A/N: I would just like to say that chapter 10 and 11 happen simultaneously. So while Edward feels all of those things, Bella's experiencing stuff too. You get my drift?:) The two chapters go hand in hand so I suggest you read through them again and imagine one chapter happening while the other is also on going. :)
CHAPTER 12: Resulting Reactions
BELLA CULLEN
I regretted my decision of coming back to school almost as much as I regretted letting Alice, under my own free will and volition, tow me around like a pack mule in her profligate shopping trips. Of course, I only allowed her to drag me off without complaining as a token of my… appreciation for what she accomplished for me the day before.
She showed it to me in her mind— how she acted at once when I told her in that parting mental message to 'do what she can'.
I was strangely irritated when I saw how easily Edward came over to our table to speak with her, it slightly displeased me. But some influence from Jasper could have helped greatly with reeling him in. That or the curiosity the Cullens held to outsiders had inclined him— at least that's what I tried convincing myself with.
But despite his courage to go to a table filled with vampires (of course, he didn't know that), he still showed a great amount of hesitation in doing Alice a favor. Evidently, anyone would feel the same, if someone they barely knew, almost a stranger, asked them for a favor. Then again, with Jasper there, any other effort of getting him to cave in was inconsequential.
The favor itself was actually more of a request, an invitation if you may. To some other Forks High student, being asked to sit with the Cullens was a dream come true— it was of the utmost honor, an idea so ludicrous to us. The way those students, or other normal people for that matter, viewed us— like gods and goddesses… like royalty, that could never be truly clear to us.
Yes, we were made to appear as beautiful to them, our intended prey. But the way they treated us, gawked at us, was more of a nuisance than a benefit.
It didn't matter though. No matter how they forced themselves at us, we never gave in to their words of adoration… never became too close for comfort… never opened ourselves up for companionship…
That is, until Edward came.
I had no idea what sitting with my siblings could mean to him.
Was he pleased? But why would he be?
Confused at the abruptness? Of course. Even I would be.
Anxious? He didn't need to be.
Or did it not matter at all? I certainly hoped not.
I yearned to know what was going through his head when Alice asked him to join them for lunch.
Of course, Rosalie was not the least bit pleased with that arrangement. And when Alice told her that it was not only for my own peace of mind, but also to make sure Edward had sufficient nutrition intake, her bitter and furious retort was accompanied by an outraged growl.
"What are we," her eyes blazed, "his nannies? Why should we care about what happens to him?"
I would have let the argument drop but she just had to continue with her rampage.
"Humans die every day! He shouldn't be any different. He's going to die. If not from the sudden drop in his appetite, he's going to die one way or another…"
Of course, I could see the implications Rosalie's sentence held. He could die of natural causes or of some other sort… meaning monster-induced. My eyes blazed with a red haze then. Pouncing on her seemed like a necessity at the time, snapping her in half would have been quite nice too. But I had enough control not to do the latter— she was still my sister… no matter how indifferent she was to the human my life now revolved upon.
The fight would have turned pretty gruesome had the family not intervened. Emmett had to use his full strength to contain me, and that was saying much as he rarely used his full strength. Even Jasper had a hard time trying to subdue us. In the end, Esme had to step in and reason with Rosalie and I, well mostly Rosalie, as Jasper went out to get a break from all the raging emotions. When Rosalie still wouldn't concede, Esme firmly grasped Rosalie's shoulders and spoke with such an authority none of us had heard before.
"Your sister feels strongly about this human. Think of how you would feel if it were Emmett in his place."
"That's not the same thing." She answered in a more controlled voice and a hard look in her eyes. "That human is not Bella's mate."
Esme shot her a disapproving look. And for a moment, the truth came crashing down on me like the heavens were shooting downs balls of fire. He wasn't my mate. He never would. He never could.
As long as he was human, that is.
I immediately felt shocked and extremely guilty for even considering changing him into one of us— considering taking his life away from him. All the more for thinking, even for a brief moment, how it would be like having Edward as a mate. Besides, I believe that all I felt towards him was attraction— attraction and a little concern over his well-being… perfectly normal. Alice and Jasper had different thoughts and opinions regarding that matter.
He was unbelievably beautiful for a human. And different from the others, somehow. But for even thinking of him as a prospective mate…
Was I really that selfish already?
