The DISCLAIMER still stands.
Chapter 11: Clandestine
BELLA CULLEN
"You're going to have to face him sooner or later."
"I would prefer later," I murmured more to myself than to Alice, "much, much, later."
It's been two days since I came back from Denali— two long, gruesome days of suffering due to Rosalie's constant complaints about my much frequenting mood swings. Two days of alone time albeit without peace of mind. Two days without… Edward.
Well, not entirely.
I considered that since I promised to myself not to get involved with anything about him anymore, there had to be some plausible way of getting close to him without breaking that promise; there had to be some way to quench this inexplicable desire of closeness without getting him involved in his consciousness. So at night, when my family was having their… intimate moments… I would sneak out and go to Edward's house.
I wasn't doing anything wrong to him. Nothing ill mannered—I was just watching him sleep. It was very entertaining— watching him toss and turn and not knowing the exact reason why. I could only speculate… form theories. It was irritating, not being able to question him about these dreams— the cause of his restlessness during the night.
There were times when I was sorely tempted to open his mind and listen to his dreams, but that would be offending his privacy. I wasn't that apathetic to neglect that fact.
Thinking about it, I guess you couldn't really consider what I was doing as sneaking out. Not when Alice could see what I was up to… that tidbit kept me guarded and in control and I was thankful, to some extent.
"Fine, do what you want now," Alice said, a threat underlying her tone, "But tomorrow I'm dragging you off to school whether you want to or not." She frowned. "I can't believe Esme and Carlisle let this go on for so long."
I sighed as she continued to ramble on.
"You've been away from home for a week. I thought you finally got yourself together when you suddenly reappeared but no… you had, I quote, 'no idea why your feet brought you here'. Did you really expect me to buy that?"
"But it's true! I couldn't con—"
"And then you throw a fit about not going to school... And I was so excited about our new class together too."
You know why I can't go to school, Alice. I sent her the thought.
She frowned impossibly deeper. No. I don't know. What I do know is why you don't want to go to school. "I'll see you later Bella."
I sighed again as I watched them get in Rosalie's red convertible, thinking that when I leave tonight for my little trip to Edward's, I won't come home immediately. Maybe I would go for a short run until my siblings left for school... or hunt to satiate the burning in my throat I was sure to have after swimming in a room full of Edward's scent.
Don't even think about escaping, Isabella Cullen. I will get you to go to school tomorrow no matter what continent you end up hiding in.
Alice's thoughts were but a mere whisper as the distance between us increased, but they were unequivocally menacing— filled with car threats and blackmail. It really is difficult having a small but hugely irritating future-seeing sister.
I could see that she was up to something. She didn't ever care about me skipping school for almost a month in 1987, and now she was acting all 'big sister' on me on the whole skipping issue. Yes, she is definitely plotting something.
But her earlier words left me thinking.
My feet had brought me home, what I told Alice was true. There was this absurd instance, while I was running through the forests of Alaska and was going farther away from Forks, when I fell into a lapse of pain. I couldn't ignore it nor could I tolerate it. And as if it was waiting for that cue, my feet suddenly changed directions. The next thing I knew, I was standing near the borderline that kept our treaty with the Quileutes intact and the pain diminished to a miniscule throbbing.
A tiny and very foolish voice was telling me to pass the boundary and get to La Push, but as realization of foreboding danger sank in, I immediately raced to the nearest safe haven for me— home. I did not want to be the cause of a werewolf-vampire brawl fest. I didn't want to be the one to break the treaty with the Quileute tribe.
Remembering this peculiar happening brought back to me shadows of the pain I felt. At least, I thought it was just a mere shadow.
A sudden stinging sensation bloomed in the center of my chest. I would have brushed it off, but it started to spread. Soon, it felt like every molecule of skin in my body was being pricked by tiny, hot and sharp needles. The intense physical pain caught me by surprise, I couldn't hold it in— I couldn't suppress the pain. In the back of my mind, I sort of knew what was going to happen next. My feet would take its own course again. And it did.
My feet led the way.
