Author's Note: This chapter takes place during the Devil Bat's first year at Deimon. This as a side story because it is a flashback, but the chapter must be read in order for you to understand Nishihara Shizuka. As you will notice later on in the series, all flashbacks will be labeled as side stories. It may be confusing since all chapters, regardless of setting, is in past tense.
Side Story: A Fleeting Dream
Kurita and Musashi headed for the clubroom after Hiruma made an announcement over the intercom. Sliding the door open, the scent of jasmine blasted through their nostrils. Flower petals may as well have blown into their faces. Catching some fresh air, the two walked in to see Hiruma and a girl with short light brown hair and choppy fringes. The girl was gathering broken shards of glass, remnants of a perfume bottle. That explained where the aroma came from.
"It's a flower reeking hell," Hiruma gagged, turning to face the two newcomers. "Took you guys long enough."
"Who's the girl?" Musashi asked.
"Starting today, flower girl's gonna be our manager."
"Nice to meet you. I'm Nishihara Shizuka," the girl greeted them.
Kurita eagerly shook hands with her. "Now we have four members! Do your best Shizuka-chan!" He brought her into a hug, crushing her in the process.
"Nishihara? You're not in our class," said Musashi.
Cracking her back, Shizuka went red. When it came to grades, she was mediocre in all subjects. Due to her low test scores, she was placed in a different homeroom from Hiruma. Adjusting her uniform, she did not respond. Her grades were not something worth mentioning nor did she want to talk about them. It saved her the embarrassment. Hiruma noticed her troubled stance and changed the subject.
"Fucking flower girl! Did you memorize the rules?"
"I did, most of them anyway." It had taken her three nights to fully cram all the information into her brain. Scratching her scalp, she mentally reviewed everything she read. The most troublesome part that she continued to forget was what kind of game play would occur if a football landed in front of the opponent's goal line or when a team would gain a safety. She hoped Hiruma wouldn't quiz her.
"Then hurry up. I need you to evaluate a team's play," he said.
"Work hard!" Kurita understood the overbearing pressure Hiruma put on people at times, but it was all for a good reason, a probable cause for reaching the Christmas Bowl. I wonder if Shizuka-chan also wants to go to the Christmas Bowl. Of course she does! She wouldn't have joined if she didn't share the same dream!
Shizuka grinned, sticking up the peace sign. "I'll do my best, even if I have to die a hundred deaths!"
Much to everyone's surprise, Hiruma postponed practice for the day. Kurita rushed off somewhere as fast as he could, returning with four boxes of cakes. He was a man of variety, getting strawberry shortcake, honey cake, a mont blanc, and a roll of chocolate sponge cake. Shizuka made coffee for everyone, taking note not to add sugar or cream into Hiruma's and Musashi's (when he told her not to). Kurita somehow created space on the table to fit everything. Hiruma and Shizuka had to share one side of the table due to the lack of space caused by scattered junk. The crammed atmosphere did not disturb this little party that allowed Musashi and Kurita to get to know Shizuka better. Without saying, the two senior members could tell she enjoyed sweets when she consumed two slices of shortcake and then one of the mont blanc. Of course, her appetite was nothing compared to Kurita's.
Not much to everyone's surprise, Hiruma started practice halfway into finishing all the cakes. As a startling initiation, he flipped the table over; with that, the Devil Bat's hit it off with their new member.
Practice ended at eight o'clock pm that night. Musashi and Kurita exchanged looks when Hiruma and Shizuka walked off together, both of them contemplating on how such a placid girl met the Commander from Hell.
"She must be special," Kurita said with a grin.
Musashi returned the grin. "Looks that way."
Hiruma walked alongside Shizuka down the dimly lit street. He watched as she matched her footsteps with his own.
"How was that for your first day of practice?" he cackled.
"Tiring, but it was nice meeting everyone. Your friends seemed really kind, like you."
"Going on about that again? Ke ke ke, you didn't say that for fucking dreads."
"Agon-san, huh? Let's not talk about him," said Shizuka. She ran in front of Hiruma, facing him with a smooth twirl. "More importantly, do you think your friends will like me?"
"That's up to you to decide. Besides, whether they hate how you stink of flowers or not, I let you onto the team so I'm the only one who can determine whether you stay or leave. Got that, fucking flower girl?"
Shizuka covered her mouth as she laughed, her shoulders going up ever so slightly. Once she settled down, she looked up at him.
"I got it."
