"Last time on Total Drama Fortress, our explorers had to build bridges across an expansive pool of water in order to find the key. Some of the blocks were sturdy, others flew away under Owen's feet. Thanks to some mathematical know-how and teamwork, the Brains took another victory for their team. Unfortunately, the Valiant Braves lost Lindsay, and now are a terrible duo. With nine contestants remaining, who will be the next to go, here on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!" Chris introduced the show.
The Sesquipedalian Brains agreed that Cody should have a chance to open the door, which he was happy to take. "That was a great run, guys! We're doing awesome! And you two were being so unselfish too. I'm used to being on teams with selfish people."
"I am too," Noah responded. "Lying, selfish people."
"But what you guys did back there was awesome!" Cody said.
"So you aren't mad at us for giving charity to less fortunate teams?" Harold asked.
"Of course not," Cody responded.
After the Sesquipedalian Brains walked in, the Delicate Beauties followed, then the Harsh Brawns, and finally the Valiant Braves.
"Hey, Al!" Owen shouted, "Our team is as small as yours now."
"Don't remind me how small my team is…" Alejandro said without amusement.
"It's okay, Alejandro," Heather responded, smiling, "We didn't lose the last challenge…"
"True," Alejandro responded, "But only time will tell how long we can keep it up."
LeShawna caught sight of Harold and said, "Hey, there, hot stuff! I just wanted to thank you for helping me out again."
"Oh, yeah," Harold said, "It was nothing."
"I hope your team isn't getting suspicious that you're throwing challenges…" LeShawna said, shifting her eyes.
"Oh, no, they're totally cool with it," Harold responded, "In fact, Noah's been helping the Valiant Braves pretty consistently."
"My, my, my," LeShawna responded, "Your team doesn't have a lot of motivation to win, does it?"
"If being motivated to win means being a jerk, then no, we're not motivated to win," Harold responded. LeShawna laughed.
(In the confessional, Harold said, "If there's one thing LeShawna can't stand, it's having too much pride in your team. That's why she's so annoyed with Heather. If she knew Courtney like I did, she'd probably hate her too.")
"Hey, Gwen?" DJ asked, "I was just wondering if you knew where LeShawna went."
"Oh, yeah, I haven't seen her," Gwen shrugged, and then she turned around to see LeShawna and Harold talking. "Well, she's talking to Harold."
"Isn't that sweet?" DJ asked.
"But wait," Gwen said, "Look. Something's not right here."
She was referring to how LeShawna kept making suspicious glances, and then shook hands with Harold at the end of the ordeal.
"Oh my god," Gwen whispered, "You don't think that she…"
"…Is giving information to the other team?" DJ asked, and then he held his ground, "No. Perish the thought."
"I know it's not nice to suspect a friend," Gwen said, "But that looked pretty well…"
"No," DJ responded, "LeShawna is not giving information to the other team. We can trust her."
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "I know that it's not nice to suspect a friend! I really do. But I can't help how I feel. Maybe I should just confront LeShawna.")
"Good day, explorers!" Chris shouted, "And welcome to the room of doom!" Taking a single-button remote out of his pocket, he pressed the button, and the walls began to rise, revealing that not only was the room far larger than it was initially thought to be, but that there was a terrifying, gaping abyss all over the room.
DJ squeaked when he saw the abyss. Gwen pat him on the shoulder, to calm his nerves.
"Where did you hide the key?" Noah asked, "At the bottom of the abyss?"
"Man, you are just on a roll with these guesses," Chris responded.
"Seriously?" Heather asked, annoyed, "You can't be serious!"
"Of course he's serious, Heather," Noah responded, "He's Chris!"
"Well, you were trying to be sarcastic the first time! Aren't you even a little surprised?" Heather asked.
"Not even slightly," Noah responded.
(In the confessional, Heather said, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that little twerp was trying to call me an idiot!")
(In the confessional, Alejandro said, "Noah thinks he can get away with calling Heather an idiot? Well, I'll squash him like a bug for that.")
"Anyway," Chris said, after waiting for the banter to finish, "The key is at the bottom of the abyss. And, obviously, you guys cannot just go down and grab it. What you need to do is construct a tool out of the items that we give you. Since the Brains and Beauties have more people, they will get virtually nothing. The Braves and Brawns will fare slightly better."
