Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games.
Warning: Due to themes in this chapter, this oneshot is one of the ones which make this fic rated T. It is not suitable for younger readers.
Review Reply to Rena Pudding: Thanks for the review. I hope you continue to enjoy the fic!
A/n: Someone explain to me why Cray - who appears for roughly 5 lines in the entire series, gets a character entry but not Caesar, who appeared in every book? Strange world. Anyway, hope you enjoy!
13) Cray – Apple
Today I did something what both saved our lives and killed me inside. And I just got to get it out or else I'll be haunted by it and that'll do me no good at all. So I got to write it down here.
See, we got no money at all. And my little brother and sister are literally starving, what with me being the only one old enough for the Hunger Games and my dad being injured and God knows what goes on in Mom's head.
It's hard to write down. None of us have said where I got the money for that meal from cos it's embarrassing, see. We're just sort of acting like I did some proper job or hell, even stole the money. That'd be better, maybe, for my pride. Not my dad's pride but then, he's not done what I did and he's not likely to ever do what I did.
But I got to get it out or else I think I'm going to go each day hating myself. So, here goes.
I, Apple Jones, went to Head Peacekeeper Cray. Cos he's got the money and power to do what he likes and he likes desperate girls. Girls like me. So I followed him round for a bit and then I went up to him and asked him ... well, if he wanted what he always wants off girls like me. And he looked me up and down and asked me what my name was.
"Apple," I said. And it made him laugh and ask me if I'm as delicious as my name suggests and I said yes. Even though I hated doing it. I had to do it. And then he grabbed me and kissed me and put his hands on my body and ... I had to do it back or I wouldn't have got nowhere. I hated myself. If I could have done anything else I think I would have. But I couldn't.
So I went back to his house with him and let him do what he wanted to me. He actually enjoyed it. I don't think he sees any of it as something he's meant to do to someone he loves or whatever. It's just his way of being powerful and having fun. Still, I got my family fed. And that's all that matters. I got the money I needed to save us all and I'll do it again if I got to.
Besides I can't criticise him, can I? Not really. Business, that's what it is now. Something crude. Defined by ugly words. Not beautiful like making love is meant to be or bland like sex. It's something which gets my family money and makes me cheaper every time I do it.
It's something I'll never forgive myself for.