A/N: So, I had someone point out that Edward isn't really as masculine as he should be. There's a reason for that, though. He is very self-conscious after what happened especially after living in a house full of people that never look any different. It makes him feel his vulnerability much more than he would if he were in a house with humans. He knows they can never end up like he is currently, and it makes him think a lot less of himself. So, yes, he is slightly feminine. Hopefully, this chapter will show some of what I just told you. If not, then you know anyway.

*WARNING!* There is one small reference in this chapter that may offend you. Please take into account that no harm/offense is meant.

Enjoy!

Breakdown

The next few weeks followed just like that day, and so did the next few months. The end of the first quarter came and went, with most teachers taking the same approach to Bella's situation as Mr. Banner. They must have had a meeting about it or something because I highly doubted all of them came up with the same thing all on their own. All of us had straight A's, and Esme and Carlisle couldn't have been more proud. None of us had told them about what was going on, but they seemed to know something was up.

Thanksgiving came and went, Esme making a huge meal just because she had someone who could eat it. It was actually my first Thanksgiving with the Cullens, since I moved in with them after New Year's. Bella made a show of trying to eat with me, but quickly had to stop. I laughed at her expression, almost choking on the food in my mouth.

Bella had been true to her word. She told me she would help me get stronger, and she did. Religiously, she would wake me up and let me have breakfast before we took a lap around the house. She would have me do one as soon as we got back from school, and then once more after dinner. The first few time had been rough, and she had to catch me more often than I was able to walk without her. Any day that we had off from school, she had me walking around the house five times each day, no matter how much I protested. Sometimes I wished that we would get a blizzard just so that I wouldn't have to do it for a few days.

I was still using my chair at school, but Bella locked it up in her truck as soon as we got home. It was times like those when I thought back to how I had looked in the mirror and thought about how she could do so much better than me. Every time she locked that truck and forced me to walk around the house, completely ignoring my pleas for my chair, I couldn't help but think where I would be without her. Not long after this epiphany, I decided that I would just go with it and let her go once she found out how much better she could do. Until then, I would protect her like I had promised the very first day I met her and make sure she was happy.

All of us had gotten a lot closer since Bella came around. Well, to be exact, I got a lot closer. The Cullens had been pretty close-knit before I showed up, and they had tried to pull me in, but I had just been too stubborn. It was like I had been determined to wallow in my depression. Bella came, and everything changed. I came out of my room. I talked more. I showed emotion. I laughed without sounding forced. It was like I did a complete one-eighty in the personality department. I could tell Carlisle and Esme were pleased, and the others had a certain glow whenever they saw this "new" me. Alice made sure to point this out a number of times. Jasper and Bella had gotten really close, as well, since he could tell exactly how she was feeling without having to ask her about it. She seemed to appreciate his help in the emotion department.

It was the first week of December and Bella and I made it through another day of school. We were going out into the parking lot when he showed up again. It had been a while since his last "attack," and he caught us off guard. Bella had carried a small backpack with a notebook and some pens into school that day, trying to entertain herself. Lucas came up behind her and yanked it off her shoulder and shoved her to the ground.

"So, what could Helen Keller possibly feel a need to bring into school? You can't read, so it's not books. I guess you could draw, but you wouldn't even know what it looked like once you were done," he said, going through her bag. I went to grab it from him, but he turned away and took a step, getting out of my immediate range.

"No, bad boy. It's rude to grab things from people, you know. Didn't your mother teach you manners?" His eyes grew wide, and so did his smirk. My hands were clenched in front of me and I could feel someone walking up behind me, but Lucas kept going, his gaze rising to meet whoever was behind me. Bella got up and looked like she was going to kill him.

"Oh, that's right. Your momma can't teach you anything, now, can she? Unless you can talk to the dead," he spat. He laughed once. "And I bet that foster mother isn't capable of a damn thing either, is she?" He threw Bella's bag on the ground and walked away, laughing. "You would've been better off if you died, too, Cullen, but at least you found someone you have so much in common with!" he yelled over his shoulder.

Emmett walked in front of me and grabbed Bella's bag, putting a hand on her shoulder and steering her towards me. She took her bag gently from him, like she was trying to keep herself together. Her hand was trembling with her anger. I felt a hand grab my shoulder and wave after wave of calming emotion flooded into me. I went to slap Jasper's hand off of me, but he just grabbed my wrist. I tried to break free for a few seconds, but quickly gave in. He slowly let go of me, making sure I had control before fully letting go.

