Author's Note: I apologize to fans of Beth, Bridgette, Courtney, Duncan, Geoff, Justin, Katie and Sadie (if there are any), LeShawna, Lindsay, Trent, and Tyler; as in this episode there are quite a few people who appear and don't talk.
"Last time on Total Drama Fortress, our explorers had to escape from a room, using some help from the eliminated contestants, and some who didn't get a chance to play this year. There were a lot of annoyances and distractions, but in the end they all made it out. Noah and Cody made it out first and became the final two. Harold was sadly eliminated. But he still gets to open the final door, so that we'll finally reach the center of the fortress… for the exciting finale, where one lucky winner will get ONE MILLION DOLLARS… right here on Total. Drama. FORTRESS!" Chris introduced the show.
(In the confessional, Cody said, "How did I like it? Well, I'd say it was pretty swell. Who would expect that two undersized nerds would make it to the final two the same season? I sure didn't. Wow, I'm so antsy right now I can barely sit still…")
(In the confessional, Noah said, "You're asking me how I liked it? In that case, with the knowledge that everything I say in here can and will be held against me, I will say that it is exactly as good as I expected it to be.")
Harold looked to Chris and asked, "Okay, so now what do we do?"
"Open the door," Chris said, gesturing to it. Harold shrugged, and then he turned the key, and opened the door. Chris turned on the light with a pull-chain, revealing that, in the center of the room, there was a large trapezoidal prism shaped object, with twenty-four holes scattered around the sides. There was a dip in the middle, and a visible seam around the edges.
Everyone looked at it in awe, except Noah who looked bored, and DJ who looked unaffected.
"Okay," Chris said, "Are you guys ready to put the keys in?"
"Yes, yes, yes!" Izzy shouted, "Is it my turn yet?"
"Not yet, sixth place," Chris said, "You'll have to wait quite some time. Ezekiel, you're up first."
"I… okay, eh!" Ezekiel said, slipping his key into the slot.
Chris continued to call out names and had people put the keys in their slots. "Bridgette, Courtney, Noah, Cody, Beth, Sierra, Trent, Katie, Duncan, Lindsay, LeShawna, Justin, Alejandro, Geoff, Heather, Eva, DJ, Tyler, Izzy…"
"Sweet!" Izzy shouted putting her key in quickly, and then frowning when she realized it was over.
"Sadie, Owen, Gwen, and finally Harold," Chris finished. Harold put the last key in the slot. The object started shaking, which caused DJ to leap into Owen's arms, and then it moved backwards to reveal a staircase.
"Actually," Noah conceded, "That's a pretty clever architectural design."
"You would expect anything less?" Chris asked, which caused Noah to stare blankly. "Whatever, no one cares about your opinion." He turned to the group of eliminated and non-competing teens and asked them, "Please head to this side of the room if you support Noah," pointing to his right, and then, pointing to his left, "And this side of the room if you support Cody."
Sierra, Harold, Trent, Gwen, Duncan, Alejandro, Heather, Beth, and Justin rushed to support Cody. Cody said, "Gwen, I had no idea you wanted me to win so much."
"Hey, why not? We're friends, right, Cody?" Gwen asked.
"Yes," Cody said, smiling, "We certainly are."
Izzy, Owen, and Eva rushed to support Noah. Tyler, DJ, and LeShawna joined that group soon afterward out of sympathy. Ezekiel joined Noah's support shouting, "Underdog! Underdog! Yeah!"
"Please, I didn't lose much this year…" Noah said.
"But what about the other years?" Ezekiel whined, "We who didn't play in season two have to stick together, eh!"
"I didn't play in season two either, but... Ezekiel's sentiment makes sense," Cody said.
Bridgette, Courtney, Geoff, Katie and Sadie, and Lindsay were having trouble deciding on a group. Eventually Bridgette and Geoff joined Cody's group. Katie and Sadie joined Noah's support, and Lindsay went and stood next to Tyler, which put her in Noah's support by default. Courtney also joined Noah's group, but it looked as though she was only doing it to spite Duncan.
"A stalemate," Chris said, "Nice. Now, are you two ready to compete for ONE MILLION DOLLARS?"
"Of course," Cody said, "How about you, Noah?"
"I was born ready," Noah said.
"Just one more thing before you guys head down to the final labyrinth," Chris said, "Why do you two think you should win?"
"Well," Noah said, "In addition to the fact that the money could help me pay for things like college… I promised Eva I'd try my best to win. And I plan to." Eva looked genuinely touched when Noah said this.
"Why do I deserve to win?" Cody asked, "Who am I kidding? I don't. Noah deserves to win." This made Sierra sad, and Alejandro angry. He turned to Noah and said, "Just go get the money."
Noah had a simple reply, "No."