I was flying through the forest, not having a single idea on where it was taking me. I was sure that I was getting nearer to my destination though, because the stinging and the burning were mellowing out. I continued to run until I reached a familiar car-filled lot. My feet had brought me to Forks High.
How pleasant. It brought me to the place I mercifully avoided going to. Traitor.
I immediately turned around, but my feet did not let me run back. It seemed like it had detached itself from my conscious thinking— taking orders instead, from my subconscious. And it seemed like right now, it was my subconscious that was taking control.
I sighed. Since I couldn't leave school and I didn't want to go to my classes, (thankfully my subconscious wasn't forcing me to do that yet), I would just snoop around and maybe check on… certain things.
I started going towards the classroom I knew my siblings were in, but then the bell suddenly rang. I checked my cell phone— it was lunch.
I scaled a tree that was near the cafeteria and tall enough for people to not see me. Perched on the tree, I felt like a predator again— eyeing the scurrying, measly humans below me as prey. But I shook that idea out of my head at once. Humans were not prey. They couldn't be prey to me. I was supposed to be a good vampire. Ha!
At the top of the tree, I saw my siblings heading towards the cafeteria. As they went nearer to my location, their eyes darted upward to me. Rosalie looked torn between being irritated and amused. Alice, Emmett and Jasper's lips were pressed into fine lines, obviously trying to hold back smug smiles and peals of laughter.
Knew you would cave in soon. Jasper's mental voice was ringing with amusement.
I narrowed my eyes at my siblings as they sauntered away, some snickering at a volume that was too low for the humans to hear.
At the height I was on, the scents of the humans below me were still quite compelling. But they were dulled by their entanglement with each other and by the clean air gushing through. One scent though, rose above the others, hitting me so strong that I almost lost balance. I didn't need to see the messy bronze hair slowly weaving through the crowd to know who the scent belonged to.
Edward was walking alongside his friends who were, as usual, acting like hyperactive children. It was so clear that he felt out of place with them and that he was not too pleased with their actions. It seemed like he didn't want to be with them at all.
It annoyed me that, due to my current position, I couldn't do anything about it. His so-called friends were egotistical, arrogant, immature teenagers… I couldn't see what was holding him there.
I continued to observe his face as the group lingered outside the cafeteria. Only then did I see the drastic changes that took place in his form.
True, I watched him as he slept. But I only saw the face of an angel as I did so. Despite the occasional tossing and turning, his face seemed calm as he slept. There was nothing alarming with what I saw of him at night. But now, awake, with light illuminating him, I was irrationally furious with what I saw.
His skin was too pale to pass of as healthy. His face had thinned; he was obviously not eating enough. And under his eyes were dark circles. He could have been a vampire, if not for his still green eyes and mouthwatering scent.
What did he do to himself?!
I was fuming. Unwomanly words were racing in my head. But my anger fell into melancholy as I continued to study Edward's face. It was bare of emotions on the surface, but looking into his eyes, he looked like he was torn to pieces. The sadness, the anguish I saw was heartbreaking. He was a complete mess. But what had gotten him into such a state?
I felt my protectiveness over him resurface. I didn't like seeing him looking so defeated and worn. I didn't like it when he was in this state. It pained me, unreasonably, seeing him like this. I wanted to be able to do something, but I didn't know what I could do.
As they finally entered the cafeteria, Edward moved with them, hesitating in his every step. I skimmed through the minds of the people inside, looking for the best view of his face. I saw him looking in the direction of where my siblings were and saw as he sighed deeply and looked away, putting back his emotionless mask.
Why did he do that? All of the questions swam in my head as I removed my sight from the mind I was invading.
Seeing him like that was too much for one day. I took one last fleeting glance at him, my frown deepening.
I would inevitably watch him sleep again tonight. I would replace this image with the one of his sleeping form— the one that had disarmed me with its innocence.
Jumping down from the branch I sat upon, I sent my last message—request— to Alice, before I ran back home to wait for nightfall. I was sure that the urgency and desperation was so evident in my mental tone, but I didn't care. Let her think what she wanted to think.
Do what you can... Please.
She would understand what I meant.