BY VERY DEFINITION
21. Emotions
Kurt walked through the Pierson household after practice on Tuesday and found Quinn looking into Whitney's crib. He walked up and saw that the baby was sleeping, completely peaceful. Quinn's face was nearly unreadable, but her eyes were sad.
"What's up?" He asked, coming to stand next to Quinn, resting both of his hands on top of the crib.
"It's so strange," Quinn said, sighing, "She's my daughter. And at the same time, she isn't. It's weird to think of her as my child, but I can see it when I look at her."
"She looks like you." Kurt commented, looking down into the crib.
"Yeah, she does." She smiled just a little bit, "Mr. and Mrs. Pierson are going to treat her well, she's lucky to have them."
"So are you, and so is Parker."
"Parker's not here right now." Quinn said suddenly, "If that's why you came."
"Actually," Kurt grinned, "I came for you."
"Huh?"
"Remember how I redecorated Parker's room? It's your turn."
"Huh?" Quinn repeated blankly.
"You said that you'd redecorate after the baby came." Kurt explained patiently, "And we need to get you some new clothes, you're not pregnant anymore, we need to get you some more form fitting clothes."
"That does sound nice." Quinn muttered, "I'm sorry, I just don't feel like leaving." She looked back into the crib.
"Are you okay?" Her friend asked.
"Of course I am." She insisted.
"Are you sure? I mean, are you okay with giving the baby up?" Kurt leaned over the bar and twisted his head so that he could see her face more easily, "It's one thing to give the kid up and never see it again. But little Whitney here just went from being your daughter to your sister. You have to see her every day, and she looks like you, but now she isn't yours. I don't know if I could handle that."
"It's not about me." Quinn sighed, tilting her head down and letting her curls curtain around her chin to hide her face from Kurt's keen stare. "It's about Whitney, and what's best for her. This is what's best for the both of us. I'll remember that in the long run."
"And I'll remind you." Kurt assured her softly, patting her hand, "Now, come on. We're going shopping."
"You just took Parker out for a new wardrobe a couple of weeks ago." The girl pointed out as her friend dragged her from the baby's room, "Don't you get tired of it?"
"The very idea that you think I could ever tire of dressing you girls up like my barbie dolls shames me." He answered as he paraded her out the front door and stuffed her into the passenger's seat of the car.
Quinn leaned against a set of shelves at Lowe's as Kurt poured over paint samples.
"What do you think of this one?" He asked as he held yet another piece of paper under her nose.
"It looks the same to me." Quinn said as she waved it away, "The walls in my room are already white, we don't need to paint it a different shade."
"What do you think of a pale yellow?" Kurt muttered.
"I don't want to paint the room, Kurt."
"It's hideously off-white, Quinn."
"I don't care, Kurt."
"Neither do I, Quinn."
"Knock it off." Quinn insisted, "I just don't want to go through the trouble, I don't even know how much longer I'll be staying there." That made Kurt abandon his hunt of colorful paper and turn to look at his friend with wide eyes.
"What does that mean?" He asked suspiciously. Quinn just shrugged. "Well?"
"What if my parents will take me back now?" Quinn focused on the ground as she asked, "I paid for my mistake, and I fixed it."
"But they kicked you out, you shouldn't want to go back."
"They're my parents! I still love them and I miss them. I know that they were disappointed in me, and I know they were angry. But I still want them to take me back because I don't want them to stay angry with me forever." The blond girl explained, shuffling her feet. Her friend looked at her with a pained expression.
"Quinn, you don't deserve that. You don't deserve to spend your whole life hoping for the approval of people who won't be happy with you unless you're perfect. Yeah, you made a mistake and yeah, you fixed it. But you deserve more than that. You need people who appreciate you, parents who love you unconditionally."
"We don't choose our parents." Quinn said, her voice thick with tears.
"You have the Piersons. You know they won't kick you out, no matter what you do. They'll always be on your side. Just stick around."
"It doesn't work like that."
"Why not?"
"It just doesn't!" Quinn snapped, brushing the tears out of her eyes before they could escape to her cheeks. Kurt looked around awkwardly, hoping that no one in the store saw him make his friend cry.
"Okay. I'm redecorating that room no matter who decides to live there. Having a bland room in a house is like having a disturbance in the force."
"And you can fix that?" She inquired with a shaky smile. He flashed an award-winning smile.
"Just call me Anakin." He pulled her out of the isle and into the parking lot where they headed off to Macy's to look at bedding. Quinn was examining a plush purple comforter when Kurt's head snapped up from the pale blue sheet set he'd been observing.
