"Last time on Total Drama Fortress, our explorers had to reach the key without being caught by a dangerous bounty hunter. It was pretty tough, but they pulled through. Harold and Izzy avoided being seen the entire time. Some of our other explorers weren't so lucky. In the end, it was Alejandro who had to kiss the million goodbye. With only ten contestants remaining, things are getting pretty intense, right here, on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!" Chris introduced the show.
Harold was dancing around saying, "Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! I won! Ahuh!" He did the splits, which made it slightly harder to get up, but he soon did. He picked up the key from the ground and then he opened the door. He walked into the room, followed by Izzy, Eva, Gwen, Noah, Heather, Tyler and Cody, Owen, and finally DJ.
"Good day, explorers," Chris said, "My, my. Take a look around and see if you see anything strange."
The explorers looked around the room confusedly. Owen guessed, "This room is dark purple instead of dark green?"
"No, silly," Gwen responded, "It's dark blue, and so are the rest of them."
"Well," Izzy said, "I do agree with Owen. It's usually kind of a tealy color and this one is more indigoy."
" 'Indigoy?'" Noah asked, "That adjective doesn't sound terrible."
"I know," Izzy said, "Thanks, I'm going to have it patented soon."
An annoyed Chris asked, "Would you guys shut up about the color of the walls?"
"Oh, sorry," Cody said, "Then I guess it must be because the window is ten centimeters to the right of where it was in the previous room."
"What?" Chris asked, "Who even cares?"
"Well, I care," Harold said, "It seems disconcerting."
"Guys, come on," Chris said, "You're missing something really obvious."
"I have an idea," Heather said, "How about all those ugly spiders painted on the wall."
"Those are tarantulas, and they are awesome," Harold shouted.
"No more whining about the décor!" Chris yelled.
"Sorry," DJ said, and only DJ, which prompted Chris to give him a weird look, as he had not been joining in.
"You're forgiven, DJ," Chris said in monotone. "Now seriously, will someone please notice what I want them to notice?"
"I'm not going to say it," Noah said, "You hate it when I spoil the fun."
"Come on, Noah," Chris said, "I know you're just doing this to tick me off."
"Why, how did you know, Chris?" Noah asked.
"Just say it already, Mr. Know-It-All!" Chris shouted, very impatiently.
"Fine," Noah said, "There are precisely ten keys at Chris's feet, which you guys would have noticed if you took a second to look down instead of continually looking above your heads."
"Wow, Noah!" Owen shouted, "You're so smart!"
"Don't flatter me too much, Owen," Noah responded, "My head's swelled enough. If you add more I may implode."
"Ack! I don't want that!" Owen said, "Sorry…"
"So, does that mean these are the last ten keys?" Heather asked excitedly.
"Of course," Gwen responded, "We are getting all of the keys just handed to us, all at once."
"Hey, a girl can dream can't she?" Heather asked, "Buzz-kill."
"So," Chris said, "Gwen. You're onto my evil plan then? Well, only one of these keys functions. The others are all fake. So what you guys have to do is try to make sure that you get the real key. Now, when I call start, you will come up and grab a key. You will have to bargain with your fellow explorers to get the real one. And, ready… go!"
Izzy, Eva, Heather, and Gwen sprinted to the location. Harold, Tyler, and Cody ran but did not sprint. Owen and Noah walked nonchalantly up to it, and DJ waited until everyone else had grabbed a key and took the last one.
Eva looked at her key and she said, "I know this one's a fake."
"Okay," Izzy said, "I'll trade you for mine. I'm sure it's a fake too."
"How would that solve anything?" Eva asked, confusedly.
"I dunno," Izzy responded, "The fun of the trade."
(In the confessional, Eva said, "The fun of the trade? Izzy doesn't understand that in life there isn't just fun and games; everything has a purpose.")
"Hey, Gwen," Heather asked nicely, "Would you like to trade with me?"
"No thanks," Gwen responded, "I'm good."
