"Last time on Total Drama Fortress, our explorers had to race to the key through four winding paths. Not too difficult by itself, but we had some friends to help us make the race more interesting. Tyler managed to prove that he's not completely incompetent by taking the win, but DJ was not so lucky. Due to his cowardice, he was forced into elimination, which none of the remaining explorers were too happy about. But now only seven remain. What will happen next? Find out, this time on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!" Chris introduced the show.

Tyler wandered up to the door spinning the key around. "Alright," Tyler said, "Yeah! I won." He turned to Owen and the ex-Brains, notably avoiding Gwen and Izzy, and then shouted, "How does it feel, ladies?"

"Eh," Noah said, "Whatev."

"You're not even a little bit jealous?" Tyler asked.

"Not really," Owen responded, looking very confused.

"Okay, whatever, guys," Tyler said, and then he walked into the room, followed by Noah, Harold, Owen, Cody, Gwen, and Izzy. The room had a table with eight chairs around it.

Izzy and Gwen looked around the room. Gwen asked, "Huh? Where's Chris?"

"You're acting as if it would be a good thing if he was here," Noah said.

"No," Gwen said, "I don't think it would be good. It would just, you know, make sense."

"Chris must be hiding," Harold speculated. "Maybe he's under the table." Harold looked under the table but found no such person. He came out and shrugged. "I guess not."

"Ooh! Ooh!" Izzy shouted excitedly. "I know where Chris is! He's right behind me!"

"Congratulations, Izzy!" Chris shouted, causing all the guys and Gwen to flinch. "Good day my Lucky Seven Explorers! How smart are you feeling today?"

"Very," Harold said.

"Why?" Cody asked, "Is it another challenge for us?"

"Well…" Chris said, "You can see for yourself. What we have here is a table. Each of you must now take a seat."

They obliged. The arrangement had Tyler sitting between Noah and Harold. Cody was sitting next to Harold, Owen was sitting next to Noah, Izzy was sitting next to Owen, and Gwen was sitting next to Cody. Chris pulled out a box of yellow tokens. "Do you see these?" he asked, holding one up. "You want to collect these." Chris took the seat between Gwen and Izzy and then said, "I like to call this challenge The Worst Mind. The first person to get five tokens wins."

"How do you get tokens, anyway, Chris?" Owen asked.

"Well, you get them by answering questions correctly. Okay, so, you're up first Cody! Cody, what does a guy wear to prom?" Chris asked.

"Uhh…" Cody said. "Let's see, I know it's not anything gross… a tuxedo?"

"Yes," Chris said, handing him a token.

Cody sighed in relief.

(In the confessional, Cody said, "When Chris said he was going to ask us questions, I didn't think he was going to ask us hard questions!")

"Gwen! What musical artist is currently number one on the charts?"Chris asked.

"Umm… uhh, let me think," Gwen said, "Umm… The Drama Brothers?" she asked.

"No, man," Harold said, "We've been down low for quite some time now."

"Sorry, Gwen," Chris said, and then he pressed a button that sent her out of her seat.

"Gwen?" Cody asked concernedly.

"Don't worry," Chris said, "This won't hurt her."

Gwen walked back to her seat.

"Nothing happened this time because you didn't have any points, but just so you guys know, getting one wrong gets rid of all of your tokens," Chris said. Cody held his tightly to his chest.

"Izzy!" Chris shouted. "What is the capital of the country to the south of the country to the west of the country where you can find London?"

"Nouakchott? No, maybe it was Dakar, Banjul, Bissau…" Izzy listed. Chris looked very impatient as she continued to list cities.

"Whatever, Izzy, here's your token!" Chris said, handing it to her.

"Awesome!" Izzy shouted, looking at it happily.

Chris groaned. "Anyway, Owen! It's your turn, buddy! How many calories is an average male supposed to have in his daily diet?"

Owen's eyes widened at that and then he said, "I refuse to answer this question."

"Fine," Chris said, ejecting him from his seat.

