Learning to Fall
EPOV
I woke up slowly, the blackness that had enveloped me slowly fading away. It was replaced by the soft sunlight filtering through my window as the sun set. I stretched as far as I could, keeping my left arm still since Bella's head was still resting on it, reveling in the feeling until a sharp pain registered in my mind. I looked down at my right hand to see it completely covered in nasty yellow and green bruises. They looked like they had been there for a while and were almost completely healed. I thought I must have hurt it while I was out, Bella's power bringing it to the state it was currently at.
I looked to my left to see the one person I wanted to see at that moment. Bella was still sleeping, her eyes closed and her hair framing her face. Her mouth was set in a slight frown, but it changed into a small smile when I ran my other hand over her hair. This made me chuckle and she sighed, slowly exhaling.
I don't know how long I watched her for, taking in every little detail of her face. I kept going between petting her hair and rubbing my thumb along her cheek, but she stayed asleep. I heard footsteps outside the door, but no one came in. I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling myself start to drift again.
My mind wandered back to everything that had happened Friday, from Bella and me in the truck to Aro's surprise visit. I remembered everything up to when I was pulled out of Bella's memory, but everything was broken up after that. I remembered waking up and talking to Emmett, and then saying something to Bella, but I couldn't get my mind to tell me what it was. I mulled over it for a few minutes, but let it go. All I knew was that it had something to do with her memory. There was nothing else there. I was sure Bella would tell me if I asked her.
The only thing that really confused me was that I had been able to see her memory. The only reason I held her hand was for support, not so that I would be able to see it. The only thing I could think of to explain it is that Bella's powers over souls or whatever Aro said brought me into her memory because I had contact with her when it happened. I couldn't be sure and told myself to ask Carlisle when I got the chance.
I felt Bella start moving around and smiled. She tucked her head under my chin and the smell of strawberries filled my nose. I let my head rest on top of hers, breathing in her scent while she slowly woke up. Her hand closed into a fist around part of my shirt as her other hand went behind my neck so that she was hugging me. I kissed her temple and felt her eyelashes brush against my neck. I pulled back slightly and watched as her eyes fluttered open.
"Good evening, Sleeping Beauty," I said, smiling like an idiot. Bella blinked a few times before turning her head and looking at me. She smiled and kissed the line of my jaw.
"You okay?" I asked, being a little bit more serious. She looked down and nodded. I felt her body tense and her face shot up again.
What about you? Are you okay? She signed hastily. I nodded slowly, wondering why she was acting like that.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Why? Did something happen?" I asked, searching her eyes. As usual, they gave nothing but her strongest feelings away. Her body relaxed again with my answer, but not completely.
Yeah, something did. I…I just don't know how to explain it, she signed slowly. I thought about what I heard Aro say and could only think it had something to do with her powers.
"I just remember up to the end of your memory. Do you want to try to start up there?" I asked, tilting my head to the side to get a better view of her face. She seemed to think about it and then nodded.
Well, I…I was trying to…I was fighting against him. I think I got out of your and Aro's grips, so I was the only one still seeing it. I was attacking him and attacking him, but nothing seemed to be happening. I felt something start loosening and kept going when I started hearing Alice yelling at me. She kept telling me he wasn't there, that he wasn't the one I was hurting, and it confused me. It slowed me down a little bit, but I didn't stop. Not until she told me it was you.
She paused then, letting her eyes close. My brow furrowed in my confusion. I put my hand on the side of her face and ran my thumb over her cheek.
"What are you talking about? You didn't hurt me," I said softly, trying to convince her. She shook her head fiercely and grabbed my other hand. I stifled a gasp, but she heard me.
See? I did this to you. I crushed your hand while we were going through my memory because I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't separate my memory from what was really going on. And I almost killed you because of it.
Her signing was getting faster, harder for me to follow. Her breaths grew raspy with her sadness and tears started flowing freely down her face. I felt a heat slowly build up in my injured hand and felt my eyes widen as the yellow-green bruising faded before my eyes. She let go of my hand afterwards, letting hers fall on me. I flexed my hand, prepared for any type of pain, but none came. I looked back at Bella, her tears falling onto my arm off her cheeks.
"Bella, you didn't almost kill me. You just hurt my hand, and I understand why. I know you didn't mean it." She cut me off, shaking her head again.
No. No, I didn't. But that's not it. Edward, she paused, opening her eyes and looking at me, I almost ripped your soul out. She stressed the word soul, signing it slowly and deliberately. I could see the angst in her eyes and knew she completely blamed herself for everything. I took her hand in mine and kissed her knuckles.
"Did you mean it?" I asked slowly. She shook her head.
"Were you in control of your powers when it happened?" She shook her head again. I smiled against her hand.
"I can tell you're sorry it happened…" I let my voice fade and she nodded vigorously.
"Will you try your best to make sure it doesn't happen again?" She continued nodding.
