smile and a blush. He looked away for a moment before taking a step back. He held out a hand. "We've never just slept together before."
Draco nodded and took his hand, knowing that even though he would normally be concerned about not being able to control himself while lying half naked in a bed with Harry, his libido would not be a problem tonight. He took Harry's hand and let him lead him upstairs where they undressed and climbed into the giant, curtained bed together. Harry wrapped his arms around him from behind and gently kissed the back of his head.
"I can't imagine anything you could do or say that would make me not like you," the brunet whispered against his ear. "I adore you, Draco, and…" He sighed softly and fell silent.
"And…?" Draco whispered back, his heart pounding as he waited for Harry to continue.
"And…I just…I like this. You in my arms. It's…nice and I'm really happy that you're here." He ducked his head into Draco's shoulder and inhaled deeply before placing a soft kiss there.
Draco sighed in contentment as he fell quickly into sleep.
*.*.*.*
When he awoke, he was alone. His mind immediately wandered back to that day over two years earlier when he had woken alone after his first night spent with Harry. He shook off the familiar feeling of despair and sat up, looking around and trying to get his bearings.
He could hear the melodic patter of heavy rain against the window and the sky outside was beginning to lighten as dawn approached, though the storm clouds kept the day looking dreary and miserable.
He pulled on his jeans and t-shirt and made his way to the attached bathroom where he quickly relieved himself. He smiled when he found a new toothbrush and a washcloth sitting on the counter and after a few minutes spent cleaning up, headed downstairs feeling much better about the day to come.
But Harry wasn't in the kitchen, which was where Draco had expected to find him. He wandered slowly through every room on the main floor and when he found no trace of Harry, he headed back upstairs.
On his way back to Harry's room, he noticed a soft light glowing at the end of the hall and could hear the sound of running water, which had initially been masked by the steady rains outside the window. He made his way towards the light and stepped into a dimly lit bathroom decorated in green glass tiles and black marble counters and floors. His eyes were immediately drawn to an enormous shower set so deep into the wall that no divider or curtain was necessary. Draco licked his lips and inhaled sharply, thankful for the lack of barrier between his no longer sleepy eyes and the sight that he was sure would be permanently etched into his memory until the day he died.
Harry was standing under the dual showerheads, his silky black hair plastered to his forehead and neck, drops of water clinging to his long lashes and his chin tucked against his chest. The slight muscles in his left arm bulged as he supported himself against the tile, his fingertips pressed tightly as if trying to grip the glass to keep himself steady.
Draco bit his lip to hold in a whimper as his eyes followed Harry's right arm down to where his hand was wrapped tightly around his cock, pumping furiously, his breaths coming in harsh pants and gasps with the occasional quiet moan interlaced. The sight of a naked, wet Harry was almost enough to undo him, but the sight of a naked, wet and hard Harry was enough to have him tearing at his own clothes in a race to get undressed so he could join him.
"Oh, fuck," Harry whispered as his hand squeezed tighter and slid faster over slick skin. "Oh, God… Draco."
At the breathless sound of his name, a raging fire swept through Draco's body, leaving him impossibly hard. He abandoned the need to continue undressing and hastily threw his shirt over his shoulder. He stepped directly into the shower, his jeans soaking through immediately and clinging to every inch of him as he moved towards the desperate, naked man in front of him. His fingers were itching with the need to touch him and his stomach gave a painful lurch at the sight of the muscles in Harry's back trembling and twitching as he stroked himself and continued to whisper his name.
Harry gasped softly and threw his head back as he let out a low moan. "Yes," he groaned, his hips now moving along with his hand. "Yes…Draco…please…"
The soft begging stripped away the last of his control and Draco suddenly found himself pressing his chest against Harry's back. He quickly slid one arm around Harry's waist to pull him closer and to help support him, while at the same time, his right hand tightly gripped Harry's wrist, stilling its frantic movements.
