Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note nor any of the characters contained therein.
Summary: L is almost 17, investigating a serial murder case near Toronto University. Undercover as a student prodigy, L will have to find a balance between education, investigation, and (ye gods) a social life. Rated T for language/nudity/gore. Some spoilers for Death Note: Another Note.
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But afterward the townspeople, theretofore sufficiently unfearful of each other to seldom trouble to lock their doors, found fantasy recreating them over and again – those somber explosions that stimulated fires of mistrust in the glare of which many old neighbors viewed each other strangely, and as strangers.
– excerpt from In Cold Blood, Truman Capote
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The Worst Feeling Ever
Chapter 10: Rip Current
Their footsteps cracked along the walkway, unbidden electricity, the only intercepting jolt in the resumed silence haunting them. Soon there would be another crush of people, a pressing need to cheerfully pretend, and then an evening of relative seclusion. It could have been everything he'd ever wanted, if not for one or two unfortunate little details. His eyes slid to the slouching figure to his left. For a moment, he dared to hope that their rapport would fully return, banishing all awkwardness, but then he reasoned that some awkwardness would always be present, even if he did not feel as he did, and even if L did not now know at least approximately how he felt.
Aleister sighed. Bloody hormones, he thought. Trying to distract himself, he considered the case again, another question bubbling to the surface. "One thing I don't quite understand . . . if you found the cat where you showed me, near the footpath to the cafeteria, how can you be sure it connects to the case when all the parts were dropped off well away from there, closer to the hospital?"
"Well, the cat could have found its 'prize' and carried it to a more defensible location. We'll know soon if the bone matches any of the Butcher's drops. Also, it is highly likely that the murderer is choosing his drop-off locations with the intention of leading investigators away from his true base of operations." L stared straight ahead, seeming to focus on things past his vision.
"Hm. Is it too obvious to surmise that the murderer might be operating out of the cafeteria, or another of the buildings there?" Aleister placed a hand over his belly. "The very notion of which makes me queasy, by the by."
"Why?" L quirked an eyebrow at him. "Did the ham taste especially human?"
"Ugh – stop that. And well done for reminding me of Beyond."
A scowl took L's face briefly before he looked away. "I would hope that you could tell the difference."
"Obviously I can, hence my utter shock at such a question springing from your lips." Cringing inwardly at even mentioning L's lips, Aleister shook his hair and focused his attention on the path as they walked.
The detour they'd taken after dinner had proven a welcome respite from Aleister's inner turmoil. L had calmly walked him around campus, pointing out different school buildings as well as every location relating to the case. He wondered if Beyond's uncharitable assessment had been right, that L would not be so forthcoming had Beyond been present. Aleister knew that Beyond thought L felt threatened by him, which made Beyond want to "win" even more. It seemed to Aleister, however, that L's reaction to Beyond had always been simple dislike. Having known and observed them both for years, he'd never seen L truly engage Beyond in competition, as if L might believe that Beyond was too flawed for any victory over him to have any value. Yet it was only an impression, one he hoped was untrue, and as such, Aleister kept it to himself, acknowledging that, accurate or not, it would not help Beyond to know it. He wondered how long he could keep the charade up, taking information from L with the intention of relaying it all to Beyond, so that they could start from the same point in the investigation and would have a fighting chance of solving it themselves, proving their value as more than mere successors. Even if we're too contentious a bunch to work as a team, Aleister thought, it would make far more sense for us all to work on cases simultaneously – it's silly to have just one of us out there with the rest of us waiting in line.
Three girls passed by them, stepping off the path to do so, their whispering a mimicry of leaves tossed on wind, their eyes darting to the creature of contrasts beside him. L had been getting looks – some surreptitious, some not – all evening from students and university staff alike, and it occasionally seemed to make him nervous, though most observers likely saw only the blank exterior and not the rapid glances or the fists clenching in pockets. Aleister wondered what it was like for him, and if L would ever acclimate to the apparently unwelcome attention others paid to him.