"Of course you think that," Heather said, "Someone as fashion impaired as you obviously can't tell the difference between the real key and a cheap imitation."
"Are you sure that it's not you who has the fake? After all, you are just a clone of every other 'cool' person ever, but me? I am unique and individual," Gwen said.
"Says the Goth," Heather responded, "You have a name for your group, so clearly, you're not as individual as you think you are."
"Oh, yeah?" Gwen said, "Well, I'm certainly more individual than you are."
"Oh, yeah?" Heather asked. Heather and Gwen got into a sissy slap fight.
"Uh-oh," Cody said, and then he got between the two girls, pushing them each to the side, "Break it up. Break it up."
"Thanks, Cody," Gwen said, glaring at Heather, "I needed that."
"Say, Gwen," Cody began, "Since I just got Heather to leave you alone will you…?"
"No, I will not go out with you," Gwen responded.
"I…I was just going to ask you to trade keys with me…" Cody said, clearly hurt.
"Oh," Gwen responded, embarrassed, "No, I'd rather not trade with you. Nothing personal, I just think my key has a good chance of being real."
"Oh, don't worry," Cody said, "I understand, Gwen." He saluted her and left, looking for someone else to trade his key with.
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "Okay, so it's okay for a girl to turn down someone she doesn't like, but if she does so without him even asking first, what does that mean? I feel like such a…")
"Hey, Noah," Owen said, "Will you trade keys with me?"
"No thanks," Noah responded.
"Why not?" Owen asked, "Do you think your key is real?"
Noah whispered in Owen's ear, "Between you and me, not likely. But, you see, if I continually turn down offers, eventually, the person with the real key will get confused and think I have the real key, at which point, I will offer a trade…"
"That's great but how do you find out who has the real key?" Owen asked.
"I will look for the person who is doing the same thing I am," Noah responded. "Yep, there's no doubt about it. The real key is with… Gwen."
"Unless of course she's really doing the same thing you're doing and the person who really has the real key is just stupid," Owen responded.
"Owen, for you to be referring to people in such a manner; so misanthropic, so negative, so uncharacteristically critical…" Noah said, looking shocked, and then changing back to his disposition, "You've learned well, my friend."
"Thanks," Owen said, "I learn from the best!"
(In the confessional, Owen said, "Okay, so that was really hard and mean to say, but I just can't let Noah get away with overlooking stuff like that. Methinks perhaps his continued playtime has gotten to him, and now he's getting optimistic. Not that there's anything wrong with that… if you're not Noah.")
"Hey, DJ?" Harold asked, "Will you trade keys with me?"
"Sure!" DJ responded, smiling warmly and trading keys with Harold. "Enjoy your key!"
"Umm, DJ," Harold said, "If you think that your key is an improvement to mine, why did you trade with me?"
"Because you asked me to," DJ said sweetly.
"Hmm," Harold said, "You don't have to say yes to everyone, DJ."
"Oh, yes I do," DJ responded, "Because asking nicely guarantees you get what you want. Unless of course the person cannot or will not give it out period."
"Okay," Harold said, "Attention everyone! If you have the real key, do not ask DJ to trade with you! I repeat, do not ask DJ to trade with you!"
"Why would anyone who knew they had the real key ask to trade with anyone?" Tyler asked.
"I don't know," Harold said, "To trip up the other person into thinking they have the real key?"
"Oh!" Tyler said, "Hey Harold, will you trade with me?"
"Sure, why not?" Harold asked. They traded keys. "Hey, this isn't the real key."
"Of course not," Tyler responded, staring blankly. "Why would it be? I asked to trade it with you."
(In the confessional, Harold shouted, "Oh crap, I've just been tricked by a dumb jock. Uh, not that that makes Tyler a bad person or anything, and… please, for the love of the word 'gosh', do not tell Tyler I called him that.")
"Hey, Owen?" Eva asked, "Do you think you have a good chance of having the key?"
"Not really," Owen responded, "Want to trade anyway?"
"Eh," Eva responded, "I don't need it. Do you know who has a good chance of having the key?"
