"The events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves, they find their own order… the continuous thread of revelation." – Eudora Welty
Eva Puckerman is a force to be reckoned with. Within twenty minutes of my arrival she has insulted Noah twice, mentioned his music three times, and questioned me about future grandchildren almost as often as she took a breath. Normally, the questioning would roll off my shoulders and be ignored. Lately, though, it's a bit of a sensitive subject and each time it gets mentioned I find my teeth grinding a bit more.
Noah is sitting beside me; his body hunkered down in defense or defiance. His hand rests upon my knee, a gesture that is both unnerving and calming at the same time. With each word that escapes her mouth I can feel my body coiling and springing, my fight or flight kicking in. My stomach is twisting in my gut and I'm contemplating which door is the closest exit when I hear the growl escape Noah's lips.
"That is enough mother," his face is set in a scowl, his shoulders hunched in defense. "Just fucking stop, now! Can't you see you're upsetting her?" He points his finger at me, his hand ghostly white from clenching it into a fist.
Eva, either used to her son's language or choosing to ignore it, just smiles at me sweetly as if saying 'can you believe the boy?' When she opens her mouth I find myself dreading the words that escape. "So Noah, dear, when are you going to make Rachel an honest woman and stop living in sin?"
I refuse to be rude, refuse to stoop to the low level which she seems to be residing in. I'm at a loss for words, something unusual for me. Instead of speaking, I find myself rising from the couch. I grab a sweater out of the closet and simply walk out the front door. I listen to the latch clicking, the sound of the washing machines chugging away, and as I walk down the hallway I can hear the yells emanating from our apartment.
#
It's late enough in the day, that the park I find myself swinging in is fairly empty. I'm rocking back and forth, my eyes closed, when I hear the sound of a throat clearing. I'm expecting Noah, so when I open my eyes and see Finn I'm more than a little surprised. He's standing just on the edge of the sandbox, his hands are shoved deep into his pockets and he has this amused look on his face.
"So I hear Mrs. Puckerman's on the warpath." A small chuckle escapes his lips as he moves closer. Instead of sitting next to me, he makes his way behind me. His hands find the small of my back and I feel the gentle breeze of air brush past me as I surge forward.
"That woman is a piece of work," there is no amusement in my voice, the seriousness of the situation making me sound gruff. I clench the metals chains tighter as I soar higher. The wind whips at my hair and carries my voice as I continue to speak. "You wouldn't believe the rude things she was saying. Do you know that she actually asked when we were going to stop living in sin?" There is a tinge of incredulity in my voice and I find myself cranking my head to look at Finn.
"That sounds like her," he replies, shrugging his shoulders. "She has always been a pretty strong willed woman, very opinionated." He looks so tired, worn, and I want to ask him what is wrong. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help the curiosity or concern.
"You think I'm making a mistake with Tina?" He seems hesitant to broach the subject, his demeanor suddenly much shyer than the Finn I am used to. I contemplate my words before speaking, refusing to let my personal feelings cloud my words.
"She is still with Mike, Finn. He's like your best friend. I just don't understand how you can justify it, especially considering everything that happened sophomore year." I let the words hang in the air around us, not quite sure how he will take them.
"Nothing has happened," he supplements quickly as if that makes everything ok. "We've just hung out a few times," he seems nervous and I watch as he tugs his hands through his hair.
"It didn't look like nothing at the coffee shop and it wasn't just me that thought that, Finn." I turn around in the swing so that I am facing him. "Just think about how you felt when you found out about Noah and Quinn. You could be responsible for Mike having to experience that betrayal, hurt."
He's quiet for awhile, his face contemplative. A sigh escapes his lips; he seems to be mulling my words over. "I don't want to cause anyone pain. I just wanted a friend and Tina has been there, been available when I needed to talk. I've been feeling so lonely and down since Quinn died. It's kind of like my view on life has changed and it scares me."
He moves to sit on the swing next to me. His frame engulfs the tiny plastic swing and he just kind of hovers above the sand. "It's so scary how everything can change in an instant. One minute she was here and the next she was gone. Life is short and I'm starting to wonder what I'm waiting on." He turns to look away from me, his eyes closed. "I want so badly to find the one, to get married and have kids. It's like there is this part of me that is missing and no matter how much I search I can't find it."
"Everyone wants that Finn," I find myself whispering. "No one truly wants to be alone." The words seem to hang in the air between us and it suddenly seems tenser, thicker.
"I've only come close once," his voice is quiet, hesitant, "and that was when I was dating you." He turns to look at me, his face unreadable. I can hear the sound of my breathing, the subtle swoosh of air entering and escaping my lips.