Aleister hated his own 'mousy-blah' looks – the sharp little nose and chin, the dishwater hair, the babyish curve to his cheeks, the short stature, his complete and utter ordinariness. Though he knew that his relative blandness helped him to blend in more easily, deflecting attention from himself and helpfully disarming strangers, he loathed it anyway, wishing he stood out somehow, wishing he didn't feel so invisible. But he refused to sully his average appearance in order to resemble anyone else for anything other than a temporary disguise. He suppressed a frown, thinking of the ways in which Beyond had taken it upon himself within the past year to alter his appearance to resemble L's.
At first, Aleister had thought that Beyond was doing it to mock him and his crush on L, but he was beginning to wonder if Beyond believed that he could speed his inheritance of L's role by becoming a visual simulacrum. Beyond had grown his hair out to the same length as L's, starting habitually slouching – Aleister had once caught him pressing his thumbs into the tender flesh under his eyes in an attempt to raise the bruise-like bluishness that always seemed to fall like shadows over L's face.
L himself seemed deep in thought as Aleister glanced over at him. Never happen, Aleister thought; looking like him, being him . . . none of us could be a true replacement, and I'm the only one not too daft to see that. We're all different – even if we succeed him in his role rather than operating independently, how we take it on would be different as well. An image of Beyond flashed in Aleister's head from just before he'd left the hotel room in sullen silence. He was as tall as L now, but given his age, he was likely to shoot past the older teen in a few years. His hair might be the same cut and length, and a similar hue, but it didn't stick up, hanging smooth and straight against his neck and face. Beyond's facial features, however, were his true undoing. His broad brow jutted forward, adorned with thick, dark eyebrows, and his eyes bulged yet remained half-lidded almost all of the time. The rectangular shape to his face, the mole under his left ear, the prominent Roman nose, the full lips that stretched wide across his face in that disquieting smile – even if Beyond's skin had been milky rather than olive-toned, he would still need a surgeon if he really wanted to pass for L. Aleister shuddered at the thought of Beyond willingly butchering his natural features just to match the look of a person whose appearance was meant to be kept secret anyway. It's a phase, he thought; he'll get over it soon enough.
The dorm loomed before them, and as Aleister and L walked along, a few students dashed through the doors ahead of them.
"It is nearly time for the news – we should be able to view it with the others, though we may have to stand at this point." Something in L's voice made him sound especially tired.
"I'm surprised you don't have your own telly."
"I am still considering acquiring one, but it is sometimes useful to observe the reactions of others to new information." L dragged open the entry door and used his student keycard to open the internal door. Noise from the TV room washed over the lobby as they entered and turned to meet the tide head-on.
The room was certainly full – Aleister couldn't see a single spot for them to squeeze in and see the TV screen, but L shouldered his way through to the back wall. Reaching a space not quite wide enough for a person, L turned and backed into it, wedging himself between a tall girl with red curly hair and a lip piercing and a thin boy with glasses and a fade. Aleister put a hand on his hip, wondering if L expected him to shove people aside as well.
"If you stand in front of me, I should be able to see past you," L said, face blank.
"Not if you slouch like that, you won't." Aleister shook his head. "And stop teasing me about my height. It's crass and childish."
"If you say so, little brother."
Reluctantly, Aleister moved to stand in front of L. And he's got no bloody idea what he's doing to me right now, he thought, trying not to back up too far. If he touches me or I feel his breath on my neck, oi . . . For a moment, Aleister shut his eyes, fists clenched, blocking everything out.
The painfully obvious news theme started up, and the ambient conversation in the room peaked in volume before dropping away to nearly nothing. Aleister opened his eyes.
"Getting right to our top story, the Missing Parts Killer continues to terrorize the Toronto area. As we reported earlier today, two body parts were dropped this morning, sometime before dawn, and we have now confirmed that these parts were a hand and a stomach. The police are optimistic that at least one of these victims could be found alive, and they are conducting city-wide searches for them as well as other victims. They are continuing to work with detective Eraldo Coil on leads, and for those of you who missed it, here is the announcement Coil made this morning."
