BY VERY DEFINITION
17. Popular
The next day found Parker walking by herself to school. Quinn wasn't allowed to move any more, so there was no real need for Rhonda to drive her anywhere. Parker was tired, Rhonda had kept her up half the night, fussing over her aching nose and her stained sweater. Parker slowly made her way through the parking lot, not exactly paying attention. She moved automatically over to the dumpster and stood on her tippy-toes to peek over the edge, her fingers resting on the edge of the opening.
"Hey, Kurt." She said into the garbage. Kurt was sprawled out over the mess, laying there uselessly. He lifted his head when his friend called out to him.
"Oh. Hey, Parker." He said casually, lifting his hand in greeting. Parker couldn't help but smile.
"Would you like some help?" She offered.
"Please." Kurt sat up and took Parker's outstretched hand. Parker lifted him to a standing position and helped him clamber over the side of the dumpster. Once he was safely on the blacktop he straightened and Parker helped Kurt brush himself off. He picked up his bag that was lying nearby and slung it over his shoulder. "Thanks." He said gratefully.
"Not a problem." Parker said as Kurt crooked his arm. Parker placed her hand around his elbow and was paraded off toward the school.
"So, what's up, sunshine?" Kurt asked cheerfully.
"What do you know about Tate Hanson?" Parker asked, chewing her lip. Kurt thought about it for a minute before answering.
"Not a lot. He's a basketball prodigy. He gets decent grades, from what I can tell he's a pretty decent person. Not to mention he's one of the most attractive high-schoolers I've ever seen. Why?"
"No reason." Parker muttered. They reached Kurt's locker and he dropped her arm, turning to fix her with a piercing stare, arching one of his eyebrows.
"Parker." He said sternly, "No lying and no omitting."
"Kurt!" Parker complained wearily, leaning against the locker next to his.
"Parker!" He shot back.
"He walked me to my locker last night." Parker said, "He was...nice."
"Oh." Kurt said, slamming his locker. For a split-second, Parker was worried that she had upset him, but when he turned to her she saw that he was smiling. "My. God. Parker! You like him!"
"I do not! Please be quiet!" His friend pleaded.
"I refuse." He responded simply. He took her arm back in his own and started escorting her down the hall. "Did he say anything to you?"
"About what?"
"About...anything. I mean, did it seem like he liked you?" Kurt clarified.
"No." Parker's eyes dropped to her feet.
"What makes you say that?"
"I thought he did, just a little bit. And then he asked me if Quinn would 'go for' him." Parker explained sadly.
"Ouch." Kurt winced. His forlorn friend nodded in agreement. "I'm sorry."
"Not your fault." Parker said coldly, "I mean, it's not that big of a deal, really. I'm used to this kind of stuff. I can handle it."
"But you don't have to!" Kurt said forcefully, stopping suddenly. When Parker was pulled to a stop she turned to him accusingly and saw her friend staring at the hallway with wide, vacant eyes, his mouth hanging open in astonishment.
"Kurt?" Parker asked nervously, waving her free hand in front of his face, "What's wrong? Kurt? Hellloooo?"
"You don't have to handle it." Kurt said, his mind returning to earth. "Wouldn't you rather...?"
"Rather what?" Parker demanded, quickly losing her patience.
"We can make him like you." Kurt said.
"What?"
"It won't be that hard, mostly what you'll need is a makeover, maybe some minor personality adjustments. No biggie."
"What if I like my personality?" The girl asked sharply.
"Do you?" Her friend inquired. Parker hesitated. "Look at it this way; would you rather have Tate or be yourself? Would you rather be liked or keep your personality? And your clothes."
"I'd," Parker sighed, "I'd rather be liked."
"Then that settles it." Kurt said decisively as he started hauling Parker down the hall again.
"Settles what?"
"We are going to make you into what Tate Hanson wants." He informed her.
"You missed the turn." Parker pointed out, hopelessly turning her head in that direction.
"Nope. That's not where we're going."
"For crying out freaking loud, Kurt! Where are we going?"