"That kid is going to pay for this," Emmett growled through clenched teeth. "No one insults my family like that and gets away with it."

Alice knelt down next to me and searched my face for some hint of what I was thinking, but didn't say anything. I turned away from her and glanced at Bella, who was clutching her bag tightly in her fists. She had a look of shock on her face, and her eyes seemed to see past anything in the present moment. She was thinking…remembering something, and didn't like it. Something was going on in her head, and it was something that didn't concern any of us.

All of a sudden, her face rapidly started changing. She went from her initial shock to guilt to fear to desperation, and even determination. That was the final set of her face when she looked at me, almost like I was the cause of her feeling that particular emotion. I could still see the immense anger in her eyes, and it magnified my own to know he had attacked her as well as the rest of my family.

His words repeated themselves over and over in my head as we headed home. This hadn't been their fight, and he had no reason to bring them into it. Especially my parents. I wasn't sure, but that was probably what was fueling my anger the most. What he had said about my mother was like dancing on her grave, and he was going to pay for it. I didn't know how or when, but I was going to get him back for that.

My breathing got heavy and labored with my anger, and my hands balled into fists. I hadn't said anything. I let him walk away after what he had said, and didn't say a word against him. He had managed to sneak up on Bella and push her to the ground, but I just let him walk away. He went through her things and insulted both of us. He treated us like trash in the back alley. He insulted my dead family. He pretty much told my story to Bella. A story that wasn't his to tell, nor was I ready to hear out loud.

An angry tear made a small trail down my face as Bella stopped her truck in the driveway. I slammed by body against the door to open it, and fell out. I landed on my feet, but the impact caused my still-weak knees to give out. The others were there, debating whether or not to help me, but I grabbed onto the door handle pulled myself up. I walked as fast as I could up to the front door to see Esme standing there. She looked at me, her face etched with a worried I hadn't seen since my days of depression, but kept walking right to my room. I slammed the door behind me and collapsed on the bed, tears of sorrow and self-directed anger mixing as they made their way down my face. I wasn't crying, so I heard the soft footsteps that stopped outside my door. I wiped my eyes on the corner of my pillow. Whoever it was knocked gently, and I lashed out at them, seeing my only target.

"Leave me the hell alone! Just go away for once!" I screamed, an evil sense of pride welling up in my chest. I didn't hear anything, so I assumed they had gone. A few minutes later, my door was slammed into the wall and Jasper came in, His face twisted in an anger I had never seen before in him. It radiated off him and I felt it even more when he flipped me onto my back and his hand wrapped around my neck.

"Who the hell do you think you are, yelling at her like that?" he spat at me, his eyes looking exactly like the black abyss he looked like he wanted to throw me in. I didn't hide my fear, which he could feel anyway, but I was also confused.

"Wha-What…?" I gasped, his grip just enough to make it hard to talk and scare the crap out of me.

"Bella, you little jerk! Why did you yell at her like that?" he said, dragging out his words like he was talking to an idiot. I heard someone come running in and Jasper was pulled off of me. I rolled on my side and started coughing, gasping for breath.

"What are you doing?" Emmett's voice boomed. I turned my head to see Emmett holding Jasper against the wall, Jasper's dark eyes boring right into my head. "You said you'd keep control." He just kept shaking his head, not paying attention to Emmett.

"You little brat! After everything she did for you, this is how you repay her?" he kept saying. I sat up and slowly shook my head.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, my voice raspy. "What about Bella?"

"She's gone! She knocked on your door! She wanted to talk to you! She wanted to open up! She wanted comfort, and all you did was yell at her! She's gone, Edward! Left without any of us knowing!" Jasper yelled. All the color drained out of my face at his words.

"Yeah, that's right! After all the time she spent working with you, after all she put up with at the school, this is how you decide to repay her!" he yells, sarcasm and cynicism rolling out of his mouth.

"You…you're lying," I whispered. Jasper shook his head, and I did the same. "No, that's not true." I felt a growing sense of loss even as I denied it, like I was unconsciously searching the house for her just to find that she wasn't there. "You're lying. Where is she?"

All of a sudden Alice was next to me, holding my hand in both of hers. "Edward, she's really gone. I had a vision of her leaving about five seconds before she actually did it. It was a split second decision. She went out her window and ran into the woods. She's surprisingly fast. None of us could catch up to her," she finished, laughing slightly despite the situation.

"No. No, she can't be gone. She's here somewhere," I repeated over and over again.

