Now you're in and you can't get out. You make me so hot. Make me wanna drop. I can barely stop. I can hardly breathe. You make me wanna scream. You're so fabulous...

BRIAN P.O.V.
It was so fucking strange. I thought that once we fucked, I would be able to throw him out and put an end to this story; but as soon as I was out of him, I just wanted to put on a new condom and start all over again. And part of me is fucking afraid to say it, but this has nothing to do with the fact that he's got to be the best fuck I have had in a long, long time, if ever.
It's even more strange that when he got out of the bed, I felt the urge to pull him down again and just lay with him, lazily stroking his perfect porcelain skin.

I thought that after this fuck, everything would have gotten easier, but I was wrong. Now I'm lying in my bed, which smells like him, with the desire of having him back.

I couldn't stop staring at Justin while he was gathering his clothes because I wanted to say to him "Stay," which is a first for me since I never ask anyone to stay. I've never had the desire to ask someone to stay after a fuck.

I told him that he meant nothing, that he was no one special and I kept telling myself that he was just another trick, but to hear him say that he considered himself a trick, made me want to tell him that he was fucking wrong, because I've never chased anyone like I did with him and no other trick has ever made me want to get to know him better.
As I lay here staring at his pillow, I realize that I was just too afraid of letting go.

JUSTIN P.O.V.
I've tried all night to sleep, but it was totally useless since every time I closed my eyes, I saw my dad dead, my mother saying to me, "You came back here and he had an heart attack. It's your fault he's dead," and Brian above me while we were fucking. At least, I was glad that when I got back home, Dean was already asleep.

As I cross the street to the Diner, I feel like shit and I know that it's partially because I have to see Brian and I don't want to. I wish I could find a way to avoid him, at least for a while, or be able to forget that I was so stupid last night that I gave in.

When I open the Diner's door and step inside, there is a tall guy that smiles at me and nods in my direction and so does his short, blond friend sitting next to him. This has to be a result of my last night as a whore. Fucking great.

"Baby!" I look up from the floor and Dean is behind the counter smiling, holding my apron in one hand. I roll my eyes. Every time we fight, he becomes the perfect boyfriend. Once we fought because he forgot that he had to pick me up to go together to a party and the week after that night, he came to pick me up after school to take me home every afternoon. In the morning, he was at the door with coffee and a hot chocolate croissant.

As I extend my arm over the counter to grab the apron from his hands, Dean smiles at me and says "You got fucked last night. You could have called me."
"How do you…"
"You have the same face that you had after a great fuck with Seth whenever you two had a fight. Or whenever we fucked and you got back home late."
"Stop it!" I say annoyed as I tie the apron around my waist. Dean leans over to ask in a whisper "Who was the lucky one?" I just ignore him. He's the last person I'd want to discuss this with.
"Just yesterday, you were back to being my best friend and now you're playing the asshole all over again."
He rolls his eyes. "I always act this way. It's the reason why we became friends in the beginning. So stop complaining Princess. And besides, it's like you're only interested in assholes."
I glare at him before walking over my tables to start cleaning up.

When it's almost lunch time, the guys start to arrive. The first ones are Emmett and Ted. They go to sit in one of the last booths and smile at me. As I walk over to them, the bell over the door rings and Ben and Michael come inside with Hunter. Mikey stops to hug me before sitting down with Ben and Hunter across from Emmett and Ted. I say hi to all of them and then start to write down their orders.

While I'm taking the coffee pot from behind the counter, Mikey comes to sit on one of the stools and just stares at me.
"What?" I ask after a while.
"Justin, can I ask you something?"
I put down the coffee and lean closer to him. "What is it?"
"Did... what happened last... you know, last night at Babylon?"
And here I was hoping that just for once, I had some luck and not one of them saw me.
"I had..." I stop to think about what to say. I'm not enough of a good liar to be able to come up with something in less than five seconds, so I have to go with the truth. "I had something to forget and I decided to use some hot guys to do it."
I'm ready to hear that I'm stupid, that it was wrong, but Michael only nods. "Pain Management. Brian does the same." Then he looks up at me and tries to smile. "So, what the hell happened? If you want to talk, I'm here."
If I don't count Dean, I don't have any friends except Michael, and Dean is the last person I want to talk to right now, but I have to say something to someone; to hear that it wasn't my fault and Mikey is the only one that I have now. So, taking a deep breath, I tell him everything.
"Yesterday, I went to my mom's because my father died. She said that... that it was my fault. They didn't even call me. I have to read it in the fucking newspaper."
"What the fuck? She told you that?"
I nod. "I asked her what she meant and she said, and I quote "you had to come back and kill him" and then she thought that she wasn't being bitchy enough, so she added "I hope that you're happy with your life and I hope that you have some friends because we're not your family." And then I went away. I went home. Dean wasn't there so I started drinking a couple of beers and went to Babylon, got drunk and left with Brian."
"Well... that... I don't know what to say."
"Yeah I know."
"Are you ok now?"
About this I have to lie. "Yeah, kind of. Thanks for asking."
I turn my back to him to pick up the coffee pot and after a second, Michael goes back to the booth.

