Panem

by gethsemane342

It is the people who make the country and thus it is the people who should be examined. A series of 44 oneshots, featuring most names on the character list plus a few extras. Would be every name but it was written before the list updated.

31. Mrs Everdeen: Juxtaposition

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games.

A/n: As you may have guessed, i am not a fan of writing the Everdeens ... nevertheless enjoy. And if you happen to know anything about state immunity, some advice will be welcomed ;)

31) Mrs Everdeen – Juxtaposition

Dear Katniss,

I'm writing you a letter you'll never read, dear. You'll win the Games and I'll throw away this letter so that you'll never know what I've written. You wouldn't accept it anyway because you were so hurt by what I did that you'll never forgive me.

What happened to me when your father died? How can I explain it, dear? Imagine the worst day of your life. Remember every feeling you had then. Multiply it by a hundred and you'll come close to how I felt every day. The truth is, I loved your father more than I thought possible and every day, I would see him dying in those mines. And everything would be pointless and depressing and bleak. I'm not proud of it, Katniss. But that is what it was.

What you won't believe is that, underneath all of this, I knew I should be doing more than just sitting there. Part of me was constantly reminding myself that I had to look after you and Prim. In some moments, I would see you looking after us and that part of me would try to force me up. Some days it worked, some days it didn't.

So, you see, that's what it was for me. A mix of despair, pointlessness, the need for action and the desire to help you and be the mother I was meant to be. Complete contrasts in my mind, I know. In a way, you're lucky you take after your father because you both stick to one problem at a time and work from there. Not me – I go all over the place. And that's how it was so easy for me to just give up.

I don't expect this letter to excuse me in the slightest. What I did was wrong – no mother should give up on their child. But, at the same time, my depression was strong. Another conflict. But, no, from your point of view, this letter can't excuse me. I don't ask it to. I just wanted to explain how I felt in the hope that, one day, you will forgive me for abandoning both you and Prim.

Except you will never read this and you will never know. And you would never accept anyway, dear.

Love,

Mother.