"Last time on Total Drama Fortress, our explorers had to figure out my Riddlebot's awesome riddles. Getting one wrong really packed a punch. Gwen had had time the after the previous challenge to study, but she fell asleep on the job. Izzy's brief bouts of insight made a return, and a just as welcome removal. In the end, Noah won—I know, huge surprise; none of us saw that one coming—and Heather was forced out of the game. Now only nine contestants remain, and it's someone else's turn to go; today on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!" Chris introduced the show.
Completely nonchalantly, Noah opened the door while whistling a tune. He then walked into the room, followed by Cody and Gwen, DJ and Harold, Eva and Tyler, and finally Owen and Izzy.
"So," Cody said, "No bad guys left, huh?"
"What about Eva?" Tyler asked. She glared at him. "Oh, wait, I mean… she's totally a good guy." Gwen smiled.
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "For once, all of the people who have made it to this point are actually… you know, likeable! If any of us goes axe-crazy, it's probably going to be DJ. Beware the nice ones. Or Noah. Beware the quiet ones. Or Cody. Beware the helpless ones.")
"Hey," Chris said, "Good day explorers! Now, remember, that even though there aren't any explorers left who want you to get hosed, who knows what could happen when we have a ticking time bomb here?" Eva looked sheepish.
(In the confessional, Eva said, "I'm better! I swear! I used to want to rip everyone apart when they got on my nerves… now, I just yell at them. I don't like Chris's attitude. Something seems fishy to me.")
"This will be good news for DJ and Owen, and terrible news for Noah and Eva," Chris said, "Today, you are not competing! You are all working together." The aforementioned latter two groaned, as well as Gwen, while the first two and Tyler cheered.
"Go, TEAM!" Tyler shouted, which caused everyone (including Izzy) to give him a weird look. He asked, "What?"
"I have a question, Chris," Noah said, raising his hand.
"Is it a legitimate concern or a sarcastic comment?" Chris asked, looking impatient.
"Yes," Noah responded, "If we're working together, then what's even the point of doing the challenge? It's not like we can get immunity or anything…"
"Well, well, well," Chris said, "I guess someone doesn't want to be able to get into the final eight! Because the only way any of you are staying is if you find the key. Otherwise, I'll replace all of you with these eight interns!" Chris pointed to eight random interns, several of whom were looking around confusedly, and one of whom was picking his nose.
"Okay," Cody said, "That sounds like good incentive to me. Come on, guys, let's go look for the key!"
"Hold up," Chris said, "Not so fast! You haven't heard where to look yet."
"I imagine it's in some sort of deathtrap infested room," Noah said.
"Quit. Doing that. Seriously," Chris said.
"Why?" Harold asked, "He's so good at it! And it makes it easier for the rest of us to see what's coming."
"You are such a suck-up," Noah said, "But at least you're a genuinely nice suck-up."
(In the confessional, Harold said, "Being called a suck-up hurt; being called a suck-up by Chris's former assistant was even more hurtful, but at least the guy is a good judge of character!")
"Yes," Chris said, "There is a room infested with deathtraps! And you have to find the key in it. It doesn't matter who finds it, as long as one of you does! But if none of you do, then…" Chris gestured to the interns.
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "Chris is bluffing. I know he is. No one would want to watch eight episodes of Total Drama about random interns… I think…")
"Come on, guys," Cody said, "Let's get to searching!"
Cody lifted a lid, which sprayed some sort of yellow gas in his eyes. "Ow!" Cody shouted.
"Be careful," Tyler said, "After all, we don't want to accidentally slip into a traaaaaaaaaapp!" Tyler fell into a ditch that was wide enough to slip his legs through but not wide enough to contain his broad shoulders. He struggled to break free but failed. "Help, I'm stuck!"
"We'll help you," Cody said, as he and Harold started trying to pull Tyler out of the ditch.
"Move aside, gentlemen," Eva said, "Let me handle this!" She cracked her knuckles, and then pulled Tyler out of the ditch with little to no effort.
"Thanks, Eva," Tyler said, "I owe you one."
"No, you don't," Eva said, "I just like being charitable."
(In the confessional, Tyler said, "I don't know what it is about being saved by a girl that's so humiliating. Especially a girl who's the 99th percentile on arm strength… But the 'charitable' line just drove it in further!")
Izzy looked in a bin, which sprayed her with some sort of liquid. "Not in there," she said nonchalantly. She opened an adjacent bin, which repeated the action. "Not in there either," she said. Finally, she opened a third bin, which repeated the action. "Not… in therrre eitherrr," she slurred, before she quietly passed out.
"Izzy!" Owen shouted, concernedly, picking her up, and then almost making the same mistake.
"Whoa, big guy, those have already been checked," Noah said, "Now help me look through this chest."
"Okay," Owen said, lifting the lid of the chest. Three dozen bats flew out of it. When the bats left the area, and then went to settle on Gwen's shoulder to her annoyance, or annoy DJ by flying around his head, depending on which side they flew from, there was a bat that had somehow ended up in Owen's mouth.