A knuckle brushed against Aleister's back as L's hand moved upward, making Aleister jump. He could picture L holding his hand to his mouth as was his habit. The Coil announcement played, causing some students to murmur over it, giving the impression that they'd already seen it, just as Aleister had. He wondered if L had seen it, and if L would be angry that Aleister hadn't mentioned it to him. He felt the huff on the back of his neck as L exhaled in apparent annoyance at the conclusion of the announcement, and he closed his eyes, swallowing. Steady on, lad, he thought.
"Following the announcement, police have brought a number of suspects in for questioning." Concurrent with the second part of the newswoman's sentence, a video was shown of L in handcuffs, head down, his face hidden, being led into the police station.
Aleister detected movement behind him, but couldn't tell if it was L or someone else. The rising murmur in the room threatened to drown out the newswoman as several students turned, wide-eyed or frowning, toward the one who stood behind him. Unsure how to respond, Aleister mustered his best reproving expression and returned his attention back to the newscast, waiting for an indication on how to proceed from L.
". . . while the Chief of Police has encouraged people to continue to go about their business. In international news . . ."
"Dude, that was you." The voice, low and threatening, came from behind Aleister, and when he turned, he was surprised to see that it was the woman next to L who was speaking.
"Yes, I did speak to the police today . . ." L's tone was low and emotionless, but it seemed that most people in the room were paying attention to him. Confirming this suspicion, the volume of the TV dropped noticeably.
"Speak to them? Hell, they had you handcuffed. They only do that to suspects." The woman's eyes were narrowed, and her muscles flexed.
"The police are under tremendous pressure to solve this case. Putting me in handcuffs was merely a precaution." L seemed calm, but the usual dilation of his pupils had diminished, showing the grey of his irises.
This is a terrible time to be aloof, you fool! Aleister thought, rapidly devising a way to help L seem less suspicious. "Leave him alone. You've no idea what he's been through."
"Alessandro, please . . ." L's eyes shot him a warning.
"No, I won't keep quiet! You've been through the ringer with these bastards! The police repaid your help with suspicion, even after the trauma of what you witnessed. They've been trying to pin this on a med student for months now, and when you tried to help them . . . Well, it just goes to show that no good deed goes unpunished."
"So what'd he see then?" The woman addressed Aleister.
"The police won't let him tell anyone! Don't you think I want to know the details too? I'm his brother!"
"You don't sound like it."
"I was eight when I was adopted, thank you, and I was bloody well not changing my accent just to match the rest of the family." Aleister was breathing more rapidly than he wanted and fought to control it, feeling several eyes on him. "Ezekiel has suffered enough today. He wants this murderer caught just as much as you, despite the machinations of an overzealous police force and a misguided news media."
"Then why doesn't he say so?"
"Because I am waiting for my little brother to shut up," L said coolly. "I love him dearly, but he talks too much."
"Leigh Ann's right, Zeke." Danielle's voice cut across the room, her green eyes flashing. "You should speak for yourself."
Aleister watched L's eyes lance back at the blonde, pupils dilating again. "And I am doing so." His voice rose slightly. "I was specifically instructed by the police not to tell anyone what I witnessed. No amount of pointless recrimination will persuade me to go against my word. However I may have been treated," L's eyes darted to Aleister's and away, "I refuse to jeopardize the solution of this case." L pushed off from the wall, forcing Aleister to dodge backwards as he shouldered past. "Believe what you like. I believe that the murderer will be caught soon."
Stepping around the other residents, most of whom were staring openly at them now, Aleister struggled to keep pace with L, who was making a beeline for the elevators. At least his behavior is lending credence to the spin we've placed on this, he thought, arriving at L's side just as they elevator dinged its arrival. Metal doors slid aside, and they both stepped through as one.
"Don't you think –"
"Not here." L tersely cut him off, staring straight ahead.
