"Last time on Total Drama Fortress, our explorers had to pass through three checkpoints, using only their knowledge of the time on the show and their willingness to do anything. They were put into pairs. Some people got to be with their first choice, and others… well… didn't. Gwen and Cody won immunity for the challenge, but some people were pretty ticked off at Izzy, which is why she had to fall down the Trap of Shame. Only five contestants remain, and let's see what's left to happen, here on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!" Chris introduced the show.
"You open it, Gwen," Cody said, handing Gwen the key.
"Uh…" Gwen said, "I don't know. I mean, you're the one who figured out how to get through the first checkpoint. And you were able to call Chris's bluff."
"True," Cody said, "But it was your tower climbing that got us the win."
"Okay, could you two lovebirds please move it along?" Noah asked. "We're getting a little antsy back here."
Cody smiled when Noah said that line. Gwen did not; she blushed and frowned.
(In the confessional, Gwen said, "Cody and I are not lovebirds. He's not even my type. I don't know if he's anyone's type. Anyone sane at least…")
"Alright, hold your horses, Noah," Cody said, unlocking the door. He and Gwen walked in, followed by Noah, Harold, and Owen.
"Good afternoon, explorers!" Chris shouted when they walked in. "Welcome to your next challenge!"
"Oh boy!" Owen shouted, "I hope this one is as fun as the ones we've had before."
"I don't doubt it, Owen," Noah said. "I don't doubt it."
"Today, the key is hidden under the floorboards!" Chris shouted.
"Oh, boy," Harold said, "That sounds awesome. Are we going to be able to search with a metal detector?"
Chris laughed and then asked, "Why would I let you use a metal detector? That would ruin the fun."
"Somehow, I sincerely doubt that," Harold said, "Metal detectors are awesome, you know? They're just like…"
Chris turned to Chef Hatchet, and nodded. Chef Hatchet picked up Harold as he continued to ramble about metal detectors, and placed him in a giant playpen. "Hey, what gives?" Harold asked, as he noticed his situation.
"Oh, yeah," Chris said, "Harold. You're out."
"How can I be out already? The challenge hasn't even started yet!" Harold asked.
"Well, you can come out of the box if you promise to behave. And by 'behave', I mean, 'don't gush about metal detectors,'" Chris said.
"But…but," Harold pleaded. He noticed Chris's impatient expression, sighed, and said, "Fine."
(In the confessional, Harold said, "Metal detectors don't get enough love. They're certainly in the top two kinds of detectors around, along with smoke detectors. Lie detectors work about as well as trying to solve a calculus problem by eating toffee.")
"Okay, so like I said, the key is under the floorboards, and there are a number of floorboards where something is hidden. But not all of them are keys. Would you like to try it, Cody?" Chris offered.
"Well, yeah, sure," Cody said.
"Stand on this floorboard," Chris ordered. Cody did so, and a small explosion occurred beneath his feet.
"Yikes!" he shouted, as he fell over backwards. Luckily, Noah caught him.
Chris said, "If at any time during the game, you run into one of those, you will be put in the box. Is that clear?"
"Absolutely," Noah said. "We have no chance."
"To survive make our time?" Harold asked.
"Just… just no," Noah said, as he walked away from Harold.
Harold crossed his arms and said, "Gosh, Noah! I bet if Cody said that you wouldn't be mad!"
Noah blinked at Harold, let out a sigh, and picked up his pace.
(In the confessional, Harold said, "Well, he wouldn't!")
Owen was looking under each floorboard starting from the one right next to the board Cody used to test. He wasn't finding anything at all underneath any of them. He pouted.
"What's wrong, big guy?" Noah asked. "Do you need some help?"
"I haven't found anything," Owen said.
"You're checking the floorboards too algorithmically," Noah said. Owen blinked. "You're checking all the floorboards in a linear pattern without accounting for the very large possibility of a separation." Owen blinked again. "The special floorboards are scattered." Owen blinked a third time. "The key is probably not near Cody's test board."
"Oh, of course!" Owen shouted, "Why didn't you say so?"
"I did," Noah answered.
"Yeah, but not in English," Owen said.