"Sweet!" Izzy said, upon receiving the box of supplies. "Don't worry, Owen, I'll do everything!"
"Oh, you don't have to, Izzy," Owen responded, "I'd be happy to help."
"No, no, no," Izzy said, "I've got this." A few seconds later, Izzy finished building her tool, which was not shown on camera. Owen gave it an odd look.
Chris took one look at it, and started laughing. Then he said, "Izzy, I think you might need to rebuild that."
"Why?" Izzy asked, "It's perfect!"
"Umm…" Owen said, "Well, it certainly… looks nice…"
"But Izzy," Chris said, "We're on live TV."
"Oh, right," Izzy said, breaking apart the tool off screen and saying, "Stupid, stupid censorship regulations. Slip! It! Through!"
"No," Chris said, "We already used enough of that budget with this ridiculous exchange. Now, seriously, rebuild it."
(In the confessional, Owen said, "Chris doesn't appreciate true art is all.")
"What are we going to do, Gwen?" DJ asked, "We have almost nothing to work with here. And you know how I am with heights…"
"It's okay, DJ," Gwen said, handing a cord to him. "Just wrap this around me and send me down to grab the key."
"But what if you fall and get hurt?" DJ asked worriedly.
Gwen looked and him and told him calmly, "I won't."
(In the confessional, DJ said, while fretting, "'I won't'. That's what they all say right before they do! I'm not going to send Gwen down…")
DJ was hesitating strongly. Noah and Cody were both trying to rationally argue why it was better for each other to stay on the surface while they went down to get the key.
"You're more bad luck prone than I am," Noah argued, "If you do it there's almost a guarantee you'll get hurt."
"But your head is more valuable, and it's already been injured once this game," Cody retorted, "If you get hurt it will be far worse than if I get hurt."
"Why are we even arguing about this? Harold's taller than both of us," Noah said, "If he would be willing to take the plunge too, then he would clearly be the best choice."
"Speaking of which… where is Harold?" Cody asked. "I haven't seen him since this morning."
"I think he and LeShawna might have some sort of secret alliance that he never bothered to tell us about," Noah responded.
"Hey, Harold?" Cody asked, "Harold?"
"Oh, yeah," Harold said, "The game! We should probably get back to our teams right about now."
"I'll see you later, Harold," LeShawna responded, waving, and heading back to her team.
Heather and Alejandro were trying to fashion a tool, which Heather insisted on making a grip, and which Alejandro insisted on making a skewer.
"When the key is found at the bottom, it's not going to stick to a skewer like a piece of trash," Heather said, "If you haven't noticed, keys are made of metal."
"Right," Alejandro said, "Because the grip is going to be so much more useful for grabbing something so flat. Besides, the keys have holes for the skewer to stick through."
"Maybe I should send you to get the key," Heather said.
"Maybe you should," Alejandro responded, "That's what the Brains and the Beauties are doing." Then he looked to see an extremely freaked out DJ, a distracted LeShawna, and an impatient Gwen in one direction, and the Sesquipedalian Brains discussing the matter at length. "Well, trying to do, at least. There's a cord in there, right?"
"Of course," Heather said, pulling it out, and then wrapping it tightly around Alejandro's waist. She then took a large hunk of wood and tied the cord around it. Then she kicked Alejandro into the pit, which caused him to freak out slightly. "Do you see the key?" she shouted down.
He looked around, and then said, "Negative. We need to find a new location."
"Well, then," Heather said, hoisting him up violently, "Let's go hijack the nerds' turf."
"I love the way you think, Heather," Alejandro said, beaming. They both got up and went over to where the Sesquipedalian Brains were.
"Bump!" Heather shouted, shoving Cody over.
"Ow!" Cody responded indignantly.
"Alejandro, just in case you've forgotten, stealing is generally frowned upon by society," Noah said.
"So is being a snotty people-hater," Alejandro responded. Noah glared at him.
"Well you gotta admit he's got a point," Harold said, which caused the glare to be redirected. "What? He does!"