Harry let out a startled cry when he was grabbed, but immediately began pushing back against Draco's jean covered erection, grinding his ass urgently against him as the volume of his moans only increased.
Draco brought Harry's right hand up and pressed it against the wall beside the left. "Keep them there until I say you can move them, understand?" He nipped sharply at the brunet's earlobe before moving his mouth to his neck where he left messy, open mouthed kisses against the burning skin.
Harry gave a jerky nod as a shudder wracked his frame. "F-fine…just touch me, will you?"
Draco growled softly at the needy sound of Harry's voice and slid both hands up the smaller man's wet torso until he located his hard nipples. "I wasn't pleased when I awoke to find you gone." One hand pinched harshly while the other stroked softly, teasingly, the contrasting sensations causing Harry to groan and grunt as he writhed against him.
"Woke up so hard," Harry murmured. "Dreamt 'bout you." Another sharp pinch and he threw his head back against Draco's shoulder and let out a deep, throaty moan.
"You should have woken me," Draco whispered as he flicked his nail lightly over a nipple before pinching it again.
"No," Harry said softly, his body still writhing against the taller man. "Wanted to prove…" He hissed sharply as Draco bit down hard on his shoulder. "…I could resist you."
"I don't see you doing much resisting right now."
"Don't want to resist anymore." Harry turned his head and ran his tongue over the curve of Draco's jaw line. "Please…stop teasing."
Draco turned his head to capture Harry's lips in a deep, passionate kiss. He tugged at the brunet's lower lip with his teeth then swiped his tongue upward to run underneath his upper lip.
Harry whined softly and turned his face away. "Need to come, Draco…please touch me."
"But I am touching you," Draco whispered against his ear, his lips tracing the shell while his fingers continued their slow torture. He let his thumbs brush softly against his abused nipples and smirked when a stuttering breath caught in his lover's throat. "So sensitive." He repeated the action and ground his hips harder against the firm arse that was pressed against him.
"My cock," Harry begged him. "Touch my cock."
"Not yet."
Harry let out a frustrated groan and removed his right hand from the wall.
"No," Draco said firmly. He grabbed Harry's hand and forced it back to the wall. "What did I just say?"
Harry exhaled harshly. "I was doing just fine 'til you got here. Why do you have to torture me?"
"I can leave if you want…let you finish this alone?"
Harry let out an involuntary whimper and shook his head. "No." He said it so softly that it was almost swallowed up by the sound of the rushing water that surrounded them.
"Good." Draco slid his hands back down Harry's chest to his stomach, reveling in the feel of the muscles as they tightened and released under his touch, loving the fact that it was his hands that caused such a reaction. He dragged his nails gently over Harry's firm abdomen, leaving light pink scratches from his naval to his narrow hips which he gripped tightly, guiding the smaller man's movements as he continued to push back and rub against him. The friction caused by Harry's tight arse and the coarse material of his wet jeans was almost too much, so he forced Harry to still his movements and took a step back so he could breathe.
"Damn it, Draco," Harry groaned as he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to the tiled wall.
Draco hummed softly and he watched Harry's wet body flex as it settled into place. "Don't move," he ordered as he hastily began loosening his belt. He tossed it aside and cursed softly as he struggled with the wet button and zipper, letting out a soft cry of triumph when he finally managed to free his painful erection. He gave himself a few firm strokes, enough to ease the frustration of his arousal. "I want to fuck you," he said as he moved closer to Harry's trembling body and ran his hand from the back of the brunet's neck all the way down his arched spine and to his arse. "Jesus, Harry…you have no idea how fucking beautiful you are, do you?"
Harry moaned softly, his body curving to press tighter into Draco's hand as it moved. "I've wanted you since last night. Please, Draco…I'm not going to last long."
"Well, in that case, we'll save the fucking for later."
Harry let out a sigh of disappointment. "Draco…"
"What else do you want, Harry? What do you want me to do to you?"
