Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note nor any of the characters contained therein.

Summary: L is almost 17, investigating a serial murder case near Toronto University. Undercover as a student prodigy, L will have to find a balance between education, investigation, and (ye gods) a social life. Rated T for language/nudity/gore. Some spoilers for Death Note: Another Note.

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The Worst Feeling Ever

Chapter 15: Broken Surface

Advanced Molecular Biology had been especially interesting today, to the point that L had nearly forgotten his other priorities. He'd been reminded easily enough by the sight of Maulty clumsily trying to blend into a crowd of students while following him after class. L had kept his head down and skulked through the cafeteria line, maintaining his adjusted cover by avoiding most conversation except for a brief word with Geoff about next week's lab assignment. Geoff had been speaking to him less since he'd arranged his date with Janine, but he could not be sure if this was due to embarrassed gratitude or resentment. It is possible that something else is distracting him, L thought, but whatever the cause, it has allowed me to focus more on the case. Hopefully things will go well enough for both of them next weekend so that I may retain this focus.

Sun long slipped past the horizon, L held his sketch of the university grounds by one corner, his head tilting, toes gripping the bedclothes where he crouched. He'd combined old and new maps into one by hand, marking all of the buildings and walkways along with sewer lines and wiring. The "sewer opening" he'd found behind the cafeteria wasn't on any of the maps or blueprints he'd received from Watari, and he therefore could not be certain where it led. Thinking back to the rust-marked round cover, there hadn't been any discernable insignia on it. More intriguing, L had discovered a reference in some of the Planning Commission's reports to a proposed underground rail line. Apparently construction had already begun before the initially approved decision was overturned, and the report seemed to indicate that what had been completed had been repurposed, though it did not say how.

L suspected that the opening he'd seen would lead to this tunnel construction, in whatever state it had been left, but he wanted additional information before he went spelunking down a manhole. Every part of him keened to make a move, but he was determined to show Watari that he could exercise restraint. He hoped that he was not overcompensating by being too cautious.

Barely suppressing a yawn, L did some calculations in his head. Thirteen days since the spleen was dropped, he thought, and still no apparent pattern to the timing of the drops. A person can live without a spleen, provided they survive the surgery and steps are taken to ward off infection. The likelihood, however, of the Butcher taking measures to ensure his victims' survival is no more than 7% at the most optimistic. The task of caring for multiple maimed hostages would be impracticable even for two people working together. Mistakes would be made. A determined hostage would find a way to draw attention to his or her captors – certainly Beyond would try to do that if he were still alive in the Butcher's custody, which seems even less plausible than his working with Coil.

Gloom overtook L. He'd never really liked Beyond, but he had seen potential in him. There had even been times when he had admired the younger boy's perseverance, his absolute commitment to a goal. The mimicry had been annoying, but L had had confidence that Beyond would outgrow it. Over three and a half years ago, L had stopped baiting him with the unimaginative codename that had once been bestowed on B – both he and A had protested the names they'd initially been given until Watari had relented, allowing them their current codenames. As of four years ago, they were no longer Alternate and Backup, becoming Aleister and Beyond instead. Disliking the inherent challenge in the name "Beyond," however, L did still tend to refer to him as "B," so perhaps he'd never really stopped baiting him. Regardless, he hadn't wanted him dead, and worse, dead on his watch.

They already knew that the blood type of the spleen was the same as Beyond's, B negative. The DNA profile was still pending. Watari had gone to a good deal of trouble, breaking into the police station in the hours before dawn following when the drop had occurred to obtain a sample of the spleen himself so that they could run their own tests. The police wouldn't have any profile to which to compare it if the spleen did belong to the missing teen, but Wammy House maintained such details locked away in the bowels of the orphanage. If the Butcher had cut out Beyond's spleen, they would know soon. L felt that the results of Roger's tests should have been back by now, but he was willing to wait until daylight to ask Watari about it again.

An full yawn overtook L's face, to his surprise and dismay. Shaking his head, he realized what he needed to do and rolled up his sketch of the grounds. He dropped to the floor, tucking the roll under the rim of his bedframe, attaching it there, and then reached for the phone, dialing it at once.

"Grandfather, it's been about three days, so I am going to get some rest. I should only need a few hours."

"'Grandfather' is asleep at the moment, actually." The dry tone carried well enough through the connection. "And it's been closer to four days."

"Ah. Good evening. I don't suppose there's been any news?"