"Then," I said, putting my newly healed hand against her face, "what are you worrying about so much? Don't you think I knew the danger of getting to know you when I found out you were a vampire?" She closed her eyes and turned her face into my hand so that her lips brushed against my palm. A tear streaked down her face and I wiped it away with my thumb.
"As soon as I stepped into this house a year ago, my life was in the hands of vampires who could have killed me on the spot. There's no more of a threat with me being with you than with any of the others." I dropped Bella's hand on my stomach and put my other hand on her face.
"Bella, do you understand me? I want you to stop beating yourself up for this. It's not your fault, and we are going to move on. Okay?" She opened her eyes and desperately searched my face. As usual, she found nothing. I took one of her hands and ran it along my mouth, letting her know that I was smiling. A small smile made its way to her face, but I could tell she didn't agree.
"Okay?" I repeated more slowly. I kissed her hand and the smile grew. She closed her eyes and nodded. "Good."
I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her to my chest so that the top half of her body was laying on me. She sighed and tucked her arms underneath her, nuzzling her head against me. I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back lightly. I felt her body relax against me as she lightly drifted off again.
There was a light knock on the door and Esme's head popped around the corner. A smile broke out on her face when she saw the two of us and she sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Jasper said you two were awake. He felt Bella start panicking," she said. Her eyes wandered between my face and Bella's before she spoke again. "Is she okay now?" I nodded.
"She started telling me about what happened yesterday and she got worked up. I calmed her down, but she fell back asleep just before you came in," I said quietly, knowing she could hear me. She nodded.
"I don't blame her. What did she tell you? She was half unconscious when Aro left," she asked, tilting her head to the side slightly. I recapped everything Bella had said that morning and Esme smiled sadly.
"Yes, all of that is true, but she didn't tell you everything that was said. Her fear of hurting you is very real because the threat of your death at her hands if she loses control again is even greater than that of us. If she loses control like that again, there is a very real chance that you will not survive the next time. Your soul might not be able to be put back and you will die." I saw tears build up in Esme's eyes as they unfocused, slipping to the future she was imagining. She quickly shook herself out of it, remembering that I was still there. I petted Bella's head and nodded.
"I know I'm in a lot of danger just living in this house, but that doesn't mean I should let her tear herself up about something that might happen. All of us know I will die eventually," I said, looking down at Bella's face. I looked up at Esme as she remembered something.
"Aro mentioned that as well. Now that he knows about you, he will force us to change you or do it himself. After what he's seen here, I don't think he will kill you. He is giving us until the end of your senior year to change you or the matter will be taken out of our hands." She smiled sadly at me, but I was anything but depressed at the news.
"I wanted you to change me anyway, so don't look so upset about it. I would have asked anyway." I made a point to look down at Bella and saw Esme smile from the corner of my eye.
"I know you wanted it before, but it was too risky. Now, though, that danger is gone and there is a whole different reason for your change. We just don't like the thought of ending a life that had no chance to really begin." I didn't need to look at her to know she was sad again.
"It's okay, Esme. I've accepted it. And just like you said, I have someone waiting for me to change now. I have a reason to change." I kissed the top of Bella's head and Esme smiled. Just from what I could see in her eyes, I knew she understood how I was feeling. She patted my leg and stood up.
"Get some rest, Edward. Carlisle will be in to check on the both of you later," I nodded, a yawn breaking through as I tried to stifle it, and she walked out. I turned my head towards Bella and quickly fell asleep again.
~*~*~*~
A door opened and closed softly. I felt something shift next to me and slowly began to open my eyes. Bella's hand was on my chest and she propped herself up to look at the door. I put my hand on her back and followed her gaze. I blinked the sleep from my eyes and saw Carlisle standing just inside the room, Alice trying to hide her smiling self behind him. Carlisle cleared his throat, bringing my attention back to him.
"It's nice to see the two of you awake again. How are you feeling?" he asked both of us, moving towards the edge of the bed. I looked at Bella and she looked at me. We both shrugged.
"Fine, I guess. Nothing feels different," I said, trying to elaborate a little. Carlisle nodded and looked at Bella. She moved her hand to where I could see it and signed.
I'm okay, too. Just a little tired, but nothing like I was before. I repeated her answer to Carlisle and could almost see his shoulders sag with relief. I looked around for my clock, but Bella's shoulder was blocking my view. Carlisle seemed to guess what I was doing.
"It is six o'clock Sunday night, Edward. Ironically, it is also the exact time Alice said you would both wake up. Not that we ever doubt her," he said, glancing at her. She smiled brightly and skipped over to Bella's side of the bed. She sat down at her feet and glanced between us repeatedly, like she was waiting for something. I raised an eyebrow at her, but she didn't say anything. Bella seemed to feel her gaze as well and turned towards her. Still, Alice said nothing. Carlisle looked at the three of us, clearly confused, and then looked at me.
"Do you want to try to stand? We should make sure nothing was done when you fell off the couch. And it will probably feel good to get up after so long," he said. I thought about it for a second and nodded. Bella moved off of me and wrapped her arms around her pillow. I could see her trying to hide the worry in her eyes.