I ripped my hand out of Alice's and scrambled off the bed. My knees gave out in my haste and almost crashed against the floor before I caught myself on the bed. I pushed myself up and walked as fast as I could to my door. I heard Alice talking soothingly to Jasper, but didn't bother to listen. I crashed through Bella's half open door, but the room was empty. That growing emptiness turned to dread as I looked at the open window, knowing they were right.

Bella was gone.

I almost ran back to my room, my legs protesting the intense movement. I went straight to my closet and shoved open the doors, ripping my jacket off its hanger. I headed for my door again when someone grabbed my arm.

"Edward, what are you doing?" Alice asked from behind me. I shook my head, but didn't turn around. I couldn't speak. It would make things that much more real. I knew what I was doing, she knew what I was doing, so why did she want me to say it?

"You can't go looking for her, Edward. You won't find her. She could be anywhere by now, at the speed she was going. Besides that, you're just being able to walk long distances. What makes you think you could go looking for her and make it back to the house safe?" she tried to reason. I shook my head again.

"It- It doesn't…matter," I gasped out, Bella's absence hitting me like a grief I thought I had gotten over.

"Edward, you know it does. Don't pay attention to Jasper right now. He's just as worried as you are. All of us are worried about her. We're going to look for her around here, but we're not going to go out of Washington. You are going to stay here until we get back, okay? Carlisle doesn't want us worrying about where you are while we are trying to find Bella." I didn't respond. I just kept looking at the door, thinking that if she would just let me go, I could go find her. All I needed was Alice to let go, and I could go look.

"Edward, please. You need to stay here so we can focus on finding Bella," Alice repeated, most likely seeing everything I was planning in my head. I had one rational thought, and it was to clear my head. I did so, and she sighed while gently pulling me over to my bed. I felt one leg hit the side before she grabbed my shoulders and turned me so I was facing her. She gently pushed me down so I was sitting on the bed. She took my coat from me and threw it over the back of my chair.

"Now, please, stay here, Edward," she repeated. I kept my gaze on the wall, but didn't move. My mind remained blank and she sighed. She pulled me to her and hugged me, kissing the top of my head. She left after that, leaving me sitting there.

I waited before walking out the door. I didn't know how long, but I didn't care. I stood on the porch and looked around the house, trying to find anything that could tell me which way she went. There was a small spot in between two bushed that looked like they had been moved a few times, some of the smaller branches broken to leave a path. I walked as fast as I could in that direction, even though I couldn't go all that fast. It was like a hobbling half-run, but it was all I could manage without permanently injuring my knees. They still weren't all that strong, and they wouldn't be able to take the impact of me running.

I reached the bushes, but I wasn't good enough at tracking to know how long ago someone had gone through. What I could tell was that someone had been through there a lot. I followed the trail of broken sticks, twigs, and branches deep into the woods. I didn't know how long I walked, or exactly what direction I was going in. I just walked.

It must have at least an hour. It was starting to get dark and I was still walking. I had slowed down as soon as I entered the woods so I could watch where I was putting my feet. The path had led up a slight incline that also slowed me down, and then up and over a ledge.

I was going over another now when a small noise caught my attention. It sounded like someone crying. My heart started beating faster and faster as I got closer. There was a sound from right next to me before a sharp pain erupted in my temple. Whatever hit me fell to the ground and I turned to see two small pairs of eyes staring at me from a tree. The brown eyes were not the ones I wanted to see, so I turned to continue up. The chipmunk continued to chitter at me until I was fully past its tree.

My legs were burning with the amount of exercise I was doing, and a dull ache was starting in my thighs and calves. Alice had been right. Even if I turned around now, I'd never make it back to the house. So I continued up, passing even more animals that seemed to be going in the same direction. They seemed wary, but determined to reach their destination.

I reached to top and leaned against a tree, trying to catch my breath. I had ended up in a small meadow, the darkening sky creating a surreal glow towards the center. The trees line most of the outer edge and the remnants of wildflowers dotted the ground. I heard the soft cry again, and my eyes were drawn to the opposite side of the meadow.

The little chipmunk that threw something at me scurried and leapt over to the kneeling figure and jumped on their shoulder. A deer moved behind them, looking a little disoriented but not running away. It looked straight at me before nudging the person before it. They started turning, exposing a healing wound at the base of the deer's neck. The light of the setting sun shone off the long brown hair, and set off a show of little rainbows on the person's face.

Bella turned around fully and slowly made her way towards me, stopping and sitting down in the middle of the meadow with her knees at her chest. She wrapped her arms around herself and laid her cheek on her knees so she was facing away from me. The injured deer came and laid down behind her, wrapping its body around hers. The chipmunk buried itself in her hair, chittering to her.

