"Love is like an earthquake- unpredictable, a little scary, but when the hard part is over you realize how lucky you truly are." - Unknown
I spend the day with San and Britt and they do everything they can to avoid the topic of the morning. They take me shopping at the mall, forcing me to buy clothes that all of us know I will never wear. In the afternoon they convince me to go to some chick flick that they have been dying to see. Its fine, I'm fine, until the guy in the movie gives this huge speech about how he made a mistake and he loves the girl and her baby. I get up and walk out. When we go to Chili's for dinner and the waiter writes his number on the edge of my slip, all I find myself feeling is dread.
It isn't until I'm in my hotel room, lying in bed, that I get a moment to think. I think about my conversation with Finn and how open and honest I was about my feelings for Noah. It's a conversation topic that had gotten brushed aside pretty quickly once Finn and I had gotten together. For some reason, having it out in the open soothes my worries a bit. I would love, more than anything, to forget the fight but I can't. The images seem to play on a constant loop through my brain.
I can still see the look on Noah's face as he stood in the doorway of the room; nostrils flaring with his eyes ablaze. I can't get the image of his fist swinging through the air over and over again out of my brain. I will never understand his need to use violence or his inability to trust that Finn and I are just friends. Yes, Finn kissed me on the forehead and held my hand and I could understand how, taken out of context, it could be misconstrued. But I begged and pleaded for him to stop and let me explain. He didn't.
There was something about the look on Noah's face as I walked away, a kind of desperate hopelessness that seems to shroud my thoughts. The sound of his voice as he whispered his love, the way each word was filled with so much emotion and longing keeps me from sleeping.
I'm filled with a worry that is hard to describe. What now?
I can't honestly see myself going back to Finn as if these past few months with Noah never happened. But, I also can't just forgive and forget the day like it never happened. Seeing them fight, seeing the anger in Noah's eyes broke something inside of me. If he was this upset about a peck on the forehead, I wonder how he felt when he found out about Finn and I after he and I broke up? It couldn't have been easy on him.
I'm restless, crabby, and I can't seem to turn my mind off. I let my eyes focus on the darkness around me and the unfamiliarity of the setting. I'm not sure why but my fingers reach for the phone on my nightstand. It's two am and I can't face the quiet any longer. I scroll through the contacts, my finger hesitating above the dial button and then I push it.
The phone feels heavy in my hands, but I listen to the static as it connects and then it rings once before he answers. "Hey," I whisper. The line stays quiet for a moment and I find myself listening to the sound of each breath he takes. There is something soothing in the familiarity of the noise and I find myself pacing my breathing to match his.
"Hi," he whispers back. His voice is gritty and garbled and I know without a question in my mind that he was unable to sleep, just as I was. I can picture him lying in bed, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. I clench my eyes shut, holding onto the image, trying to will the tears that I have been holding back from coming. "Couldn't sleep?" his voice is soothing and I shake my head before I realize that he can't see me.
"No," my voice breaks and I sniff to keep the tears at bay. He lets out this small groan when he hears it and I know without a doubt that the worry lines on his face are deepening. I hear him move around in bed, the covers rustling above him and listen to the silence.
"Don't cry; you know I can't take it when you cry." His voice is emotional and I find it getting to me more than I'm willing to admit. I'm the one that's supposed to be angry, it's not supposed to be this easy for him, I shouldn't be hurting this much.
"Noah," my voice is pitiful even to my own ears. My heart feels like it's breaking into a million pieces and I'm in so much pain and all I want to do is have someone hold me and tell me that things are going to be alright. He swears softly under his breath and I can hear the sound of him getting out of bed.
"What hotel are you at?" he questions. I can hear him pulling on his shoes and starting the car and all I can think about is the fact that I'm confused and hurting and is this really the best idea? "What hotel, Rachel?" When I don't answer, I hear him turn the car off and there is this heavy silence between us.
"What do you want, Rachel? Do you want an apology? Fine, I'm sorry. I couldn't stop thinking about the look on your face when I walked out of the apartment to hang out with the guys instead of staying home with you. Fuck, all I kept thinking was that I was letting you down and I ended up coming home early to find you gone and your phone in pieces scattered throughout the apartment." I can hear his fist pound against the steering wheel, the sound reverberating through the car. "It made me nervous not knowing where you were or if you were safe. So I started calling our fucking friends hoping they would be able to enlighten me and all I ended up doing was pissing Santana and Brittany off and getting a living room full of people telling me how badly I messed up."