"I don't bloody well care as long as you make me come!"
Draco chuckled softly. "Testy." He brushed his hand over Harry's tense shoulder. "Do you want me to use my hands…or my mouth?" He leaned in and ran his tongue teasingly over the back of Harry's neck.
Harry shivered and tilted his head forward to give Draco even better access to his skin. "Either… both…I don't care."
"I'd like to taste you," Draco said softly.
"Then taste me."
"Tell me to suck your cock."
Harry groaned, his hands on the wall clenching into tight fists.
"Turn around and tell me to suck your cock, Harry."
Harry took a deep breath before finally turning around, his lust darkened gaze settling on Draco's face. His emerald eyes ran down Draco's pale, half naked body, lingering on his exposed erection and the wet jeans that still clung to his hips. His lip twitched slightly as he looked up to meet stormy silver. "Suck my cock," he said softly. He leaned back against the wall, angling his hips out, offering himself to the blond.
Draco smiled a wicked smile and dropped to his knees in front of him. "I thought you'd never ask." He gripped the base in his hand and wrapped his lips around the tip, swiping his tongue over the head and moaning softly at the taste of Harry's precum. He let his eyes fall shut and he sucked harder.
"Jesus Christ," Harry groaned as he bucked his hips, forcing himself deeper into Draco's mouth. "I love your mouth."
"Hmm," Draco hummed softly. He took him in deeper until he could feel the thick head pressing against the back of his throat. He swallowed once and slid back slowly until only the very tip was surrounded by his lips.
Harry grunted and slid his fingers into Draco's hair, gripping tightly and guiding his head to move faster.
It surprised him every time he allowed Harry to control him like this. It was something he had never allowed anyone else to do, not even Cedric, but as Harry continued to fuck his mouth, Draco felt himself growing even harder. So he allowed Harry to guide him and just went with it. He pressed his tongue tightly to the underside of his straining cock, tracing the thick vein and licking lightly at the leaking slit, causing Harry to let out a long, deep sigh of pleasure.
"I'm so close," Harry whispered.
Draco slid his free hand up one of Harry's trembling thighs and guided his legs further apart, giving him easier access to the parts of his body he was most eager to touch. He lightly traced Harry's opening with a water slicked finger and when he heard a quiet gasp, pushed his finger inside slowly and at the same time began to suck again, hoping to distract from the slight sharp sting that he knew the brunet was feeling.
Harry was panting heavily and mumbling incoherently as he spread his legs even further and ground himself down against the finger inside of him. His hold on Draco's hair loosened and one hand let go completely to brace against the wall and keep him from falling over.
Draco felt the increased shaking in Harry's legs and heard the frantic pace of his breathing and sucked harder, his tongue circling the head before he took him deeper and into his throat. He quickly added a second finger and then a third and began searching for that magical spot that he knew would send Harry over the edge. After three quick jabs, he found it, if Harry's loud moan and wildly bucking hips were any indication. Draco swallowed repeatedly, letting the muscles of his throat massage the head and he knew it wouldn't be long now. He pumped his fingers faster and harder, again and again.
"Oh, my God." Harry's thin frame shuddered almost violently and he pressed himself back against the wall. He gripped Draco's shoulders to help support himself as he gasped for breath. "Draco…"
Draco pulled his fingers free from Harry's tensing body and wrapped a hand tightly around the base of his cock, holding off his orgasm.
"You fucking bastard!" Harry cried as he tried to thrust himself into his hand.
Draco laughed softly and scrambled up onto his feet. He kissed Harry deeply, hoping to distract him from his irritation. "I don't want you to come until I'm inside of you," he said against his lips. "Now turn around."
Harry didn't hesitate in obeying. He turned his back and leaned over as much as he could, bracing his forearms against the tile and pressing his forehead into them. "There's lube on the shelf."