I hesitated for only a second before slowly walking over to her, agonizing pain shooting up and down my legs. I ignored it as much as I could, but a small sound escaped my lips. I stood a few feet behind her, my legs threatening to send me crashing to the ground.

"Bella…" I whispered. She turned just enough so that I could see one of her eyes over her shoulder, but didn't respond. She must have fed off that deer, because her eyes seemed to glow gold in the fading light of the clearing. I looked straight at her and the color seemed to swim around. I jumped slightly and shook my head, clearing my thoughts and focusing on what I had to say. She closed her eyes and turned away.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling like breaking the quiet would be wrong. "I didn't know it was you knocking, or I wouldn't have said what I did. I didn't mean it, I just…I wasn't…I…I felt like I had to lash out. After what he did…I…I was just so mad." I huffed, at a loss for what else to say.

Bella sat there looking away from me for a few seconds. Then she patted the ground next to her, telling me to sit. I took a few steps so that I was next to her and slightly in front before slowly lowering myself to the ground. My breath hitched as pain shot up my legs again, and faded to a burning ache once I sat. I looked at her, waiting for a response, and she sighed.

You don't have to apologize, Edward. I should've known things would be a little touchy after what happened, she signed.

"So…you're not mad at me?" I asked. She shook her head and smiled.

No, I was never mad. I understand that you could need a little time after that. That's why I came out here, she signed, waving one of her arms to take in the meadow. That brought a question to my mind.

"Bella…why are all these animals here? Shouldn't they be running away from you?" She laughed silently and shook her head again.

No, they don't. I have a different relationship with my prey than your family. I looked at her, completely confused. She seemed to know what I was thinking and petted the chipmunk still in her hair.

Wherever I go, I make a deal with the animals. They know what I want from them, and I know they want to protect themselves and their family. I can't block my feelings from them. We're too alike. They know exactly what I'm feeling, like when I came out here. One of the animals, usually the strongest, will allow me to feed off them every now and then as long as I don't attack any other member of their family. I try to be as gentle as I can, but sometimes I wait too long. She turned to me, waiting for some kind of response. I cocked my head to one side.

"So…you can talk to the animals?" I asked hesitantly, thinking about violent chipmunk sitting about a foot from me. She shook her head, but stopped and looked like she was thinking.

Well…no, not really. They can tell what I'm feeling, but I can't feel what they are. It's like the opposite of Jasper's power. People can feel what I'm feeling, but I can't feel them.

"Well…why can't I?" I asked. She shrugged.

Maybe it's for the same reason I can't see you as clearly as other people. I thought about it and nodded slowly.

"That's got to be it. What else could it be?" I asked, not expecting an answer. We sat there after that, just looking around and enjoying each other's company. The sun had almost fully set before she started talking again.

I…there was something I wanted to tell you before, she said, hesitating.

"Go ahead," I encouraged. She still seemed undecided. "Bella, it's okay. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?" I asked, leaning forward slightly. She smiled and nodded thankfully.

Okay, she started. Well, after what was…said, it made me think. It made me think that maybe…maybe I'm ready…ready to tell you what happened to me…why I am the way I am. I just don't know how much I'm going to be able to tell you.

"That's okay. If you feel that you're ready, then you tell me as much as you can. Once it gets too hard, then stop," I said. She took one of my hands in one of hers and nodded, but didn't start. "Just begin where it's easiest, Bella. Work into the harder stuff." She nodded again, her gaze focused on our hands.

Well, I guess the biggest thing is that I haven't always been this way, and I'm not talking about the whole vampire thing. She looked at me, and then back at our hands.

I used to be able to see and talk until a few days before I was turned, but I don't want to start with that. I probably won't get very far if I do. She paused and looked up at the dimming sky.

I was probably the most popular girl in school. The whole school was my friend. The teachers adored me. I never got in trouble. Every guy in the school wanted to date me just so they could say they did. I was every parent's dream child. I was getting an extreme sense of déjà vu, but didn't interrupt.

I didn't want to date at first. All of my closest friends were and the drama that came from it was unbelievable. But I was asked by this one guy. He was always so nice, and he was really quiet. He was also in the same grade as me. I said yes. That was at the very beginning of our sophomore year. I was really happy with him. He didn't try to push me into anything, and he was happy to do whatever I wanted. He was so easygoing. She paused, reminiscing, before she continued.