"Obviously not," Aleister retorted. "We'd have called you if there had been."

"I see." There were things L wanted to say, but 'I apologize' wasn't one of them, and he doubted that Aleister would accept that anyway. He knew that the situation with Beyond must be upsetting Aleister a great deal. He just didn't know what to say to him about it. "I hope that you are more comfortable where you are."

There was a pause. "I'll give him your message. We'll call you when we've got news. Get your rest." Aleister disconnected.

"Hm." L shut his phone back off and re-stowed it. Whether Aleister was still angry with him for some of the things he'd said or because he blamed L for whatever had happened to Beyond, he hoped that he would get over it soon. Those of us who remain must work together to stop these murders, he thought. We owe that much to those who have already fallen.

Balancing on his hands on the bed, L rubbed the soles of his feet together before bringing them under him and reaching forward to shut off his computer. The last source of light in the room gone, he moved the covers aside and swung his legs under them, fully clothed, and bunched himself into the fetal position. L looked forward to the day when his body no longer required so much sleep and he could remain awake for a week or more. Sighing, he succumbed to the pull on his eyelids, a wistful hope for dreamlessness his last conscious thought.

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"Sorry, no – I'm not waking him for you. He was bloody well exhausted."

"And whose fault is that, then? If you two whelps hadn't –"

"You think I don't understand the consequences of our actions?" Aleister snapped. "There's a chance Beyond is dead! You know we need those test results to find out if the spleen was his – why is that delayed, just by the way?"

"You little . . ." Roger exhaled into the phone. "I told our lab boys to put a rush on it, and they're still working. Apparently there was some cell damage as a result of splenomegaly, but –"

"What? Why would his spleen have been enlarged?"

"How the bloody hell should I know?" Roger fumed. "It slowed our testing down for some reason, I don't know why. But they'll have the results soon. In fact, they'll damn well have results by tomorrow or I'll beat it out of them myself."

"Well, that sounds . . . less than helpful, actually."

"You're not the only one who's frustrated by all this." Roger's voice sounded choked. "Beyond's always been a right pain in the arse, but . . . he doesn't deserve to be murdered for it. It's . . ."

"Roger, it's alright. Whatever's happened, we'll find out, and we'll find him." Aleister felt odd comforting the older man, particularly since Roger had never seemed to enjoy interacting with the children, especially the more troublesome ones. Not sure who he dislikes most, he thought, L, Beyond, or Mello. He's always seemed to ignore me. "For all we know, Beyond could be laughing at us right now. I'll tell Mr. Wammy you called him. Is there a time you'd like him to ring you back?"

Roger's sigh seemed to rattle the phone's speaker. "Don't worry about it, lad. I'll call back as soon as I can with the results. Suppose I just wanted to hear his voice."

"I understand." Aleister swallowed.

"You keep an eye on those two, in the meantime, and try to stay out of trouble."

"I'll . . . do my best." Blinking at the sudden click terminating the call and the odd mix of warmth and resignation in the man's voice, Aleister wondered how upset Roger really was. Putting the secure cell phone back in its charger, he decided he would tell Watari upon his waking that Roger had called, despite the man's dismissal. Knowing that the distance between the two older men had put a strain on their relationship was one thing, but realizing the extent of the strain was another. Don't know what I'd do in your spot, Roger, Aleister thought. Head jerking, he thought again. Actually, yes I do – I'd go bloody mad.

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"I realize that you have been keeping watch as well, but –"

"That is not why I am calling." Watari's voice was somber.

L blinked. "Then . . ."

"Roger just contacted me with the test results. The spleen that was dropped did indeed belong to Beyond."

Nodding unconsciously, L swallowed. "I . . . was afraid that would be the case. How is . . . ?"

"Aleister is understandably upset. He and I will be clearing out the hotel room he shared with Beyond this evening, and I will let the room go tomorrow to coincide with the end of the Canadian International Marathon – our checking out will likely go unnoticed among the throng. We intend to leave in an hour or so, when I expect you'll be watching the camera feeds."

"Yes, that's right. I will obtain some sustenance and then return to my room so as not to delay you."

"Understood."

"Tell him I am sorry."

Watari was silent for a moment. "I don't believe that Aleister blames you."

"Whether he does or not, please tell him for me."

"I will."

"Thank you." L terminated the call.