Owen groaned, "Ow."

"Noah," Chris said, laughing, "I've been waiting for you… what is a strike?"

"A strike? I'm afraid I don't have enough information: are you talking about a perfect roll in bowling? A miss in baseball? A generic hit? A petition by a union to get better benefits by refusing to work until…"

Chris looked impatient and then he said, "The second one."

"Honestly, Chris," Noah said, "You really need to make your questions more specific."

"I concur," Harold said.

"Alright," Chris said, "Here's your freaking token, Noah."

"Much obliged," Noah responded, placing it in front of him.

"Tyler!" Chris shouted.

"Huh?" Tyler asked, "Oh, is it my turn?"

"Yes, it's your turn," Chris said. "What is the square root of one hundred and sixty nine?"

"Oh come on, Chris," Harold said, "That question is way too easy."

"Easy?" Tyler asked, "I have no idea!"

"Just guess," Chris said.

"Don't," Noah said, "He's just trying to make a fool out of you."

"Well, in that case," Tyler said, "I'm certain that the answer is 27."

Chris started laughing hysterically. When he noticed no one else was he asked, "What? Didn't you guys catch that he was completely wrong?"

Tyler looked dejected, before being flung out of his seat dramatically.

(In the confessional, Tyler said, "I know my nerd buds were only not laughing to be polite. In reality, they were probably all laughing on the inside. Harold said it was easy. Easy like a root canal, maybe.")

"Alright, Harold, are you ready for your turn?" Chris asked.

"Of course I am," Harold said, "I'm ready for anything!"

"Okay, then, Harold, here is your question. When did the Chinese bomb Pearl Harbor?"

"The answer to that question is never," Harold answered.

"I'm sorry, the answer is 1992," Chris said.

"What?" Harold asked, "But that's not even true! Even if you had gotten the country right…"

"Shut up, Harold, I say you're wrong!" Chris shouted, and then sent Harold out of his chair. "Alright, raise your hand if you have a token." Cody, Izzy and Noah raised their hands. "The rest of you guys go to the end of the line."

Harold grumbled something about Chris being completely unfair and a liar, and Tyler told him "It's okay, Harold. I forgot when the Chinese bombed Pearl Harbor too." Harold sighed in annoyance.

"Cody," Chris asked, "Is this guy the coolest guy in the world or a loser?" He held up a picture of Leisure Suit Larry.

"Well, quite obviously," Cody said, "He is the coolest guy in the world."

"No," Harold said, "That's the wrong answer; I just know it is."

"Harold, maybe you should try being right on your own questions," Chris said, "Sorry, Cody, back to square one."

"Dang it!" Cody shouted, and then he kicked the table before being ejected from his seat.

Chris walked up to him and stole his token. "Alright…Izzy, you're up next! Your question is… what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

"Umm… I know this one. African or European?" Izzy shouted.

Chris sighed, giving her the token for that. "Okay, Noah, your question: what character in Romeo and Juliet said the line, 'Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them?'"

"Umm," Noah said, jestingly, "I believe that was said by Benvolio's evil twin, who was offstage the entire time."

"What?" Chris asked, "I told you not to read the itineraries!"

Noah's eyes widened, and then he asked, "You mean that was the answer? Well, that just proves what I already suspected. This challenge is a load of…"

"Gwen!" Chris said, "Are you ready to go again? Your question this time is, what is the most popular brand of makeup among Total Drama fans?"

"Umm… Gabriella Lane?" Gwen guessed blindly.

"Nope, sorry," Chris said, sending her out of her seat.

(In the confessional, Gwen said, "I'm beginning to suspect Chris doesn't even know the answers to my questions…")

"So, Owen, you ready for another shot?" Chris asked.

"I most certainly am," Owen said, "I'm totally ready."

"Don't you think I look so sexy without my shirt on?" Chris asked, taking off his shirt.

"Umm… umm," Owen said, "I refuse to answer this question." He was punished for that.