"The office of one Sue Sylvester."
"Let me get this straight, Pumpernickel." Sue Sylvester said, observing the two students that stood in front of her, "You want me to bring this scrawny toothpick into my high class Cheerios?"
"Yes." Kurt said at once. Sue Sylvester leaned back in her chair, pressing her fingertips together as she took in the small girl. "Ms. Sylvester, I think it'd be a good decision. I need help with the vocals, and Parker is a good singer."
"You're in Glee Club?" Ms. Sylvester asked, directing the question at Parker.
"Yes." She answered weakly.
"She's the new rising star." Kurt added, "Mr. Schue drafted her in when he heard her sing, and she's part of my dueling pianos piece."
"Hand picked by Shcuester, huh?" Ms. Sylvester considered. "Twiggy, come have a seat." She gestured to the seat across from her. Parker moved forward and perched herself on the chair. "Listen, Olive Oil..."
"Her name's Parker." Kurt corrected from behind his small friend.
"If she is to be in my presence she will respond to Twiggy and Olive Oil, I can't decide which I like better, they're both so clever. I'm all for adding a cute young thing like you to my team, especially if you're a singer, this is going to get that Spanish Teacher steamed. But if there's one thing I won't put up with it's this passive invisible vibe you've got going on. Cheerios have the attitude of winner, you have the attitude of a fainting goat. You've got to adjust your mind, because when you're on my team, you're a winner. You're the best there is."
"Understood." Parker said at once.
"I don't know if you can do it." The Cheerleading coach said.
"I can!" Parker insisted, "I can't think of anything that I set out to do and failed. I'm the one that Slushied Lemsky! Yeah, and it felt good to show him who was boss."
"I can work with that." Ms. Sylvester said with a shrug, leaning forward to address Kurt, "Help her get a uniform. And glam her up just a little bit." She returned her attention to Parker, "You will show up to school tomorrow in your Cheerio uniform and Cheerio winning attitude. You will attend practice after school and work with Kurt as needed. Keep your hair up in a ponytail at all times. And do something about those god-awful gloves, those look like rags unfit to scrub my feet." She looked back and forth between Kurt and Parker who were watching her with wide eyes. "Well? I believe I dismissed you." And though she had done no such thing the two scampered off.
Kurt walked into the kitchen where Rhonda sat later that afternoon when he came to pick Parker up.
"Hello, Mrs. Pierson." Kurt greeted her, she responded with a wave, "Where's Quinn?"
"She's in her room." Rhonda said, "I think Parker is in there with her."
"I'll stop in to say hello. Then I'm taking Parker shopping. I'm giving Parker a makeover."
"Why?" Rhonda asked with interest as she began fishing through her purse.
"No reason. She just wanted a new look since I got her to join the Cheerios."
"Parker? A Cheerio?" Rhonda repeated, a smile spread across her face and she handed Kurt her credit card. "That is wonderful. Get her some nice things."
"Will do." Kurt promised, taking the credit card with a wink. He walked up the stairs and down the hall, knocking before opening the door to Quinn's room. The room was still plain, both girls were sitting on her bed.
"Hey, Kurt." Quinn said.
"Bedrest?"
"I'm not allowed to move any more. I could give birth at any moment."
"Pleasant." Kurt said dryly, "Parker, let's go. She told you that she joined the Cheerios, right?"
"We talked about it earlier." Quinn answered, "And you know what? I loved being a Cheerio. If you're up for it I'd give anyone my blessing."
"I'm giving Parker a makeover." Kurt said.
"Really?" Quinn answered with interest, "That's great."
"She's going to be the most desirable girl in school when I'm done with her." Kurt explained with a wicked glint in his eye.
"Oh, Please." Parker rolled her eyes. Quinn put her hands bracingly on Parker's shoulders and Kurt put his hands on his hips in front of her.
Kurt ((Quinn)) Both
"((Whenever I see someone
Less fortunate than I
And let's face it - who isn't
Less fortunate than I?