"Guys, come on," Cody said, "We can't turn against each other if we're going to defend our turf from those bullies."
"Duly noted, Cody," Noah responded, "If someone can keep his thoughts to himself for now."
"Gosh!" Harold shouted, "You dish it like a lunch lady, but if I offer you even a smidge…"
"Guys!" Cody shouted, "No."
"Okay, Cody," Noah said sheepishly, "I'll be good."
"Good," Cody responded, and then he hooked his left arm under Noah's right, and his right arm under Harold's left, and then said, "None shall pass. This is Sesquipedalian territory. No exceptions!"
"Fine," Heather responded, "I'll just go mooch off of Gwen."
Alejandro then turned to Heather and laughed.
"What are you laughing about, Alejandro?" Heather asked.
"You'll see," Alejandro responded.
(In the confessional, Heather said, "When Alejandro laughs, that usually means he's planning something bad. That's why I fear to hear it alone.")
DJ was still being a little shaky. Gwen was trying her hardest to calm him down, but failing. "DJ, I've told you time and time again, I won't get hurt! I'll be perfectly fine."
"Yes," Alejandro said, "After all, it's working perfectly fine for the Sesquipedalian Brains who stole your idea."
"You're trying to tell me that the nerds stole an idea from a bunch of non-nerdy people?" LeShawna asked, laughing, "Seriously, Noah's such an insufferable genius he rarely wants help from anyone, and Harold's a fountain! And Cody… I just can't see him going along with a plan to steal an idea from Gwen's team, if you know what I mean."
"LeShawna," Alejandro said, "You sure seemed quick on the fly to defend the Sesquipedalian Brains…"
"Of course," LeShawna responded, "Because unlike you I realize that they are interesting people deserving of respect!"
DJ and Gwen looked at each other.
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "Okay, I'm really hoping this isn't what it looks like.")
(In the confessional, DJ said, "It's not what it looks like. It's. Not. What. It looks. Like!")
"Hey, Izzy," Owen asked, "Can't I just help a little?"
"It's almost done, Owen," Izzy responded, pointing to the tool, which was very, very large. In fact, it dwarfed Owen in both length and peak width. "Uh, Izzy? How are you supposed to use that thing?"
"Very carefully," she responded, attempting to hoist it over her head.
"Why don't you let me do it?" Owen offered, "After all, it looks heavier than you are."
"N-nonsense," Izzy said, wearing a warm smile and seemingly emotionally unaffected by the physical strain that was making her turn red and sweat. She lost control of it, and the tool fell into the abyss, and Izzy came tumbling after.
"Izzy!" Owen shouted worriedly. Izzy landed on top of the tool, butt first.
"Ow," Izzy said, not changing her facial expression, "That was painful. Now to look for the key."
"Izzy, I don't think you should remain down there…" Owen shouted down to her.
"What? What? I can't hear you Owen! You should get a megaphone… or I should get one of those cool ear horns! That might work!" She started walking away from Owen.
"Izzy? Izzy?" Owen shouted down into the abyss.
Chris walked by and then panicked. "Oh, no! Did an explorer die? I could get sued for that!"
"No, she's not dead, thankfully," Owen responded. "Is it safe to be wandering around the bottom of that chasm?"
"Worry not," Chris said, "There are no hazards down there. Mostly because no one was supposed to fall in… How are we going to get her out of there?"
"Umm… well, maybe if we sent down a rescue party," Owen said.
"But what team would be willing to…" Chris asked.
"We'll do it," Harold responded, "We're the team of heroes."
"I thought we were the team of smart guys," Cody responded.
"That too, but we'd be happy to be the search party," Harold answered.
(In the confessional, Harold said, "My fellow nerds and I have never gotten enough focus. I think this can be changed if we start being heroes! After all, that's what the whole comic book thing is; acts of heroism, by nerds.")
"Well, DJ," Gwen said, "You're going to have to send one of us down."
"No," DJ said, "I'm too distressed. Why can't LeShawna do it?"
"Oh, you're right," Gwen said, and then she looked around and asked, "Okay, where is she now?"
"She's over there… with Harold," DJ said, pointing in the general direction.