"I must say, Owen, you're certainly… well, you're a nice person," Noah responded, smiling.
(In the confessional, Owen said, "Noah said I'm a nice person. Isn't that sweet? In fact, I'm almost sad to leave him here. But, I mean, come on, Noah and I have nothing in common. He'd be happier to spend time with these other people who have struggled a lot more than I have… hey, that's good!" He took out a pen and some paper and began writing.)
"Hey, Cody," Gwen asked, "How are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling fine, Gwen, thank you for asking," Cody said. He had a dorky smile plastered on his face.
Gwen saw this and said, "Cody, listen; you and I are just friends. You understand that, don't you?"
"I guess," Cody said, sighing. "But it's just not fair."
"It's perfectly fair, Cody," Gwen said, "Just like it's fair for you not to want to go out with Sierra."
"That's… that's different," Cody defended. "She's creepy. I'm not creepy."
"Well, you have your moments," Gwen said.
"I… I have my moments?" Cody asked. "Well, I'm sorry. I'll try to stop. Tell me when I'm being creepy, and I won't do it anymore."
"Well, Cody, frankly, I think it's a little creepy when you hit on me," Gwen said. "But there are other times when you're adorable."
Cody got a ridiculously huge grin, and asked, "You think I'm adorable sometimes?"
"Yeah," Gwen said, wincing, "But see, right now, you're being creepy."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Cody said, "By the way, don't touch that board." He pointed to one right behind her feet. "I'm ninety percent sure there's a mine under there."
"Okay, Cody," Gwen said. "I trust you."
(In the confessional, Cody asked, "Did you see that? Did any of you see that? Gwen said I was sometimes adorable!" He slumped back and looked entirely too happy.)
A flying plank hit Harold in the head. "Ow," he said. A second plank hit him, and he asked, "What the…?" Finally, he was hit by a third plank, he turned around, and he asked, "Okay, who keeps throwing these?" He turned to see Owen lifting floorboards from all parts of the room and tossing them over the back of his head without bothering to check if it was safe. Harold sighed and walked up to him.
"Hey, Owen," Harold said, "You shouldn't be searching so haphazardly." Owen blinked. "You shouldn't be searching so… recklessly?"
"Oh, yeah, but Noah told me not to search around Cody's test board," Owen said.
"He probably didn't mean… this," Harold said, pointing to the array of planks that had landed next to him. "He probably just meant that you should have searched in other areas."
"I am searching in other areas, Harold," Owen said.
(In the confessional, Harold asked, "Is it just me or does Owen always completely miss the point?")
"Hey, Noah," Gwen said, "You shouldn't be searching under that floorboard."
"Why not?" Noah asked.
"Cody said there was a ninety percent chance of it being a mine," Gwen said.
"Oh, did he now?" Noah asked, "I'd like to hear what formula he used to reach such an outlier of a conclusion."
"Well, I mean, don't you think that it's safer just to not try it?" Gwen asked.
"Of course," Noah responded. "But of course, now I'm wary that if Cody made a calculation error, there's always the possibility he meant any of these surrounding floorboards, except for the one that you're standing on, unless you magically obtained mine immunity when I was sleeping."
"Don't worry," Gwen said, "If I obtained mine immunity, I see no reason why it wouldn't affect you too."
"Maybe it only affects girls?" Noah asked, "I have another theory but I have a feeling it would get me slapped if I said it out loud."
"Really subtle dig at my intelligence, Noah," Gwen said, narrowing her eyes.
"Well, considering how well you just correctly inferred my point, I think that theory has been rendered moot; there is no middle ground after all." Noah responded.
"True," Gwen said, "Because your meaning was so hard to understand."
"Exactly," Noah answered. "No one knows what insult a tiny smart-aleck who just happens to have high intelligence would go for first."
"Noah?" Gwen asked.
"Yes, Gwen?" Noah asked.
"Let's stop being sarcastic and look for the key," Gwen said.
"Me? Stop being sarcastic? You have fun with that," Noah responded, and then began to look for the key, in a location significantly far from where Gwen was standing.
Gwen walked the opposite way, and ran into Harold. She noticed that he and Owen were searching together. "Harold," Gwen asked, "What's going on?"