"What?" Cody asked.
"I didn't get here on handouts," Noah said, "And I don't plan to get there on handouts either."
Cody said, smiling, "You've really grown since the first season."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Noah said in an unusually friendly tone.
Noah and Cody walked down the stairs into the basement as the entire peanut gallery watched in awe. Izzy and Sierra attempted to follow the boys down the stairs, but Chris stopped them. "Uh-uh," he said, "No watching."
"Aww! Why not?" Izzy whined.
"Because then we might have someone stealing the money," Chris said.
"Fine," Sierra said, and then she and Izzy sat right next to the staircase, waiting for the boys to return.
Noah and Cody were under the stairs. "Okay," Noah said, "I think it's over here somewhere."
"Well, we could always keep left," Cody said. "That way no matter what we'll find it eventually."
"True," Noah said, and then he took the suggestion, only to have a large spike fall from the ceiling and narrowly miss his foot. He was slightly freaked out and he continued, "Unless something like that happens!"
"Well, I'm certain that our challenge will be very… challenging," Cody said, and then continued, "I'm sorry. That was terrible."
"It's alright," Noah said, "Now if keeping left causes spikes to fall from the ceiling, I can't imagine keeping right is any better… you know, considering that the walls are the same when you wrap around."
"Then I guess we'll have to stick near the middle," Cody said, and then he walked right into a hole.
He shouted in surprise, when Noah grabbed his arm, pulled him out of the hole, and then said, "Be more careful."
"I'll try," Cody said, still surprised. "You didn't have to pull me out, you know."
"Eh, what can I say? I might hate sports, but that doesn't mean I can't be sportsmanlike," Noah said, "Certainly more so than those jerk jocks. I honestly feel very sorry for Tyler."
"Well, that's very noble of you, Noah," Cody said. He started looking down as he walked, so he would not fall in another hole. A big rock came out of the wall, and knocked Noah over. He landed on his face. Cody saw him and asked, "Are you okay?"
"Fine," Noah responded, "Just a race hindrance is all. Go ahead of me while you can."
"I'd rather help you get up," Cody said, pulling Noah off the floor.
"Oh, I see, was this a karmic reward for me rescuing you from the hole?" Noah asked.
"Something like that," Cody responded.
"Okay, clearly, we have to find the money, and it could be hidden behind the empty pathway, the empty pathway, the empty pathway with an ominous looking black spot in the distance, or…"Noah began, and then noticed the fourth pathway was full of fiery spikes and had a sign with an arrow that read, "The Money Is Behind This Path." He looked unimpressed and said, "Right. Nice try, Chris. Obviously, it's behind the empty pathway with the ominous looking black spot in the distance."
"How did you reach that conclusion?" Cody asked curiously.
"Simple deductive reasoning. The empty ones are obviously too easy to be anything but dead ends, and well… look at that sign trying desperately to get us to follow that red herring… The ominous black spot is probably an obstacle that I wasn't supposed to see yet but I did anyway," Noah said. He started walking towards that path, until he noticed Cody was still next to the fiery spikes path eying it curiously. Noah said, "I forbid you to go in there until we have definite proof that this path is wrong," and then he dragged Cody away.
Noah and Cody ran along, and then they ran into a giant gaping pit. "The ominous black spot," Cody said to Noah. "How do we get across it?"
"Well, I guess we're going to have to jump," Noah said.
"Jump? Are you kidding me? The distance over that gap's got to be at least ten meters!" Cody objected.
"I think…" Noah said, "I think we're supposed to be at the bottom of it. Look down."
Cody looked down and the audience was treated to his vertigo experience. "Umm, I'd rather not," he said, looking up again.
Noah rolled his eyes, and then looked down himself. He said, "There's a path down there. I'll jump first."
"Be careful," Cody pleaded.
Noah jumped, and braced himself for a hard landing, but there was no such hard landing. He looked back up at Cody, realizing that the pit was only about a meter and a half deep. He looked at the floor he was standing on. "Hey, I guess Chris's paintjob is pretty clever too. I'm beginning to think he was lying about building this fortress. Which I guess makes sense, since Chris has no architectural skills that I know of."
"So, it's just a shallow pit?" Cody said, "Then what of the pathway?"
"I don't know," Noah said, "I guess it was a false alarm." Suddenly, the floor started sinking beneath Noah's feet. "Or not."
"Noah!" Cody shouted, and then he leapt onto the floor as it sunk faster and faster. Cody didn't land until the floor had stopped sinking and when he did, he landed hard, leg first. "Oh… oh, ow!" Cody shouted.
"What? What happened?" Noah asked, concernedly.
"I think I broke my leg…" Cody said, looking down at the state of his limb.