He stood stock-still in the center of his room. In truth, L had already reconciled himself to the likelihood that Beyond was dead. Aside from the fact that keeping multiple victims alive was insupportable, it seemed doubtful that the Butcher would have a reason to keep the teen alive. The murderer would have had to see Beyond as special to do so.

His eyes widened. Could the Butcher have connected Beyond to me? L wondered. Pulling at his lip, he paced the floor. No – if the Butcher has assumed that he is connected to anyone considered 'significant,' it is more likely to be Coil, he thought. Beyond may be reckless, but he is too intelligent to have given the murderer accurate information which could be used against him. If he did offer himself up to the Butcher as a possible hostage to use against Coil . . . With a jolt, L realized that he was getting his own hopes up for Beyond's survival, which he considered pointlessly optimistic as he pushed such thoughts from his mind.

Halting his pacing, he moved to stow his phone before stopping himself and dropping it into his pocket instead. L hoped that no one would slow him down on the way to or from the cafeteria. More than usual, he was not in a mood to socialize. Grey thunderclouds loomed outside as he peered past the shade, and he wondered if the rain would fall this time or if the clouds would just tease and move past to unload their burdens elsewhere.

The chance that Beyond is alive is extremely low, L thought; perhaps 3% at most. I cannot act on so low a likelihood. It would be foolish.

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Restuffed suitcases sat ignored in the main room, next to a parcel of forensic samples and a bag of cleaning supplies. Limp fingers of blue rubber gloves now empty poked out of the bag. The silence was palpable, as though it was crushing his neck to the wall. He did not want to speak. He did not want to hear anyone speak to him. He knew there was still work to be done but had no energy for it. Food had passed his lips untasted. Reports had passed his eyes unread. If only he could make himself move, make himself do what he had to do, but numbness enveloped him.

Beyond would have chosen anger. The thought lanced through Aleister, and he winced. I am not Beyond! Shakily, he reached for the tea cooling in a cup and sipped. He knew he should have been trying to sleep – it would be his turn to watch the feeds after sunrise, and he needed to be attentive. I am up to this, Aleister thought; whatever I may feel, I must be up to this, or everything we tried to do will have been for nothing.

They'd left the cameras in the hotel room. Despite the moral conundrum of possibly observing people who later checked in without having any connection to the case, Watari had concluded that it was more prudent to leave them in place in the event that the murderer ventured there after the room was cleared. Aleister couldn't look at the room. Watari hadn't asked the meaning of the message he'd left for Beyond, which was for the best – Aleister hadn't felt up to explaining the rude humor they shared.

For now, Aleister had the suite to himself. Watari was out placing new cameras, including one focused on the sewer opening behind the cafeteria. Although it's not really a sewer, is it? Aleister thought, his mouth pressed into a thin line. It's not on the maps or any of the older plans. A mysterious passageway . . . what's next, pirate ghosts? I am not in the mood for some Scooby Doo-esque nonsense.

Aleister almost smiled. He pictured a group of children gathered around a telly to watch Scooby Doo, with Matt even setting his Game Boy down occasionally to pay attention. Thinking of Wammy House even for a moment brought a strange rushing warmth that almost immediately twisted up inside him, turning remembered joy to pain. Beyond had always teased him for his sentimentality. "You're nostalgic for things you've never even done, Ally-oop!" he'd told Aleister once. Wet trails on his cheeks brought him back to the present, and he wanted to bash the back of his head into the wall just to alter the ache. We were always fucking doomed, weren't we, you lunatic! Aleister raged in his head. Never thought for a second that you'd go first, even with all your talk of fate.

Sitting forward on the bed, he hung his head against bent knees, crying silently. He felt the anguish leaching from him like a poison, and he wondered what would be left if it all drained away. More than anything, he wished he'd fought harder to keep Beyond from leaving England in the first place instead of just going along with him on a lark.

Aleister's head reared up, eyes flashing. No, that's it, I've decided, he thought; you're not dead. Logic be damned, Beyond, you fucker! You're not dead because I won't have it. You're alive, and hidden somewhere, and knowing you, you'll bloody well solve all this before we do.

Gulping down the last of his cold tea, Aleister felt marginally better. He knew he was being irrational, clinging to a dim hope that his friend was alive. He reasoned that if being irrational kept him functional, then it was better than feeling paralyzed by grief and guilt. Pushing off from the bed, Aleister walked out to the kitchen to make some fresh tea. Whether he slept or not, he needed to feel refreshed or, failing that, at least coherent. Watari and L would be focused on solving the case. Though he wanted that too, his goal would be to find Beyond alive, made all the more important because he would be the only one looking.

