Mischief Managed
Hermione straightened her robes and smoothed her hair after Apparating to the alley next to The Three Broomsticks. She'd spent most of her day running around Muggle London on one wild goose chase after another. The Muggle recruiting agency had demanded all sorts of documentation and then when she'd finally retrieved it, she'd been told it wasn't necessary after all.
The world really was full of incompetent idiots! If the Muggle sector actually hired her, she was going to have to work very hard on her self-control. Her urge to hex stupid people was very, very strong. After all, that's what had started this whole unemployment mess in the first place.
Luckily the interview with the wizarding head hunter had gone much better. A wave of a wand and a short incantation and her résumé had been expanded and enhanced to include some of her lesser known skills and talents. It was quite fascinating actually, even if there were a few things that would have been better left unsaid. Like her proficiency in hexing.
Simon, the wizard recruiter, had looked over her résumé and proclaimed he had the perfect job for her. Even her worries over the Malfoy problem were discounted as just a slight annoyance. He was certain that this particular client would not be concerned with repercussions from them, or their cronies. Though it was odd that Simon hadn't wanted to divulge the nature of the job, Hermione had been too grateful to push the matter. The pay was good and the starting date would be almost immediate. Maybe, just maybe, her job search would soon be over.
She took a deep breath and attempted to get herself together before going into the pub for her party. Even though she felt like celebrating, she was still angry with the boys for their lack of forethought this morning. Harry probably meant well, he usually did, but tricking her into looking into the Mirror of Erised was just over the line.
The fact that she'd seen Snape was beside the point. She'd never admit who she saw, and for that matter, the mirror had to be wrong. Severus Snape was not who, or what, she desired. Honestly it's not like she'd ever thought of him in that way before. Not ever! Not even during the few interactions she'd had with him after the war. She admired him, yes. How could she not admire someone so intelligent and honorable? She even admired his sarcastic sense of humor. But it didn't mean she wanted him. Like that. Did it?
"I really am going crazy," she mumbled to herself. "I'm standing here contemplating Snape's redeeming qualities. I need to just forget about this whole thing." Her mind flashed to the images she seen that morning and she shuddered. No, Snape was not what she wanted. Taking another deep breath she walked around the corner.
~~oOo~~
The music inside the pub was loud, and she wondered idly if Harry had hired a band. Laughter was spilling out into the evening air. It sounded as if the party was well attended. She decided to let go of her anger. Resolved herself to being gracious. Harry and Ron always went to so much trouble to try and make her happy. They may have been completely misguided in their choice of gifts this morning, like usual, but they did love her.
Steeling herself, she swung the pub door open.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HERMIONE," everyone shouted. Hermione felt her face flush as she was enveloped in dozens of hugs and passed around the room from one friend to the other.
"Happy birthday, luv!" Ginny shouted and shoved a smoking Firewhiskey shot into her hand. Without thinking Hermione downed it. Oliver patted her on the back and smiled his crooked grin.
"Happy birthday!" Luna said kissing her on the cheek and handing her another full shot glass. "To Hermione, the most tenacious, the most intelligent, and the most scarily determined person I know." Luna drank the shot she held in her other hand. Shrugging, Hermione gulped down this one, too.
Luna scrunched up her face at the after burn from the shot and added, "Well, the second most scary," she hiccupped, "right under Professor Snape that is!" From somewhere she produced two more shots and handed one to Hermione.
She raised an eyebrow at her friend, wondering about the Snape reference—sometimes she swore Luna was clairvoyant—but clinked her third shot to Luna's anyway and drank down the yellow liquid inside. It was so sweet she almost gagged.
"Wasn't that delicious? It's a Sweet and Sour Albus," Luna chirped. "I think I'll get another."
Quickly grabbing the nearest passing ale Hermione took a few swigs before giving it back to its anonymous donor only to find that person to be Neville Longbottom. Looking up into his nervous face made it obvious he hadn't forgotten the disaster of a date they had shared a few months ago. She'd basically ranted the entire night, and cut the date short with her bad mood and rude comments. Ever the polite man, Neville wished her a happy birthday now, and they shared an awkward hug before he made his escape. Hermione vowed she'd find him later and apologize for her horrible behavior.
