Title: Red Window

Author: Shannon – shannyfish

Disclaimer: I do not own "The Mentalist" or its characters, Warner Brothers and Bruno Heller do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.

Rating: R (to be safe)

Summary: Sequel to "Suffering is the Best Punishment". With Lisbon gone, Jane leaves CBI to set out to find her and to kill Red John. He won't let Red John kill his family again.

Warning: adult themes

Chapter 12 – "A Day of Silence"

Author's Note: I know a lot of people have said that they've been tearing up or crying over the last few chapters and I can't promise that the following chapters will be any happier… You may want to keep tissue on hand just in case! Also, I really appreciate the reviews and comments, so thank you for that! I intend to bring this up until real time Christmas Eve or Christmas Day before posting those chapters. So, just something to be forewarned about. There should be at least a chapter put up a day though. I'll be flying home for Christmas, so I still should be able to have it all written by then. : )

Suffering is the Best Punishment Trailer - http: / www. mega video. com/ ?v = Q581AW2H

(take out the spaces for )

...

"The best answer to anger is silence." - Anonymous

Ketchum, ID

The morning came, but she'd only peeked out and then closed her eyes again when they'd met the sunlight. She didn't want to wake up, not if she had to meet the same days that she'd been living for over the past month. She couldn't bear it. Not another day. She just wanted to lie there and pretend to sleep some more. Let the darkness embrace her and let everything lift away.

She could hear Simon making breakfast and she could hear the television. It was a cartoon or so it sounded like one, so she assumed that Kaydance was awake as well. But she couldn't bring herself to move. She didn't want to continue with the charade. She wanted everything to be over with. If Simon or Red John was going to kill her, let it be done. If her team was coming for her, let it be done.

She'd given up on trying.

Lisbon felt tears threatening to fall again and just pushed her face into the pillow not caring if they fell or not. She was done pretending. She was done being afraid. She was done being hurt. There was no way to send anymore clues. Simon hadn't gone anywhere since they'd made the trip to Twin Falls. She had a feeling that he knew that she wouldn't try to escape because of Kaydance, and he was right. She hated that he was right. She wouldn't endanger the girl or be the one that was technically causing her pain. Lisbon had thought about it and since the anklets went off when Simon was gone only if they went past where the underground fence was, which meant that if they got far enough away from it that it probably wouldn't work anymore. There had to be a range, but she couldn't think of Kaydance suffering through that when she didn't even know if it would be a mere minute or if it would be longer.

She couldn't risk that.

And yet she couldn't leave Kaydance behind.

She was stuck.

And she felt like it.

So stuck that she couldn't get out.

She heard the door open and made sure that her eyes were shut against the pillow. She listened carefully as she heard footsteps. They were heavy. It was Simon. Kaydance would have called her 'Mommy' by now if she'd been there. Lisbon felt his hand on her back and she tried not to move, to react.

"Teresa…I've made breakfast," Simon said.

She just didn't respond, hoping that he'd leave her alone. She could still feel his hand there, stroking her back and she really had to try hard in order to not pull away from him. She didn't need to set him off if she could help it.

"You need to eat."

Silence.

"Do you not feel well?" he asked.

This was something that she could somewhat respond to honestly. She shook her head and hoped that he'd understand that she didn't feel well. And she honestly didn't. It wasn't that she was sick. Not physically anyways. She was sick of being there. She was sick of pretending. She was so sick of Simon. It made her ill to think of what Christmas Day would bring… It made her sick enough to have him touch her through blankets and clothing; she really didn't want him against her bare skin.

"Well, you should still eat something. Toast and applesauce at the very least," he said. "I'll bring it in for you and some water."

She just nodded slightly and rolled back over. He was going to leave her alone and that was what mattered. She didn't think that he'd allow herself to isolate herself like that until Christmas though. There were still a couple days left… He'd insist on having the perfect family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, there was no doubt about that. But she'd hide for as long as she could get away with it.

