"Last time on Total Drama Fortress, our explorers had to find the key at the bottom of a large, scary abyss. Man, that's deep, am I right? Anyway, some people were a little hesitant to search for the key, others were a little too eager. In the end, Izzy took a victory for the Braves, while the Beauties bid a heartfelt goodbye to LeShawna. Now there's only nine people remaining… or are there? Find out on today's Total. Drama. FORTRESS!" Chris introduced the show.
"You do it, Izzy," Owen said.
"No, you do it," Izzy responded.
"No, you," Owen said.
"No," Izzy said firmly, "You do it!"
"Let's flip a coin!" Owen shouted, and then put his hands in his pockets, pulling the inner lining into visibility, and then said, "Oh, wait, I don't have any coins."
"That's okay," Izzy said, "Let's flip the key! If it lands cool loopy thing first, I'll do it, and if it lands jagged thing first, you'll do it."
"Sounds fair," Owen responded. Izzy flipped the key, and the functional portion landed on the ground first. "Okay, I guess I'll do it!"
Owen opened the door, and then he and Izzy walked in, followed by the Sesquipedalian Brains, the Harsh Brawns, and finally the Delicate Beauties.
"We're going to do so much better now that we have a numbers advantage!" Harold shouted.
"Must you always tempt fate, Harold?" Noah asked.
"What do you mean? Studies show that the teams that win continue to win, therefore…" Harold responded, before being interrupted by Noah.
"I'm just saying, don't get your hopes up," Noah responded.
"Why are you always so negative?" Harold asked.
"Uhh… because I'm always right? And even if I was wrong, it would be an improvement," Noah responded, "It's very logical."
(In the confessional, Harold said, "It's very logical! Please. The only reason he says that is because it's what he does. But if he was optimistic, I can guarantee he'd say the same thing about that.")
"So, Gwen," Heather said, "How does it feel to be losing?"
"We're not losing, Heather," Gwen responded, "We're tied with you guys and the Braves."
"But doesn't it just make your blood boil that a bunch of dorks are beating you?" Heather asked.
"No," Gwen responded. "Because unlike you, I have enough integrity to let someone better than me win."
"Are you saying those dorks are better than me?" Heather asked. "Alejandro! Gwen called me a loser!"
"Gwen! Tsktsktsk," Alejandro said, "Don't insult Heather. It's mean."
"In my defense, she was taunting us for no reason," Gwen responded.
DJ tried to get Heather and Gwen to stop fighting by saying, "Can't we all just get along?"
"Maybe I'd be able to if someone would try harder," Gwen said.
"Hey," Heather said, "I'm not the one who called you a loser."
"Maybe not today," Gwen said.
"You know what your problem is? You never forgive anything!" Heather said.
"Well, you know," Gwen said, "I'm so mad we're on different teams this year, because if we weren't, I would so vote you off! And DJ would help, right DJ?"
"Uhh," DJ said, pressing his fingers together.
(In the confessional, DJ said, "Of course I would, especially if she and Gwen were the only choices, but I can't say that to her face! That's so mean!")
Chris was seen talking to Chef Hatchet. He asked, "Do you know if they're here yet?"
"Oh, they most certainly are," Chef Hatchet responded. "Hidden away and everything."
"Oh, hey," Chris said, facing the nine contestants, "Welcome to today's challenge, explorers! Hide and seek."
"Wow, this totally isn't a rehash of a challenge in season one," Noah said.
"Shut up. You weren't even playing during that challenge," Chris said. "Besides, this time it's different! You guys are all doing the seeking."
"For whom?" Gwen asked, "You and Chef?"
"No," Chris responded.
"Then who are we looking for?" Harold asked, "The suspense is killing me."
"Well, then I guess you're just going to have to keep dying for a while," Chris said, "Because you won't know until you find them."
"That's okay!" Harold shouted, "We'll be able to find them no problem, right guys?"
"Right!" Cody responded.
"Right, Noah?" Harold asked.
"Seriously?" Noah asked, "You haven't figured it out yet? Chris, just save them their misery and admit it already."