My tender heart
Tends to start to bleed))
And when someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know I know exactly what they need
And even in your case
Tho' it's the toughest case I've yet to face
Don't worry - I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead
And yes, indeed
You will be:
Popular!
You're gonna be popular!
((I'll teach you the proper ploys
When you talk to boys
Little ways to flirt and flounce))
I'll show you what shoes to wear
How to fix your hair
Everything that really counts
((To be popular))
We'll help you be popular!
You'll hang with the right cohorts
You'll be good at sports
Know the slang you've got to know
So let's start
(('Cause you've got an awfully long way to go:))
Don't be offended by my frank analysis
Think of it as personality dialysis
((Now that I've chosen to be come a pal, a
Sister and adviser
There's nobody wiser
Not when it comes to popular -
I know about popular))
And with an assist from me
To be who you'll bee
Instead of dreary who-you-were: are:
There's nothing that can stop you
From becoming popu-
Ler:((lar:))
La la la la
We're gonna make
You popular
((When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf
To think of))
Celebrated heads of state or
Specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge?
((Don't make me laugh!))
They were popular! Please -
It's all about popular!
It's not about aptitude
It's the way you're viewed
So it's very shrewd to be
Very very popular
You'll See!"
Kurt pulled his small friend out of Quinn's room and out of the house, basically shoving her into the passenger's seat of the truck. He drove her to several clothing stores and was explaining things to her the entire time. "Obviously you'll wear your uniform to school. I'll teach you how to curl the ponytail you have to wear with it. But when you aren't at school you wear sundresses, sweaters, skirts, white clothes, pink. Maybe even hats! Also, never wear blue jeans. If you wear jeans they have to be black or white. Sandals are good. Barretts!"
"So, basically you're making me look like Quinn." Parker summarized.
"If that's what he wants." Was Kurt's response. Soon enough they were standing in front of a shelf that was burdened with pairs upon pairs of gloves liked Parker's (elbow high without fingers). "Look at these!" Kurt raved happily, "These are so much better than yours. They're very, very soft." He took a pair of pink gloves off the shelf and held them out to Parker, "Try these on." Parker instinctively grabbed at her gloves.
"Why do you always wear those?" Kurt asked softly as he found the reason for her distress. Parker didn't answer. "I'm not going to say anything about your arms, you know. It's not like I'll tell people if you don't want to."
"Quinn knows. I can't wear the gloves in the house." With a sigh, Parker obediently stripped off her gloves and tried on the on pink pair that Kurt offered her. When he saw her forearms for the first time his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.
"Parker..." He said quietly, but when she met his eyes he didn't continue. He cleared his throat and continued, "Get a pair of red, black, white, and pink."
The next day Parker walked into school she could feel all eyes on her. She was wearing her new Cheerios uniform for the first time. She had a pair of red gloves that matched her uniform on her arms, her hair was in a high ponytail that had been curled that morning. She was wearing socks and white tennis shoes, carrying a cheerio-colored backpack that Kurt had gotten her.
"You did it." Kurt said triumphantly as the walked to Glee club, "You're the talk of the school."
"I already was." Parker muttered.
"Tomorrow we're working on your personality." He said as they entered the choir room. Mr. Schuester had seen Parker in her uniform during Spanish class, needless to say he wasn't happy about it.
"Parker," Puck said, coming to sit behind Parker, she twisted her upper body to look back at him, "How's Quinn feeling?"
"Like she's ready to pop." Parker answered with a smile. At that moment, the phone in the classroom started to ring. Mr. Schue signaled for his students to be quiet and answered it.
"Hello? Oh, yes, I...really? Yes, they're right here. Everyone? I'll pass it on." His eyes flicked over to where Puck and Parker were sitting, "Of course. We'll meet you there." He hung up and took a deep breath.
"Mr. Schue?" Rachel asked nervously. The Spanish teacher turned to look at Parker and Puck as he answered.
"That was Mrs. Pierson. She's taking Quinn to the hospital, she's having her baby." The room went absolutely still for the shortest of moments. Then every last one of them got up and sprinted for the door.
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