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Scuffed sneakers beat out a rapid rhythm along the walkway. Impatient to grab a quick supper and head back to his room, L hastened along, head drooping, peering through his hair to evade collision. He didn't bother checking his shadow's whereabouts – he knew Maulty couldn't be far behind. The off-duty officer had sat in the back of the Genome Analysis class from which he'd just emerged. L had not intended to get into a disagreement with Professor Batista regarding the inefficiency of current genome sequencing, but he found it frustrating that he was expected to learn from people who could not think on his level. It would make much more sense to parallelize the sequencing process rather than using the shotgun approach, he thought. The output would be far more accurate, and having a complete DNA sequence would be considerably more helpful when comparing forensic samples, as opposed to the simplified DNA testing we use now. L understood that it was just a class, and that the truly advanced research was being done elsewhere. He wished now that he had just let it go.

A grouping of sneakers, flip-flops, and boots herded across his field of vision on a crosspath, and he slowed his pace to let them pass before turning in the direction from which they'd come. He was brought up short by a pair of black espadrilles stopped in front of him, and he reluctantly raised his eyes.

"Um, hi."

L maintained his slouch, keeping his face blank. "Hello, Janine."

"I, um . . . you've been kind of busy lately."

"I am always busy."

"Well, yeah, I guess that's true." Janine sighed, eyes darting away and back. "You know I finally got my stuff back from the police? Luckily, Professor Selig was understanding about the whole thing, so between that and my midterm, I think I'm doing a lot better in that class. A guy at the school newspaper wants me to do an article for them on the whole 'police experience' or whatever, but I don't know, because, well, my classes come first, and I want to make sure I do OK. You look tired – are you tired?" The tumble of words kept coming. "Oh! And I heard you rescued someone's cat, how cool is that? I really wish we were allowed to have pets in the dorm – that would be so awesome . . ."

"I need to –"

"Look," Janine sighed, glancing away for a second, "I know things got weird for awhile between us, but . . . I just wanted to say thanks."

L blinked. "I . . . see."

"Geoff told me he'd been wanting to ask me out for awhile but kept chickening out until you talked to me. I didn't even know he liked me! But . . . I like him. We've been talking a lot, and the dance is this Saturday – I can't even believe it's only two days away . . ." Janine tucked a wayward strand of chestnut hair behind her ear. "Anyway, thanks for lighting the fire under him." She smiled, brown eyes meeting grey.

"You are welcome." L ducked his head once, itching to move past her.

"It totally makes up for you not liking me, ha ha!" Janine's laugh rang hollow, but her blush seemed genuine.

"I . . ." L stopped his thought before it completed, staring at her. "I believe that you and Geoff make a better couple."

"Well, yeah – I hope so, anyway." She nodded rapidly, looking away. "Thanks again, and I'll see you around!" Janine waved brightly, as though she was far away instead of within arms' reach, and then walked past L, nearly running into a groundskeeper in a dark grey jumpsuit crossing the path.

L watched them diverge, Janine heading toward the dorm and the man heading across campus away from the hospital, sun glinting off the back of his bald pate before a shadow doused the glare. A huge fist of a storm cloud was shifting to shield the sun, and a few fat drops were already starting to fall. Glimpsing Maulty's lanky form propped against a tree, L sighed and turned toward his chosen destination, not caring about the rain yet anxious to get back to the comparison of patterns and trends, of conflicts and motivations, of the solutions of the puzzles of people.

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Eyes darting, he waited a few moments longer. Despite being certain that he'd lost Maulty in the lunch crowd hours before, L did not want him to reappear while he was still close to the covered opening behind the cafeteria. He'd wanted to check the rudimentary traps he'd set to determine if anyone was going in or out of it. Crouching next to discarded beer bottles in the scrub brush next to the rusted cover, he could see that the fishing line was still attached and the tape was unbroken, though there were several footprints, some of them appearing to be recent, disturbing the ground after Thursday's rain.

Frowning, L stood. Perhaps the Butcher does not use this opening at all, he thought, and the footprints are merely from drunken students. L sidled along the wall, peeking past the corner of the large building. A few distant groups of students were milling about closer to the dorms, but Maulty was nowhere in sight. Feeling more at ease, but no less disappointed, L slipped around the corner and slunk off across the grass, avoiding the pathways for now. He rubbed the smooth bulk in his pocket as he walked. It wasn't buzzing, to his relief.