…

Simon had left to go grocery shopping and had left her and Kaydance home by themselves. Lisbon had come out of the bedroom and sat on the couch with Kaydance while she watched television. She didn't want the little girl to think that she was mad at her or anything. She just needed to be away from Simon and away from the pretending for a bit of her sanity.

"Can we go outside and play in the snow?" Kaydance asked.

Lisbon really didn't want to, but she knew that Kaydance was a little girl and she needed to get her energy out. It didn't do her any good to be coped up in the house all day long when she could be outside playing. "I guess we can," she responded quietly.

"Yay!" Kaydance exclaimed before jumping up and hurrying to her room.

"Make sure that you're completely bundled up. Gloves, scarf, and hat too."

"Okay!"

Lisbon sighed; this meant that she needed to get up. She needed to get up, get dressed, and play with the little one outside. She didn't feel like she had that much strength, but she pushed herself up to her feet just the same. She made her way to her room and several minutes later emerged to find Kaydance already waiting at the door for her. The little girl had her nose pressed against the glass window in the door staring at the snow. Lisbon had to admit that it was completely adorable and had wished that she had a camera to capture it.

"Let's go," Lisbon said as she pulled on the blue and green yarn hat onto her head. She probably didn't technically need it, but she figured she'd be less grumpy if she was really bundled and warm. She pushed open the door but allowed Kaydance to scurry out first before she followed. It had been snowing and there was fresh powder on the ground. Enough that it went up to your ankles when you stepped into it. She was thankful that they were both wearing snow boots today. Converse in snow was a really bad combination.

She mainly watched Kaydance work. She was trying to build a snowman, but she was having problems once she got past the base. Lisbon couldn't help, but smile in response to the girl's efforts. She moved forward and picked up some more snow and heaped it on top. "We've got to get some more on top and then we can make it look like a head," she told her.

After several minutes of work, they had something that resembled a snowman. Kaydance had said that she was going to go find some odds and ends to complete the snowman, so she'd sat down on the bench by the house. Lisbon stared out towards where she knew the road was. "Come on, Jane," she whispered.

"Why would I come from that direction? That's not sneaky at all."

She didn't move at first. She knew that voice and tone. She knew the direction it was coming from. "Where's the team?" she asked as evenly as possible.

"They're coming from that direction. They're not very concerned about being sneaky. And they're also bringing like an army-size law enforcement squad with them."

She smiled and turned to look at him. He was standing there. Patrick Jane. His face a bright smile. And he was wearing his normal navy blue suit and vest. The shirt underneath was a white with blue plaid pattern on it. She shook her head. "That's not really suitable for the weather up here," she told him.

He shrugged. "I'm not cold."

Lisbon got up from her seat and slowly approached him. Unsure if this was all real or not. She took a couple steps until they were just inches away. "You're late," she joked with a smile. Nothing could rain on her parade now. Not with Jane there and the team minutes away. She was going home for Christmas and Kaydance would go home to her family. Simon would put put away. Life would be good.

"Not yet I'm not," he said, a smile still firmly in place. "But I am at the same time."

She looked at him confused, but then didn't care about his confusing words. She flung her arms around him and felt his wind around her as well. "You don't know how much I've missed you," she said as tears were shed. She just wanted to hold onto him and for him to hold onto her. Lisbon didn't care if people saw, she needed this. She needed to be held and she needed to know that it was going to be okay.

"I know," he whispered. "I know that you were giving up. I know that you've been scared."

Lisbon pulled back and looked at him. "No…I wasn't," she lied.

"Liar," he said pointing a finger at her.

"I'm just glad you're here now."

"I'm not," he said.

"Yes you are!" she said and smacked him for good measure. "This isn't something to joke about."

"No, I'm not," Jane repeated. "Not yet…"

Lisbon just stared at him in confusion. "What do you mean? Are you going to tell me you're some kind of hologram?"

"Don't be silly. You wouldn't be able to hug a hologram…well unless maybe it was a sturdy hologram," Jane told her.

"What are you babbling about? Make sense, Jane!" she told him, unamused at his antics.