"Well, uhh… oh, yeah! Noah!" Owen said, and then he burst into giggles, which he quickly stifled.
"Noah…" Eva said, and then she walked up to him and asked, "Will you trade with me?"
"No," Noah said, "I'd rather keep this one."
"Oh, yeah," Eva said, "I completely understand."
"Hey, DJ?" Heather asked, sweetly, looking to the large man's eyes, "Will you trade keys with me?"
"Sure!" DJ responded, handing her his key.
"DJ, this key sucks," Heather responded.
"I'm sorry you feel that way," DJ said honestly, "Would you like to trade back?"
"Umm…" Heather said, "Trade… back?"
"Well, my key displeased you," DJ said.
"It's okay, DJ," Heather said, "It really is."
(In the confessional, Heather said, "DJ is too nice for his own good. And everyone knows that nice guys finish last.")
"Hey," Izzy said, "Gwen! Can I have your key?"
"No," Gwen responded, "I think I have a good chance."
"That… that just makes me want it more," Izzy said, cocking her head in confusion.
"Well, I'm sorry, but no is my final answer, Izzy," Gwen said, "I think Noah might think he has a good chance too so maybe you should ask him."
"Oh, yeah," Izzy said, "I already asked him, and he said, 'No, because I'm trying to make Gwen think that I have the real key.'" Izzy then slapped herself and said, "Oh, whoops! That was supposed to be a secret, it completely slipped my mind."
"Yes it did," Gwen said, "Wow, I'm sure Noah's going to leave a secret with you again."
(In the confessional, Izzy said, "Guys, guys, I know what you're thinking. 'Why would someone as grumpy as Noah trust you to keep a secret?' Well, I don't know! I really don't! I've blabbed multiple things, but he never learns." Izzy shrugged.)
"Hey, Noah," Cody said, "Would you like to trade with me?"
"I… I think you want Gwen," Noah responded.
"I already asked her, and she said no," Cody responded, and then smiled at Noah, "So…"
"I just don't know if it's right for you, Cody," Noah said, "After all, I don't know if it's right for anyone."
"Oh, come on, Noah," Cody responded, "It's better than nothing, right?"
"I guess," Noah said. "Nonetheless, I'd prefer not to."
"Oh, okay," Cody responded. He walked away and bumped into Harold.
"Hey, Cody," Harold greeted, "What's the matter?"
"Oh, I just got turned down by Noah," Cody said.
(In the confessional, Harold did nothing but laugh his head off for seven seconds, followed by a break; he then said, "That was just… wow… I mean did Cody just seriously…?" He continued to laugh.)
"Hey, DJ," Owen said, "Can I have your key?"
"I don't think you want it," DJ responded, "Heather said it sucked."
"Well, Heather's wrong," Owen said, "I'm sure it's awesome."
"You think so?" DJ asked, trading with Owen.
"Wow, DJ, that is awesome," Owen said.
"Thank you," DJ responded.
(In the confessional, DJ said, "When Heather said my key sucked, I felt so sad. But when Owen said it was awesome, it made my day!")
"Hey, Eva," Tyler said, "Want to trade with me?"
"I guess so," Eva said, "Your key is bound to be better than this one."
"Yeah," Tyler said, "It probably is. Harold's was pretty convincing. It's barely possible to tell apart from the real one."
"Thanks for that," Eva said. She walked up to Gwen and asked, "Hey, Gwen, want to trade?"
"No thanks, Eva," Gwen responded.
"Why not?" Eva asked, "Do you think you have the real one?"
Gwen's eyes widened.
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "I seriously thought, if I told her 'yes' she would force me to give it to her; if I told her 'no' she would continue to interrogate me… it was one of those times that I just couldn't win.")
"I… I refuse to answer that question," Gwen responded.
"Oh," Eva said, "I see. You think you have the real one. That makes sense. Listen, if I let you get immunity, will you promise not to vote me off?"
