"Last time on Total Drama Fortress, our explorers' teams were permanently dissolved, and it was every man for himself. Two previously booted contestants were hiding out, but it was the alleged final nine's job to find them. Eva and Tyler rejoined the competition, and took the win for the challenge by default. Now, our final eleven are going to face a super intense new challenge, this time on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!" Chris introduced the show.
"You open the door, Tyler," Eva offered.
"No," Tyler said, "That's okay. You can do it."
"It's alright, Tyler," Eva said, "I insist."
"But Eva, wouldn't it be better if I let you go first? After all, ladies first," Tyler said.
Eva glared at him and then shouted, "What?"
"On second thought," Tyler said hesitatingly, "I'd be happy to open the door."
"Yeah, that's right," Eva said, smirking, "I'm not going to accept your pity."
(In the confessional, Tyler said, "When I was growing up, I always heard that the ladies loved a chivalrous man... I guess they excluded people like Eva.")
Tyler tried to open the door, but noticed that it was jammed.
"I wouldn't go in there just yet," Chris said, appearing behind the eleven contestants.
"Why not?" Alejandro asked.
"Well," Chris said, "For one thing, there's an amoral bounty hunter in there."
"An amoral bounty hunter?" Noah asked, "Is it Chef?"
"Noah!" Chris shouted, "Stop spoiling the challenges!"
Cody and Harold both laughed. Owen said, "Nice one."
Alejandro looked at the backing Noah had, and then became very nervous.
(In the confessional, Alejandro said, "Why is Noah so popular? He's clearly not the kind of person that should be that popular… I just hope that we have enough votes to stop his anti-me alliance.")
"You guys must reach the key on the other side of the room without being caught by Chef," Chris explained, "Anyone who is caught by Chef faces elimination. Is that clear?"
"Yes," DJ said, very nervously.
"No problem," Harold said. "This will be an excellent chance to show off my skills."
(In the confessional, Harold said, "Stealth games are the greatest! Plus, I would be happy even if I lost if someone would shout out, Harold, HAROLD, HAAAAAROOOOLD! This is gonna be awesome!")
Chris said, "If you are ready, you may now enter the room."
"Well that's great and all, but I think the door is jammed," Tyler said. Chris stared blankly, and then turned the key the opposite direction then the way that Tyler was turning it, and the door opened. "Oh…" Tyler said sheepishly.
Tyler and Eva walked into the room, followed by the other nine in no specific order. Gwen hugged the wall, and walked around the side of the room, hoping to hide in the shadows. DJ was nervously walking around, looking all directions around his head. He spied Gwen in the shadows, mistook her for a ghost and shrieked. Gwen said quietly, "Hush, DJ. Or else we'll get caught."
"Oh, it's just you, Gwen," DJ said, "I… I knew that." Gwen's eyes widened. "What?"
Chef Hatchet came from right behind DJ and caught him. "Gotcha!" he shouted.
"Oh, no," DJ shouted, "I've been caught."
Gwen leapt out of sight as quickly as possible.
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "It was probably unfair for me to let DJ get captured and then escape, but all's fair in love and Chris's games.")
Owen was hiding behind a wall. He said, "Chef'll never find me here." Then he snickered quietly.
"Hey, Owen," Izzy said, although her exact location was unknown to both the viewer and Owen at this point.
"Izzy?" Owen asked. He looked up to see Izzy attached to the ceiling with suction cups. "What are you doing up there?"
"What do you think? I'm hiding!" Izzy shouted. "No one can find me up here, but your hiding place is stupid."
"Hey," Owen said, "I think that my hiding place is going to work."
"It's not," Izzy said. Then she whispered, "I mean, it's not."
"Why are you whispering, Izzy?" Owen asked. Completely oblivious to his surroundings, Owen was captured by Chef Hatchet.
"Oops," Izzy said, "Gotta go." She climbed down the wall, and wandered to a new location.
Eva was avoiding eye contact with anyone she passed, hoping that no one would notice her. Chef Hatchet walked right by her, and when she was certain he was out of earshot, she gave a sigh of relief.
(In the confessional, Eva said, "I have to admit something. I've never been good at stealth. Being the only muscle-bound woman around makes you pretty conspicuous, you know?")
Tyler and Cody were both sneaking around, unwitting that they were heading directly for a crash. Tyler moving in from the left, and Cody from the right, they bumped into each other, which caused both of them to fall down and hurt themselves.
"Oh, I'm sorry Cody," Tyler said.
"Nonsense," Cody said, "It was my fault."
"No," Tyler said, "It's always my fault, never yours. I'm the klutz, you're the jinx."
"That sentence would sound so much cooler with the words, 'schlemiel' and 'schlimazel'," Cody said.
"True," Tyler said, "Very true."
"Well isn't this nice? A discussion of linguistics?" Chef Hatchet asked.
"Uh-oh," Tyler said. Chef Hatchet grabbed Tyler in one hand and Cody in the other.