The lunch break comes and passes and Brian doesn't show up.

BRIAN P.O.V.
When it's time to have lunch, I think about going to the Diner to eat something with the guys, but then I remember that Justin is going to be there. How the fuck could I ignore him? Act like I don't think about him anymore, when I have to see him every time I want to be with my friends? It's so fucked up... I'm so fucked up.
I still have to get out of the bed for more than the five minutes I need to take a piss. I keep rolling on his side to breathe in his scent and I don't want to take a shower because I smell like a Justin that just had an orgasm. God, I'm so fucking pathetic.

I look at the clock once again. 5.45pm. I officially spent all day in my bed thinking about him all the time. Stupid Sunshine and his perfect soft white skin, perfectly blond hair, deep blue eyes and... fuck. I want him even more than I did yesterday.

I get up from the bed, walk over the liquor cabinet, and take out my JB.

MICHAEL P.O.V.
Ok, I knew that Justin left with Brian yesterday, I saw them, and I thought that it had something to do with him his sad face this morning and I was ready to tell him to forget about him because that's just the way Brian is... the basic "Brian-is-an-asshole" speech, but now that I really know what was wrong with him, I want to talk to Brian. I know that it's none of my business, but I already feel Justin is like a part of the family; like a little brother or something. So since I'm my mother's son, I feel the need to interfere and say something to Brian.

It's half past seven when I get to Brian's loft. His jeep is still parked outside but there aren't lights coming from the window. I open the building door using my key and instead of taking the lift, I walk the stairs. I can't hear any sounds coming from inside the Loft, so I open the metal door and step inside. "Brian?" I look around the dark place and I can't see him, so I turn on the lights and I hear an "Mmmh..." coming from the bedroom. "Brian? Are you fucking someone?"
"What the fuck are you doing here?" comes his answer.

I go over the bedroom stairs and look at the empty JB bottle and at the unmade bed. Brian is under the cotton sheets obviously naked but there isn't anyone else, so he wasn't fucking. And Brian never sleeps in cum covered sheets, so I don't get what happened. Why he looks so... depressed.
"You didn't answer me. What happened?"
Still keeping his head on the pillow, he sighs. "I fucked Justin."

I look at him in silence for a couple of seconds. The way he said it, so... I don't know... sad... it's so out of character for him.
"Ok... was it bad?" I ask him tentatively.
That makes him lift his head and open his eyes to look at me. "He's the greatest fuck I ever had."
"Then what is the problem?" I'm truly confused now.
"That fucking him just made me want to fuck him again."
"Brian, how much did you drink?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"You're talking about..."
"What?"

"Never mind. So, you didn't go out today because you want to fuck him again?" I ask in disbelief.
"I didn't fucking go to work, I haven't eaten anything since yesterday and in all this, you want to know why it happened?"
I'm half afraid to ask. "Why?"
"Because..."
"That's the moment when you realize that you don't want to talk about your feelings anymore?"
"Pity and feelings make my dick soft."
I roll my eyes. "Thinking about Justin makes your dick soft? Because I mean, if I didn't have Ben, I would have tried to..."
"Shut the fuck up, Michael!" Brian hisses and I smirk. So Brian Kinney does do jealous after all.
"Ok. So, you were saying?"
"That it's all his fault. I can't fucking stop to think how great his ass felt around me and his lips on mine, well, the two times he let me kiss him... and I don't want to wash because I like his smell on me and I need to shower to go to the Diner or to work so I didn't go out. And the sheets..." he says picking them up and throwing them down on the bed again.
"What is wrong with the sheets?"
"They smell like Justin."