Draco gave him a curious look before turning to the shelf on the wall to his left and easily locating the item for which he was searching. He grabbed the surprisingly expensive bottle of lube and poured a liberal amount into his palm. The scent of vanilla invaded his senses and his erection throbbed in response. He set the bottle on the floor, slicked his cock with a couple quick strokes and stepped forward, placing a hand on Harry's tense back. "Lean over a bit more."
Harry repositioned himself and gasped loudly as Draco grabbed him by the hips and began to push into him with no warning.
Draco squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath, trying his hardest not to come at the first feeling of tight heat gripping him almost painfully. Only half way in, he stilled his hips and pressed his nose into Harry's silky, citrus scented curls. "Don't…move," he whispered softly.
He had thought he had perfect control, but he had always underestimated his body's response to the man beneath him. He struggled to regain that lost control and momentarily feared his fight would end in embarrassment and disappointment, but finally, Harry's body began to loosen around him and he could feel the sharp edge of orgasm receding. He could breathe again.
Harry squirmed against him, soft moans and heavy breaths muffled by the arms he buried his face in.
Once again in control, Draco leaned over to suck softly at the nape of Harry's neck as he slowly, so very slowly pulled his hips back and then pushed forward again. His breath caught at the brilliant sensation of being caressed by Harry's body and he had to hold tighter to the brunet's hips to keep himself from slamming forward and accidentally hurting him.
Harry let out a soft sigh and pressed back eagerly. "Come on," he muttered softly. "Draco…move."
He kept his thrusts slow and deep, leaning back to watch himself disappear again and again into the body that fit him like a second skin. He ran his hands over the quivering muscles of Harry's back, noticing for the first time that, unlike most of their previous encounters, no bruises marred his flesh. A sharp stab of remembered anger and grief gripped him and he pressed his chest to that back and placed gentle, loving kisses on the neck exposed to him and he moved his hips faster, determined that his lover would never again know the pains and agonies of mistreatment. "You're beautiful," he mumbled against wet skin. "You're so beautiful…so…perfect."
"Draco," Harry moaned. He turned his head to kiss him, placing his palms flat against the wall to help steady him so he could press back harder.
Draco kissed him slowly and ran his fingers up Harry's arms and covered his hands with his own. He slid his long, pale fingers between shorter, darker ones and gripped tightly.
Harry's grip was just as tight and he kissed Draco harder, sliding his tongue deeper into his mouth, tasting every inch of teeth and lips and tongue that he could reach.
This wasn't what he had planned when he had so hurriedly undressed. All he had wanted was a quick, hard fuck and a release for the frustrations and desires that had plagued him through the night. But this was a thousand times better than the unfeeling, frantic tumble that his imagination had supplied for him when he had first witnessed Harry wanking and whispering his name only fifteen minutes earlier.
Harry finally released his mouth and looked up at him with heavily lidded, piercing eyes. It was a look that Draco didn't fully understand and part of him wanted to ask what it meant, but as fast as the look had come, it was gone again. Harry turned his head away and let it droop forward so his chin rested on his chest.
Draco groaned as he felt Harry squeeze around him and he stilled for a moment, enjoying the feeling for as long as he could.
"No," Harry whined softly. "Keep going…please…please don't stop!"
Draco began thrusting in earnest, rewarded by murmured curses and quiet moans and sharp cries and gasps. His hips seemed to have suddenly developed a mind of their own. He released one of Harry's hands and pulled him tighter against him so that he was almost standing upright. He moaned at the clamping of muscles around his cock as the smaller body shifted and relaxed against his chest. This was pure heaven. Warm water continued to cascade down on them, increasing the slickness of their bodies as they moved together, amplifying the sounds of their skin smacking together, plastering their hair and Draco's jeans to their bodies. I want this…forever. I want him…if he'll have me.
Underneath Draco's strong grip, Harry's hand clenched tightly and a soft tumble of indistinguishable words poured from his mouth between desperate panting breaths.
