A/N: I have been looking forward to getting to this chapter. There's finally some time in the day to do it, so here's it!
The assignment given to Remus by the Order was a constant weight he pulled around the day. At night, he would sit at the edge of the bed, hoping for a letter proclaiming the cancellation of the plan. It never came.
He had thought of reasons he could use to persuade the Order to cancel the assignment, too, but what was he supposed to say? It'll never work, the wolves will just get a new leader. Or, Greyback would never fall for this. He supposed they would sound rational enough to a person like Tonks, but Snape would simply sneer at his lack of "life-risking action".
This burden on his heart was no excuse from his lessons with the children, though. He had finally progressed to teaching them Accio. Surprisingly, they caught on quite well. Soon enough, the little classroom was filled with trinkets zooming here and there, and the air was lightened with the laughter of the children. Looking on, Remus felt more contented with himself than he had been for quite a while.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Fenrir waving his wand around in the air. Remus lipread him, watching the spell he was muttering, cautiously. Fenrir caught sight of the smaller man looking over at him and grinned widely, calling out his spell more audibly.
"Accio Remus Lupin."
He then opened his arms as if expecting Remus to fly right into them. But, of course, Remus didn't. Fenrir scowled in mock disappointment, and even the children laughed at that. Remus laughed along too, but he knew that that was how it would always be. A gap between them, that neither could cross. Separate; that was how they were meant to be, wasn't it?
Christmas arrived in a dramatic flurry of snow and a sudden plummet in temperature. The outside looked like white hell. Inside the house, things weren't much warmer, either. There was no holiday spirit at all. Everyone was more intent on finishing their own tasks of the day.
Remus was free, however. He had cancelled lessons for the day, in his own holiday spirit. Whilst the adults bustled around the house, watching the free man rather enviously, Remus quietly stared out of the window. He breathed deeply, heart racing.
The assignment. He had to do it. And Christmas was darn well the only day he could come up with a plausible excuse to get Fenrir out of the house.
The house was warm, thankfully, but Remus was shaking all over. He turned away from the window and waited for Fenrir. His hands were shivering terribly, and their veins showed through his seemingly translucent skin. He didn't want to do this.
Finally, the familiar shape of the man, with a thick coat draped over it, appeared at one of the doorways. Gritting his teeth, Remus got to his feet and quickly strode over.
"Alpha, I-I need to get out of the house."
Fenrir's eyes scoured him up and down, as if looking for signs of cabin fever.
"Be back by dinner, then."
Dammit, I need you to get out of the house, with me!
"You- you trust me? Aren't you afraid that I might run away?"
Fenrir shrugged nonchalantly, smiling.
"I don't think you want to."
"Er- since it's Christmas, do you think, you could, um, accompany me out?"
Remus felt like he had squeaked that out in his discomfort. And you call yourself a grown man!
Fenrir seemed to have been done with his torture. He called for his right-hand man to take charge for the day.
Then, he and Remus walked out together into the snow and they Apparated away.
They landed in a dark, empty corner of a Muggle train station. Remus landed on his feet, but Fenrir obviously had some trouble, almost falling over. Remus tried to stifle his snigger. Unfortunately, Fenrir caught it, and smacked him in a playful but painful fashion on his right arm.
As they walked towards the ticketing man, Remus realised in horror that they had no tickets, and no money to buy tickets to catch the train. And the train was arriving in barely a minute. Without knowing why, he started panicking.
"We have no money to get on the train!" he gasped, looking frantic.
Fenrir snorted and rolled his eyes at the smaller man.
"And you didn't have the brains to just bring us straight to the town, hmm?"
Remus looked at him in an aghast fashion. Why didn't he think of that?
Being with this man makes me a stupid lovesick schoolgirl, I swear.
"Little Remus wants a romantic train ride with his favourite handsome wolf, that's why," Fenrir laughed.
Remus made a small hurt sound and turned away from him. There were many people around them now. They were a swirling, thronging crowd, desperate to head to town to have a taste of the Christmas spirit. The train doors were open, and they were flooding in. And just as quickly, any time now, the train doors were going to close, and...
"We don't need tickets," Fenrir proclaimed.
Remus whipped around.
"What?!"
Fenrir flashed him another of his wide, toothy grins. Snatching Remus' arm, he dragged Remus through the crowd, practically bulldozing anyone in the way. Then, carrying Remus bridal style, he leapt over the barricades. The ticketing men were shouting and hollering at them, but they couldn't find them in all the people. Just as one ticketing man finally got close enough to hoist them back, the doors slammed shut, and the train rolled away into the distance.
Both of them were laughing hysterically as they slid down onto the seats. Fenrir was probably laughing at the clumsiness of the Muggles, but Remus was laughing because he was hearing Fenrir laughing so sincerely for the first time, and because he had never had such fun in such a long time. The people around were staring at them sceptically. Still, neither felt very bothered.
As the train rolled along, Remus thought of the last time he had been so happy. He thought of the Marauders, of his school days in Hogwarts, of Sirius and James. Those were the days, he remembered, when he could wake up in the morning and feel truly glad for being alive. When he was given reasons to smile, instead of having to find reasons to smile.