Parvati, followed closely by a handsome blond man Hermione had never seen before, bounced over to Hermione and placed a tiara that flashed 'Kiss me—I'm the birthday girl!' on her head. She also handed her a double shot glass which looked suspiciously like it contained tea.
"Drink up!" she shouted, smiling. Hermione drank up and sighed, she was right, it was tea—and now there were tea leaves stuck to the sides and bottom. Parvati snatched the glass from her and quickly gazed at the formation of the leaves before squealing loudly right during a break in the music. "Oh, Hermione! I see a new lover in your future. Aren't you a lucky girl?"
Hermione felt her cheeks grow hot, and she backed away from Parvati who had gained Lavender's attention. The two of them were gazing at the leaves now, ohhing and ahhing over what they saw, and making predictions Hermione really didn't want to hear. She hated Divination, and the mirror's inane revelation was more than enough for one day.
She tripped over a chair behind her and was surprised when a set of strong hands kept her from falling. Parvati's blond friend had caught her and was now smiling invitingly down at her. Normally she might have stayed and introduced herself, but something didn't feel quite right. He was blond and handsome, and his sharp nose reminded her of Snape. The thought of flirting with this man made her feel … disloyal? And it had nothing to do with the Patil twin.
That wasn't a thought she wanted to dwell on so she smiled sweetly, thanked him and quickly made a beeline for some people she'd not yet greeted.
Glancing around the crowded room, Hermione noted she couldn't see a single Slytherin—Draco Malfoy's influence no doubt—not that she was particularly friendly with many in the first place. Hermione couldn't help but wonder if Snape was on the list of those Malfoy influenced, but she shoved the thought aside as she finally found herself in front of her two best friends, both looking a bit shamefaced.
"Sorry, 'Mione," Harry whispered as he pulled her in for a tight hug.
"Me, too," Ron said, embracing her and Harry from behind. They both kissed her head.
"I'm still annoyed with you both, and you know I'll forgive you eventually.
"But don't think you're going to get off that easy," she added, smacking both their arms when they started grinning like idiots. "We'll be discussing why you think interfering in my life is such a smashing idea in the morning." She gave them a pointed look before smiling and gesturing to the room around her. "Look at this. Harry, you really outdid yourself this time. I don't think I've ever seen this place so packed. Thank you." She gave him another squeeze. "Did our whole year come?"
"Practically," laughed Harry. "I think you'll be surprised at some of the people who show up tonight." He winked at Ron over Hermione's head and grabbed her elbow steering her toward the bar. "Come on, I think you might have missed saying hello to a few people."
"Oh, I'm sure I did, but I need to use the loo and freshen up before I really start socializing. Think you can get me a snack while I'm gone? I'm starving!"
"Of course, what d'ya want?"
"Surprise me," she joked, and with a slight wobble to her step headed toward the little witches room.
~~oOo~~
Even the bathroom wasn't free of well wishers, and it was another ten minutes before Hermione could actually manage to use the loo. By the time she was done, the alcohol was having a pretty pronounced effect on her.
Stepping out of the cubicle, she concentrated on her feet. With one foot in front of the other, she slowly made it to the sink intent on splashing some cool water on her face to help steady her a bit. The tap didn't seem to want to budge so she ended up using her wand and a quick Augamenti. Face dripping, she finally brought her eyes to the mirror above the sink.
She barely stifled what would have been her second blood curdling scream of the day.
Hands over her mouth, she started shaking her head in disbelief. The image of Severus Snape was in the mirror above the basin—AGAIN! But this time her own reflection joined him. This Hermione wasn't horrified though. No, reflection Hermione looked happy, content, almost blissful.
She watched in growing alarm as reflection Snape moved her hair and gently placed a small kiss at the base of her neck.
Hermione felt chills run down her arm as she watched the two doppelgangers. The professor had begun to not just kiss, but gently nip and suck on the neck of her likeness.