"Well, you have to at least admit this was my fault right?" Cody asked.
"We'll talk about it later, Cody," Tyler said.
(In the confessional, Cody asked, "Seriously, could it be construed in any other way than as my fault?")
"Pst," Alejandro said, "Heather…"
"What?" Heather asked, "I'm trying to hide from Chef."
"I know," Alejandro said, "But we have to make sure Noah gets captured."
"Noah?" Heather asked, "What about Gwen?"
"What about her?" Alejandro asked, "She's not that much of a threat… Noah's going to vote me off for sure unless we do something about it."
"Well, what are you planning to do?" Heather asked.
Alejandro jumped out in plain sight and then pointed in the general direction of Noah, shouting, "Noah's over here!"
"Darn it!" Noah whispered to himself, "Now I have to run…"
"Thanks for the tip," Chef Hatchet said, capturing Alejandro.
"Wait," Alejandro said, "I helped you, so why are you capturing me?"
"Because," Chef Hatchet responded, "I don't remember making a deal with you."
Heather laughed quietly, hoping that Chef Hatchet wouldn't see her. Unfortunately, he did. "And you're coming with me too, giggly."
Heather crossed her arms and glared at Alejandro. She said, "Good job at making sure Noah got captured."
"It was just a slight miscalculation on my part," Alejandro said, shrugging.
(In the confessional, Heather shouted, "A slight miscalculation? That is not a slight miscalculation! Honestly, Alejandro thinks he's so smart, but he's an idiot!")
Noah, Harold, Gwen, Eva, and Izzy were still safe at this point. Harold spied Chef Hatchet, and decided to backtrack until he was certain that he was gone. Noah was running hard, but was starting to breathe heavily. He was certain that he would be overheard, but somehow managed not to be, until eventually he ran into Harold. "Noah," Harold said, "Why are you running?"
"Why… do you… think… I'm running? That… jerk Alejandro… gave away… my location," Noah said, as well as he could.
"You sound like you're about to fall over," Harold said.
"Maybe… I am… I suggest… you leave… the vicinity… if you don't… want to get caught," Noah said, and then, just as predicted, he collapsed. Harold heeded his advice and fled.
(In the confessional, Harold said, "This was the second time Noah fell unconscious this season because of Alejandro. The. Second. Time. Monsters like him shouldn't even be allowed to compete. I'm starting to regret putting a condition on the promise to get rid of him…")
"Alright," Chef Hatchet said, "An easy capture!" He picked up Noah and flung him over his shoulder as if he were an empty sack.
When he returned to his previous captures, carrying Noah as such, Owen glared at him and said, "I will never forgive you for this."
"Relax," Chef Hatchet said, "He's just unconscious… I think… at any rate, he was like this when I found him…"
Cody looked concerned for his friend, while Alejandro was grinning wildly. Cody gave a look to Alejandro.
(In the confessional, Cody said, "Noah's right, Alejandro is a psychopath… or a sociopath… no, he's far too aware for that.")
Izzy was crawling on the ceiling, above Eva's head. Eva was completely oblivious to Izzy's presence. "Hi, Eva," Izzy whispered.
Eva screamed, and then looked up and shouted, "Izzy! You scared the crap out of me!"
"I know," Izzy said, "Sorry. But hey, we're still both in the game."
"For now," Eva said, glaring at Izzy, "But now, what's going to stop Chef Hatchet from finding us?"
"You mean from finding you," Izzy said, and then she climbed a few feet away, "As you can see, this is a very good hiding place."
(In the confessional, Eva said, "Yeah, I know she had a point, but still… it seemed rather condescending. Which of course means, she was looking down on me… oh, god, that was corny.")
Izzy continued to crawl on the ceiling, while Gwen, Harold, and Eva were still attempting to hide in the walls. Eva saw the key in front of her and then asked herself, "Did I seriously get all the way here without getting captured?"
"Why don't you ask me?" Chef Hatchet answered her.
"Ack!" she shouted, "How long have you been standing there?"
"About five minutes," Chef Hatchet answered, "I just wanted to mess with you."
"Well," Eva said, looking sheepish and pausing deliberately, and then she continued "You'll never take me alive!" She kicked him in the shin and started running toward the key.
"You get back here," Chef Hatchet said, hopping along, trying to catch up with Eva. By complete accident, he bumped into Gwen. "Aha!" he shouted, "I found you!"
"What happened to your legs?" Gwen asked, "Did Owen accuse you of killing Noah again?"
"Well, yes… but that's not the point," Chef Hatchet responded. "But now, you're mine!"
"Oh, crap," Gwen said, "I guess it's just karma for what I did to DJ…"
"Yeah," Chef Hatchet, "You suck."
"I know," Gwen said sadly.
Izzy, Eva, and Harold were all near the key. "Yes," Eva said, "I see it! I see it!"
"I saw it first, ladies," Harold said.
"I don't know about that," Izzy responded from the ceiling, "It certainly looks different from this angle though."
"Shh," Harold said, "I heard footsteps."
