Merry Christmas, everyone! In honor of the holiday season, I present to you a Runaways Christmas special. Behold the weirdest and shortest Christmas special you'll ever see.
DISCLAIMER: I own Derrick Bolris and Squelch. The Misfitverse that this takes place in belongs to Red Witch, the characters of G.I. Joe belong to Hasbro, and everything else belongs to Marvel.
Chapter 29: How the Runaways Saved Christmas
One week after the Runaways' second adventure in an alternate dimension, December came to Los Angeles. Despite the lack of snow, the Runaways still found ways to amuse themselves. One way in particular, however, did not sit well with Xavin.
"This is unbelievable!" Xavin cried. "I control the entire continent of Asia! How could I have lost?"
"You need to pick the pretty countries," Molly said, "like that one that looks like a little jelly bean."
"Xavin, sweetie, it's just a game," Karolina said to her partner.
Xavin and Molly had sat down to play a game of Risk. Surprisingly, despite having actual war training, Xavin actually lost to an eleven-year-old girl who had a preference for "conquering" countries with colors and shapes she found attractive. Nonetheless, the remaining Runaways took a more observant approach to the coming season.
"Christmas is coming, bring on the eggnog!" Chase cried happily.
"I can already tell that this isn't going to end well," Victor said, noting Chase's enthusiasm.
"Agreed," said Gert.
"So, how do you guys celebrate Christmas?" Derrick asked.
"Pretty much the same way everyone else celebrates it," Nico replied, "except our lack of cash means fewer presents."
"Apparently we're not the only ones without much cash," Gert interjected, Old Lace staring inquisitively at an unfolding story in the news. "Someone's decided to take up on a few five-finger discounts for a string of stores."
"Guess we're getting some Christmas fights in," Nico said.
"Christmas shall be no more!" cackled a strange man as he exited a store, full bags in his fists. "Once I am through, nothing will be celebrated on December twenty-fifth!"
It was at that point that the Leapfrog landed in front of the strange man. The Runaways piled out, but the moment they caught sight of their intended foe, they stopped and stared. Very rarely had any of them seen something so strange.
The man was covered in green fur, making him look like an ape that had an obsession with green hair dye. In addition, he wore a genuine Santa hat along with a matching bathrobe and red cloth shoes. His yellow eyes stared back at the Runaways, disturbing them even more.
"It's the Grinch!" Molly cried happily.
"This town is seriously out of ideas," Karolina sighed.
"Okay, uh…boy, I have no idea what to say to this guy," Nico said.
"I am the Squelch!" cried the man. "I shall steal Christmas and wreak revenge for the day my mutation manifested!"
"Wait, you're a mutant?" Derrick asked. "I guess it would be a dumb question to ask if you intended to look like a knock-off of the Grinch, then."
"Hey, you know something?" Victor said. "He looks a lot like Beast from the X-Men!"
"Only if Beast decided to go green," Derrick said, "in more ways than one."
"No one ignores the Squelch!" Squelch roared in response to the Runaways' discussion. "If I couldn't ruin Christmas in my reality, I'll ruin it in this one!"
"And how exactly do you plan to enact a tired holiday cliché?" Gert asked.
"With no presents, there can be no Christmas!" Squelch cackled.
"That's not true and you know it," Karolina said. "Christmas doesn't come from a store. It's not even about giving or receiving. It's about your family and friends, the people you care about. It's like they said in the Grinch…'Christmas day is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp'. You can't stop people from caring about each other, Squelch, any more than you can stop the wind from blowing or the planet from spinning."
When Karolina finished her speech, she not only found Squelch staring at her, she found the rest of her team doing the same.
"Really, Kar?" Derrick said. "Seriously?"
"Wow, that's just sad," Chase laughed.
"Much as we all know the whole meaning of Christmas from growing up on holiday specials," Nico said, "did you really have to go through all the cliché stuff?"
"Yeah, you're probably right," Karolina said.
"My heart!" Squelch suddenly cried, dropping his bags and grabbing his chest. "It's…it's grown three sizes today!"
"Okay, now this is just getting stupid," Chase said.
"I must return to my reality and re-assume my role as Henry McCoy, member of the X-Men!" Squelch cried. "Farewell!"
And with that, Squelch jumped into a sleigh-like car and drove off.
"This has been the weirdest day of my life," Derrick said.
"Get used to it," Nico said, "we get this kind of stuff a lot."