"Last time on Total Drama Fortress, our explorers had to exchange keys with each other while looking for the right one. DJ was giving out keys like free pancakes, and Gwen and Noah were not giving up their keys for anything. Noah's plan to outsmart Gwen almost worked, but then Izzy had to go and spill the beans. The winner ended up being Gwen, who was handed a strategy guide which she reacted to with less than bliss. Was that a good call? Find out today on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!" Chris introduced the show.
Gwen calmly and happily opened the door, and then said, "I feel like things are looking up for me."
Cody was right behind her. He asked her, "Hey, did you read the strategy guide?"
"I tried," Gwen responded honestly, "But I fell asleep halfway through."
"That's okay," Cody said, "I'm sure however much you read should be enough to help you."
Gwen entered the room, followed by Cody, with Noah, Harold, Eva, Owen, Izzy, and DJ coming in a disorderly blob soon after, followed by Tyler, who was clearly under the impression he was late, and finally Heather, who looked as though she had just woken up.
"Good morning, explorers!" Chris shouted, "And welcome to the computer room!" There were several computers scattered about the room.
"We have a computer room?" Harold asked, then, looking offended, he added, "How come no one ever told me?"
"Well," Chris said, "It's a secret for the final ten! As you can see there are only ten terminals in this room…"
"Ten terminals?" Gwen asked, "I guess that means our challenge isn't musical chairs…"
"Why would it be?" Chris asked, "This is a computer room!"
"Oh, boy!" Izzy shouted, "I love computers!"
"You do?" Noah asked, "Since when?"
"Since I discovered my own kind on the internet," Izzy responded. "They like to hang out in special corners…"
"No," Chris said, "Today's challenge is something much more difficult than musical chairs!"
"What could be more difficult than running to reach a chair before nine people, at least eight of which are more in shape than you, and at least seven of those are physically stronger?" Noah asked.
"Umm," Chris responded, "Answering these brutal riddles!"
"Chris, it has come to my attention that you are misinformed about the definition of the word 'difficult'," Noah answered.
"Shut up, Noah! Your opinion is not the majority opinion, so stop acting like it is," Heather said.
"You're just jealous because he's going to own you at this challenge!" Eva shouted to Heather.
"Oh, you are so getting eliminated for that," Heather responded.
"Oh, yeah?" Eva said, "No one's going to vote me off while you're here."
"You lie," Heather responded, "I'm sure DJ would rather vote you off; Harold too. Right DJ and Harold?"
DJ and Harold looked at each other.
(In the confessional, DJ said, "I don't want to make Heather think that I'd rather vote her off than Eva, but… Eva's proven herself to be heroic, so I want to keep her around. At least a while longer.")
(In the confessional, Harold said, "I… I really don't know what to say. Heather; I mean, she's awesome. Well, maybe not awesome, awesome, but she's certainly better than Duncan and Alejandro. But the problem is… is she better than Eva? Noah seems to think that Eva is awesome, and that guy trusts no one so… what to do?")
"So, when do we start?" Owen asked.
"You may start whenever. Find a terminal, and answer all of the riddles that the computer gives you. If you get them all right in a row, you win, but… if you get one wrong, well…" Chris said; he pointed to Chef Hatchet who was sitting at one of the computers.
"Hmm," Chef Hatchet said, scratching his head, "I think the answer is Juice." He typed 'J-U-I-C-E'.
"Aah! Wrong!" buzzed a Chris-like voice from inside the machine. A spring-loaded boxing glove appeared from the inside of the terminal and punched him across the room, causing DJ, Owen, Noah, and Eva to cringe sympathetically. Chef Hatchet was sitting on the ground, looking very dizzy on the other side of the room.
"That'll be enough, Chef," Chris said.
"I…" Chef Hatchet said, "Where the heck am I? Where's Gisele?"
"Umm…" Chris said, "In a vacant lot in Montreal."
"Okay," Chef Hatchet said, "I'll go there." He walked out of the room, and fell on his face.
Tyler began to bite his nails.
(In the confessional, Tyler said, "This is going to happen to me, I just know it. I'll get the wording wrong for one of the answers, and then BAM! Right in the kisser!")
"Let the best man win," Eva said, sitting down.
"What? You don't worry about that having sexist connotations?" Noah asked.
"I said, 'Let the best man win,' because obviously you're the only one who can," Eva said.
"I don't know, I think Gwen got to study," he responded, "Not that I would have needed to anyway but…"
"Okay, let's start this. What is made of glass and a cushion?" Eva asked, "What the heck does that even mean?"
"Oh come on, the first question is so easy," Cody said, and then he began to type the answer, "The answer is 'C-O-D-Y.'"
"Cody?" Eva asked, "I find that very hard to believe."
"He's right," Noah said, after typing in the same answer. "Good job."
"Thanks," Cody responded.