"Open," Noah demanded.
Owen complied, and then the bat flew out. It then made a turn straight for Owen and started shrieking in his ears. Noah, who was visibly disturbed by this, ran away.
"Hey, DJ," Harold said, "I notice you have some batty companions."
"Well, yeah," DJ said, "I'm not sure how they got here."
"Did you know that bats have amazing hearing? If you want to tell a secret to someone, you better not have one of those bats lying around," Harold said.
"Well, I can solve that problem by telling my secrets to the bats. And in return, they can tell me where the key is," DJ said, "Isn't that right, Myrtle?"
One of the bats shrieked in response. "Myrtle says it's in that tall wardrobe over there."
"Who am I to doubt the wisdom of the only mammal capable of sustained flight?" Harold asked.He opened the wardrobe to reveal that Chef Hatchet was inside, holding an actual hatchet. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he asked DJ.
"Run?" DJ asked. Harold nodded. They ran away.
(In the confessional, Harold said, "I'm sure what Myrtle actually said was true. It must've been DJ's mistranslation!")
"Hey, Gwen," Cody said, "Are you having trouble finding the key?"
"I haven't been looking for it very hard," Gwen admitted.
"Why not?" Cody asked, "If we don't find it we'll all get replaced."
"Believe what you want to believe," Gwen said, "I believe Chris was bluffing."
"I believe you have a bat on your shoulder," Cody responded.
"Oh, that," Gwen said, "Yeah… I guess he wanted to stick to me."
"I'm not surprised," Cody said, "Who wouldn't be attracted to you?" Gwen gave Cody a weird look. "What?"
"Oh, nothing," Gwen said, "I just wish you'd, you know, stop."
"What?" Cody asked looking genuinely curious. "If I was hot, you wouldn't even care. In fact, you'd be flattered… but since I'm not, you…"
"Okay, Cody," Gwen said, "No. If you were hot and you did this, I'd still think it was annoying."
"Oh, really?" Cody asked.
"Yeah," Gwen responded.
"Well, anyway, Gwen, I'm going to look for the key," Cody said, "Better safe than sorry, am I right?"
"I… I guess," Gwen responded.
(In the confessional, Gwen asked, "Is it just me, or was there some serious reversal of outlook out there? If Cody is telling me 'better safe than sorry,' maybe I should listen.")
Cody started to check in a pocket-covered pointy object. "It's gotta be around here somewhere," Cody said, and then he pressed a button that caused a dart to shoot out.
"Cody, look out!" Noah shouted, and then pushed him over, getting hit by the dart himself.
"Noah, are you okay?" Cody asked.
"Ask… me… in… eight point four hours," Noah said, and then he fell asleep.
"Oh," Cody said, looking helplessly at his sleeping friend, "This cannot be good."
"Hey, guys," a groggy Izzy said, "I think it might be in those yellow gas jars…"
"No," Owen said, "That's not true. Hold on, what's Cody looking through… holy smokes! What happened to Noah?"
"He… took a bullet for me," Cody said.
"A bullet! Oh no!" Owen cried, "Why does it always happen to poor little Noah?"
"Okay, it wasn't a bullet," Cody said, "But it was a dart that put him to sleep."
Izzy, who suddenly became much perkier, moved over to Noah, and grabbed him by his chest. She shouted his name seven times in ridiculous voices, and then slapped him across the face a couple of times. She shrugged, and said, "He's not waking up."
"Don't worry," Cody said, "I know how to wake him up."
"By kissing him?" Izzy suggested. "It worked so well on you when he did it…"
"No," Cody denied quickly. "Besides, Izzy, that happened an extremely long time ago!"
"It happened," Owen said, "And because of that, you'll never live it down."
Cody bent down next to Noah and whispered in his ear, "The bureaucrats have decided to eliminate standardized testing in favor of classes graded 100 percent on participation!"
"No way!" Noah shouted, popping out of his sleep extremely quickly, "That's awful! I'm hosed for good!"
"No," Cody said, calming him down, "Relax, Noah. I just lied to get you to wake up."
"Oh," Noah said, "Oh, thank you."
(In the confessional, Owen said, "I wish I could bond with Noah as well as Cody can. All those things they do together… oh, I just wish Noah would see I wanted to do those things too!")
Tyler was looking through a series of holes, and was unable to find anything in them except for a giant snake. "Eep," he said, as the snake tried to attack him.
"What's that, Myrtle?" DJ asked, "You think we should go over there?" Tyler ran away screaming right by DJ. DJ asked Myrtle, "What's his problem?" The bat shrugged her wings.
"S-S-S-Snake!" Tyler screamed.
"Snake!" DJ shouted, having overheard. He squeaked, and then he leapt on top of one of the podiums. It began shaking. The snake started chasing after DJ, but, luckily could not reach him because he was still on top of the podium.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Chris said, grabbing the snake, "You're not supposed to be here. You're supposed to be in the eighth room. Sorry about that, explorers. This snake isn't supposed to be here yet."