The cafeteria was more sparsely populated now, which L speculated was likely because of the dance this evening. He could already see numerous students, paired and dressed up, heading off-campus for dinner prior to le Bal de la Moisson. Janine was among them, standing just outside the dorm nearer to the access road than the footpath, scanning the horizon and looking nervous. She was wearing a full-length off-shoulder emerald evening gown, standing out in a sea of mostly black, pink, red, and grey. She did not notice L passing by several meters away, for which he was grateful – she had been distracting enough before she'd worn clothing accentuating her décolletage.

Turning away and shaking the image from his head, L moved swiftly, intending to check behind a few more buildings. When Aleister had stayed with him, he'd had more of a chance to explore the campus unobserved, and though he hadn't found anything unusual, he was determined to get a second look at things. It is always possible to miss something obvious if one does not yet have the proper context, L thought. Though I can remember the details of each location I investigated, I may reach new conclusions if I review every location for something out of place.

L was already planning his excursion into the hole behind the cafeteria. He had told Watari that he would continue to observe from a distance, but he was tired of waiting. Though there was no pattern for the Butcher's body part drops, the murderer seemed to favor the hours just before dawn – approximately 61% of the drops fit that time frame. Late evening tomorrow will be a good time to enter and investigate directly, L thought. Sneakered feet crossing another unfollowed path, L moved toward the next building.

Vibration tickled his fingers, and he rolled his eyes, veering off to find a suitably large tree and lean against it, scanning around him. L brought the phone to his ear. "Yes?"

"Checking the cameras?"

"I am. As well as ascertaining that I have not missed anything."

Watari paused. "You wanted to discuss your conclusions from your examination of Coil's case files, did you not?"

"I will once I have reached them. However, there are some gaps in the reports – at least one of them is missing. You recall your source for the information?"

"Yes, of course, Roger sent them along –"

"Then please find out where he obtained them. Our internal records should be complete. He has the access code, yes?"

"Yes, he does."

"Then please make sure that nothing has corrupted our in-house data and forward any additional information you find to me."

"The records on Coil's cases seemed complete when I scanned them . . ." Watari trailed off, giving L the impression that he was looking them up as he spoke.

"There is a span of an entire year with no case files, and I distinctly recall there being at least one case he worked on during that time. Also, one of the later files seemed incomplete – some photos and witness statements were missing."

"Hmm . . ." The silence stretched out for a few moments. "Ah. I see the gap. Which file seemed incomplete?"

"You recall the case in which a red silk blouse was used as a restraint?" L's eyes continued to scan. He wanted to avoid known specifics where possible in the event that he was being observed, though he did not see anyone in his immediate vicinity.

"What was the date?"

"It occurred within the year following the gap."

"Was it the – aha, there it is." A tapping sound carried faintly over the line. "The document does not appear to be altered, but we are looking at a digital record rather than the physical file. Very well, I will contact Roger and investigate the discrepancies. Once we've found the missing information, I will forward it to you immediately."

"Thank you."

"One more thing – you do realize that by inspecting these locations that you are potentially drawing Officer Maulty's attention to them?"

"I managed to shake him earlier, but if he happens to pick up my trail again and finds something of import in the locations after I've moved on, then that will help the case. And if I lose him again because he's stopped to inspect, then that works in my favor as well."

"Best possible outcomes notwithstanding, you should be careful about others seeing you. Maulty may be overzealous, but the other police officers may lend his theories credence should you be spotted behaving suspiciously by students or university employees."

L huffed. "I am aware of the risks. I am not concerned about the misguided perceptions of others."

"And I'm well aware of that." Watari was terse. "Just be quick about it – I'll have the missing information for you soon enough."

L opened his mouth to reply when he heard the line click. Pocketing the phone, he decided that he would check just one last building before returning to his dorm room – not because of Watari's warning, of course, but because the sun would be going down in a little over an hour, and because reviewing the case files was more urgent. The key is within those records, I know it, L thought, pushing off from the tree and ambling toward the Palmerston Administrative Building. I need only find it to unlock the truth of this case.

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Author's Note: Hmm. So we know what happened to Beyond – or do we? He is a wily sort, so one never knows . . . It does seem that Janine and L are on better terms now. And L is sneaking around campus and looking into Coil's past – we shall see if that helps him.

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