(In the confessional, Cody asked, "Who hasn't searched for their name on the internet before? I mean, it's so much fun. Who ever knew it would come in handy though?")
"Hey, Izzy," Owen said, "Pst…"
"What?" Izzy asked.
"What did you get for riddle number one?" Owen asked.
"I didn't get that one yet," Izzy responded. "Made of glass and a cushion? Ooh! I know! It's… S-A-N-D."
"Very good answer," the computer responded in Chris's voice, "But wrong!" The boxing glove appeared and slugged her in the jaw, sending her flying across the room.
"Izzy!" Owen shouted, "Are you okay?"
"Of course," Izzy said, and then she realized, "Oh, wait, the answer is Cody!"
"Cody?" Owen asked, "Thanks, Izzy."
(In the confessional, Izzy said, "Getting hit on the head gives me insight, you know.")
Gwen and Harold were both breezing through the list with no problem, up through question five. "Okay," Harold said, "Hmm… the contents of a Greek thermometer? That's… umm… oh, okay, I think I understand. Is the answer H-E-R-M-E-S?"
The computer gave him a pass on that.
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "I don't know why Harold reads the manuals. He can obviously do it without their help. I'm so mad that I fell asleep in the middle now, because I am totally lost. At least I can take comfort in knowing that Heather isn't doing any better than I am.")
"Hey, DJ," Heather said, "Would you care to help me?"
"Well, sure, what question are you stuck on?" DJ asked.
"I'm stuck on question four," Heather answered.
"Oh," DJ said, "I haven't gotten there yet. But I think maybe Tyler has."
"Tyler?" Heather asked, looking at the athlete, who was staring at his screen, which still had riddle number one on the screen. He had not even wagered a guess. "You have got to be kidding me."
"Well, maybe Noah can help! He's already on question fifteen," DJ responded.
"Noah is on question fifteen?" Heather asked, "I didn't even know there were that many."
"Why so surprised?" DJ asked.
(In the confessional, Heather said, "I can't let Noah beat me. I mean, normally I wouldn't even care if a nerd beat me in a battle of wits like this, but if Noah wins, then Eva wins by extension. Eva! I have to find some way to sabotage his score.")
"Wow, Noah," Cody said, surveying Noah's progress, "You're twice as far as I am."
"Big deal," Noah responded, shrugging.
"Do the questions get harder?" Cody asked.
"It's a cake walk all the way, Cody," Noah responded. Cody smiled at him.
(In the confessional, Cody said, "It takes a certain kind of person to be able to solve all sorts of confusing riddles, and not even care that he's doing it! That's the person I wish I could be.")
Gwen hit another roadblock somewhere around question eleven. "Okay, so what culinary vegetable is also a reindeer? Umm… I don't know! Rudolph the Red Nosed Rhubarb?"
"You're putting too much thought into this," Harold said, "Just remember what you read in the strategy guide."
"But I didn't read about this one!" Gwen complained, "I fell asleep in the middle!"
Harold gasped. "You didn't finish it?" Harold asked, "Well, that's not going to give you an advantage."
"I know," Gwen shouted, "I know! It's just so boring, you know!"
"By the way the answer is Olive. 'Olive the other reindeer'," Harold said. "It's a 'culinary' vegetable, which means that it's a fruit that dumb people aren't willing to call a fruit, but it truly has far much more in common with a cherry or a plum than any vegetable. Same with avocados but I mean, gosh, it's like no one even thinks about…"
"Okay, okay," Gwen said, hushing him, "I get it. I get it. Thanks for the tip."
"Next time, read the strategy guide completely," Harold said, "And I will continue my futile endeavor to catch up with Noah."
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "Did Harold eat an encyclopedia as a child or something? Because honestly, it seems that way.")
"Okay, Owen," Izzy said, "I think that I'm almost done! Here I am on question thirteen… and… umm… what was I doing again?"
"You were just about to win immunity, Izzy," Owen said.
"Oh, okay, so the answer is 'I-M-M-U-N-I-T-Y'," Izzy said, while typing in that answer.
"Not even close," the Chris voice said, and the terminal punched her again.
"Oh, so close," Owen said.
(In the confessional, Owen said, "I certainly hope that no one votes off Izzy… I like Izzy; I want her to stick around.")
"Hey, Noah," Heather said, "What are you doing?"
"Answering question thirty," Noah responded. "Oh, man this question looks sooo hard," he sarcastically remarked.
"Oh, yeah," Heather said, "I got to question thirty, and the answer was brutal; I totally thought it was obvious at first too, but it turned out the answer was 'Lame'."
"What was your first guess, then, may I ask?" Noah asked, as he proved that the answer was, in fact, "Lame."
"Uhh," Heather said, "Umm… it was 'stupid?'"
"You would call a man with no legs 'stupid?' Wow, that's umm… totally relevant," Noah responded. "Now, Heather, kindly tell me the answer to question twenty-nine."