"Oh no," Gwen said, "She's… she's discussing strategy with him, isn't she? She's giving away secrets…"
"No," DJ said, "LeShawna would never do that… I think."
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "'I think'? That's what they all say when they don't! I really don't want to have to be mad at LeShawna.")
Heather had sent Alejandro down to search for the key, but he had failed to spy it. "I don't see the key," he said, "But I see a strange green, pink, and orange blur…"
"A green, pink, and orange blur?" Heather asked, "Izzy! Oh, no, if the key's over here, she's going to find it first for sure!"
"What did you say, Heather?" Izzy asked, "I can barely hear you from down here. I really do need one of those cool ear horns. Did you say the key is over here?" She narrowed her eyes, and then she spied something. "Ooh! Shiny! Wait a second… the shiny is the key!" She picked up the key, and then shouted, loudly enough for everyone on the surface to hear. "I found the key!"
Chris and Owen looked at each other, and then, Chris said, "I guess that means that the Valiant Braves win!"
"Awesome!" Owen shouted. Then he shouted down to Izzy, "There's a group of lovable nerds here to rescue you!"
"Sweet!" Izzy shouted, "I call Noah!"
Cody and Harold looked at each other, and Cody, sighing, said, "Well, it was a request." They tied the cord around Noah and sent him down to grab Izzy. They pulled him back up holding her. When they regained the surface, he put her down.
"Okay, so because of that rescue, the Sesquipedalian Brains come in second place," Chris responded. Then he sighed with relief. "For a second, I thought she'd be stuck down there forever, and that girl is a ratings machine."
"So who faces elimination?" Alejandro asked, "It's not us, is it?"
"That depends," Chris said, "How close did you get to finding the key?"
"Well," Heather responded, "We certainly looked for it."
"That's more than I can say for the Delicate Beauties," Chris said, turning to the aforementioned team, "Which means that you guys are facing elimination."
"Sweet!" Harold shouted, "Advantage! I mean… sorry, LeShawna."
"It's alright, Harold," she responded, "You guys deserve it after what you did today."
"Yeah, I guess we do, don't we?" Cody asked, clearly basking in his swelled head.
"Yes!" Heather shouted, "No elimination! No elimination!"
"I know," Alejandro responded, "It would have been a shame to lose you."
"You mean, lose you?" Heather asked teasingly.
Gwen said to DJ, "We totally lost."
"I know," DJ responded, "I'm sorry that I was such a worry wart…"
"It's okay," Gwen said, "I won't vote you off."
"You… you're really sure LeShawna was giving secrets to the other team, aren't you?" DJ asked.
Gwen responded, "DJ, look at the facts. She was missing most of the time, and when she wasn't, she was talking about how great the Sesquipedalian Brains were… I don't want to believe it either but…"
DJ looked upset.
They met in the elimination room, and Chris decided to hand out the votes. "Okay, so today, you guys really didn't do much of anything, which might have had to do with LeShawna's continued absence… or maybe DJ's fear… so, of course, Gwen is safe." He tossed a bag of pyrite to Gwen. "And the other Beauty who is remaining in the game is… DJ!"
"What?" LeShawna asked, "Gwen, you voted for me?"
"I had to," Gwen said, "You were giving secrets to the other team!"
"No, I wasn't!" LeShawna responded, "All Harold and I were talking about was his team's selflessness and how other teams should follow that model…"
"…And… and we voted you off because we thought you were being unselfish and helping them out, so… I guess… we deserved to go more than you do. Can we redo the votes, Chris?" Gwen asked.
"No," Chris answered, "Sorry. Bye-bye, LeShawna."
"It's okay, Gwen, DJ, I forgive you!" LeShawna shouted, falling into the Trap of Shame.
"Well, isn't that sweet?" Chris asked, "But luckily, this isn't Total Sweetness, and anything can happen to change that. Now that the Circuits Pygmalion Brains have a distinct numbers advantage and status as heroes, will they turn into what they hate? Will Gwen and DJ become a couple?" Gwen and DJ gave Chris a weird look. "What? It could happen. Find out, next time on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!"
Author's Note: This is just a random notice that we're halfway there. Enjoy the rest of the ride.