Chris introduced the show, "Last time on Total Drama Fortress, our explorers were forced to climb to the top of the room to get the key. Although the competitors started out strong, things started to get wishy-washy after the Braves flooded the whole freaking room. Good thing I didn't put in carpeting! In the end, however, it was the Beauties who had to say goodbye, meanwhile the Brawns got their first win ever. And today, we have a special surprise for our explorers, and for once… it isn't a bad one… for them…" Chris cleared his throat, and continued, "Find out what that might be here on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!"
"We won! I can't believe we won!" Heather shouted elatedly.
Duncan was also apparently elated, although the reason why was unclear, as he was not joining Heather in the victory chant.
Alejandro said, "Heather, since you are quite clearly the prettiest person on this team, you should open the door."
Heather said, "Me? But…"
Duncan chimed in, "Wow! Alejandro, you don't think you're the prettiest person on this team! Why I'm just astonished."
"Don't be snide," Alejandro said.
"Why not?" Duncan asked, "It's my thing!"
"It's someone else's thing too," Alejandro responded, clenching his fist.
(In the confessional, Duncan said, "Alejandro seriously needs to chill a little. Ever since he overheard about the anti-him alliance he's been super paranoid of that pompous superior half-pint. I mean, don't get me wrong; I don't like him either. But seriously, Alejandro? Take a chill pill.")
The Brawns walked into the room, followed by the Braves, the Brains, and finally Gwen and LeShawna.
Gwen was visibly crying. LeShawna said, "It's okay, Gwen. We all have to let go sometimes."
"I know, I know, but it was so soon… I didn't even get a chance to kiss him goodbye…" Gwen said, continuing to cry.
"Hey," LeShawna interrupted, her eyes widening, "Where's DJ?"
"I… I haven't seen him," Gwen said, not crying, just confused.
They noticed DJ talking to Chris in the center of the room. Chris said, "Okay, I'll let them know. Thanks."
DJ walked over to Gwen and LeShawna, grinning.
"What do you have to be so chipper about?" LeShawna asked.
"Yeah," Gwen said, "We have a two day losing streak, Trent's gone…"
"I know," DJ said, "My momma heard about all that, so she… well… Chris is going to tell you soon, anyway!"
"Good day, explorers! Are you ready for a… reward challenge?" Chris asked.
"Reward!" Izzy shouted, "We have to win it! What is it what is it what is it what is it what is it?"
"Please slow down, motormouth," Chris said, grabbing her lips and holding them closed. "The prize will be… a pizza party!"
"Pizza!" Owen shouted, and then he started rubbing his tummy and making pleased noises.
"Is it disgusting Chef Hatchet pizza?" Duncan asked.
"Of course!" Chris answered, and then paused, and continued, "Not! It was made by DJ's mother herself because she felt so bad about her son's losing streak. Now, she wanted to just give it to the Beauties, but because I'm so nice, I'm going to give you a chance to play for it."
"Ah," Noah said, "'Nice'? Is that what they're calling that now?"
Chris glared at Noah, and then continued, "Today, you guys are going to build a diorama…"
"Wow," Noah said, "Did we get transported back to grade school?"
"That's enough with the snarky comments, Noah," Chris said.
"No such thing," was his reply.
"Anyway," Chris continued, exasperated, "The items given to you here will help you build a giant diorama. Each of you will get a proportionally built cardboard box tall enough for DJ to stand in. Chef will judge them based on how they look, and I will judge them on their meaning."
"Kiss the teacher's butt, get an A plus!" Noah shouted.
He expected Chris to glare at him, but Chris responded, "Exactly! Now get to work!"
Each team started building their diorama. Lindsay found some materials to make a beautiful doll. She got to work on that immediately, and when she was finished she showed it to Izzy, who tore it apart in an instant. Lindsay looked crushed. "Why did you do that?" she asked.
"This is supposed to look good," Izzy responded, "And it won't look good with any frilly dolls! Now, let's build a tank!"
(In the confessional, Lindsay said, "I'm starting to think that Izzy is maybe, just a little bit, bananas.")
"Did you notice Chris' reaction?" Noah asked his teammates.
"His reaction to…" Harold asked.
"My comment about butt kissing. This game is in the bag if we just make a diorama talking about how great Chris is," Noah said.