Though there might be a security camera in the elevator, Aleister doubted that it was bugged as well, but he kept quiet as requested. It was a stretch to think that someone might read their lips on any footage. But there can't be a camera in here, Aleister thought; Watari wouldn't have allowed it to remain. Aleister was still puzzling over this when the elevator dithered and came to a stop, doors opening, the two of them walking, entering the relative safety of L's room once more.
"What did you think you were doing?" L's eyes were on him from the center of the room.
"Defending my big brother, obviously." Aleister's kept his tone light. "Why –"
"Did you have a single thought in your head before you spoke?"
Aleister reared back. "I – yes, several, actually, up to and including the fact that your behavior was doing absolutely nothing to belay anyone's suspicions of you!"
"My behavior was well in line with the role in which I have immersed myself here." L's tone was clipped.
"Oh yes, your 'role' – well, how convenient that your role involves you behaving as you always do." Aleister tossed his hair.
"Given the potential duration of this case, it was essential that I not choose a mode of behavior that was too unnatural for me." L's cheeks pinked slightly. "I suppose you would have me bare-chested in a Fabio wig reciting poetry in Italian, perhaps throwing in the occasional epileptic fit to elicit sympathy?"
"Absolutely – Fabio is so clearly my type." Aleister's fists clenched. "But no need to mime flopping about for sympathy. Taking your shirt off would be quite enough to induce that." He watched L's face twist. "You're missing the point. When you act as you do at home, we know you, we know that you're brilliant and odd and a fucking pain in the arse with a sugar addiction, but we all know that you're not a murderer! These people don't! And when you act so bloody disaffected in response to an accusation, it raises suspicion of you!"
For a few moments, there was only the sound of their breathing. Golden light from the lamp on the bureau threw their shadows across the floor, darkness stretching toward the window as if trying to join the night outside. Pale again, L seemed calmer. Their eyes locked together, Aleister wondered if L was going to respond at all as he fought to rein himself in.
"So, when you spoke, you presumed that I had not thought of any of these things?"
"I looked to you for a signal, and I received none," Aleister ground out. "Had you given me any indication of what –"
"This is not a partnership." L continued to stare. "By coming here, you and B are disrupting my work. I would have thought that you would at least understand the need to follow my lead, whether I gave you a 'signal' or not."
"There was no lead to follow!" Aleister raised his eyes to the ceiling. "You were floundering and you know it. I behaved as best befit my role as your apparently effusive little brother. And as to our 'disruption' . . ." He met L's eyes again. "We didn't attract the attention of the police and have them haul you in. You did that all on your own." Aleister pushed past L to stand at the window, thumbs pressed flat against the sill as he looked out. He wondered what Beyond was doing, and if he'd managed to evade Watari. He wondered if he'd made a mistake in visiting L.
"You are correct. I was sloppy, and I drew the attention of the police to myself, much as I drew the attention of the murderer to Gellie, another debt I now owe." The bent form of L was just visible in the window's reflection. "But I was not floundering. This scenario was among those which I had considered possible. My response was planned."
"Really? What was the plan then? Gape like a fish until they started lighting torches?"
"My plan was to behave as though frightened by their accusations, and then to break down and tell them everything." There was an undertone of despondency to L's voice.
"You – what? Everything?" Aleister looked back over his shoulder. "You actually intended to tell them the truth?"
"Yes." L glanced at him sidelong. "It was the simplest solution. Mentioning that the police have unfairly targeted medical students was the only part of what you said that would have been included in my statement. I would have preferred it if you had remained quiet. Now . . . I will have to incorporate your lie about my having witnessed something into my approach and hope that the truth does not emerge before the case is solved."
"But everything . . . you didn't intend to reveal your true –"
"No, of course not. It would be foolish to blow my cover. But I would have told them everything about my encounter with Gellie and her cat, including what I saw at the crime scene this morning. Gauging their reactions to my statement could have given me some clues to indicate whether anyone here is involved . . ."