"Oh no!" Noah said, "That's not good." He rushed over to Cody and began examining it. Then, for seemingly no reason at all, Cody started laughing. Noah, obviously very nervous, asked, "Why are you laughing at a time like this?"
"You never wanted this," was Cody's concise reply.
"Wha…what?" Noah asked.
"I mean what I said," Cody repeated, "You never wanted this. You would never have joined something like this if you didn't have some sort of practical goal. I mean, let's think about it; you always avoided the limelight like the plague…"
"I'm getting better," Noah said.
"You're opposed to any and all forms of reality show stupidity…" Cody continued.
"Well, yeah," Noah responded, "I mean it's stupidity. I don't see your point."
"I can count the number of times you've used the confessional on one hand…" Cody continued.
Surprised at this, Noah asked, "You… you kept track of that?"
"That's not the point," Cody responded, "The point is that you've suffered just as much as I have, possibly enjoyed less, and didn't complain. Not only that, but you have a bright future. You're a high-tail genius; I'm just a run-of-the-mill higher intelligence being. So please, end your misery on a high note. You've earned your happy ending. Now go get it."
Noah stared for a second or two, and then he shook his head. "No," he said, "Not without you."
"What?" Cody asked.
"Did you abandon me when Alejandro knocked me out?" Noah asked.
"No, I didn't, but…" Cody responded
"Who was it that wouldn't rest until I had forgiven him for one tiny verbal misstep?" Noah asked.
"Well that was me, but…" Cody answered.
"Who was it who blamed himself for an accidental elimination that was very clearly my fault?" Noah asked.
"Okay, it wasn't your fault that Sierra got eliminated, it was mine," Cody corrected.
"See?" Noah asked, "You did all sorts of things for me. You helped me get rid of Alejandro. You were one of the only teammates I had this year I didn't fight with. And most importantly… you proved to me, to an extent previously performed only by my relatives, that I could trust you. And now…" He paused, smiling at Cody. "I'll do the same for you."
Noah began looking around. "What are you doing?" Cody asked.
"Looking for supplies. I can't carry you in my arms; I'm too weak and tiny. So, if I want to get you out of here, I'll need some sort of device to carry you in," Noah said. He looked at Cody, said, "Stay here. I'll be right back," and ran on a path to the side of their location.
"I'll do my best not to move," Cody shouted back, mocking the inanity of Noah's instruction.
On the surface, Sierra asked Gwen, "Do you think that Cody's going to make it out of there in one piece?"
"Well," Gwen said, "I don't think that if they were going to be eaten by lions, Chris would have made us all wait here. Of course, knowing Chris…"
"They're going to get eaten by lions?" Owen asked, incredibly freaked out.
"No, relax, big guy," Gwen said, "It was a joke."
"Are you sure?" Izzy asked, "There could be some pretty scary little lions in there. Or giant cobras." DJ squeaked when she said this. "Or a big fiery pit of lava filled with radioactive metal piranhas with teeth as sharp and deadly as guillotines!"
"I think I just wet myself," DJ admitted.
"Please stop, Izzy," Owen said, covering his ears, "I can't bear the thought that any of this is happening to sweet little Noah."
"Noah?" Sierra asked indignantly, "What about Cody?"
"What about him?" Heather asked, "It doesn't matter, because nuts girl is lying."
"Perhaps she's not lying," Alejandro offered, "But is sadly mistaken."
Meanwhile, underground, Noah had managed to find supplies to form a makeshift wheelbarrow, mostly on the other side of a very obvious dead end. He helped Cody into it, and then headed for the center. He saw a case of money in the middle, and realized that it was up some stairs. "Okay, how should I go about doing this?"
"Well, you could leave me at the bottom and come back for me after you get the money," Cody shrugged.
"Do you really think that's a good idea? After all the moving architecture we've seen today, wouldn't it make more sense not to risk it?" Noah asked.
"Okay, well, if you have a better idea, go ahead and use it," Cody said.
"I guess I'll just lift you up the stairs," Noah said. He physically strained to lift the wheelbarrow containing Cody onto each step. By the time he reached the top, he was extremely exhausted. He collapsed from exhaustion, but still managed to touch the case. Suddenly, the entire staircase lifted and they ended up in the courtyard.
"Alright," Cody shouted, "Let's go greet the peanut gallery."
"I… I need to sit…" Noah said.
Chef Hatchet saw Noah huffing and puffing and Cody in the wheelbarrow and shouted, "Get up!"
"I'm sorry, Chef," Cody said, "But you see I broke my leg, and Noah just did a lot more lifting than I really think he should have…"
"Shut up!" Chef Hatchet said, "We have a winner. I'm sure everyone wants to see the winner." In one arm he carried Noah, who held the case. In the other, he pushed Cody's wheelbarrow. He took them through each of the doors.