"This is all just a dream, Lisbon," Jane explained. "If I were here, do you really think that Cho would have let me come up here without a gun? Now, normally you're my gun…but look," Jane said motioning around. "No Rigsby. No Van Pelt. No Cho. No back-up."

Tears started to fall fresh down her cheeks again. "No, you're here," she insisted.

"I wish I were, Teresa… I wish I could be there to hold you and to tell you that everything is going to be alright, but I can't…not yet. But you know we're coming. We haven't given up. The brass are just being difficult." Jane frowned. "I have to go now. It's time for you to wake up."

"No!" she shouted. "Stay with me," she pleaded. "Stay with me, Jane!"

"I can't," he whispered before turning and walking away. After a few steps, he disappeared.

…

She woke up in tears, sobbing into her pillow. It had felt so real and yet it wasn't. It wasn't and that was what hurt the most. If only she could sleep all day and dream of being held…by Jane, not by Simon, the perhaps she'd make it through this awful nightmare. Maybe she'd make it home as a sane individual.

"Teresa? I heard you crying, are you okay?" Simon's voice interrupted.

Lisbon just shook her head and moved so that she was as far away from where Simon stood as possible. She just wanted to be left alone. Left to the silence and darkness. She couldn't move any farther from him as he rolled her back towards him and felt her forehead.

"You feel warm," he said with a frown. "I'm going to get a thermometer. I'll be right back."

She didn't want him back. She wanted him to go and not come back. She wanted to shoot him and make all the pain go away. Lisbon continued to cry and rolled back to her side. She didn't want Simon to come back and touch her. She just wanted to be left alone. But he came back and his hands were on her to check her. He put the thermometer in her ear and when it beeped he removed it.

"One-oh-one point three," he announced.

She didn't care. Lisbon didn't care how sick she was. She didn't care at all. All she wanted to do was to lie there and sleep. She wanted to be left alone. Why couldn't Simon do something as simple as that?

"You need to get into a tepid bath to get your temperature down," he said.

Lisbon shook her head.

"You either get up and do it or I'm going to have to carry you in there and do it myself, Teresa," he threatened. "Now, can you do it by yourself?"

After a moment, she nodded slowly and pushed back the blankets. She felt his hands on her and she cringed. How she hated his touch. He helped her up, though, and she allowed it only because she felt too weak to do it herself.

"We have to have you well for Christmas," Simon told her.

Lisbon ignored him and stood up. She waited for her full balance to decide to kick in before taking a step towards her dresser. She collected some things before heading out of her room, ignoring Simon as best as she could.

"Is Mommy okay?" Kaydance asked.

"She's just not feeling well," Simon said.

Lisbon had noticed that he had ushered Kaydance back towards the television. And it was probably for the best. The last thing they needed was for her and Kaydance to be ill. It was bad enough that she was so severely miserable. They didn't both need to be.

She locked the bathroom door once she was inside and then started to fill up the tub. She made sure that it wasn't cold, but that it wasn't hot either. Lisbon wished that she'd just been sick enough to sleep…though from how dark it had been when she'd gone by the window, it seemed like she'd slept through the day as it was.

Her clothes hit the ground and she stepped into the tub and then eased herself down into the water. She shivered a bit as she adjusted to the temperature. Lisbon moved so that she was lying on her side and that her head was just above the water. She allowed her head to be cradled by the rounded corner of the tub. Closing her eyes, she tried to wish herself away. At least it was quiet in the bathroom and the door was locked.

Why couldn't her dream have been real?

She felt like crying.

She couldn't.

Lisbon wrapped her arms around herself. She was too tired to cry and her eyes hurt too much. She'd done far too much crying already that day. She knew that it was highly possible that she was sick from stress of everything. And there was no question that she was stressed. She'd admit it.

The silence at least had been comforting. She scooted down just a bit more until her one ear was under water, her head still resting in the crook of the rounded tub corner. Her closed eyes shut out the light and she tried to think of better things. Better days. Things to come. And to push out the current reality of things.

…

TBC…