Remus suddenly felt very tired. Living in the past always tired him out. Sighing, he squeezed his eyes shut and placed his heavy head against Fenrir's strong shoulder.
"Wake me up when we get there."
There was no reply, just a simple hand clapping onto his shoulder. And that was good enough for him.
"Wake up, little boy."
There was a rough shaking against his arm, causing Remus to jolt awake. He groggily glanced up and down the empty train, vision clearing.
"Sorry, Alpha."
Fenrir got up, pulling Remus back to his feet. They walked in silence out of the train station and into town. It was a dramatic change of scenery.
The town was experiencing heavy snow, too. But it was aglow with warm lights and jolly music being played by bands and being sung by choirs. Families milled around the shops, the parents trying to haggle for lower prices whilst the children poked at the decorations. A gigantic Christmas tree sat in the middle of the town. It was well done, from the crystal balls that hung off it and the little bells that chimed with the wind, to the large shining star atop it. An equally well made Santa Claus and his reindeer sat comfortably below it, much to the delight of the people, who were joyously clicking away family photographs with their cameras.
Remus, himself, felt like a child again.
"This is wonderful!" he exclaimed, before he could stop himself.
"Uh huh," Fenrir said, surveying the town. He obviously didn't see the point of wasting money on such a pointless event.
"I haven't seen such a sight, perhaps since the time of Hogwa-"
"You're not still trying to pretend to be a human, are you?" Fenrir questioned. Remus immediately knew he had said something wrong, and turned away, embarrassed.
Fenrir continued, "Well, I myself, I can't remember my first Christmas. Or if I even had one. When I could start remembering things, I was already what I am today. Werewolf."
Remus hung his head. He didn't know if he should be feeling sorry for Fenrir at that point in time.
"I know a few traditions though," Fenrir smirked, "Like if we both stood under a mistletoe, we'd have to-"
Remus felt a blush form across his cheeks. And it was not from being repelled by the mental image of them kissing under a mistletoe. He even found it oddly romantic, though the other person happened to be Fenrir Greyback.
"Let's go find one."
With that, they started strolling around all the shops. Remus was interested in examining the various objects the shops had to offer -who knew you could make musical boxes with a winding mechanism, instead of magic?-, though Fenrir was more interested in looking for that elusive mistletoe. By far, Remus was having more luck with finding odd Muggle objects to study, than Fenrir with his looking around for that damnable mistletoe. It seemed like all the shops had avoided hanging it up, to prevent, well, unpleasant scenarios from happening.
By the time they had reached what seemed to be the last shop, Remus' brain was completely saturated with all the new information he had absorbed today. For every weird object he couldn't operate, he would approach the counter and ask for help. Some shopkeepers looked at him with as if he was mentally challenged, but others were more patient. Typical human behaviour though, so he didn't blame the scathing ones.
Fenrir strode out of the shop in a pseudo-grumpy manner after Remus was done, as his search for the mistletoe was proven a total failure, even after the hours they had spent in town.
When they had left the house, it was barely past lunch, but now, it was fast approaching evening. The shorter days meant the sky had developed into the black night sky, already. The snowfall had lightened, and the stars were twinkling brightly above. The streetlights came alive and soaked the snow coated pavements with their warm yellow light. The foodstalls and restaurants were now bustling with families wanting to catch a dinner before continuing their walks. The aroma from all the cooking food wafted around the area enticingly, reminding the hungry of their presence. Remus was no exception.
"I'm hungry," Remus sighed.
Fenrir looked down at the man. In an unexpected show of kindness, he offered, "I'll go get you something to eat, then."
Remus felt pretty pathetic as he replied, "We have no money."
"We don't need money," Fenrir snorted, "We need money as much as we needed those blasted train tickets."
Remus looked questioningly up at him, but Fenrir patted his shoulder comfortingly. He guided Remus to a bench near the Christmas tree, and signalled for him to sit down.
"Stay here," he said. He took off his heavy coat and threw it over Remus, for extra insulation, before striding off to a nearby store.
Looking at his back, Remus knew his opportunity had arrived. He hadn't planned it, but here it was, right in his reach now. All he had to do now, was to make use of it. His hand slid into his pocket, feeling the cold metal of the magical coin.
Just say the spell, and this will all be over.
Remus pictured the scene. The Order Apparating into the scene, taking down Fenrir. Muggles screaming, Muggles being oblivated. And the captured Fenrir, stumbling out of the store, glaring at Remus on the bench. I thought I told you to just stay there! Stay there! Tonks beaming, giving him the thumbs up. Wotcher, Remus! Then, someone would escort him back to the Order's Headquarters, where he would be named an official hero of the war. Champagne popping, people excitedly clapping and cheering for Remus, as if he had ended the war.
Then, no more problems. No sir, just a nice long break in the bunkers, while others do the dangerous field work. Fenrir would fade away from his mind, he could have a rather regular life with Tonks and Teddy. And before he would know it, the war would have ended, the skies would clear, and he could be happy, once again.