On the way, Noah commented, "So, I never knew that Chris was so good at architectural design or trompe l'oeil painting… how come he never bragged about those things?"
"Uhh…" Chef Hatchet said, "I wasn't aware he was good at either of those things."
"Well," Noah said, "He certainly seemed to show these characteristics when he… ahem… built this fortress."
"Did Chris tell you that he built this fortress?" Chef Hatchet asked. "Because he didn't! I did."
"I knew it," Noah said, smiling proudly.
"Chris, you liar!" Chef Hatchet shouted, and then he ran towards the final room at a much faster speed, which appeared to give Cody motion sickness, and ended up behind the peanut gallery, who each turned and looked. A good number of them gasped when they saw the state of the final two.
"Oh, my god!" Izzy shouted, "They were attacked by lava-dwelling radioactive metal piranhas with teeth as sharp and deadly as guillotines."
"Sorry," Noah said, "But you're stuck with us a little bit longer, Izzy."
Chef Hatchet put Noah down, and left Cody's wheelbarrow standing still. "Noah," Cody said, "I really love you." Noah looked surprised by this comment, which caused Izzy to grin and Sierra to scowl. He quickly added, "As a friend…" This made Izzy stomp her foot in annoyance and Sierra relax a little.
Noah, still taken aback, responded, "That really means a lot to me, Cody. Thank you." He then hugged Cody quickly, which caused Izzy to squeal.
Cody smiled and then asked, "What, no verbal irony?"
"Would it even fit here?" Noah asked, confusedly, letting go.
"You know best," Cody responded, "Professor…"
"You won, Noah!" Eva shouted, "You won!" She smiled and then said, "I knew you could do it."
"We're so proud, buddy!" Owen shouted. "Sorry, Cody…"
"It's fine…" Cody said, "It's really… really fine."
"Noah," Alejandro said, "I… I didn't want you to win."
"Heh," Noah said, "That must be why I won." Alejandro's eyes widened and he tried to come up with a response.
"You… you… I'm not even going to dignify that with a reply," he said, and then he walked away.
"Cody, I'm sorry you lost," Gwen said.
"It's fine," Cody said, "Winning isn't everything. Besides, I know that Noah's going to use the money well."
"I know that too," Gwen said, "But I also know that you would've also done that."
"Congratulations, Noah!" Chris shouted. "You've won the money! Now, here's a question… would you like a chance to increase your winnings by tenfo…?"
"No," Noah responded.
"What?" Chris asked, surprised at the answer.
"No," Noah repeated, at a higher volume this time.
"Are you sure?" Chris asked.
"Abso-freaking-lutely," Noah said, his voice thick with annoyance.
"Ten million doll…" Chris began.
"Chris, I'm not one. I can do multiplication," Noah said, "And my answer is No. Nein. Iie."
"Did you just say, 'yeah'?" Chris asked, eagerly.
"No, gosh!" Harold shouted, "He said 'no' again!"
"You could buy Cody a mansi…" Chris started up again.
Noah grabbed him by both shoulders, and looked at him straight in the eye. "I'm going to give ten thousand or so to Cody to help with his recovery, and just for overall being such a great friend, and then I'm going to put the rest into savings. End. Of. Story." He walked out of the room, taking the wheelbarrow-bound Cody with him.
"He'll be back," Chris said to the camera.
"No I won't!" Noah shouted into the room.
"They're always back," Chris said slyly.
"It doesn't matter about that right now, Chris," Chef Hatchet said. "I hear that you told the kids that you built the fortress."
"Oh, about that," Chris said nervously, "Obviously I didn't mean that I… built the fortress… just that I… commissioned it."
"It took me years to build this fortress, and you didn't pay me nearly enough," Chef Hatchet yelled.
Chris gulped, and then asked, "Can we talk about this later?"
"Meet me in detention!" Chef Hatchet yelled.
"Yes, Professor Hatchet," Chris said, as Chef Hatchet put on the librarian style glasses and led Chris away.
"Oh, I almost forgot," Chef Hatchet said to the camera, "Once Chris gets done with detention he may have an idea for a new season, or maybe he won't. I don't really know. But if he does, don't watch it. Until he starts payin' me better. You understand? This is Chef Hatchet, signing off the final episode of Total Drama FOOOOORTREEEEEEEESS! That I built. NOT CHRIS!"
Author's Note: Whew. It's been two months with a fairly intense update schedule but I finally finished my biggest fan fiction project ever. Please tell me what you think of the story as a whole as well as the final chapter. Also, one thing that I did when writing this story was include a ton of references to things in my life, in my education, and in media; please let me know if you would be interested in seeing annotations for the story. It would include explanations of references, notifications of when I based something on a real life event, and other things you might find on a wiki page.