Her hand unconsciously reached toward the mirror patting the spot where the professor's lips were pressing while her other hand touched the skin of her own neck. She could almost feel his lips brushing the sensitive skin there.
Twirling around so her back was to the mirror, she couldn't suppress the moan that escaped her lips.
No, no, no! She was supposed to be forgetting all about this.
A quick glance assured her that, thank Merlin, she was alone in the bathroom. She didn't want anyone seeing this! She knew the images weren't real and of course it was completely inconceivable that Snape—Professor Severus Snape!—would ever do that to her, nor would she want him to—right?—but her body didn't seem to agree. A warm tingling sensation had begun in her gut and her nipples had hardened at the sight of Snape lavishing attention on the neck of her likeness. Oh, how she wanted to turn around and watch the scenario play itself out. How she wished she could actually feel …
Grabbing her stomach she willed herself to calm down.
Why the hell was she wishing this? It wasn't possible. She needed to stop this madness before it really took hold of her.
A few deep breaths and a futile attempt to count backward from one hundred later, and she felt more in control.
Okay. Why in the hell was she seeing Snape in this mirror?
She started to hyperventilate again.
Oh, no! She really had cracked hadn't she? The mirror this morning had planted the image of Snape in her mind and now she couldn't get rid of it.
She snuck a look at the mirror from over her shoulder. Her likeness was now snogging Snape like there was no tomorrow. She watched as his hands slid down her sides and lifted her shirt off as they came up. His tongue flicked out and traced her collar bone.
"Ohhh," she moaned longingly but turned her head around again when his head dipped lower.
Maybe she was hallucinating from the booze?
The room began to waver and swirl around her.
Leaning over with her hands on her knees she let the dizziness pass.
The boys weren't stupid enough to play a prank on her—were they? No, they were much too fond of their bits to have placed some goofy spell on this mirror. She had to be going mad.
"You all right, Hermione?" A brunette girl she barely recognized asked.
She straightened and the dizziness washed over her again. How many shots had she had? Shaking her head slightly, she glanced back at the mirror again and yelped when she saw the professor slip a bra strap down the shoulder of her doppelganger.
Turning to look at the girl, Hermione nodded a quick yes, and stood as tall as she could to block the mirror behind her.
"Okay, well, happy birthday," the girl said, and with a confused look she stepped into the nearest cubicle.
"Thanks," she mumbled, and after another quick peek at the couple in the mirror she headed back to the party determined to really forget all about Severus Snape and this crazy delusion she was having.
~~oOo~~
The rest of the night went by in a blur. There was dancing, and drinking, and catching up with old friends, some of whom she'd not seen since Hogwarts. But unfortunately her mind kept returning to scene in the bathroom mirror. And to the Greasy Git—isn't that what the boys had branded him back at Hogwarts?—and his numerous appealing physical attributes. Yep, it was the Greasy Git they'd called him, but he wasn't greasy anymore. No, he looked pretty damn good to Hermione.
He was very manly, tall, slim, strong features and such agile fingers—how many times had she marveled at his adeptness as he chopped ingredients in the classroom. It made a girl wonder what else he could do with those fingers? Hmmmm … Oh, and that rich baritone voice, so strong and smooth. She wondered if he knew the power he wielded with that voice. She could only imagine how intoxicating it would be to hear him whispering naughty things in her ear. It was a good thing her hallucinations weren't auditory along with visual. She'd have melted into a pile of goo on that bathroom floor if they were!
Her musing was thankfully—or maybe not—cut short at that moment when Harry thrust her into Percy Weasley's arms and forced them to sit together in small booth near the door. It was pretty suspicious, not to mention odd, when all background noise suddenly disappeared around them.
"Hey, Perce," she said absentmindedly, glaring at Harry who stood a few feet away, an obvious sentry. Harry just beamed back at her like a miniature Dumbledore. She saw him beckon to Ron and pat him on the back triumphantly when he walked over to join him. Ron wasn't beaming though. No, he had that constipated look he got whenever he felt guilty about something.
They were up to something but her inebriated mind was slow in making the connection.
"… so Ron insisted I stop by this evening. What was it that you so urgently needed?" Percy's words slowly pushed their way through the fog.