"But wouldn't that be… lying?" Harold asked.
"It's not lying, it's fiction," Cody responded. "Oh, and by the way, we should splatter it with food stains to appeal to the aesthetics judge."
"We don't have any food items in here," Harold said, "But we have oil paint!"
"Oil paint… okay, paint on some color that seems conceivably food-like, like brown or orange, and then wipe it off immediately," Noah said.
"Oh, we should put one of these gilded Chris awards in too!" Cody said, pulling the item out of the box.
"No, we have four. We should use all of them!" Harold shouted.
(In the confessional, Harold said, "You know what they say, three brains are better than one!")
DJ was busy cutting some green paper, and singing, while LeShawna sprinkled the scene with glitter. Gwen continued to draw heavy black rainclouds on the back wall, with rain coming out of them. Conveniently, she drew one just above her head, and stood under it.
"Please, Gwen," LeShawna said, "It's not that bad…"
"Not that bad… of course it's that bad!" she said. "I think I love Trent."
"But it's not like he died or something," DJ said, "You'll see him again before you know it."
"I… I guess," Gwen said.
Duncan walked up to her and asked, "Hey, Gwen, what's the matter?"
"What's the matter? Trent got eliminated. That's the matter!" she said.
Duncan said, "Oh, yeah, I'm really sad about that."
"You are?" Gwen asked incredulously, "I thought you'd be happy."
"What would give you that idea?" he asked.
(In the confessional Duncan sang, "I'm walking on sunshine, whoa-oh!" Then, he immediately made a shocked face, and then continued by saying, "Do not air this. If you do, you're dead, you hear! Don't you dare air this!")
"Duncan!" Alejandro shouted, "You're needed over here."
He looked down at Heather building a shrub for the set. He told her, "I think Duncan may be fraternizing with the enemy."
"You mean Gwen?" Heather asked, "No, duh!"
"Heather," Alejandro said, clasping her hands, "Duncan is merely a third wheel in our midst; the next time we lose an elimination challenge, will you…"
"Well," she said, "That depends on whether or not you start being an idiot."
"I won't be an idiot," Alejandro assured. "We shall be fine."
(In the confessional, Alejandro, shocked, shouted, "She had to think about it?")
"Code Vermillion," Noah said, decking out one of the Gilded Chris awards with tons of glitter.
"Code Vermillion?" Harold asked, "That means… Love Interest… conferring with… Enemy?"
"Oh my god!" Cody shouted, "Gwen and Duncan! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" He handed the box of streamers he was using to Harold and said, "Cover for me."
(In the confessional, Harold said, "Say what you will about Cody; but what you've got to admit is that he's steadfast.")
"Okay," Owen said, "We have to win this, because otherwise, all that delicious, amazing wonderful pizza will go to another team…"
"Whatever you say, Owen," Izzy said, off-screen.
"That means we shouldn't waste all the hot glue building a statue of you killing a dragon," Owen said, pointing to Izzy doing exactly that.
"It's not wasting, Owen, it's art! Come on, how many people do you know who can build a statue entirely out of glue?" Izzy asked.
"I… I still think my doll was…" Lindsay began.
Izzy interrupted her, saying "No it wasn't!"
Owen moved between the two girls and said, "Can't we all just get along?"
Izzy shouted, "NO!" which caused Owen to move backwards in shock. Lindsay frowned. Then she started picking up the remains of her wrecked doll and attempting to build it again.
(In the confessional, Owen said, "I know Izzy means well, but sometimes, she's just too much, you know?")
"What do you think you're doing?" Cody asked Duncan from off-screen. Duncan turned around looking nervous. "What are you planning? You're not planning to steal Gwen again, are you?"
"Steal her? I never stole her," Duncan said, "She left him, remember? If anything he stole her from me."
"She was his first," Cody defended, "And frankly, he deserves her more than you do."
"And I deserve her more than you do," Duncan said.
"No you don't!" Cody shouted.
Alejandro walked up and said, "Duncan, that is quite enough arguing with the microbe. We need to win this."
"Microbe!" Cody echoed, offended.
"Oh, no offense, Cody," Alejandro said, smiling smugly. He and Duncan walked away, although Duncan did not appear to be happy about it.