"Question twenty-nine? Refresh my memory," Heather said.
"'What rises to the top in a week and sinks to the bottom in under a year?'" Noah reported. "You did… answer question twenty-nine didn't you? You weren't just trying to sabotage me, right? I hope not, because if you were, I'd have to dismiss you."
"Fine," Heather said, walking away angrily, "I get it."
"You'd better," Eva added, shooing her away from their little corner of the room.
(In the confessional, Heather said, "He is too good! And the worst part is that he's going to get immunity, which means I can't convince anyone else that he's such a threat and vote him off today.")
Tyler was still staring at question one, and Chris startled him. "Tyler, everyone else has gotten to at least question nine. Why are you still on question one?"
"It's not my fault," Tyler responded, "I don't know the answer."
"Well then guess something," Chris answered.
"But I'll get thrown across the room," Tyler said nervously.
"That didn't stop crazy over there," Chris said, pointing to Izzy, who still appeared dizzy.
"But… but…" Tyler said, "Fine. The answer is C-H-R-I-S."
"What?" the voice in the terminal asked, "I am not made of glass, and I'm certainly not a cushion! Double punch!" The boxing glove sprung into Tyler's face twice in a row; the first only enough to hurt, and the second one able to send him across the room.
"You programmed the machine to respond to your name," Tyler said, "Why?"
"Because I was sure someone would answer it to question twelve," Chris said.
"But this was question one," the disoriented Tyler continued.
"So?" Chris asked, "I was a little thorough."
(In the confessional, Tyler said, "Chris is a supreme narcissist. It's a good thing I learned never to make that mistake again.")
"Question twelve, hmm…" Eva said. "What is put in this world for the sole purpose of sucking, but people put tons of money towards anyway. Heh, Chris!"
"No," Noah responded, "No joke answers. You don't want to be flung across the room."
"Aw," Eva said, "But it's just so tempting!"
"Well, I think she should be allowed," Cody said, "If she thinks it's worth it, I mean."
"Okay," Eva said, typing in the "answer," "C-H-R-I-S".
"I can't believe you said that about me! Double punch!" the voice shouted, and Eva leapt over the boxing glove, so as to not be hit. The boxing glove retracted, and then Chris looked on in shock.
"Hehe," Tyler laughed, "Your plan backfired."
"Shut up, Tyler," Chris shouted, annoyed.
"Okay, now seriously Noah, what's the real answer?" Eva asked.
"Vacuum cleaner, that's V-A-C-U-…" Noah began.
"Alright, I know how to spell," Eva said. She typed in the answer.
"Well, I just wanted to make sure you got it right," Noah said. Then he turned back to his own computer and said, "Oh boy! Question fifty. For the win, 'What is of biblical proportions and not about to end?' Hmm… that's strange… an asterisk." Noah clicked on the asterisk, and then read aloud, "If you are not in fact an insufferable know-it-all with no patience, then click refresh for a more relevant riddle. Wait, okay, so that basically said that this question only applies to me." He turned to Chris and said, "Wow, I'm truly very flattered."
"Well, it's not like any of us didn't see it coming," Chris said.
"Okay," Noah said, "What is of biblical proportions and not about to end? Oh, Noah's arc. That's hilarious." He typed in the answer.
"Congratulations; you've won the key!" the computer shouted out, and then a slot appeared, sending through it the key.
"Yes!" Noah said, holding onto the key.
"Okay, Noah wins! Which means he has immunity," Chris said, "And the rest of you guys face elimination."
"Oh, don't worry, Chris," Heather said, "I know who I'm voting for."
"So do I," Eva said, sticking her tongue out at Heather.
The votes were cast, and then Chris met everyone in the elimination chamber. "Noah, you get this by default." He passed the bag of pyrite to him. "And the rest of them go to DJ, Owen, Izzy, Harold, Cody, Gwen, Tyler, and… Eva!"
"What?" Heather asked, in shock, "You guys kept Eva over me?"
"But Eva is awesome," Izzy said, "I don't understand the problem."
"The problem is, you guys suck! This is all your fault, Gwen," Heather said, pointing at her.
"Hey," Gwen said, "Just because I helped vote you off doesn't mean that it was my fault alone. I'm sure everyone here is happy to see you go."
"Yeah," Eva said, "You… you always stay way too long, you know that? But this time, we will prevail! Right, Noah?"
"Oh, yeah, definitely," Noah responded.
"I hate you guys; I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Heather shouted, as she fell down the Trap of Shame.
Chris began, "Now that Alejandro and Heather are both gone, will people who were once friends turn against each other? Will Gwen get some karma for getting rid of Heather…"
"Oh, come on, Chris!" Cody shouted, "Give Gwen a break already."
"Will Cody and Tyler mess up the next challenge so badly that they have to leave? Will Izzy ever recover from being hit so many times by the boxing glove? Find out, next time on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!"