"Nothing much," Harold responded, scanning the ground. "Owen needed some help looking for the key, so I've started. This would be so much easier with a metal detector!"
He looked under a floorboard, and a small explosion occurred in his face, blowing off his glasses, and causing them to fly behind him. "Ah! My glasses! I can't see without my glasses," he said, patting the floor repeatedly, causing two more small explosions to occur.
"Harold, you're out," Chris said, and then Chef Hatchet picked up Harold and put him in the playpen.
"DJ? Is that you? I thought you were already eliminated," Harold said. Through Harold's eyes, Chef Hatchet was blurred to such an extent that his face was completely unrecognizable.
"I ain't DJ!" Chef Hatchet shouted. "I'm Chef!"
"Oh, okay," Harold said.
"Someone get Harold's glasses back, already," Chef Hatchet shouted.
"Oh, okay," Owen said as he started walking backwards.
"Owen, be careful!" Noah shouted, and then he ran over to the glasses, and narrowly managed to pick them up before Owen stepped on them. "Yes, got them."
He walked over to the playpen, and handed the glasses to Harold. Harold put the glasses back on and said, "Thank you, Noah."
"Psh, don't mention it," Noah said, walking away.
(In the confessional, Harold said, "You can tell a man's nature from the way he responds to being thanked. Someone who wants the attention will say 'you're welcome'. Someone who doesn't will say 'don't mention it' or 'it was nothing.' I bet Cody says 'you're welcome.' This is only a hypothesis.")
"Hey, Cody?" Noah asked, "Gwen told me earlier that there was a board you thought she should avoid. Mind if I ask how you got to that conclusion?"
"Oh, well," Cody said, "Did you notice that most of the special floorboards were slightly raised?"
"No, no, I didn't," Noah responded. "That's interesting. That means that there's a chance of it being the key too."
"Well, yeah," Cody said, looking at Noah, "But I think that in all probability…"
"You've made my search a whole lot easier," Noah said, "Thank you, Cody."
"You're welcome, Noah," Cody responded. "But…"
"But what?" Noah asked. "I'm not going to win immunity unless I take a risk."
"Just… just be careful," Cody said.
"Relax," Noah said, "Those mines are so impotent they won't hurt unless I'm really dumb about my aim."
Noah began to search on the floorboards that were raised, and ran into a mine immediately. The blast sent his entire body flying right into Gwen, knocking her down. They were then positioned with Noah on top of Gwen, facing each other. Gwen looked bewildered. Noah stood up immediately, brushed off his thighs, and said, "Sorry about that, Gwen." He walked away, leaving Gwen still looking bewildered.
He walked up to Chef Hatchet and said, "Would you mind depositing me in 'the box'? The walls are too high for me to get in myself."
"Yeah, sure," Chef Hatchet responded, picking Noah up, and dropping him in.
"Hi, Noah," Harold said, "What's up?"
"Well, I just lost my chance of winning, and proved that the term featherweight is more apt than it should be," Noah responded.
"Go Cody!" Harold shouted. "Cody! Cody! Cody!"
Cody heard the cheering and decided to continue looking. "Owen," Cody said, "Do you know where the key is?"
"Nope," Owen said cheerily.
"Well, would you like to try Noah's method?" Cody asked. "It didn't work too well for him, but…"
"It's okay," Owen said, "I think I'm really onto something this time." He pointed to a normal, non-raised floorboard. "It's under there!"
"I really don't think so," Cody responded.
"Oh, yeah?" Owen asked, "Then where do you think it is?"
"I think it's under this floorboard," Cody said, lifting it. He was disproven when he found a mine. This mine did not explode. Cody picked it up and said, "Chris, I found a dud!"
"A dud?" Chris asked, looking angrily at Cody, "That's not good. Gimme."
Cody threw the mine out of the room, panicking. Chris said, "Oh, man! You're no fun. Whatever. Chef, take him away."
Chef Hatchet picked up Cody and dropped him in the playpen. "Wow, we Sesquipedalian alums really suck at this challenge, don't we?" Cody asked.
"Absolutely," Noah responded, "We were probably over-thinking it. Look at Gwen still surviving, and Owen… well, I mean, he's a special case."