"Noah, I seriously wish you would stop looking at our game itineraries," Chris said.
"Who looked at them?" Noah asked.
"Fine," Chris said, "Don't admit it. But what this little spoilsport is trying to get me to say is that, as of today, the teams are officially dissolved."
Harold's face was noticeably distraught. "I told you so," Noah said in response to the face.
(In the confessional, Cody said, "I know that Noah didn't look at the game's itineraries in advance, but I guess I can't blame Chris for suspecting it…")
"Now," Chris said, "This room contains many chambers. The chambers are surrounded by booby traps. And two of these chambers will contain people that will re-enter the game."
"Heather," Alejandro said, "I know that the teams are dissolved, but that doesn't mean we can't still work together."
"I'll keep that in mind," Heather said, eyeing him suspiciously, "But don't try to stab me in the back just because you think that you can."
"I wouldn't dream of it," Alejandro said, smiling dubiously.
(In the confessional, Heather said, "He's totally going to. Not that it matters, because I'm going to work alone.")
"So, I was wondering," Noah said, "Do you guys really think this is the worst thing ever? I mean, if all goes according to plan…"
"Then, no more Alejandro, right?" Harold said, "Alright, we'll vote him off today!"
"But what if it's not an elimination?" Cody asked.
"Then next time," Harold said, "It'll be pretty simple."
"So, uhh, Cody," Noah said, "Now that the teams are merged, you probably want to go work with Gwen…"
"You… you're letting me go work with Gwen?" Cody asked. "Oh, thank you!" He jumped for joy and attempted to hug Noah, who looked visibly awkward at the touch, causing Harold to snicker quietly.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a bicycle to turn into a tricycle," Noah said.
"Umm…" Cody said, and then one second later, "Ohh!"
Cody went over to where Gwen was and then asked, "Hey, can we look together?"Gwen gave him an ugly look. "What?"
"You really don't have any shame, do you?" Gwen asked.
"I don't see what's so wrong about wanting to just look for people with you," Cody said, offended.
"I guess you're right," Gwen said, "But don't you try anything."
"I wouldn't dream of it," Cody said.
(In the confessional, Cody made a raspberry while doing a strong thumbs-down, made a sad trombone noise, and then shouted, "Rejected!" One second later, he added at a more reasonable volume, "Again!")
Harold found his old buddy DJ and asked him, "Hey, you want to look with me?"
"Sure!" DJ said, skipping around, pulling Harold along with him. "But we have to be careful or else we'll hit…" A sharp spike protruded from the ground right between DJ's legs. He squeaked, "…Booby traps."
"It's okay, DJ," Harold said, "Just back up from it with as discreet footsteps as possible."
"Thanks, Harold," DJ said, after the aforementioned strategy worked, "I owe you one."
"Don't mention it," Harold said, "Now to look for people."
(In the confessional, DJ said, "In my opinion, merge time is the greatest time, because that's when you can see who your true friends really are.")
Izzy and Owen were patiently waiting when Noah appeared and asked, "Hey, guys! Did you miss me?"
"Heck yeah!" Owen said, giving him a giant hug. "We missed you so much!"
"Now, let's go look," Izzy said, "Hmm… this chamber looks suspicious."
"I don't know about that," Noah said, "But there's a booby trap that you're about to fall into."
"Oh, no!" Owen shouted, "Izzy!" He saved her from falling into the pit. "See, this is what I love about you, Noah."
"Uhh, love?" Noah asked.
"I meant like, obviously," Owen said, very unconvincingly. "Psh, love."
(In the confessional, Owen said, "Why did I say that?")
"Here we are," Alejandro said, leading Heather into a room.
"This room is empty, Alejandro," Heather said, "Or were you planning to lock me in here so that I couldn't win?"
"Oh, Heather," Alejandro said, "Your words wound me."
"I don't believe you," Heather said, "You're just being a backstabbing liar again."
"Seasons change, Heather, but people don't," Alejandro said, "Which is why Noah needs to go."
"What?" Heather asked, "You're trying to get me to join an alliance?"