For that brief moment, I somehow understood Rosalie's perspective.
Why delve deeper, why seek something more with him, a human, when at the end of the day it would bring us, me, nothing of consequence at all? Why threaten the precarious balance our family strived for? Why play with danger?
But amidst that, I cared for him. He was human, a threat if all this ended badly, but the care and concern I felt for him could not be overlooked. And as if Esme could read my mind, she startled me and everyone in the room into quietness with the next words out of her mouth.
"He's as good as." The tone of finality she used silenced back my and Rosalie's retort and brought a smug smile on Alice's face.
Up until now, Rosalie and I had a non-verbalized agreement of not speaking to each other.
Sitting at our usual table, which was now unusually void of the common on-lookers that stood near us all the time, Rosalie and I acted as though neither one of us existed. Even Emmett was affected by our fight.
He was at a cross-road, actually.
Rosalie was his mate therefore, siding with her was inevitable. But at the same time, he had a soft spot for me, his sister who was always his accomplice in all his trickery. Emmett was truly disgruntled by not being able to be with me as much as before whenever Rosalie was with us. And to further complicate things, Alice took it upon herself to make Edward's sitting with us a permanent arrangement.
I was caught by surprise, as she led Edward to the empty seat between me and her.
I did not see this when Alice showed me how she asked the favor from Edward. She deliberately blocked this one out. Alice really took my words to heart.
One side of me was pleased with having Edward near me so that I could further unravel more of his character. But the other side was furious of having him so close to danger.
As expected, Rosalie glared at him whenever she had a chance— whenever Emmett was distracting her. Edward didn't appear to be fazed one bit by her hostility towards him. Of course, what with Alice's constant small talk and Jasper's continuously sending all of us calm waves, it was manageable.
This arrangement also brought a slight inconvenience. My siblings and I now had to eat the lunch that we bought to keep up with the human act, and vampires don't really have the appetite or the stomach for human food.
Along with that inconvenience was the tense and awkward atmosphere that hung between me and Edward. We still hadn't talked since the symposium incident and it seemed like none of us was brave or foolish enough to bring it up. It could have been more productive if I had continued to stay atop a tree and observe him as the day progressed. Hence, my regret at attending school today.
It was actually the worry for Edward that finalized my decision to attend my classes… that and the stubbornness of my feet which, once again, disjointed itself from my mind and made its own decisions.
I was aware that there wasn't really much that I could do even if I were present at school. Moreover, Edward didn't really have a problem. I was just… overwhelmed with anxiety over his well being that I made a huge deal about it. But all the same, I felt more at ease when I was near him— when I could see and convince myself that he was alright and safe.
This new experience, this new feeling of being so apprehensive about someone other than my family was mind-boggling. It was frightening at some point, but it also brought certain exhilaration.
Having someone to care about outside the family brought a certain contentment. And at the same time, it resurrected all the frozen emotions I had not experienced for over a century. If a dead heart could beat again, mine certainly would.
"Oh Bella, I forgot to tell you your elective class."
I raised an eyebrow at Alice. Alice never forgot anything. She was deliberately saying this now, but for what reason, I could not imagine.
"You have the same class with me and Edward. Isn't that great?" Alice beamed.
Ah. The little pixie was plotting something.
"Fabulous." I muttered.
Alice continued to smile despite my sarcasm. "Aren't you going to ask me which class we're in?"
I complied. "Which class are we in?"
"Performing Arts." Good lord, Alice was all but bouncing in her seat with excitement. This was never a good sign for my sanity and peace of mind.
"Calm down Alice."
I looked at Jasper pointedly. 'Can you please control your wife?'
His brow furrowed with concentration, but the twitching of his lips betrayed his amusement. 'That's proving to be difficult right now.'
"But Mr. Goodshow already assigned a piece for us, it's impossible for me to not be excited. I want to practice it already with you and Edward." Alice continued.
It took everything I had not to growl at her right then and there. I could feel Edward stiffen next to me.
"Excuse me?" My face betrayed no emotion.
"We're supposed to work in triads, so I volunteered us." The annoying pixie was obviously amused.
"Excellent." I muttered.
It was quiet for a moment.