We lasted three whole years before it happened. He changed. He got violent, and I got scared. I stopped talking to people so I wouldn't have to lie to them about how I was doing, but Charlie and Renee knew something was going on. She stopped again and looked up at the night sky. The bright light of the stars reflected off the tears that were forming in her eyes. It was completely dark now, but the cloudless night sky lent just enough light for me to see what she was signing.

It started off slow, and I told myself it was going to stop. He wasn't that kind of person. Things must have been really tough at home. I knew what happened to other girls who said that, but I told myself he wasn't like those other guys. He wasn't mean. She laughed cruelly, the sound breathy without a voice to enhance it. Her tears were falling freely no, but she made no move to wipe them away, so neither did I.

I couldn't have been more wrong. He played me. The whole time he was just trying to make me trust him unconditionally, so that when the real him came out, I wouldn't try to leave. I fell right into his plan, and my parents ended up dead. He murdered them, and then he changed me. I don't even think he wanted me changed. I think he wanted me dead, but messed up somehow. I felt my eyes widen as the words poured out.

Three days before he changed me, he beat me to an inch of death. He slammed my head against the ground, the house, my truck, anything hard that could do damage. He left me almost completely blind, more so than I am now. Why? Because I told him I was done. I couldn't take the way he treated me or my family, so I was going to leave him. I had talked back to him before, but he beat me then, too. After the last time I talked back, I didn't talk for a whole month. I opened my mouth for the first time after that, and then that's when he blinded me. Those next three days were spent in the hospital, in and out of a coma because of the large amount of head trauma. The doctors told Charlie and Renee about my sight while I was out, and they got me the truck I have now. She smiled cynically, and turned to me.

That's all I have left of them, Edward. My truck and the little things I was able to steal from the house after I changed. She broke down sobbing, making my heart contract with shared pain. She let her head fall onto her knees and wrapped her arms around her legs. I knew she was done, and scooted close enough to wrap my arms around her silently shaking form. The only thing that gave away her crying was her breathing. She grabbed my shirt and threw herself at me, burying her face in my shirt.

I held her for a long time. She had left hug gaps in her story, like who the scumbag was, but I didn't want to push her. The moon had fully risen and its silvery glow coated the ground. I tried to hold back my shivering, but it was getting way too cold for me. I could feel all of my joints creak with even the slightest movement, and stabbing pains shot out of my knees when I tried to bend them.

Bella had finally stopped crying and raised her head. I reached up with one hand and brushed wet strands of hair out of her face, tucking them behind her ear. She smiled and hugged me. I shivered once and she jumped, looking at me confused. She put her hands on my face, her mouth turning into a frown. I shivered again and she stood up, offering her hands to me. I reached up just as another shiver hit me, this one more violent than the last. She grabbed my hands and hauled me to my feet, catching me as I continued forward with the force of her pull. I wrapped my arms around myself, but continued to shiver. Bella rubbed her hands up and down my arms, her head swiveling all around the clearing like she was looking for something.

The little chipmunk erupted out of her hair and chittered in her ear. She put her hand up next to it and it climbed on. She brought it in front of her and it pointed its small form towards the part of the clearing behind us. We turned around to see a large black mass moving through the darkness, right in our direction. Bella slowly bent down and put the chipmunk on the ground, draping one of my arms across her shoulders with her free hand. She slowly stood up straight and wrapped one of her arms around my waist.

I don't know what it wants, so we're going to have to make a break for it, Bella signed with her free hand. I squeezed her shoulders once to let her know I understood and prepared to either run like I've never run before, or get mauled by a bear.

The beast erupted into the clearing with a toss of its humongous head and looked right at us. Bella tensed under me, making me worry. The thing roared once and Bella was off, knocking me off my feet and trapping me right next to her body as she ran towards the house. I tucked my face into the crook of her neck, trying to keep any exposed skin out of the wind she was making with her speed.

We reached the house in no time and Bella ran right up to my window, letting go of me with one hand before jumping through. She walked over and threw the covers on my bed back, carefully setting my convulsing body down. I immediately felt the absence of her body next to mine and started shivering even harder. I heard the window slam shut and she laid down next to me the next second, tucking the blankets tightly around me before hugging my body to hers. I heard someone come in, but I passed out from exhaustion before I heard anything they said.

A/N: So, I kind of missed the day I wanted to post, but MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS!!! My gift to you is MOST of Bella's past. I hope you're happy with at least some of the mystery that is Bella. And the song is Breakdown by Daughtry. :D