Draco could feel the tightening in his belly, the tingling in the soles of his feet, the slow, steady burn in his veins and it gave him more pleasure than he had ever known when he realized that Harry must be feeling the exact same thing. I did this. I made him feel this way. He turned his head and flicked his tongue against the brunet's throat, then his ear, then the corner of his mouth. He nibbled softly on the lobe of his ear and the skin that stretched so beautifully over his shoulders and neck.
"Draco…" Harry whispered. He let out a soft sobbing sound as his body momentarily froze. Then he jerked, again and again, his come splattering over the wall in front of them in long, powerful spurts. Even after he had been milked dry, he continued to writhe and whimper as his overly sensitive body did it's best to help Draco along.
Draco let out a long, throaty moan as Harry's muscles contracted around him, an intense pressure that seemed to suck the very air from his lungs. The suffocating grip eased until only a soft fluttering remained and he let that softness carry him over. He clenched his teeth tightly and buried his face in Harry's neck and cried out his completion, surprising himself with the desperate, longing sounds that escaped his mouth. It was intensely powerful and felt as if it had gone on for minutes instead of mere seconds and when he finally became still again, he was reluctant to move in fear that his leg muscles might give out and leave him on the floor in a boneless heap.
He finally raised his head and looked down at Harry. He had pressed himself against the wall, his cheek resting against their entwined fingers as he breathed deeply through his nose, trying to calm himself. His body shook and Draco knew that the only thing keeping him on his feet was the hard wall and the arm that was still wrapped securely around his waist.
"You alright?" he asked as he leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his shoulder.
Harry chuckled softly, but managed a short nod. "You?"
Draco pressed his forehead to the back of Harry's still trembling shoulder. "Fantastic."
Harry laughed again.
"Think you can walk?"
Harry shifted slightly and snorted. "Maybe if you get off me."
Draco smirked, then carefully slipped out of him and took a step back on shaky legs. He watched as Harry turned himself around and leaned heavily back against the wall.
His smirk turned into a full fledged smile when he saw the satisfied look on his lovers face. He stepped forward and took that face into his hands and kissed him deeply.
Harry rested his hands over Draco's and sighed against his lips. "This wasn't supposed to happen."
"I know," Draco whispered, his lips still brushing lightly over Harry's.
"We were supposed to talk…get to know each other better."
"What did you expect me to do when I walked in here and saw you like that?" Draco kissed his neck and nuzzled the hair behind his ear. "You smell good."
Harry ran his hands over Draco's shoulders and down his back. "I dreamt about you and when I woke up I was so bloody hard that I felt like I was going to burst." He sighed softly as Draco's warm breath brushed over his ear. "I was just going to wank right there next to you, but after only a minute I knew that I wouldn't last another second without attacking you, so I came in here."
"You left the door open." Draco bit down on his earlobe then soothed the sting with a swipe of his tongue.
Harry tilted his head back. "I was in a bit of a rush."
Draco snickered as he looked up into Harry's eyes. "Let's go back to bed and have another go and I promise we'll talk when we wake up from our nap."
"Nap? We just got up, Draco." Harry moaned softly as long, pale fingers traced slow circles around his still sensitive nipples.
"Oh, you're definitely going to need a nap when I'm through with you." Draco smiled a bright smile as he stood up straight and grabbed Harry's wrist, pulling him away from the wall. He turned the taps off and motioned with his head for the brunet to follow him.
"I don't recall agreeing to your terms," Harry half-heartedly protested as he let Draco guide him down the hall and to the bedroom.
Draco pushed him down onto the bed and straddled his waist. He wrapped his fingers around Harry's already reawakening erection and smiled at the soft moan he heard. "Sure…keep telling yourself that, Harry."
*.*.*.*
TBC…
AN: Mmmm…there's nothing sexier (in my mind, anyway) than Draco Malfoy in wet jeans…tasty! Hope you enjoyed!