"Hmmm?" she asked.
"Ron—he made it sound like it was life or death me showing up here tonight."
She glared at Ron, who suddenly found his feet to be the two most interesting objects in the room.
"I'm not sure, Percy, but look at those two; they're up to something."
Percy's expression darkened and he glared at Ron, who was now fascinated by his fingernails. "You didn't need to speak to me? I'm going to kill that little prat. I have big plans for this evening!" He started to get up, but Hermione laid a hand on his as something clicked in her brain.
"Wait one second, Percy. I think I know what happened. Your brother and Harry are complete fools and have put their big fat noses where they don't belong, yet again. I'm sorry they involved you. I can't explain, but believe me I will be getting them back for this. I just need you to stay a few moments longer to make it work."
Percy looked puzzled, but like most of the Weasleys, he trusted her on her word and he sat back down, albeit reluctantly.
"So, what are these big plans you have?" she asked politely.
Those two must think Percy was whom she'd seen in the mirror. Why else would Ron have made him come here tonight? Thank Merlin she had started to say Professor this morning rather than Severus. Sometimes her friends were too smart for their own good. Damn meddling fools. If they ever took to sucking lemon drops obsessively, or their eyes started twinkling, she was calling for an intervention.
"I'm asking Annabeth to marry me tonight," Percy said, his face reddening slightly.
Hermione leapt over the table. Not only was she super excited for Percy and his girlfriend but it was a great way to confuse the two idiots she called best friends. She hugged Percy and kissed him, congratulating him over-enthusiastically, knowing exactly how her actions would appear. They spoke for another fifteen minutes or so about his plans when he finally insisted he had to leave.
As they stood, Harry lifted the cone of silencehe had placed around them, and she took the opportunity to tell Percy—loudly—how happy she was he had stopped by and that she couldn't wait to hear from him again. She held on to him for much longer than was necessary during her goodbye and stared up into his eyes in what she hoped resembled a look of adoration. Then she proceeded to shock even herself, kissing him smack on the lips. Hopefully not too many people had seen that exchange; she'd hate to get Percy into trouble with his fiancée, but she could always explain it away as drunken behavior.
Her two best friends were going to feel like complete berks when they heard Percy's news, and she for one couldn't wait to see their faces!
The crowd was thinning now and Harry had left to Apparate Ginny and Oliver home, being the ever responsible host that he was. Ron was giving a lecture about something or another to a small group in the corner, and Parvati and her friend had just said their goodbyes. Parvati had mentioned her earlier predictions and expounded in her usual way; all the while Hermione had found herself staring at her companion's Snap-ish nose. So much so, that he'd taken her attention as an invitation to slip her his floo address with a wink when he shook her hand goodbye.
The whole Percy fiasco, and all the goodbyes, had distracted her for awhile, but now that she was left alone, her thoughts went back to Severus. Severus? Good lord, now she was thinking of him as Severus.
Her mind was adjusting to the possibilities he held—he was intelligent, well-versed in numerous subjects, loyal to a fault, reliable, dedicated, and of course, if his mirror image was true to form, she found him attractive.
Unbelievable! She had gone from utter rejection of the idea of Snape as a lover, to entertaining the possibilities of Snape as a mate.
A part of her really hoped that this had all been a bad joke and tomorrow she would forget about him and these crazy delusions she was having.
Because, there was no way it could work, was there?
Really, she couldn't be with someone so much older, a Slytherin, and connected with the Malfoys, could she?
There would be a slew of interpersonal issues to work through, not to mention the certain condemnation of just about everyone they knew, wouldn't there?
It wasn't worth it, was it?
Oh for Circe's sake! She needed another drink!
Someone she could only vaguely remember from Hogwarts, in the year above her maybe, had introduced her to a new drink earlier in the evening. It was called the Slithering Snake, or something like that, and was served in a tall narrow glass. It was iridescent green and it tasted absolutely wonderful. She relished the smooth, creamy, slightly thick texture that caressed her tongue and throat as she swallowed it. And all she wanted in the world was to have another. Ordering one from the barkeep, she crawled up onto a spare stool and that's when her eyes focused on the mirror behind the bar that ran the length of the counter, which Rosmerta had recently installed saying it was so she could see what people were up to even if she had her back turned.