"I wouldn't vote you off, Eva," Gwen said, "At least not right now. After all, there's a certain someone that I want to get rid of first."
"Understood," Eva said, "Go on ahead."
"Time is running out!" Chris announced, "You guys have a grand total of five minutes to finalize the locations of your keys."
"Perfect," Noah said, "An opening." He walked up to Gwen and asked, "Hey, I would like to offer a trade of my key to yours."
"Nice try," Gwen responded.
"What?" Noah asked.
"I said, nice try," Gwen said. "Don't misunderstand me. I'm being totally sincere when I say it was a nice try. And it probably would've worked too, if your motormouth confidante hadn't blabbed."
"Izzy!" Noah scolded.
"Umm…" Izzy said, "It was him!" She pointed in the general direction of Tyler.
"It wasn't me! It was… it was Eva!" Tyler shouted.
"What? I'll have you know I wasn't even in on it, and even if I was I would keep my mouth closed. Now Owen on the other hand…" Eva said.
"It wasn't me, Noah, I swear!" Owen shouted. "It was Cody!"
"What? What?" Cody asked, "It certainly wasn't me! It was Izzy, and that's final!"
"I knew it," Noah said, "Because it was never in doubt. Izzy, you just killed my immunity. Nice going."
"What?" Izzy asked, "It's not like you're going to get voted off or something! You have like five friends here! Notwithstanding DJ and Harold…"
"Well, to be fair," Chris said, "Izzy is right! Noah isn't going to be voted off today."
"How do you know that already?" Harold asked.
"Because… today's challenge isn't an elimination challenge! It's a reward!" Chris announced. "And the winner is… show your keys please." The contestants complied. "Definitely not Heather. Definitely not Izzy. Definitely not Cody. Definitely not Tyler. Definitely not Owen. Definitely not DJ. Definitely not Harold. Definitely, definitely, not Noah," Chris said, while laughing at the small nerd, prompting him to give him an angry glare. "So the winner is either Eva or Gwen… oh, darn it, I have such trouble telling these apart sometimes."
He looked closely at each key and then said, "The winner is Gwen!"
"Alright!" Gwen shouted, "I won! What do I win?"
"You win this!" Chris shouted. He handed her a thick book that read on the cover: RIDDLEBOT STRATEGY GUIDE.
"A manual?" Gwen asked. "But nobody reads the manuals!"
"I do," Harold, Cody, and Noah all said in unison while raising their hands.
"Jinx Pythagoras!" Harold shouted.
"A squared plus B squared equals C squared," Cody responded.
"Very well, you are free."
"A squared plus B squared equals C squared in a right triangle, when A and B represent the legs, and C represents the hypotenuse," Noah elaborated.
"Know-it-all," Harold said derisively. Noah, however, took this as a compliment. "Fine, you're free too."
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "I'm not sure that the Sesquipedalian Brains got the memo that we merged. I seriously am not sure they realize this yet.")
"Oh, well," Gwen said, "I guess I'll just mull over this manual."
"You really should," Cody said, surprising her.
"Cody, how long have you been behind me?" Gwen asked.
"Relax," Cody responded, "Only a few minutes. But, you should know, that's no ordinary manual. It's a strategy guide; it can help you discover secrets that manuals gloss over too quickly, or pretend don't exist at all!"
Gwen laughed and said, "You are such a dork."
"I know," Cody said, "But some say that's what makes me charming. Anyway, I'll leave you to that."
Cody walked away, and Gwen picked up the Riddlebot Strategy Guide and started reading it.
Chris walked up and said, "Will Gwen discover the importance of the reward?"
"It's important?" Gwen asked, smiling. "Thanks for the tip, Chris."
"Oh, dang… never mind! Will she ever let Noah live down the fact that he failed to outsmart her? Will she and Cody become an item that makes out all the time…"
"Chris! Just stop," Gwen demanded, "Please stop."
"…But it's just so much fun!" Chris shouted, "Will Eva turn into a ticking time bomb in the next episode? Find out, here on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!"