"Noah already has a huge one," Alejandro said, "And he's going to use it to vote me off. So, what we need to do is get rid of Noah. After all, if you cut off the head, the body will die."
"Get rid of Noah…" Heather said, "Well, he has been a snot… it might do some good…"
(In the confessional, Alejandro said, "If Heather convinces enough people to vote off Noah, then I'm home free.")
(In the confessional, Heather said, "Two votes will not make or break the game, unless everyone else wanted to vote for Noah… I can't prove they don't. What Alejandro doesn't know won't hurt me. And if he wastes his vote on Noah, then there will be a greater chance he'll go instead of me.")
"Gwen," Cody said, "I think I heard a noise from this direction."
"Hmm…" Gwen said, "I hear it too. It sounds like… you? Except with a lower voice?"
"Well," Cody said, "Maybe it's Ezekiel." He listened again, "No. Not Ezekiel. But…" Cody said, and then he opened the chamber and said, "Aha! We've found you, Tyler!"
"What?" Tyler asked, clearly confused, "Oh, hi, are you guys a couple now?"
"No!" Gwen said firmly, blushing.
"Dang," Tyler said.
"Tell me about it," Cody said.
"Well, I could, but what's the point? You already know," Tyler responded.
"Umm, yeah," Gwen said, "I'm going to head out now." She gestured away, trying with little effort to get Cody to pay attention to her, and then leaving when he didn't respond.
"So, where's Lindsay?" Tyler asked, "I want to see her again!"
"Lindsay… got voted off two challenges ago…" Cody said, "Sorry."
"Oh," Tyler said, very sad looking. "Just my luck. But of course, you already know all about that too, don't you?"
"Hey," Cody said, looking around, "Where did Gwen go?"
"Couldn't tell you," Tyler said, shrugging.
"Oh, no," Cody said, "I hope nothing terrible happened to her."
"Nothing terrible happened to her," Tyler assured Cody. "We mustn't panic."
(In the confessional, Cody said, "We mustn't panic. We mustn't panic." Then he screamed, "GWEN!"
Gwen walked into the confessional and asked "What?"
"Gwen!" Cody said, smiling. Then he started leering at her. She left. Cody slapped himself.)
"Hey," Izzy said, "I smell female sweat!"
"Are you sure it's not your own?" Noah asked suspiciously.
"Of course," Izzy said, "Mine's not that smelly today. Is it yours, Noah?"
"Ha-ha," Noah said, "Very funny. Now seriously, if the smell isn't yours then maybe it's coming from the room."
"Okay," Owen said, peeking into the room. He turned to Izzy and Noah, and told them, "Guys! Eva's in there!"
"Eva?" Izzy and Noah both asked excitedly.
"Well, here's hoping nothing happens to her this time," Izzy said, "After all, she was ripped off the first time."
Noah opened the door and then said, "Why hello."
"Noah?" Eva asked, and then she ran up to him and hugged him tightly.
"Ow," Noah said, "Loosen grip. Loosen grip."
"Oh, sorry," Eva said, "I'm just so glad to see you're okay! And that you're still in the game! Is Izzy here?"
"Of course," Noah said, pointing to her smiling and waving.
"The posse is back in business," Eva said. "Alejandro won't know what hit him."
"Indeed he won't," Noah said, "Cody and Harold are in on it too."
"Okay, that's five…" Eva said, "How many do we have now?"
"Counting you and the other person hiding? Eleven," Noah responded.
Eva then said, "If we want to guarantee he'll be gone, we'll need six."
"Very true," Noah said. "But I've only allied myself with those who I know would be happy to help my cause. If we started looking for more, that might change for the worse."
"I guess so," Izzy said, "But why can't you ask Owen?"
"I could," Noah said. "Hey, Owen?"
"Yeah?" Owen responded.
"Would you be willing to help us vote off Alejandro?" Noah asked.
"Umm…" Owen said, "I don't know if I should…"
"That's okay," Noah said, "It's only for the very unlikely chance that everyone who isn't in my alliance votes for the same person, including Alejandro and Heather."