"This challenge would have been so much easier with a metal detect…" Harold began.
"Shut up about the metal detector!" Cody and Noah shouted in unison.
"Gosh," Harold said, "I'm just trying to make a point."
"Yeah, a point that everyone got at the beginning of the episode," Noah responded.
"Hey, they could always edit that out later," Harold said, shrugging.
(In the confessional, Harold asked, "You guys aren't going to edit it out, are you? You're going to leave it in to make a fool out of me, right?" He slapped himself. "Why did I just give you that idea?")
"Well, Owen," Gwen said, "I guess this fight is just between you and me."
"It's not a fight, Gwen," Owen responded, "It's a game. And games are supposed to be fun."
"I guess," Gwen said, looking around. "Hey, Owen. Do you want to go see if that board is safe?"
"Okay," Owen responded, lifting a floorboard. He said, "Yeah, there's nothing under here. Don't worry."
"I'll check this one; you check that one," Gwen said, and then they both found an empty one.
"Okay, now you check that one," Owen said, "I'll check this one."
"Sounds fair," Gwen said, looking under the floorboard and finding nothing. "Did you find anything under yours, Owen?"
"Oh, no, nothing at all except for a key," Owen said, making a calm, smiling face that is often associated with not getting something, and not knowing there is anything to get.
"A key?" Gwen asked, "A key? You mean you won?"
"I… I did?" Owen asked, looking very surprised. "I won? Oh, yeah! A key means I won!" he shouted, and then he started dancing. "Go Owen! Go Owen!" He accidentally knocked Gwen over. "Oh, sorry, Gwen," he said.
"It's alright," Gwen responded, getting up, and brushing off her arm.
"Congratulations, Owen!" Chris shouted, "And because you won, there is a special surprise for you!"
"A… a special surprise?" Owen asked, "Is it a foot-long cheese dog?"
"No," Chris answered.
"Is it a popsicle?" Owen asked.
"No," Chris answered.
"Is it a chocolate and nut covered frozen banana?" Owen asked.
Chris was getting very impatient. He responded, "No! No! It's much better than any of those things. And it's not any kind of food!"
"Aw, man!" Owen said disappointedly. "Oh, well, I'm sure whatever it is, it's awesome."
"It's this… huge mountain bike!" Chris shouted. Chef Hatchet brought out the mountain bike.
Owen looked at it and said, "Oh, that's okay. I don't need it. Noah can have it."
"Umm," Noah said, "What would I want with a mountain bike that could dwarf my eldest brother? I don't lead an active lifestyle, it would engulf me, if I fell off of it on a plain I would get hurt, let alone a mountain… maybe Cody wants it."
"Oh, stop teasing, Noah," Cody said, playfully swatting at him, "You and I both know that all of those things that apply to you apply to me as well! No, but Gwen might want it."
"Well," Gwen said, "I've gotta say that if I went into town riding on that thing, I'd get a lot of street cred. But it's still huge! Harold…"
"Well…" Harold said, "If I rode into town on that thing, everyone would say, 'that guy is freaking awesome!' And then I could give raspberries to Duncan, and everyone would support me… okay, I will accept!"
"What?" Chris asked. "Seriously? This guy lost. Why does he get the bike?"
"Well, Chris, tell me logically. Isn't it fair that the loser ends up with the junk that no one wants?" Noah asked.
"I guess I can't argue with that," Chris said. Harold rode on the bike inside the fortress. "Hey! Hey! Hey! No riding bikes inside the fortress!" Chris complained.
"I'm sorry, Chris," Harold said, doing a wheelie. "But I just can't resist!"
"Will the other four remaining contestants regret their decision to give Harold the bike?" Chris began. Harold rode back and forth across the room, annoying Chris. "I'm already starting to regret the decision, and it wasn't even mine to make. Harold whistled and hummed annoying songs as he continued riding on by. "Also…" Chris said, but kept getting interrupted by the sound of Harold and the bike, "Also…" He looked upset. "Who will make it into the final four? Check next time on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!" He pushed Harold over when he reached his breaking point.
"Ow!" Harold shouted, as he fell to the ground off-screen, "Gosh!"