"Tyler," Chris said. The jock had fallen asleep and was currently drooling. Chris snapped to wake him up.

"Oh, yeah," Tyler said, waking up, "I'm ready for anything!"

"What's the capital of Mexico?" Chris asked.

"Umm… hold on," Tyler said, "I know this one."

"Mexico City," Harold whispered.

"Cheating are we?" Chris asked, and then sent Harold flying out of his seat.

(In the confessional, Harold said, "I couldn't just let Tyler suffer like that! I had to help him! It was help, not cheating… right?")

"Well, at the end of the first two rounds only two of you have any tokens—and to both of you, these will be even harder than the first two!" Chris said, laughing. "Izzy, tell me exactly what Noah is thinking right now."

"Like you can even judge that," Noah said.

"Umm… he's thinking that you're an incompetent moron, that Cody is clearly the hottest guy in the room, that he wants to kill me for saying that, and that he'd rather be at home reading fanfiction than playing this game," Izzy shouted.

"Whoa! Well, three out of four isn't bad," Noah said. Izzy rolled her eyes.

(In the confessional, Izzy said, "He said three of them were true… which one isn't? Probably, the secret answer is that they're all true.")

"Alright," Chris said, "If Noah concedes, then I guess I have to give you…" He gave a deep exasperated sigh. "…A third token." His annoyance turned into a different face when he turned to Noah. "Now, you tell me exactly what Tyler is thinking."

"I'm afraid I cannot," Noah said, "But here's my best guess, 'Oh, crap. These questions are way too hard. I'm going to lose for sure. Why is it always me? Why the heck is Izzy getting so lucky anyway?'"

"Well, Tyler?" Chris asked. Tyler looked very distracted. "Tyler, did Noah successfully convey what you were thinking?"

"Huh?" Tyler asked, "I don't know. I wasn't listening."

"I'll take that as a no," Chris said.

"Swell," Noah responded, as he was thrown out of his chair, and had to give up his two tokens. Tyler saw what had happened and cringed.

(In the confessional, Tyler said, "Noah lost his points because I was distracted. Like I really need him on my bad side.")

"Cody," Chris said, "Do you think you can recover?"

"Oh, absolutely," Cody said, "No problem."

"How do women like the body spray?" Chris asked.

Gwen looked pitifully at Cody.

(In the confessional, Gwen said, "I felt so sorry for Cody! There was no way he could have possibly gotten that right. But then something amazing happened.")

Cody scratched his chin, and then said, "Well, I always used a lot of it, so I guess the answer is not very much."

Chris was astounded, as were Noah, Harold, and Tyler; which was shown by every single one of them dropping their jaws. Gwen shouted out encouragingly, "You rock, Cody!"

"I rock? Does that mean…?" Cody asked eagerly.

"No," Gwen responded.

"Oh," Cody answered.

"As much as I hate to admit it, you're on the plus side again," Chris said begrudgingly. "Ready to go, Gwen?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah," Gwen said, "I sure am." She was wearing an obviously fake smile as she said this and was laughing hesitantly.

"Gwen, who is the hottest vampire ever?" Chris asked.

"Well, that would be quite obviously, Vlad," Gwen answered.

Chris said she was wrong, but everyone in the room glared at him after that.

(In the confessional, Cody said, "I'm just surprised she managed to answer that question at all. I don't know who this Vlad guy is, but I need to look like him!")

"Okay, you're up next, Owen. Are you ready?" Chris asked.

"I promise I'll answer this one," Owen said.

"Okay, then, who should have won the first season?" Chris asked.

"Oh, that's easy," Owen answered, "Noah!"

"Me? Really? Because I seem to recall that you voted me off. Not that it wasn't provoked…" Noah said.

"I'm sorry, the answer was 'Gwen,'" Chris said, sending Owen out of his chair.

"Chris, that question was extremely biased!" Harold complained.

"You complain when it's your turn, McGrady…" Chris said as an aside. He turned to Tyler, and then asked, "This question is really, really easy. Who wrote A Christmas Carol?"