"Well," Owen said, "You're being very reasonable. Thank you."
"Hey," Noah said, "I won't complain…"
"So is he in the alliance?" Eva asked.
"He seemed uncomfortable about it," was Noah's reply. "And that's fine with me. A watertight guarantee is not necessary."
"Okay," Izzy said, "But don't you worry! One way or another, Alejandro's going to go bye-bye."
"Even if you get voted off," Eva said, looking very sad.
"I won't," Noah said.
(In the confessional, Eva said, "He said that with such… finality! And he's never this positive unless he's completely sure about something. He won't get voted off. Maybe we can be the final two!")
Izzy, Noah, Owen, and Eva all headed out into the main hall where they met up with Tyler and the three pairs that went off elsewhere.
When Harold saw Tyler he greeted him.
"Yeah," Tyler said, offering Harold a high-five, "We're merge bros!"
"That never happens!" Harold responded.
"What is she doing back here?" Heather asked angrily.
"Getting her chance back from your psychopathic boyfriend," Noah responded.
"I am not psychopathic!" Alejandro shouted. "I just hate you."
"The feeling is more than mutual," Noah responded.
"Well," DJ said, "This is certainly positive."
"It's okay, DJ," Gwen said, "We can beat out those chaos causers."
"That's right," Cody said, "If you guys help out on Noah's alliance to get rid of Alejandro, that would be really…"
"Well, see," Gwen said, "I was kinda gonna vote for Heather."
"Well," Cody said, "I guess that's your choice. After all, no one should be able to make your choices except you." DJ clasped his hands together and smiled.
(In the confessional, DJ said, "How can she not see it? He's such a great guy…")
Chris walked into the center of the eleven people, and said, "So, you guys found the returning contestants, hmm… well, who found them?"
"Noah, Izzy, and Owen found me," Eva declared.
"It was Gwen and Cody for me," Tyler said.
"So… five people found you guys, huh? Impressive! What do you four have to say for yourselves?" Chris said.
DJ looked sheepish. Harold was stomping his foot. Heather and Alejandro were glaring at each other. "I'm kidding," Chris responded, "This challenge was a fake! It didn't matter who won!"
"Of course it was," Gwen said, slightly annoyed.
"Because the winners of this challenge are automatically the two returning contestants, who will be able to choose amongst themselves who will use the key next time." Chris said. "They each get a coupon to spend time in the Special Fun Room—which I assure you is not named ironically, Noah."
"I said nothing," Noah mentioned, although it was clear from his expression he was about to say it.
Chris continued, "…And an extra one for the other explorer of their choice."
"Hmm," Tyler said, contemplating long and hard, "Well, I would take Lindsay, but uhh… she's not here, so I guess… Harold."
"Awesome!" Harold shouted, "Let's go have some fun!"
"Yeah!" Tyler responded and then the two of them headed to the Special Fun Room.
"So, Eva," Chris said, "Who are you taking with you?"
"How about Noah," Eva said, smiling.
"Oh, you don't have to take me," Noah responded, "You can take Izzy instead."
"Yeah, I'll take Izzy instead. I need a headache right now," Eva said.
"Point taken," Noah said, "But I just hope that being in the same room with Tyler and Harold won't do that to us anyway."
Noah and Eva followed Harold and Tyler. Cody looked at them walking in, and looked very sad.
(In the confessional, Cody said, "You know what the saddest thing about the merge is? My teammates can enjoy victory, while I'm stuck with stupid defeat. Of course Eva picked Noah. She likes him. I mean, I like him too, but… oh crap, what did I just imply? False equivocation! False equivocation!"
Chris walked into the confessional and then said, "Will Eva and Cody get into a catfight over the same guy?"
"No," Cody said, "It's not like that, I swear."
Chris continued, "Will Alejandro get his just desserts? Will DJ snap and kill everybody?"
"Doubtful," Cody responded.
"Will you shut up?" Chris asked.
"This is my confessional, and you interrupted it. Deal with it," Cody responded.
Chris stared blankly, and then said "Find out, next time on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!")