"Cody!" Gwen shouted, "Thanks for getting him to go away…"
"So you're really over him?" Cody asked. Gwen nodded. Cody breathed a sigh of relief and then said, "I'm so glad your senses are back."
Gwen and Cody stood around awkwardly for a few seconds and then Gwen said, "I'm back with Trent."
"Oh… oh, right," Cody said, and then he walked away, sighing quietly.
(In the confessional, Cody said, "Man… I just cannot catch a break!")
Harold and Noah were adding some finishing touches to their design, when Noah noticed something was missing. "We need to have a large banner saying Chris Is Da Bomb!"
"Can't we make it sound more, I don't know, 'us'? Like, Chris Is Extraordinarily Superior!"
"Extraordinarily Superiorly Wonderfully Astonishingly Awesome!" Noah said, "It's funny, because 'astonishment' is violent, and 'awesome' is scary, but everyone thinks they're good things."
"That's a great idea!" Harold shouted, "And we came up with it without Cody's help. By the way, thank you."
"You're thanking me? For what?" Noah asked, perplexed.
"For not being an insufferable know-it-all all the time!" Harold shouted.
"I have been an insufferable know-it-all. It's just that now that's a good thing and is giving our team advantage," Noah corrected. "By the way, thank you for not being a Trivial Pursuit deck."
"Give me time," Harold said, "I'm sure it will happen soon."
"Oh, great," Noah said, "Just what I needed."
"Hey guys," Cody said, returning, "Did you miss me?"
"Of course!" Harold said, "But look at our diorama."
"Nice!" Cody responded.
"Okay, Izzy," Owen said, "I hope that your plan works."
"It will work," Lindsay said, putting her doll right next to the glue statue.
Izzy glared at her and said, "I said no frilly dolls!" Lindsay started to cry.
"Izzy," Owen said, "You made her cry."
"I know…" Izzy said, looking sad, "It… I'm sorry."
(In the confessional, Lindsay continued to cry.)
"Now," Alejandro said, "Feast your eyes on our diorama."
It was a statue of Heather in the Thinker's pose, with a bunch of shrubs surrounding her in the shape of a heart. Duncan looked at it and nearly threw up. He said, "Alejandro, this was supposed to look good." Heather glared at him. "Oh, no offense, Heather, I mean, I know that you're totally hot and everything… but… being the centerpiece!" He burst into uncontrollable laughter. Alejandro and Heather exchanged glances; Heather nodded and then Alejandro knocked Duncan to the ground. "Ow," Duncan said indignantly.
"If you wanted a say in how it looked, you should have actually helped," Alejandro said bitterly.
"Time!" Chris shouted. Everybody stopped working. He and Chef Hatchet walked to each diorama with hands behind their backs. They first checked out the Delicate Beauties' diorama.
"I see," Chris said, "Mm-hm. What's this supposed to mean?"
"It's… uh… the unpredictability of the forecast!" DJ made up on the spot, and then he, Gwen, and LeShawna all grinned.
"Eh," Chris said, "I'm sure I've seen worse."
"But I think it looks..." Chef Hatchet began. Then he finished by shouting, "Terrible!"
"Let's call it 5 for meaning and 1 for looks," Chris said.
Gwen said sheepishly, "Sorry, guys."
"It's okay," DJ said, "I think it's better if other teams get my momma's pizza. Right, LeShawna?"
LeShawna was sad, and thinking about the pizza, but she answered, "Oh, yeah, right."
Then they went to the Valiant Braves. Chef Hatchet was awestruck nearly immediately. He said, "In all my life, I've never seen such a beautiful…" He wiped a tear from his eye, "…Doll!"
"What?" Owen asked neutrally.
"What?" Lindsay asked excitedly.
"What?" Izzy asked shocked.
"Oh, and this statue of you killing a dragon is really cool too!" Chef Hatchet said, "And the tank! Wow… just wow! A perfect ten for appearance!"
"Alright!" Owen shouted, but his excitement was soon interrupted when Chris asked his next question.
"But what does it mean?" Chris asked.
"Umm… uhh," Izzy said, and then she shrugged, "I don't really know."
"You don't?" Owen asked, "You didn't have a profound meaning behind it?"