"Alice," A soft, velvet voice said. "Maybe I should just pair up with Jessica and Mike."
I stiffened at the names. I looked to my right and found Edward frowning. I immediately felt guilty. He didn't deserve my stubbornness. Although I couldn't say the same for Alice.
"Don't be stupid." I said, my eyes softening. "It's not a problem."
His eyes shot up and met mine and I immediately felt a shiver go up my spine. It was so long since we've had eye contact, let alone speak directly to each other. I felt as if my dead heart jumped as I reveled in his gaze.
"Yes, don't mind my sister. She just loves to go against everything I say." Edward looked away and faced Alice again. And I found myself missing those emerald orbs. Wow, surprise, surprise.
'Not to mention going against what I see.' Alice grumbled in her thoughts.
"I wouldn't want to impose…" Edward said. His tone wary.
"You already have, human." Rosalie muttered under her breath. Her voice was so low; there was no possibility in Edward hearing her.
Alice and I frowned.
"I insist." Alice told Edward, reaching out for his hand and enclosing it in her small, pale ones.
Edward, despite the coldness I knew he felt, didn't jerk his hands away from her.
The reaction in me was instant. I growled loudly at Alice in my mind, capturing my whole family's mental attention. At the same time, a low hiss issued through my lips, for non-human ears only. And I swear my knuckles couldn't have been any whiter by the way my fists rolled.
'Whoa. I didn't know Bella was so territorial'. Emmett laughed in his mind, amused.
Rosalie's mind was filled with surprise. 'Well what do you know, Bella's toughening up.' That particular thought did not help me one bit. I growled through their thoughts again.
'There's no reason to get upset. Your jealousy's choking me Bella.' Jasper sent, trying harder to calm me down.
Territorial? Upset? Jealous? Me?!
'Cut it out before Edward sees you, Bella. And you're going to give me a heart attack with the way you're glaring daggers at me.' Alice sent.
Alice let go of Edward's hand to appease me. In a calm manner. As if nothing unusual had happened during those last few seconds. Alice was good at hiding these things. Sometimes better than me.
I tried to ease up, but it was not easy. Alice continued to send her thoughts to me, soothing me.
'I just held his hand as a sign of sincerity Bella. I'm not claiming him or anything. I have a mate, remember?'
I felt the jealousy waver, embarrassment now seeping in.
'Edward is yours.'
That did it. Remorse flooded me. It was wrong, irrational for me to have acted that way towards my sister. Such a strong reaction shouldn't have been set off by a mere touch, all the more a touch from Alice. Alice! My loving and sweet pixie.
Jasper had more right to be jealous than me as Alice, his Alice, was holding the hand of another man, but he just sat there nonchalantly. I admittedly overreacted. Again. The reactions Edward brought out in me were certainly disconcerting.
"Shall we?" Alice said in a surprisingly cheerful voice. Wow, she is good.
My family stood up, Edward hesitating to follow, but Alice urged him to move. I sat still for a while, the last to stand up, then ashamedly followed them out with my eyes downcast. I would make it up to Alice later.
"Bella?"
I was surprised as I saw a pair of black leather shoes in front of me. I was even more surprised as I looked up and saw how close Edward was to me— only a step away, his emerald eyes twinkling with concern.
"Are you alright?" he said, his voice soothing every muscle and nerve in my body.
"Of course." I offered him a small smile, not really feeling alright. "Where's the little pixie?" I asked, looking around and not seeing her.
"She went on ahead."
I frowned. Why?
"Why didn't you go with her? I'm not much of company right now." I gave him an apologizing look.
"You looked… troubled. I wanted to make sure you were okay." He smiled softly. Almost endearingly.
My heart, if possible, surged with emotion. Maybe I did feel for him— more than I realized or accepted.
My eyes softened as I smiled back at him, "We're going to be late." and reached out for his hand.
He seemed surprised and that made me think twice about the sudden contact. But as I led the way to biology, I saw a content smile on his lips. I could only hope it was because of me. We walked together, hands never separating, to our class.
And I suddenly found that I was alright. So long as he didn't let go of my hand. I would be fine.
A/N: So, that was a long chapter people. A Christmas gift. LOL. :D No really, it was to atone for my long absence.:) How did you like it so far? Do tell me.:)