"What's that look for?" Quinn asked uncomfortably, Kurt was looking at her with his eyebrows raised.
"I just had a thought." He said, "You know, it seems like just yesterday when I was here with Parker, redecorating her room and trying to buy her a new wardrobe."
"You must be good at it." His friend said, unable to catch his meaning.
"But think about it, really think about it for a few seconds. I was here, trying to get Parker noticed, trying to get her to fit in. And you were the head cheerleader. No we're trying to restore your reputation while Parker's the most popular girl in school."
"That's kind of funny." Quinn said distractedly, they met each other's eyes and the girl backtracked, "Not in the haha kind of way."
"More of the ironic kind of way." Kurt agreed.
"While we're on the subject of irony," Quinn started, "What about Mr. and Mrs. Peirson? They started the year with no children. Now they have two teenagers and a baby."
"A lot can happen in a few months." Her friend agreed.
"I like the purple one." Quinn decided, tucking the comforter under her arm.
"What's up with you and Puck these days?" Kurt asked as he wheeled the full shopping cart of supplies to the check out lane.
"Cryptic." The girl muttered, lowering her chin to let her curls mask her again.
"Come on," Kurt pressed, "Are you together or no?"
"It kind of feels like..." She trailed off.
"Feels like...?" Kurt repeated, "It feels like...you're dating? Or that you're not? Or...?"
"It feels like we just had a baby together." Quinn answered sharply, "It feels like we're these two people who had a child and...I guess it feels like we're together. Only we never say it so I can't be sure, it's almost like it's a given."
"Maybe you should talk to him about it." He suggested.
"I would," The girl sighed, pulling a couple of pillows out of the cart and placing them on the conveyor belt to be scanned, "But I've got so many emotions right now I'm not sure what's real and what is just wishful thinking." She pulled out the purple comforter as she talked, "There are too many things that I need to work out. I don't know how to feel about anything. Puck, the Piersons, the baby..."
"What do you want to feel?" Kurt inquired as he pulled the last of the things from the cart. Quinn leaned her elbows on the cart and rested her chin on her fist thoughtfully.
"Well, I want Puck and I to be happy together."
"That's reasonable." Kurt pointed out.
"I guess. And I want to feel grateful towards the Piersons, and I guess that I really do. And I don't know what to feel about Whitney."
"Just throw some words out there."
"I mean, most of all I want her to be safe and happy. I want all of her dreams to come true and I want her to chase every opportunity to get what she wants. I want to see her grow up, and I want her to know how important she is to me, and how important her life is."
"You know," Kurt said as they wheeled their new belongings out to the truck, "I think I have a way to tell her that."
The Piersons all stood in the doorway of Quinn's new room. Quinn, Kurt, and Parker all stood on the inside of it, looking around at their finished handywork. Quinn's comforter was deep purple with pale yellow and purple pillows. She had hung up gold colored picture frames, some of which had pictures of things like Quinn and her friends. There was also a small bulletin board and some Cheerleading posters were tacked up.
"Kurt, you've outdone yourself again." Rhonda commented, holding baby Whitney. Kurt just flapped a hand at her but grinned at his two friends with pride.
"And now that you've all seen Quinn's fantabulous new room," Kurt started.
"Kurt?" Parker cut in. He narrowed his eyes at her.
"Yeah, fantabulous. I said it. Now, if all of you would please accompany us to the basement, Quinn and I have a gift for little Whitney." Rhonda looked delighted, James looked about as enthusiastic as he could. Kurt pulled three chairs up against the wall in the basement, instructing their audience to sit. Rhonda and Whitney sat in the middle, James on her left and Parker on her right. Parker held up a small camcorder and zoomed it in on where Quinn stood in the center of the room.
"We've already recorded an MP3 of this song." Kurt explained as he sat down on the piano bench, "And Parker's recording it live, but we wanted you all to see it for yourself." He nodded at Quinn before turning to the keys.
Quinn looked directly at the camera and said, "Whitney Grace Pierson, this is my first gift to you. I just wanted you to know how I feel about you. And I mean every word of it." Kurt began to play the song and Quinn began to sing.
"I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big."
As soon as the music ended and Quinn lowered her head, struggling with her strange new emotions, Rhonda handed the baby off to Parker as she stood. She walked slowly to the center of the room where Quinn was and wrapped the girl in her arms with the most motherly hug she could muster.
Song: "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts
Basically I wrote most of it on vacation. Mostly this chapter is me pretending that I can write. Meh :s
Sorry for t he wait and I'm trying to get the original Charries in here more, it will be easier once I get done with the whole Whitney thing.
Follow The Arrow
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