"Don't worry," Izzy responded, "I am a chameleon."
"I'm not…" Eva said.
"Well, isn't that sweet?" Chef Hatchet asked, "I found the one who said I'd never take her alive. And now…" He grabbed her right arm.
"Oh my god," Eva said, very sarcastically, "Not my right arm! Now I am completely helpless to do anything…"
"It don't matter what I grabbed," Chef Hatchet yelled, "A capture is a capture."
"Why is it always the right arm? The feet are often associated with much more painful attacks… like this one!" Eva kicked Chef Hatchet in the groin.
Harold was about to pipe up with a comment about the same unrealistic trope, but realized that by doing so, he would have allowed himself to be caught.
(In the confessional, Harold said, "I think that Eva was doing that on purpose… deliberately trying to get me caught by causing me to complain about that. I wouldn't hold it against her though; one of her best friends was the other contender for victory.")
Chef Hatchet was clearly in pain and distracted, and did not see Harold walk around the walls. He grabbed the key, and then shouted, "Ch-yes!"
"What?" Chef Hatchet asked, "How long has he been here?"
"Dang," Izzy said, as she peeled herself off the ceiling, and landed on her butt.
Chef Hatchet said, "Well, I bow to you, Harold." Then he bowed. "After all, you managed to avoid being seen the whole way."
He went over to find Chris and told him what happened. Chris announced, "I am happy to say that the winner of this challenge is Harold! And, because Izzy technically wasn't captured, she has immunity too."
"Awesome!" Izzy shouted, "I'll use it well."
"Everyone, cast your votes," Chris said, "I'll see you in a few."
Gwen told DJ, "We should vote for Heather."
"Yeah," DJ said, "Okay, I'll vote off Heather."
"Who else wants to vote off Heather?" Gwen asked.
"I will," Tyler said, "She always stays too long."
"Nothing wrong with staying for a long time," Owen said sheepishly, "But I guess I'd rather see her go than anyone else."
"Really?" DJ asked, "Even Alejandro?"
"I mean, Alejandro is… well, there's just this special something about Alejandro," Owen said, clasping his hands together.
"It wouldn't happen to be the same 'special something' as Justin, would it?" Gwen asked.
"Umm…" Owen said, "I don't know what you are talking about. I like girls… right, Izzy?"
Izzy said, "Yeah, you like girls too."
"Too?" Tyler asked.
"Izzy!" Owen shouted.
"What?" Izzy asked, staring blankly.
"Nothing," Owen said, although he was clearly embarrassed.
(In the confessional, Tyler said, "You know, I've dealt with this before… it may surprise you, but my excellent macho athleticism didn't come to me completely naturally…")
"We need to vote off Noah," Alejandro reminded Heather.
"Good choice," Heather said, clearly lying, "It's very likely that everyone else is going to vote for him too, and then he'll be gone."
Alejandro, missing the cues, said, "Excellent," while making an evil face.
The whole group went to the elimination chamber, after the votes were cast. Chris said, "Okay, so Harold and Izzy have immunity, so they get these bags of pyrite by default. The rest of them go to DJ, Cody, Eva, Tyler, Owen, Gwen, Noah…" When Noah's name was read, Alejandro glared at Heather, causing her to shrug.
"Maybe it was just a slight miscalculation," Heather said.
"And the final bag of pyrite goes to… Heather!" Chris said, "Sorry, Alejandro, but you're getting the boot."
"No," Alejandro said, "That's… that's impossible! I can't get the boot yet! I mean, how many people voted for me?"
Chris counted them. "Five," he said, "And just think… it could have been a tie if you just voted for Heather."
"Vote for Heather?" Alejandro asked, "I could never do that to my sweet, even if she did betray me and say that everyone was going to vote for Noah, when they weren't!"
"Here's a hint, Alejandro," Noah said, "My misstep was forgiven a long time ago, however, hers are forever being begrudged. I don't think it's necessarily fair, but it's true."
"Shut up," Alejandro shouted, "You think that you can win just because you 'have a posse'? I have a posse that could kick your posse's butt!"
"My posse contains a lunatic, an abnormally strong woman, an adrenaline-charged heavyweight…" Noah listed.
Alejandro said, "Well, uhh… so does mine…"
"It does, hmm?" Eva shouted, "Well let's see how your posse deals with this!" She pushed him down onto where the Trap of Shame was intended to open, and it opened just as he fell.
"Now that Alejandro's gone, will Heather have to step up to the task of being a villain? Or will there be a new villain? A surprise like Gwen? Owen? DJ? The fans would love that."
"No they wouldn't," Harold shouted, "They hate stuff like that. You don't know our fanbase at all."
Chris pushed Harold over.
"Will there be no designated villain, causing the final ten to move around in pandemonium and chaos?"
"Well, technically, we kind of were already," Harold said, "Alejandro was being more of a genuine jerk than a designated villain…"
"Shut up, Harold," Chris said. "Find out, next time on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!"