Part 6

It's when they're in bed again that her brain slows down again and she starts feeling nervy. There's something about lying down and feeling those blankets close in around her that makes her want to thrash and run. And Cooper, lying there so near...

"Coop?"

"Yeah, baby."

"Right now, I do feel like talking."

He is instantly attentive. "Yes. Anything you need."

"Just...feeling a little confined right now. All these blankets. Makes me a little antsy, I guess."

He leans over, pulls the blankets away a little.

"It's too quiet. I can't be busy in here. And when I'm not busy...when all I have to do is think...I don't think I can sleep like this, Coop. Not tonight, not right now. I don't know how I'm gonna sleep."

"What can I do?" he says.

"Nothing. It's why I didn't want to tell you. Nothing you can do except know it now, and let it eat away at you too..."

"Oh, sweetie..."

"It's not just pictures, either, the flashback thing. It's sounds. Feelings. And at night, it's closer. Me, spread out. Him, on top. That fist, that fist..."

He reaches out his hand, and she squeezes it. It helps, a little. Only a little. But it's a start.

"Coop, how am I gonna sleep?" she asks.

"I love you," he says. "It's all I can think of to say right now."

She can't think of anything to say either. She just grits her teeth, keeps her hand on his and endures, until she hears his breathing soften. She waits until he's fully asleep. Then she calls out softly.

"All right. Come out, if you're gonna."

And there he is. He's brought with him that old recliner from the office he had in her childhood home, and it pops into place underneath him as he makes himself comfortable in the corner of the bedroom. He's smoking a cigar, and has to stifle a cough at the smell of it.

"Damn, Big Daddy. That's a nasty habit."

"Don't I know it. Gave me the cancer, you know."

"Chickens, coming home to roost."

"Oh, is that what this is about? You thinking some of this business is your chickens, baby girl?"

"Hell of a big chicken, given what my sins in life have been."

"That it is, darling, that it is. Course, I already told you, this ain't about any of that. This ain't chickens, baby girl, it's just bad place, bad time, bad luck and nothing more."

"And you, coming back like this? That a bad place too?"

"Ah, right, the crazy. You still worrying about that?"

"Like I told Coop. Lot of things I'm worrying about these days."

"Well, I can go, if you'd like. Although, I do want to to point out, you called me."

"Just said come out if you were gonna. Not like I hoped you would, necessarily."

"I beg to differ, baby girl. But I'll let you have this round. Now, I believe the last one you gave me was Alabama. So I come back with Alaska, and let's see where you go from there."

"Altoona."

"And I come back with Alhambra, so that's another A for you."

"Athens."

"Sao Paulo."

"Oakland," she says. "And I don't wanna to play anymore."

"So, counting sheep would be a better way?"

"Oh, fine. Let's go with Oakland, then."

She falls asleep while he's somewhere in Africa, following up on 'Dar As Salaam' with a rambling tale from his days in the peace corps. When the nightmares finally rouse her later, he's gone, and so is Cooper. She jolts awake with a scream, and there's nobody there to stop her when she thrashes at the bedsheet, and cries out.

He comes out of the shower, and she's still lying there, beating her fists against the pillows, still whimpering a little, trying to get her breath again. He runs over, still dripping water, and tries to gather her into his arms.

"What happened?"

She sniffles, tries to compose herself. "What do you think?"

"Baby, I'm sorry. When I got up, you were sleeping, and I wanted to just let you rest..."

She takes a deep, gulping breath and steadies herself. "Yeah. Guess you can't leave me, Coop. Not while I'm sleeping. Next time, you wake me first."

"Okay."

"Look, can you take your hand away? Just, please don't touch me right now..."

He springs away as if he's been stung, and she props herself up, still fighting back the tears a little. "Okay. I need space for a second. Just...wait..."

She closes her eyes, focuses on her breathing. Her skin feels electric, like everything that touches it is charged somehow. Even the feel of the sheets, of the clothes rubbing up against her skin as she moves, feels somehow abrasive and damaging. She's too sensitized. It's overwhelming...

"Coop. Take the sheets off the bed."

He does it, without questioning, and she feels her panic go down a notch.

"Okay. Now, take off my socks."

Again, he complies without question. Again, she feels lighter.

After a moment, she opens her eyes. "Okay. I need a shower."

"Did you...did you want to tell me what all of that was about?"

"Just didn't want stuff ON me, just then. That okay?"

"Yes..."

"So, I'm gonna have a shower. There's fixings for breakfast, in the fridge."

She leaves him to his own preparations for the day. And she makes hers. "Montana," she whispers as she climbs into the shower. There is no answer back. So, she has won, she guesses. Yippee.

Sheldon is there when they get to the office, but he lets them find him. She appreciates that about Sheldon, that he doesn't just spring out at her like some of the others do when they try to 'help' her.

She turns to Cooper. "Can I go in first today?"

He frowns. "Why? Something going on that you don't want to tell me?"

"I get to choose, telling or not. You agreed to that."

"Yes, but..."

"No. I go in first today. You wait. He'll come and get you."

"Charlotte..."

"I go in first, Coop."

She goes in, shuts the door a little too deliberately, peeks out to see that Cooper has gone away. Sheldon doesn't comment on this.

"Good morning," he says.

"Morning."

"We starting just us, this time?"

"Uh huh. I need some clarification, before Coop comes in, on the situation with Big Daddy."

"All right."

"He let me win, first of all."

"Let you win at what, Charlotte?"

"At Geography. Big Daddy's never been the type to let me win, Sheldon. If even he's feeling sorry for me right now..."

"All right, let's back up for a second. Charlotte, you do realize that he didn't 'let' you win, because he's not actually here, don't you?"

"You start talking to me like I'm crazy and I'm gonna smack you, Sheldon."

"We already covered that one, but it sounds like you need some reminding. What we have here is a coping mechanism, Charlotte, and it's something you're actually doing yourself. It's important that you understand that."

"He's brought a chair with him. From his office, back home. Like he plans on staying."

"As I said, that is up to you. He feels real, doesn't he? Just like the nightmares feel real, when they're happening?"

"Hell yeah, he feels real. I mean, he's not, I know he's not. But..."

"But he's a person who comforts you. Someone you can lean on when you feel like you can't lean on Cooper. Right?"

"He stayed up with me last night, when I couldn't sleep. We played Geography."

"All right. So, next time, that's something you can ask Cooper to do."

"What, just tell him 'Coop, I need you to stay up for awhile and play Geography with me?'"

"If that's what it takes to get you sleeping, then yes. That is exactly what you tell him. This is something you're doing yourself here, Charlotte, remember? It's a safer way your mind has found to ask for what it needs. It's giving you clues, for how you can move ahead with this."

"Do I...do I have to tell him where it's coming from? The whole Big Daddy thing?"

"That's up to you."

"Are you gonna get him now?"

"Anything else you want to tell me first?"

She shakes her head, and Sheldon leaves her. She enjoys the silence for a second before her busy brain takes over and she starts imagining how she's gonna spin this to Coop when all is said and done.