From then on, Shizuka would meet with everyone at the club room. Regarding her question earlier, it wasn't in Kurita or Musashi's nature to not get along with others, especially someone like her. And, she certainly did not hinder anyone. However, that did not mean she ever received praises. It was a childish expectation and a self-esteem booster, but that's what Shizuka was— childish and insecure. That side of her began to show as the days went on.
"You don't look so well."
Concern was ridden all over Mamori's face.
Shizuka had dark circles under her eyes, her complexion ghastly. This was the result of examining videos of other teams all night while also keeping up with school work and house chores. She had just finished taking a test, which she thought she nailed. Sitting down on one of the steps of the staircase, she massaged her shoulders.
"I'm just tired. It's nothing anyone can't handle," Shizuka assured, leaning her head against the wall. Balancing football and school had become a challenging routine for the past two weeks. Everything was becoming frantic due to the Spring Tournament coming up, but she didn't want to give up because of a few lost hours of beauty sleep.
"Hiruma-kun isn't forcing you, is he?"
"I'm doing this because I want to."
Mamori watched as Shizuka released a long yawn. Although they weren't in the same class, they became acquainted at Kariya, a shop both of them occasionally went to. In the very beginning of the school year, they hung out there. Now with football, Mamori never saw her there again. She knew being manager would consume a lot of Shizuka's time, but she never imagined that it would take such a major toll on her. There had to be something else stressing her out.
"Do you actually enjoy being manager?"
"Didn't I tell you? I'm doing this because I want to."
"Wanting and liking are two different things, Shizuka."
With a wry smile, Shizuka stared emptily at Mamori. "I like American football."
It was the first time Mamori had seen her with such a lost expression, concealed by a smile so forced, she could have called her lie. So why hadn't she?
The next day, Shizuka got her test back. She had scored an eighty-nine. Wrinkling the sheet, she leaned her face against her arm. The grade wasn't something to complain about, but her score did not reflect the amount of effort she had put into studying. If she had known she would have gotten this score, she wouldn't have bothered staying up those extra hours. About to tear her test in half, her football guide fell out of her desk. Picking it up, a bunch of sticky notes were attached to various pages. They were self-encouraging notes she had made, telling her to keep working until the end. That's right. Everyone's depending on me. If I give up now, everything I've done would have been a waste.
"Shizuka-chan, I bought cream puffs!" Kurita announced, rushing into the clubroom as fast his stubby legs could carry him. Hiruma and Musashi looked up from their discussion. Shizuka was at the corner table, fast asleep. Closing the door, Kurita placed all six boxes of cream puffs quietly onto the table Hiruma was occupying. Sipping his black coffee, Musashi smirked when Hiruma kicked Kurita, scolding him for putting the boxes over the formation layout they had been disputing earlier. Shizuka had fallen asleep during the conversation even after consuming a cup of joe. It was surprising that Hiruma allowed her to sleep when usually, he would shoot at her.
"Should I wake her up?" asked Kurita.
"Leave her," said Hiruma, taking his seat again.
"But the cream puffs..."
"Who gives a damn about them." Hiruma had to refrain himself from yelling.
Even if he yelled, I don't think she would wake up. Musashi observed Shizuka's exhausted form.
While Hiruma and Kurita practiced with Rice-kun outside, Musashi stayed behind to talk to Shizuka, who had woken up not too long ago. He brewed another serving of coffee so that she could accompany it with the cream puffs Kurita left for her. He had managed to leave her one. Pouring the dark liquid into a ceramic cup, he then set it down in front of her.
"Thanks," she said meekly. She went to take a bite of the cream puff, but stopped suddenly. Her throat suddenly became parched. Opening her mouth, she hesitated again. Despite having missed lunch, she had no appetite. Shoving the cream puff into her mouth, she coerced herself into swallowing it. Before it could reach her stomach, she nearly regurgitated it. She managed to control it and it settled in her stomach. Looking at the coffee, her bodily fluids churned. Clasping a hand over her mouth, she accidentally knocked over the cup.
Musashi finally looked over. "Are you okay?"
"Ah, just a little dizzy. I'll clean it up."
"I'll do it." His tone left no room for protest. He wiped up the mess and swept the shattered cup into a dust pan, dumping them into the trash. As Shizuka went to grab a video to analyze, he took the chance to say what was on his mind. "How did you meet Hiruma?"
"Met him one day in Shibuya."
"You guys close?"
She giggled. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You noticed it too then? That Hiruma is worried about you?"
Her hands stopped fumbling through the box. "I wouldn't be his friend if I didn't."