Tyler looking completely dumbfounded guessed, "Tom…Lehrer?"

"I'm sorry, that's wrong," Chris said, and was about to send him out of his chair.

"Actually," Harold corrected, pointing to an article (which no one on the set including the cameraman knows where he found), "There is someone with that name who wrote a piece with that name. So Tyler was right."

"He was?" Chris asked, completely astounded. "Well, it doesn't count, because I've never heard of it."

Chris sent Tyler flying out of his chair anyway.

(In the confessional, Harold said, "Ask ridiculous questions that are meant to stump us, fine. Give ridiculously inaccurate information and grade me for it badly, fine. But when someone as airheaded as Tyler comes up with a completely accurate alternative response to a question that is meant to be intuitive, you should count it! Gosh!")

"Okay, Harold, it's your turn. Is Duncan amazing or super duper incredibly amazing?" Chris asked.

"Read those again, and this time include the right answer," Harold asked.

"I did. Is Duncan amazing or super duper incredibly amazing?" Chris asked again. He gave Harold an expectant look.

"Well out of those choices, I guess the answer is 'amazing'," Harold said begrudgingly.

"I'm sorry; the answer was actually 'super duper incredibly amazing,'" Chris said, sending Harold out of his chair.

(In the confessional, Cody said, "I guess Chris knows exactly what to go for. At this rate, no one will ever reach the five-token quota.")

"Bring it on, Chris," Izzy said, "I'm ready for token number four!"

"Let's see if you can get it, Izzy," Chris said, "What is my mother's aunt's maiden name?"

"Umm… let's see, you take the square root of Isabella, divide by 4, carry the one…" Izzy said, as she frantically wrote something down (which the camera revealed to be a doodle of Noah and Owen sharing a plate of tikka masala), then she asked, "Is it by any chance Kira McDougal?"

"What the?" Chris asked, "How did you know that? Have you been stalking me?"

"No," Izzy answered truthfully. "It was just a lucky guess."

"More like a psychic guess," Noah said, looking astonished at what had just been exchanged.

"Pft, you do that all the time," Izzy said. Chris gave Izzy her fourth token.

(In the confessional, Izzy was laughing hysterically, and then she said, "You cannot take it away from me. These tokens… these tokens are mine. Mine! All mine!" She continued to laugh hysterically, and the screen flashed. Izzy looked up and said, "Huh, the light in here really needs to be changed.")

"Okay, Cody, you have a token, so… what is the one thing you should never get a girl for her birthday?" Chris asked.

Cody panicked. He bit his lower lip, swallowed, and then said, "The one thing you should never get a girl on her birthday is… a breakup. Especially a phone message or a text."

"I'm sorry, Cody, but the answer was a rabid wolveri…" Chris began.

"No," Gwen said, stopping him. "Give him this one."

"Well, that didn't work when I tried to…" Harold began, but was interrupted by Chris.

"Well, Gwen's a girl. She'd know," Chris said, reluctantly handing a token to Cody. He then turned to face her and asked, "Well, Gwen, ready to go?"

"Oh, yes," she said, nervously.

"Okay, so Gwen, what song is being played right now?" Chris asked. He started playing a song that had a very prominent beat and bass-line, no guitar, piano, or any other treble instrument except for an occasional obvious synthesizer, and a man who obviously couldn't sing "singing" about how he loved his girlfriend with tons of obvious auto-tune, and "singing about" meant "repeating the statement ad nauseam."

Izzy was dancing, and said, "I love this song! It's a great parody of terrible music!"

"What? This isn't a parody," Chris said, shrugging.

"Oh, well, then it sucks," Izzy said, sitting down.

"Oh my god," Noah shouted, covering his ears, "Turn it off! Turn it off!"

"Not until Gwen guesses!" Chris shouted. Gwen looked very uncomfortable.

(In the confessional, Gwen asked, "Honestly? Did Noah really think it was polite to cover his ears when I wanted to do so really badly but couldn't, because I had to guess the stupid thing?")