"Oh, thank goodness," DJ said, wiping his brow. Unfortunately, by doing so he caused the podium to topple over.
"Eva!" Izzy shouted, "Behind you!"
"Behind me?" Eva asked, and then she saw the podium coming about to crash down on her head. Before she had a chance to get out of the way, it fell on her.
"Oh my god," DJ said, "I'm so sorry."
"Sorry…" Eva said, as she lifted the podium off of herself. "You're sorry? I don't think that that was your fault. Maybe Tyler because he released that stupid snake." Tyler looked sheepish. "But you know who I'm really feeling is at fault here? Gwen."
"Umm," Cody said, "But Gwen didn't have anything to do with what happened to you…"
"Not what happened to me," Eva said, "What happened to us! My friends and some of the unluckiest people alive have been breaking their backs trying to find the key. Why? So that we don't get replaced. But you know who hasn't been looking all day long? Gwen!"
"She thinks Chris is bluffing," Cody said, "Give her that."
"She hasn't done anything to help us find the key!" Eva shouted. "What if he's not bluffing? Huh? What then? If we don't find the key, we're all going home."
"Eva, just take a deep breath and calm down," DJ said, approaching her.
"Don't tell me what to do!" Eva shouted. This frightened DJ and he jumped back in fear.
"In Eva's defense," Noah said, "She has a point. At the risk of making Cody call me a hypocrite again…"
"I thought you forgave me," Cody responded.
"I did," Noah said, "That doesn't mean I've forgotten."
"I agree with Noah," Izzy said, "The rest of us have been looking, right Owen?"
"Yeah," Owen responded although he looked visibly nervous because of it.
(In the confessional, Owen said, "I really don't like singling out people that didn't help in a particular challenge. After all, some of those become the better players later on. And the best friends too!")
"Okay, Eva, I get it," Gwen said, "You think I should look for the key."
"Yes, I do," Eva said, calmly, "That's all I ask."
"Okay," Gwen said, "I'll do that." She began rummaging in the first box around her and she got her hand trapped by something. She shouted, "Ow," and then pulled out her hand, which had become caught in a trap that contained the key on the other end.
"Congratulations," Chris said, "You guys get to stay! You should all consider Gwen your most valuable player."
"Most valuable player? Most valuable player?" Eva exclaimed, "All she did was stand there while the rest of us had to deal with the deathtraps; and in the end, all she did was find the key by looking in one place! I think that Gwen deserves to go today."
"Eva," Gwen said, "I… I know." Gwen started to cry. DJ, Harold, Owen, Tyler, and especially Cody looked extremely sympathetic to Gwen.
"Oh, oh god," Eva said, "I didn't mean to…" The five were not averting their gazes; she felt as though she had become a pariah. "Did I just…?" She helplessly looked to Izzy and Noah who both nodded sadly.
"Alright, everyone, it's time for the elimination ceremony," Chris said. "Meet me in the elimination chamber."
The votes were cast.
(In the confessional, Gwen voted, while sighing remorsefully. She said, "I guess I really messed up this time around.")
In the elimination chamber, Eva was sitting, looking very ashamed and worried. Gwen had stopped crying, but the majority of the guys were still glaring at Eva. The only exception was Noah who was patting her shoulder sympathetically. Izzy was also trying to comfort her. Gwen and DJ both still had their bats.
"Okay," Chris said, "Today, we're going to see who gets to stay… and the bags of pyrite go to… Cody, DJ, Harold, Owen, Noah, Tyler, Izzy, and… Gwen."
"Yeah!" Cody cheered. "Gwen's still in the game!"
"What?" Gwen asked, "Why? I didn't deserve to st…"
"Say no more, Gwen," Eva said, stepping down, looking very ashamed of herself.
"Eva," Izzy said, "We'll miss you!"
Eva walked over to Noah and said, "Noah, listen. I messed up. But you haven't yet. So you have to win this, okay?"
"I'll do my best, Eva," Noah said. "Farewell, my overzealous friend."
"Promise you'll keep in touch?" Eva asked.
"Eh, I can't promise that," Noah said, "But I'll try as long as you respond."
Eva walked onto the Trap of Shame and allowed Chris to drop her in. "Oh, man," Chris said, "That's gonna leave a mark…"
(In the confessional, Eva said, "Chris, this message is specifically for you. You suck. You don't just normal suck. You suck more wind than a man holding his breath. I know you orchestrated my demise. You knew this would tick me off! You knew! And because of that, I hate you more than I ever did before. And considering how much I hated you before, that's saying a lot!")
Chris asked innocently, "Did I do that? Why would I do such a thing?" Then he said, "Will DJ's new bat give him trouble in the next challenge? Will Gwen's? Are the nerds and the freaks going to get into a civil war? I hope so because that would be awesome! Find out next time on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!"