"And we wouldn't be your friends if we didn't notice how much you've been struggling."
"We're all struggling; we're all fighting for the Christmas Bowl. Didn't I say that I would die a thousand deaths for us?"
"You did, but it's only been two weeks. How many has it been?"
If Shizuka really had to count, she had already reached thirty. This was only preparations for the Spring Tournament. The Fall Tournament still remained. "Whether it's a hundred or a thousand, it doesn't matter to me! I have to do my best for the team." I am not going to disappoint Hiruma! I have to do everything I can for him. The moment she finished her thought, her stomach started to churn again. She clapped a hand to her mouth and searched for the closest trash bin.
"And what about yourself?"
Too late.
Shizuka vomited onto the floor.
Alarmed, Musashi rushed to her aide. If things couldn't get worse, Kurita came in. Realizing what had happened, he immediately freaked out. Kurita freaking out did not appease the situation at all; he just exasperated the pressure and embarrassment Shizuka was experiencing. After she finished regurgitating her snack that day, Musashi had a custodian clean up the mess. Once the situation had settled down and Shizuka had gone to shower in another building, Musashi explained to Hiruma what had happened.
"She's overexerting herself," Musashi stated.
"I thought cream puffs would cheer her up!"
Shizuka was an average person and Hiruma was aware of that during the two years he hung out with her. But unlike the others, he knew that was not what was causing her fatigue. This was the first time he had seen her push herself so hard after that incident. He was excited to see her so ambitious, but it turned out she had yet to move on from the past.
"I'll have her take a break," Hiruma said. "When she's better, she can come back."
"But won't the same thing happen once she comes back?" Kurita asked.
Of course it will. It's not like she'll magically change. Hiruma was burdened at the thought of having Shizuka leave the team permanently. He could fair without a manager, but it seemed that incident was bothering him a little as well. He went to find Shizuka in the swimming team's room. By then everyone else had gone home. Entering the shower room, he spotted her through the steam. She was sitting on a bench with her back slouched forward, wrapped in a towel. Her face was buried in her hands and her shoulders jerked now and then. He went to turn on a shower head before sitting next to her. He did not say a word or attempt to console her.
He simply waited for her to finish.
Shizuka took a week long break after that. She was instructed not to participate in any practices or games. Within that week, she managed to bring her grades up along with her energy. She went to Kariya with Mamori two days in a row after regaining an appetite for sweets. Football still remained on her mind though, but as manager, she did not want to disobey the captain. After the vacation, Shizuka returned to her duties. Things started off slow, but they never got hectic compared to before. She provided refreshments during training, videotaped matches, edited videos, and practiced with the team. There was nothing subtracted or added to her routine, which was strange since the start of the Spring Tournament was tomorrow.
"Flower girl!" Hiruma came into the office, throwing a camcorder towards her. "I want you to sort the video by offense."
Catching it, she nodded. "That's it?"
"Get it done by tonight."
Why only offense? She connected the camcorder to the laptop. It was a recorded practice match of Oujo and the Hashiratani Deers. Shizuka knew that the White Knights was a team set on defense. Why did Hiruma want offense then? She continued to ponder this as she edited everything. By the time the team returned from running, she had finished. She had also prepared them cooling bandages and water. After all, they had to be in tip top condition for the game tomorrow.
Everyone else left, leaving the four of them by themselves. Chugging a can of coffee, Hiruma proceeded to watch the edited versions of the practice match. During that, Shizuka went to clean up the training equipment outside. Folding the ladder drill, she began to think. Something doesn't feel right. She couldn't clarify this paranoia, but something was up. Quickly packing up the equipment, she returned to the clubroom. About to open the door, she heard tackling coming from inside. It was from the video the others were watching. What struck her as odd was that the voice belonged to Otawara, a lineman from Oujo. I didn't edit any of the defensive plays so how come...Shizuka didn't want to acknowledge the truth, but now that she knew, she could not disregard it. He didn't have me sort the video by defense because he had already done it himself. All the additional work she should have gotten was done by Hiruma. What am I even doing here?
In the first round of the Spring Tournament, Musashi had to leave during the middle of the game. Deimon lost since they could not score with a field kick, thus, they were unable to make a comeback. After that, Musashi stopped attending practice. Eventually, he quit the team and school altogether. Shizuka did all she could to keep everyone's spirits up even though her own was lacking. Hiruma didn't say much, but Kurita and her knew him better than that.