Could he, really?
He gripped the coin tightly, the recently played scenario flirting with him to take the dive. It all just seemed so simple...
Remus, for once in your life, do something you would be proud of.
The coat on his shoulders smelled strongly of the person whom he belonged to now. The coin in his hand burned as a reminder of the people whom he used to belong to.
Used to.
If I returned, would I be happy? Proud of what I did? The days would pass in a flurry, but the nights would be torture. They would be when I see his face, remember him for all he is.
I can't deny I haven't felt anything for him.
Decisively, Remus pushed the coin into the deepest depths of his pocket and withdrew his hand, as if he had been bitten by a poisonous snake. Then, he drew his knees to his chest and start sobbing like a broken man.
The songs in the air all seemed so bland now.
I'm sorry, Tonks. I'm sorry, Teddy. I'm sorry, Sirius, James.
"Something wrong?"
A large shadow was cast over his smaller body. Remus shakily looked up at Fenrir, who gripped the base of his chin with his free hand.
"You aren't supposed to cry on Christmas."
You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why- Santa Claus is coming, to town!
"I- I just couldn't help myself, I'm so-"
Fenrir dropped a large box on chocolates onto his lap. Before Remus could ask how, he smiled proudly.
"Accio."
Remus gaped disbelievingly up at him. Despite knowing this was a stolen good, Remus couldn't help but frantically unwrap it, as he was driven madly by hunger and craving. Soon, his mouth was stuffed with white chocolate, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, mint chocolate, orange, everything. When his hunger pangs were curbed, he looked guiltily down at the half empty box. Fenrir sniggered.
"Like a pregnant woman, with your cravings, you are."
Remus scowled at him, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. However, just as he shut the box and got up to leave, Fenrir pushed him back down to the bench. Fenrir then drew a recognisable plant from the pocket of his pants and placed it over their heads.
"Not in public, Merlin!" Remus flushed, shyly turning his head away. Fenrir simply laughed loudly, causing a few concerned parents to look in their direction.
"Accio Remus Lupin."
With that, Fenrir bent down on one knee, and pressed his lips onto Remus'. Remus didn't know if the Accio spell had finally worked for Fenrir, because he found that he didn't want to pull away. Fenrir's tongue ran across Remus' chocolate tainted teeth, before slipping into his mouth. Remus pulled him closer, wanting him nearer, deepening the kiss. Fenrir's hands gripped Remus' waist tightly, before he eventually leant his body against Remus. Remus didn't feel cold anymore, the warmth from the other man radiating against him through the thin fabric of his clothes.
When they broke away, both were panting slightly, smiling at each other. There were many parents shielding their children's eyes, and forcing them away from the pair, but again, neither could care less.
The first few times Remus felt a pang of..something, for Fenrir, he had to visualise Fenrir as someone else, Sirius, Tonks, the like. Now, he didn't have to. He would like to think that that was a sign of the gap closing.
Remus tucked the box of chocolates under his arm carefully, before linking hands with Fenrir. The pair walked away into a secluded area, hidden from everyone except the sky above, and Apparated away back to the house.
Back at the house, things were as dead as usual. It was as if the Christmas spirit in Remus was snuffed out in the instant he stepped foot into the house. Thinking of the time he had spent with Fenrir made things at dinner better though, for at dinner, many, he could tell, were gossiping about where the pair could have possibly gone for so long.
After dinner, Remus brought the box of chocolates back to his room and placed it into an unused drawer. He casted a spell on it to prevent melting. Legs tired, and head spinning from the events in town, he gladfully went about brushing his teeth and washing his face, happy for the fact that it was finally bedtime. Before he could turn in, though, a knock sounded harshly against his door.
"What is- Oh, Alpha-!" Remus said, rubbing his eyes.
Fenrir replied amusedly, "Well, since it's Christmas, do you think you could accompany me to my room?"
Remus blinked several times. He didn't have the option of "No", did he? He'd like to believe he didn't.
Nodding, Remus walked with Fenrir to his room. As Fenrir opened the door, he called out, "Goodnight, Alpha!"
Fenrir raised an eyebrow, before smirking.
"I forgot to say, accompany me into my room."
Remus felt the colour rise to his face for what had to be the hundredth time in the day.
"Stay for the night. Stay here."
He pulled Remus into the obviously larger room, and both of them flomped down onto the bed.
For the first time, Remus saw how tired and worn Fenrir looked. Moving forward, Fenrir grasped Remus with surprising gentleness, cradling him against his larger body. His hand pressed against the small of Remus' back. Both felt too worn out by today, the reminder of what life could be, to say anything else besides,
"Merry Christmas." Which was spoken quietly by Remus.
Fenrir grunted in response, "Mm. Christmas to you."
Not like what Sirius or Tonks would have said. But that was good enough for him.
A/N: I hope this chapter made it up to anyone who has waited long for this story to get a move on :X Thanks to all who are and have been reading this story!