"Finn," I murmur.
The sound of 'Loser' fills the air around us, he pauses for a moment his eyes searching mine. It isn't until I turn and look away from him that he reaches into his pocket and pulls his phone out.
"I found her, Puck." his voice is worn and a bit bitter. "She's at that park where we all went sledding last year, the one by Santana and Britt's old place." He clicks his phone closed, his head and shoulders hunching as he crams it back into his pocket.
The air around us is silent, overbearing, and I suddenly find myself missing the solitude of sitting alone.
#
I'm just about to start a rant about anything to kill the overwhelming silence between Finn and me when Noah shows up. I watch his truck whip around the corner and screech to a stop. He is out of his car and in front of me so quickly that I barely have time to process that he's moved.
"You're here," my voice sounds strange almost numb. It matches with how I am feeling almost perfectly. Finn is gently rocking back and forth on the swing next to me, not really saying anything. There is an awkward silence and I shuffle my feet through the sand as I watch Noah pace. His nostrils are flaring in anger and I find myself questioning whether he is angry with me, Finn, or his mother for creating the situation.
Noah stops pacing in front of Finn, his eyes narrowing and a frown lining his face. "How'd you know where she would be?" he questions. There is a bit of accusation and hurt lining his voice and I find myself feeling guilty as he looks between the two of us. Noah has no way of knowing what we were talking about before he called, no way of hearing Finn's confession and I know that the guilt is unfounded. I have no control over what Finn says to me, no control over the things he feels.
"Rachel always goes to the park to think when she is upset," Finn replies smugly; almost as if he is satisfied that he knows some piece of me that Noah doesn't (which, at least on this point, he's wrong).
"I'm aware of that," Noah growls his eyebrows rising as if challenging the possessiveness of Finn's claim. "I just forgot that this park was here. I was checking areas closer to our apartment." His voice is petulant, his demeanor sullen.
It's not that I don't want people to know where I am when I'm upset or thinking, but more that I enjoy the solitude of being alone and if people know where you are then you're easy to find. There have been exactly four people that I have shared this fact with, two of which are the men with me now.
"Where is your mother?" I feel the way the words fall off of my tongue and hear how angry and bitter they sound and I can't seem to care. My body is tense and nervous and my mind is still struggling to process everything that Finn said.
"I sent her to a fucking hotel; paid for the damn thing, too, just to shut her the fuck up. Are you alright?" The words tumble from his lips, and he moves unusually slowly towards me, his arms pulling me from the swing and wrapping around me. I'm engulfed by him; by the feel of his chest and the scent of his cologne and the warmth of his arms. It's relaxing and I find myself sinking into him.
I nod my head against his chest; letting the feeling of his hands trailing through my hair soothe me. "Thank you," I murmur feeling my body relax even more. "I may not have the gumption to say anything to her, but she was dreadful tonight."
I want to reprimand him for being so rude, for forcing his mother out of our place. But I can't seem to compel myself to. If I'm truly being honest, it's probably for the better. I don't know if I could take any more of Eva for the night and I'm sure that at some point I would have lost my temper. It's one thing to walk out of our apartment, but to actually go off on the woman would be completely inappropriate.
I turn to look at Finn and can't help but notice the forlorn expression on his face. He looks so hurt, so dejected, and I can tell by the sag of his shoulders that this has been a hard night on him. He's trying his hardest not to look at us, the awkwardness overpowering his need to be nice.
"Gotta go," he grumbles as he kicks at the sand with his toe. I watch him walk away through the darkness, trying my hardest to ignore the guilt.
#
The drive back to our apartment is quiet; the sound of the tires running over the road seeming to lull me into a type of trance. I can tell by the look on Noah's face that the night is far from over. There is something brewing behind his eyes adding an extra sparkle of mischief to them. When he reaches over and pulls my hand up to his mouth, his lips gently kissing the fingertips, I find my eyes closing and a sigh escaping my lips. It isn't until he lightly shakes me that I realize I've fallen asleep.
Taking my hand he pulls me to the elevator, his arms holding and supporting me as we ride up the few flights. I'm a bit confused at how quiet he is being, a bit surprised by the lack of commentary about me running out or about the things his mother was saying.
"What's the matter?" I question as he pulls me into the apartment and locks the door behind me. He's standing so close to me that I feel pinned against the door. Instead of speaking he just gives me his half smirk, his hands blocking me from moving as he rests them against the door.
"That shit, you standing up for yourself by walking out, is hot." And suddenly he kisses me, his mouth pressing insistently against mine. His tongue feels warm, wet, dominating against mine and I can't help but shudder as he pushes against me, his grunt echoing into my mouth.