"Well, I did, but then Lindsay had to put in her stupid doll, and now…" Izzy ranted.
"Zero for meaning," Chris said.
Owen looked dumbfounded.
"Don't worry, Owen," Izzy said, "They're being really strict. We're shoo-ins!"
"I wouldn't know… the other two teams have really nice looking ones," Lindsay said. Izzy told her to please hush.
The Harsh Brawns were visited third. Chef Hatchet laughed at it and said, "You know, this one looks pretty nice, but I can't imagine Chris giving you anything more than a three…"
"A three in looks," Chris said, as he wrote it down.
"No, no, no," Chef Hatchet corrected, "A seven in looks."
"Oh, my mistake," Chris said, correcting it. "But seriously, a diorama which has the meaning 'Heather is awesome'? I expected this kind of pandering from you two, but Duncan?"
"Don't blame me!" Duncan shouted, "I had no creative input whatsoever!"
"Why not?" Chris asked suspiciously (or so it would appear, but he already knew the answer in reality), "Did you participate in the challenge at all?"
"Umm," Duncan said, "Yes. But Alejandro is a fascist pig!"
"Fair enough. Two!" Chris said, and then walked away. Heather looked incredibly offended.
(In the confessional, Heather said, "A two! A two? For saying how awesome I am? Stupid Chris! Stupid, stupid Chris! I really wanted that pizza…")
Finally, Chris looked at the Sesquipedalian Brains' diorama. Chef Hatchet looked at what it said and started to laugh uncontrollably. "Guys, this is the most hilarious thing ever!" he shouted, "I'll give you an eight for looks. The two points are being docked because you didn't include any defaced photos of Chris."
"Fair enough," Noah said, "That would go against our meaning."
"Your meaning… which would be… what exactly?" Chris asked, hoping to hear them say it out loud.
"It is the meaning that Chris McLean is the most astonishingly awesome person ever," Cody answered, "It's written out pretty clearly. It's not picking up women." Chris gave Cody a weird look. "I… I mean rocket science."
(In the confessional, Harold said, "Oh come on! Who hasn't heard that joke before? But Chris was all," and then he waved his arm over his head quickly while making a "whoosh" sound.)
"Fine, then," Chris said, "A perfect ten! And the Sanskrit Potato Skin Brains win!"
"Oh come on, we just sucked up to you so much, can't you at least pronounce our name right?" Harold asked.
"You ask so much of me, choosing such a big word," Chris said, shrugging. "But the point is… you guys get pizza!"
"Alright," Cody said.
Owen fell to his knees and shouted, "NOOOOOOOOO!"
Izzy and Lindsay tried to comfort him but he was sobbing uncontrollably.
Harold and Cody exchanged glances with Noah, who motioned his head in Owen's general direction. They nodded in approval.
"Big guy," Noah said, "Listen… you can probably tell from our meager weights and sedentary lifestyles—especially mine—that we couldn't possibly eat all this pizza ourselves. Why don't you join us?"
"You… you mean it?" Owen asked, grinning.
"Of course," Noah said, "What are friends for?"
Owen rushed over and hugged Noah, which was unfortunate for the latter's comfort. Izzy smiled. So did Cody and Harold.
Harold, Noah, Cody, and Owen enjoyed pizza.
"Mmm," Harold said, "Let me be the first to say, that DJ's mother is the greatest cook ever!"
"The first to say it was probably DJ's father, assuming she was in no long-term relationships before then, which she probably was, and then DJ himself—unless he has some older siblings I don't know about—and then some of his childhood friends, so, you're a little late to the punch," Noah teased.
"You know what I mean!" Harold shouted.
"Can't we just enjoy the pizza?" Owen asked.
"We are enjoying the pizza," Cody said, "Sesquipedalian Style. You don't mind, do you, Owen?"
"Of course not!" Owen said, and then he pulled the other three into a group hug. "Having a pizza party with some of my best friends! How awesome!"
"Aww, isn't that sweet?" Chris asked, and then he said, "Will Noah be able to get Owen to help in his anti-Alejandro alliance? Will Duncan and Gwen get back together, or will she get a restraining order on him? Will Izzy and Lindsay be able to settle their differences? Find out on the next episode of Total. Drama. FORTRESS!"