Right now, the only thing Hermione saw was a topless version of herself kneeling in front of Severus Snape. She didn't scream, this was becoming old hat, but she did close her eyes to calm herself.
When she again opened them, she nonchalantly scanned the establishment to make sure no one else had noticed images of half naked people in the mirror. She knew they were her delusions but still it didn't hurt to be cautious.
No one was looking her way—good.
She turned back to the mirror just in time to see her likeness unbutton Snape's trousers and reach her hand behind the black fabric. Her mouth gaped open as she watched her image in the mirror pull Snape's member confidently from his trousers. More shockingly though, was the fact that she was looking up at him with a wickedly predatory smile spread across her lips.
The barkeep set her drink in front of her and she nearly fell off the stool. Mumbling a quick thank you, she went back to watching the scene in the mirror. She just couldn't take her eyes off the image of Snape's most private, yet most impressive, body part as her likeness stroked its length. It was long and thick and flushed with desire. She let a groan slip out as she watched her counterpart wet her lips in anticipation.
"Oh, there you are, Hermione," Luna's voice interrupted Hermione's ogling of the scene unfolding in the mirror—good Lord, now her doppelganger was moving to lick his … "I see you're drinking one of those Slithering Snakes? They're my new favorite. I find them so … so …" Luna seemed to be searching for the right term, then brightened and continued, "orally satisfying."
Hermione choked down the mouthful of drink she'd been sipping as she continued looking at the mirror from out of the corner of her eye, and half turned toward Luna, her cheeks growing hot.
"Erm, what?"
"Slithering Snake," Luna repeated, holding up her empty glass with a smile. "Shall I get us another? Though, I'd like a double. Something larger, something to really fill me up." Luna glanced over Hermione's shoulder, clearly looking at the mirror. "Wouldn't you? Or, perhaps you'd prefer a Screaming Orgasm instead?"
Hermione quickly glanced back at the mirror, her likeness was now no longer just teasing Severus with her lips wrapped around his shaft, no; she was sliding up and down the length of it enthusiastically. Obviously enjoying herself as much as he was. His trousers were down past his thighs, and from this angle Hermione could see that his bits were being teased with her other hand, evidently driving him over the edge. A chair suddenly appeared, and Severus slid down onto it without ever breaking contact with her doppelgangers' mouth. Her ex-Potion's professor spread his legs apart, and threw his head back so his hair was no longer hiding his expression. She'd never seen such a look of unadulterated bliss on his face, or anyone's for that matter, before. A few moments later, Hermione was once again thankful for the lack of sound accompanying these delusions as Snape opened his mouth wide, obviously roaring his pleasure as his hips gave a shallow thrust forward and one of his hands buried itself in her likeness's hair.
"Hermione?" Luna prodded, gently shaking her shoulder.
"Orgasm," she squeaked and squirmed in her seat.
"Good choice," Luna said, flagging down the barkeep. "If you're going to indulge, you might as well thoroughly enjoy it, I always say."
Her reflection certainly seemed to be enjoying herself, Hermione thought, when she looked back to the mirror to see her image straddling Snape and the two engaged in the most passionate kiss she'd ever witnessed. There really seemed to be tremendous chemistry between the two. Too bad it was just a crazy delusion, without a chance in hell it could ever be reality.
She gulped down almost half her drink upon its arrival in a futile attempt to quench the arousal she was feeling. Unfortunately, the drink didn't live up to its name. She frowned at her glass.
"Wow! You must have really been thirsty," Luna remarked, looking at Hermione's face. "Either that or you were hoping that drink would be as pleasing as its namesake." She giggled.
"You have no idea," Hermione murmured absently, still staring at the couple in the mirror.
Thankfully, Harry sidled up beside them at the bar before Luna could comment again. "Ready to go, birthday girl?"
With one last glance at the mirror and the couple in it, Hermione slid off her stool and nodded yes.