He pauses for a moment, his breathing ragged through the phone. When he begins to talk again his voice is calmer, softer, and a bit more emotional. "I will admit that I freaked out when I saw you and Finn lying in bed together. It was like something inside of me just snapped. All I could think about was the fact that you were probably pissed at me and the two of you were lying there in our bed all cozy and he was holding your hand and then he kissed your forehead and I just…" his voice breaks and he takes a deep breath. "I know that Finn was your first love and I know how hard it is to forget your first love but I just can't lose you, Rach. I can't."
It's quiet and I can hear each shuddering breath that he takes. When he talks again he speaks so softly I have to strain to hear him. "Please don't give up on me, baby."
"I don't know what to do," I cry as I let the tears finally fall, "I'm so hurt and confused." A small sound escapes his lip that's a mix between a sigh and a whimper. I burrow my head deeper into the pillow trying to muffle the small noises that are escaping my lips.
"I'm so fucking sorry, Rachel." I hear a small sniff and the sound of the car starting. "I promise to be better, to try harder. I can't sleep without you next to me. Come home, baby, please?"
It takes him fifteen minutes to drive to the hotel. I'm sitting in one of the two lounge chairs, my eyes staring out at the moon through the window, when he knocks on the door. My hands are shaking and my heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest. I'm starting to wonder if I've forgiven him too easily when I find myself moving, my hand reaching out and yanking the door open.
His hair is tousled, his eyes droopy and red, and he looks so exhausted. There is a moment when our eyes meet and I find my breath catching in my throat. And then something flickers across his face and I feel his hands wrapping around my waist, his foot kicking the door closed. He pulls me to him, his arms wrapping around me and molding my body to his as he buries his face into my neck. The muscles of his back are trembling and I can feel his whole body shaking against me.
"I thought I lost you." He whispers as his lips brush against the underside of my chin. "I thought I lost you."
I pull back to look up at him, waiting for him to continue; there is an intensity in his eyes that makes a small shiver flutter up my spine. Instead of continuing to talk, his hands tangle into my hair and his lips fold over mind. He nips at my bottom lip, forcing his tongue into my mouth. I feel his hands snaking under my shirt, fingers brushing against the skin of my stomach and I can't contain the moan that escapes my lips.
Noah's arms move down and tug on my legs, bringing them up to wrap around him. I wrap my arms around his neck, helping to support my weight, and find my fingers digging in the small patch of soft hair that lie there. He pulls away from me, his breaths ragged against my skin, as his mouth trails from my lips to my ear.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, his face nuzzling my neck. I move my hands to the edge of his tank top, nodding as I tug the material over his head. His hands trace the hem of my nightshirt and I look up at him surprised to find a small smile on his face. "You took one of my shirts." He pulls the material over my head, maneuvering our bodies until he has me pressed against the wall. Seconds later, I feel him enter me.
All I can hear is the sound of our labored breathing and the steady thump of my heart in my chest. My eyes are clenched tight, my legs straining to pull him closer, deeper. I can feel the wall scraping against my back, his heart beating against my skin, and the intensity of his gaze as his eyes study me. "Open your eyes, Rachel."
"Noah," escapes my lips in a gasp as I force my eyes to open and look at the man in front of me. He presses our foreheads together, his eyes meeting mine. I can see the emotion swimming beneath the surface; all the fear, longing, grief, and love that he is holding inside of him.
"I love you." I whisper, letting the tears tumble from my eyes as I fall.
"I love you too," he grunts, his head falling forward as he spills inside of me. He holds me against the wall for a moment, his head resting against my chest. I can feel the wetness of his tears as they tumble from his face and onto my skin. He lets out a shuttering breath and pulls back, his hands carrying me to the bed and laying me down on the comforter.
He crawls into the empty space beside me and grabs my arm, wrapping it around his waist. There is a silence around us, one that is filled with so many implications. His hand searches through the darkness and meets mine. He twines our fingers together and I can hear, through the stillness, the sound of his sigh.
Couple things: this is unbetaed so all mistakes are mine! I know the chapter is a bit shorter, but I wanted to get it up quickly for ya'll (see how nice I am :P)
Thanks to all of you who took the time to review the last chapter, whether it was to beg for spoilers or share your thoughts I loved it!
I'm going to do something a bit different this time for the review reply (and I think it will be fun). You will still be getting a look at the next chapter and I will still be answering your questions...but when you review I want you guys to give me a prompt (it can just be a few words or very specific) and a few of my favorites will be written and posted! The prompt can be anything your little heart desires, so get your thinking caps on!
For those of you who were asking *cough*begging*cough* for me to move all the one-shots from the drabble meme over here, your request has been granted. All of my drabble one-shots can now be found under the story title Puckleberry Twist. I'm *trying* to post a new one every few days. I just put a new one up so go check it out!
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