"Umm, is it 'I Love My Girlfriend?'" she guessed.

"Yes, it is!" Chris said, "Congratulations. Here's a token."

(In the confessional, Gwen said, angry at herself, "Okay, a token for knowing that… I might as well bleach my hair, put it in pigtails, and change my voice," Gwen then tried to make her voice as high and nasally as possible, "Like so." She crossed her arms, and blew the bangs out of her face.)

"Owen! Are you ready?" Chris asked.

"Oh, yes sir! And don't worry, I'll get it right this time," Owen said, looking on eagerly.

"Okay," Chris said, "What is the meaning of the nickname Alejandro gave you third season, 'butter donkey'?"

"I… I have no idea," Owen said, shrugging.

"Is he really this dense?" Chris asked Noah.

"As a brick," Noah responded. "But we love him anyway."

"Can I ask you a question?" Chris asked.

"Ask away," Noah responded.

"Okay, in what universe is my hair ugly?" Chris asked.

"This one," Noah responded.

Chris sent him flying out of his chair. When he noticed everyone cringing, he said, "Worth it. Again."

"Tyler, are you ready for your last question?" Chris asked.

"What makes you so sure it's the last question?" Tyler asked indignantly.

"Because Izzy's totally gonna win next round…" Chris said. "Anyway, this is your question. What is my middle name?"

Tyler looked dumbfounded. "I have no clue!" he said.

"Well, that's okay, Tyler, you just have to be ejected from your seat now," Chris said. He turned to Harold and asked, "You, Harold, who was the greatest king of England ever?"

"Well actually, there was this one guy who was pretty awesome; my great great grandfather was named after him you know. But then he got removed by some stupid guy named William, and you know it really all went downhill from there…" Harold said.

"Enough," Chris said, sending Harold out of his chair. "The correct answer was Arthur."

"Actually, there has been plenty of evidence to suggest that King Arthur never actually existed, and although there are some people who still believe it…" Harold said.

Chris attempted to send Harold out of his chair again, but failed. "Dang, I really need to get this to work on the ground too," Chris said. He turned to Izzy and continued, "Okay, Izzy, for the win… what is the country immediately to the south of Canada?"

"Um, Chris?" Noah asked. "That question is extremely hard."

"Well, I just think that maybe Izzy can't think inside the box," Chris said back.

"Oh, I know," Izzy said, "The United States! Of course technically, part of it is to the west of Canada too… and you can see Russia from there. Russia… what an amusing country. Is it Asian or European?

Noah answered "Asian" while Owen answered "European." They gave each other a look.

"Congratulations, Izzy," Chris said, handing her the final token. "You win!"

"Awesome!" Izzy shouted.

"Which means you get immunity. As for the rest of you…" Chris said.

"I know, I know," Tyler said.

The votes were cast, and the contestants met in the elimination chamber. "Okay, so, Izzy, here's your bag of pyrite. Enjoy."

"Much obliged," she shouted, catching it.

"And the rest of these go to: Noah, Cody, Harold, Gwen, and…Owen," Chris said.

"Oh, well," Owen said. "I guess I can stay for another challenge.

(In the confessional, Owen said, "I think I'm really on to something with my resignation speech. I just hope it's ready before I end up in the final two anyway…")

"Sorry, Tyler," Chris said.

"I know I let you down, Noah," Tyler said.

"Don't worry about it, Tyler," Noah said, "Seriously, I didn't even vote for you."

"You didn't? Then who did?" Tyler asked.

Izzy, Owen, and Gwen looked at each other, and then they knew.

"Oh, things are about to get even better!" Chris said, "Now that Izzy, Owen, and Gwen found out that they eliminated Tyler, are they going to form an alliance of some sort? Will Noah ever be brought to justice for the horrible crime of reading the itineraries in advance…"

"I never did that, Chris," Noah said, quite annoyed.

"Will my interns do something to make my hair better? Find out next time on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!"