The four had a meeting after school one day. Hiruma tried to help Musashi's situation by offering funds to Takekura Architecture. Musashi declined it right there. He had to help his father's company. There was no other way. Hiruma accepted that and left. Kurita followed in pursuit. Musashi dug his nails into his palm, wanting to call them back, but knew he couldn't. There was nothing left. Shizuka traced her fingers along the signatures they had put on the television. They had put their dreams into those signatures, the three of them at least. Though she never told anyone, Hiruma probably knew she had no self yearning to reach the Christmas Bowl.
"I can't accept it," Shizuka uttered, facing Musashi. "Why couldn't it have been me? Deimon needs a kicker, not a manager!"
"Don't talk like that. The best thing you can do is support him while I'm gone."
"As if I can do anything special not after–"
Musashi did not deny her claims nor did he qualify them.
"What happened to doing your best?" he said. "If not for yourself then do it for the team."
Shizuka did just that. The Christmas Bowl was still possible with the Fall Tournament. She concentrated all her energy into football, this time watching her health so that Hiruma and Kurita wouldn't worry. Everything flowed smoothly; however, she was at her breaking point. The more she watched the two strive for an almost impossible dream, the more she realized that she didn't belong with them. Although she did her best to make Hiruma's dream one step closer to obtaining, she knew that her "best" would always be missing one element: her own dream. She never wanted to be the manager from the start. It's no wonder why she tired easily. She had no passion for what she was doing, no passion to drive her.
"You're quitting the team?" Mamori exclaimed.
Shizuka and her were at the clinic, waiting for the nurse.
"I'm tired of being the manager."
"Weren't things going well? Is it because of your grades? I can tutor you." Mamori went quiet when a single tear cascaded down Shizuka's cheek.
"I give up," Shizuka whispered under her breath.
Before Mamori could object, the nurse walked in. She went to talk to the nurse about Shizuka's fever.
Shizuka looked around the room, her eyes landing on a mug the nurse used to hold pens and pencils. Among them was a box cutter.
The nurse left to retrieve her purse in the faculty room.
"Geez, can't–" Mamori's words got caught in her throat when she saw Shizuka position a box cutter to her wrist. "Shizuka!" She ran over, knocking over some folders in the process. About to bring the blade across her wrist, Shizuka abruptly stopped. So did Mamori. Throwing the box cutter to the floor, it slid over to Mamori's feet. Shizuka started to laugh, twisting her body and tangling herself in the bed sheets. Her laughter turned into tears. Punching the mattress, the springs bounced back and forth. "I fail at everything! Even at this..." She buried her face into the pillow.
Mamori took hold of Shizuka's hands, squeezing them reassuringly. You're wrong, Shizuka. You couldn't do it because you didn't want to.
After that, Shizuka stopped going to school and only came for exams. The incident was kept a secret, but Mamori informed Hiruma and Kurita. They did deserve to know. A selective few of students found out and some teased her by vandalizing her section of the yearbook. When Hiruma found out, he had them keep their mouths shut and executed the jerk who messed up her self-introduction. It would be a huge issue if word got out to the whole school and it would also burden Shizuka.
Hiruma stared at the television the four had signed, promising to go to the Christmas Bowl. Shizuka had crossed her name out. Kurita was chewing on his fingernails. Shizuka's resignation came as a shock to him, but Hiruma didn't seem to be. Hiruma decided to meet up with her one more time before the summer. Kurita desperately wanted to accompany him, but Hiruma wouldn't let him. Due to football practices, Shizuka and him hadn't had a one-on-one in a while. At the playground, the two didn't say much to each other. They just watched the sunset.
"Your mind's made up?"
She sighed.
He tapped the heels of his shoes into the dirt.
She handed him her perfume bottle.
"I don't know why I'm giving this to you..."
He clasped his fingers over the bottle. "You're giving it to me so that you can take it back in the future." Hiruma was confident that she would return. Not to the team, but she would return. He wondered what she would be doing during her time away though. He'd keep a careful eye on her. Rustling her hair, his hand rested on her head. "I'll be waiting, fucking flower girl."
Author's Note: There's still much that has to be answered about Shizuka. I thought I should clarify on her personality as seen thus far. She's not a coward, but she is insecure. She greatly admires Hiruma; therefore, she has a strong conviction of doing her best for him even though she didn't want to be manager. With that said, a manager who doesn't dream of going to the Christmas Bowl for herself is not necessarily a bad manager. An example would be Mamori, who at first only joined to protect Sena. Gradually, she became more interested in football and wanted to go to the Christmas Bowl with everyone.