"Wait – I thought you said that med students were being unfairly targeted."
"I did, and they are. However, this does not mean that the murderer is not among them. It is also possible that one of them might be an accomplice, or may have seen something that would reveal the murderer without realizing its significance. I must examine all possibilities."
Aleister rested his forehead on the cool windowpane. "Well . . . fuck." He heard L sigh behind him. "I'm sorry. I panicked. You really did look frightened when I turned round."
"Thank you. Some of that was genuine, given the crowd." There was a shuffling sound as L removed his shoes. "I should have calculated the effect my reactions might have had on you."
"And I should have given you more credit." Aleister turned from the window, one hand still on the sill. "Out of curiosity, what were you on about with that whole Fabio thing?"
"Hm? Oh . . . I suppose I was trying to conjure the most ridiculous image of myself 'under cover' as possible."
"Ah. Well done on that, then. I was afraid you somehow thought I might find the image appealing because I'm gay."
L tilted his head. "How ludicrous. Sexual orientation does not determine individual taste. I did not think that you would be attracted to a person in such a disguise as described – nor would I expect Watari to be, for that matter."
"Lovely, now you've got me picturing Roger bare-chested in a long blond wig."
Aleister and L stared at each other and then burst out laughing, leaning into it, faces stretching, the sound clapping back at them. It was rare for L to laugh full-throated – normally it was that low thrum at the back of his throat, which was rare enough. Aleister had only heard the full laugh from him twice before now, one of those times while eavesdropping, but that made it all the more special to be privy to it. Grin still plastering his face, L moved past Aleister toward the computer, reaching out at the last minute to tousle his hair.
"Hey!" Aleister dodged, far too late.
"Sorry," L said, not sounding sorry at all. "I have always wanted to do that."
Aleister felt his cheeks burning but was undecided as to which was the stronger feeling: anger, embarrassment, or attraction. As he watched L bend to reach under the bed, he knew which one was winning out. "This would all be much easier if you weren't so bloody gorgeous."
L swung his torso to stand up straighter than Aleister had ever seen him, his brow furrowed as he turned. "I'm . . . That's not –" L shook his head, resuming his usual posture. "That's insane."
"So now I'm insane, am I?" Aleister arched an eyebrow.
"No, it's just . . ." L drew his hand from forehead to chin, only the thumb and forefinger making contact. "I cannot comprehend why anyone would find me attractive. It is completely preposterous."
"That only means you're not your own type. Now stop insulting my taste and get on with it." Aleister flipped a hand in his direction, amused to note that L was arching an eyebrow right back at him. "Or were you not about to report in with 'grandfather'? I can only imagine what he's thought of our conversation to this point . . ."
"I am sure that he will make his opinion known." The droll tone was somehow at odds with L's newly blank face as he speed-dialed Watari.
Aleister really hadn't believed that coming to Toronto with Beyond would imperil L, but now it worried him. It was strange to think of L being in more danger from the police than from a murderer, and the possibility that L could become caught between them filled him with dread. He says he owes a debt, Aleister thought, but I owe him one too. I will find a way to protect him, whether he solves the case or we do.
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Author's Note: Oops. At least L's face wasn't on camera. And being able to laugh to relieve tension is a good thing, even if it is at poor Roger's expense. ^_^ It remains to be seen if any of Aleister's and Beyond's plans come to fruition, mwahaha.
The idea that Beyond would look identical to L always irked me, so in my interpretation of the character I've tossed that notion out. I think it's more interesting if Beyond is trying to mimic L mainly to annoy him rather than genuinely pass for him. In my head, Beyond looks like a strange cross between Benicio del Toro and Willem Dafoe.
The poll has been up on my profile for a little while now, so please check it out and vote for whether you want this fic to stay rated T or change to rated M. If you've already voted (or not) and want to tell me why you think this fic should either stay with its rating or change, then please tell me in a review or a message. Pretty please with L's entire supply of sugar on top? I appreciate any feedback you can give me.
Thanks for reading!