Everything that has been going on between us, all the tension and questions and emotions have built to a crescendo, overwhelming my body and mind. His mouth moves expertly, nipping and sucking at first my lips and then my chin, before moving down to my neck.
"We need to talk," he whispers against the soft skin of my neck, "about all this sex we're supposed to be having." I can feel the curl of his mouth as he smiles against my skin; his hands reach around my waist pulling my hips against his and rocking us gently.
My breath escapes in pants, my mind is a jumble of images, and all I can seem to focus on is the feel of his body against mine. His tongue snakes out to run against the edge of my jaw and ear and I can hear the whimper escape my lips.
"Tell me," he whispers his breaths sending sporadic shivers through my body. "I want to hear you say it."
I'm struggling to form words, to say what he needs to hear. A few whimpers and an "oh god," escapes my lips as my head falls back against the wood. I'm clenching my eyes tight, trying to gain some semblance of control over myself as I form the words.
If we take this step, it we actually do this, I know that it will change my entire future. Children hadn't even been a blip in the radar of Noah and my relationship, something I hadn't really even considered. Suddenly, since getting my second chance, it seems as if it's the only thing I can think of. I picture my life with Finn and Aden and let the words fall from my lips.
"I want to have a fucking kid with you, Noah." Each word comes out a tremor, my voice shakier than I have ever heard it before.
I think it's the fact that I say fuck that sends him over the edge.
"Fuck yes," he groans before moaning my name. His hands are everywhere pulling and tugging, possessing me. I feel him slip his fingers under the edge of my underwear, tugging them down my legs. His body presses against mine, the wood of the door digging into the skin of my back, he pulls away to smirk his eyes filled with mirth. "Leave the rest on," he mutters.
I can't deny the way his name fell off of my lips in a pant or the way I bucked into his hand as he moved it beneath my skirt. I felt alert, alive, my body on fire from the inside. Each brush of his fingers, each touch of his hand made me crave him so deeply it shook me to my core. I was consumed by the feeling of him, of the intensity of the moment.
"Oh, fuck." I whispered my eyes snapping open to look at him as my thighs tensed and my mouth opened in a silent scream. My hands dug at his shoulders and the small hairs at the back of his neck. I felt him curve his fingers, hitting me just where he knew I liked it, and then suddenly I was falling headfirst into darkness. It was blinding and buzzing, stars burst above me and a scream escaped my lips.
"Jesus fucking Christ," Noah hissed, my body hitching onto him as I rested my head against his shoulder. I felt his hands roam the skin underneath my sweater; his arms bring my knees up to wrap around him. He shifted beneath me, his pants and boxers dropping to the floor. There was urgency to the movements, his hips shifting as he tugged at the material.
His name falls from my lips as he enters me.
He lifts me by the hips, his hands guiding my movements as I struggle to find some semblance of control.
"Try number one," he grunts, shoving as deeply as he can inside of me. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes glazed and I wonder what I look like to him. Either way, I know that neither of us is going to last long. I can feel every piece of him, the nerve endings of my body on fire. My muscles are fluttering and spasming and all I can do is cling to him, giving him complete control.
"YES," I whimper as he pulls out and pushes back in. I feel his fingers tighten on my legs, feel the knob digging into my back, and let my fingers sink into his shoulders. There is nothing fast about it and yet it seems forbidden and animalistic as he takes me against the door. Each movement is filled with passion and purpose.
"You feel amazing," he groans against my mouth his eyes clenching tight for a moment before opening to look at me once again, "So fucking good."
It only takes a few more pushes for both of us to fall off the edge, crying out each other's names into the darkness of our apartment. Suddenly, it seems there is a shift in our relationship. I feel a thrill shoot through me at the thought of what just happened, of what we have agreed.
"Are you sure?" I find myself questioning him as he tries to steady his breathing.
"Never been more," he replies, his lips lingering on mine sweetly. "So fucking good," his face is smug, proud and I can't help but laugh as he sets my feet back on the ground and winks at me. I hold my hand against the door, using it to support my weight; he just has to reach over and smack my ass.
"Nice," I mutter, shaking my head as I straighten my skirt and look at the floor surrounding us for my underwear.
"I thought so," he chuckles. His eyebrows rise in amusement and I can't help but shake my head and smile softly. That's my Noah.
Wow, the response to the last chapter was amazing! Thanks to those of you who took the time to review and let me know what you were thinking or just wanted to send birthday wishes my way! You guys are amazing!
Coming Up: More Mrs. Puckerman
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