I threw back my section of the covers and sat up. The room swam for a second, but quickly steadied again. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and sat up all the way. I had to grab the corner of the nightstand and felt Bella's hand on my shoulder, keeping me from falling forward as the room took another ride. She moved so that she was behind me and rested her chin on my shoulder as I waited for my vision to clear itself of the blackness that had invaded it. Her other hand was on my arm, rubbing it comfortingly.
"Get up slowly, son. Stop whenever you feel the room start to sin again. This is just your body getting used to being upright again after so long," Carlisle said from next to me. I nodded once and put my hand on my head. The movement made my vision swim again.
Bella's hand moved from my arm to the back of my neck. There was a warm sensation for a second before my vision righted itself and I was able to look up. I turned to my right to see Bella's face right next to mine. Her sightless eyes moved to my face, but I could tell she couldn't see me looking at her. I put my hand on the side of her face and kissed her forehead. She smiled softly and moved her hand back to my arm. She kissed my cheek before moving her chin from my shoulder so I could stand.
I braced one hand on the bed and kept the other on the nightstand. I stood up slowly, black ringing my vision, threatening to blind me, but it stayed back. I stood up all the way and stood still until every fringe of blackness disappeared and my head felt normal again. Bella stood next to me and put her hand lightly on my shoulder. She looked at me, her eyes searching for mine as they always do. I put my hand over hers and squeezed it lightly.
"Do you feel okay now, son?" Carlisle asked. I looked at him and nodded. I took a few steps towards the bathroom and Bella stayed right next to me, her grip light in case I needed her. My head stayed in place so I walked over and Bella stayed where she was, realizing that I was okay. I shut the door behind me and saw Alice making her way over to Bella with an evil smile on her face. I felt sympathy for her, but I didn't want any part of that conversation.
BPOV
I saw the bathroom door close and was immediately assaulted by Alice and her nosey questions. She stood in front of me and I could just barely see the expectant set of her face. Her arms were crossed over her chest and I could hear her tapping her foot impatiently.
"So?" she asked. I cocked an eyebrow at her, confused. She pointed at the bed. "Sit." I did as commanded, not wanting to find out what would happen if I didn't, and willed Edward to hurry.
"So?" she asked again, sounding like she was getting agitated. I still didn't know what she wanted, so I shook my head and threw up my hands. She sighed, frustrated.
"You and Edward, silly!" she said, saying it like it was obvious. I waved my hand at her in a "need more details" kind of motion and she sighed again.
"What's going on? And don't try to deny it! I saw what happened in your truck the other night," she said, wiggling her finger at me. It finally dawned on me and I frowned at her.
"What?" I pointed to myself, and then at her, trying to get her to understand that I couldn't answer her even if I wanted to. And I didn't. She cocked her head to the side and I pointed at my mouth. She looked at me for a few seconds before she got it.
"Oh! Oh, yeah…" she trailed off. I held in a sigh. She seemed to think for a few seconds and then snapped her fingers, making me jump. "I'll just have to ask you yes or no questions." I almost groaned and let my head fall.
"Okay, first question. Do you like Edward?" I slowly raised my head to look at her. I had to hand it to her. She got right to the point. I nodded once and she clapped, jumping up and down on the bed like a child.
"Are you two together?" she asked, her excitement visibly building. I shrugged. She stilled for a second.
"Huh? How don't you know?" she asked. I shook my head and shrugged again.
"You kissed." I nodded.
"You like each other." I hesitated for a second, looking towards the bathroom door, but nodded.
"You are always together." I nodded.
"You sleep together." I nodded.
"You feel comfortable around each other, that much is obvious." I nodded.
"You love him." I froze in place and looked at her. She was smiling deviously and I sealed my fate. I nodded once.
She let out a high-pitched squeal that made me have to cover my ears. She threw herself at me and pushed me don on the bed as she hugged me fiercely. I didn't know what else to do, so I just laid there until she got up and ran downstairs. I propped myself up on my elbows and let my head fall to the side. I sighed once as I thought about what I had just admitted.
I loved Edward.
EPOV
The squealing got farther and farther away and I took my ear from the crack next to the door. I leaned against the wall and let my head fall against it. I had heard everything from that one-sided conversation and it left me dazed. I thought I had been the only one, but I wasn't. She felt the same way.
She loved me.
A/N: Okay, I cannot apologize enough for the incredibly long wait for this chapter, especially since not much happens in it…But I have been incredibly busy every weekend. Some of you may know about the huge snowstorm that is hitting New York right now, and let me tell you we got so much snow that my dog can't walk through the yard anymore… I haven't had school since Tuesday, and that was a 2 hour delay that turned into an early release, so I didn't even go. I know, "So why wasn't this done sooner?!" Well, you see, I am somewhat of a procrastinator. But hopefully this was worth the wait and I will be able to update on time next week. Hopefully.
The song for this chapter is Learning to Fall by Boys Like Girls. It doesn't completely fit, but it's good enough.
Please review!!!