I look at him and bite my lips to stop myself from laughing. If I wasn't afraid he'd kill me, I'd tell him how ridiculous all this looks... Mr. "I don't believe in love-I don't fuck anyone twice" is laying on the bed, complaining, whining and looking like a kid who just had his favorite toy stolen.
Fuck. This is so fucking weird. He's acting like a girl with a crush. "He touched this... that smells like him... I can't do this because it reminds me of him..."

"Brian, did you like... you know, hit your head or something?"
"Would you stop it with the stupid question? I've just fucked the wrong guy. That's all."
"You're so fucking melodramatic, Brian!" I tell him rolling my eyes. "And the wrong guy that you want to fuck again?"
He glares at me. "I'll ask it again. What the fuck are you doing here?" And this is the Brian Kinney I remember and know how to handle.

I look away from his face. "It was about Justin but..."
"What?"
"At lunch—you weren't at the Diner..."
"I know. I don't want to have to tell him again to get lost."
"You're an asshole sometimes, you know that, right?"
"Yeah I know. Now, could you please go back to the point?"
"Ok, he looked depressed and I thought it was because of you, so I asked him what was wrong and he said..."
Justin told me about his dad in confidence and now, if I say something to Brian, Justin will probably be mad at me. But I know that in some fucked up way, Brian could be helpful because of the father that he had. So I take a deep breath and say, "I asked him why he came to Babylon yesterday and he said that he had some pain management to do and I asked him what was wrong and he said that his father died and his mother said that it was Justin's fault and said "I hope that you're happy with your life and I hope that you have some friends because you don't have a family" and I asked him if he was ok today and he said that he was better but I didn't really believe him."

Brian sits in the center of the bed and looks at the pillow on his left side. I think that it was Justin's last night. The way he looks at that pillow, it's, God help me, cute. He looks lost and thoughtful and then he strokes the pillow with his fingers and this has to be the strangest thing that I have ever seen him doing.

"I told him that he was no one special. That after we fucked, he had to go away. He thinks that I believe he is just another trick."
"Geez Brian. Why did you have to..."
"Because he wants a commitment, a relationship, a boyfriend and I'm not that. Not for him, not for anyone."
"You're unbelievable. You like him, really like him. He is probably the first person you ever liked and you're ready to shove that down the toilet and just because you're afraid and..."
Brian looks back at me and yells "I'm fucked up, Michael!"
"So he is. C'mon Brian, you don't really know him, that's true, but you know what he's been through. He doesn't trust new people, he doesn't have a family because his threw him away like yesterday's garbage. You know all this and you knew that if he fucked with you last night, something had to be wrong with him. For God's sake he can't stand you and all of a sudden, he wanted to fuck with you. Just say that you're a coward and be done with this. He's great, he's smart and he's beautiful, but of course, you're Brian Kinney and what would people think if Brian Kinney found a boyfriend? If he starts to use the "R" word, will the world end? You know what Brian? You shouldn't give a fuck about what other people think about you or what you do with your life. It's your life and you have to live it and at the end of the day, you're the one that has to live with what he has done and no one else. It's just your business. And for the record, Justin didn't ask about you,

didn't say that now you two are together. He just didn't care if you were at the Diner or not. So find another excuse to avoid him because he's not some stupid trick."

I can see that he's pretty much shocked of what I said and I want him to think about all this. I want him to realize that if he says that he doesn't care about other people, that he always does what he wants, then he doesn't have to live up to his rules because otherwise, people would think that he's not himself anymore. And I want him to realize that if he wants to have Justin, really have him, than he has to get his ass off the bed and try to make Justin understand that Brian Kinney isn't just an asshole.

I look at him and take a deep breath.
"I want you to help him."
"Excuse me?"
"You are fucked up. He's fucked up. Your parents were awful to you. If there is someone that can understand him, it's you. So get the fuck out of that bed, shower and go find him." I let my words sink in for a couple of seconds and I walk away and head to the door and out of the Loft.

BRIAN P.O.V.
Deep down in me, I know that Mikey is right. I'm just afraid. Of what, I'm not sure. If my fear was of Justin pushing to have a relationship with me, Mikey just took me out of that one. I know that I'm afraid of letting go, especially with him, and I don't know what to do about it. But what I don't really know, is if I'm afraid to try and fail or of what people would think both if it works or if it doesn't.

I can't help but think about what Michael said about what happened to Justin. I basically told him that he didn't mean anything to me either when his mother just told him the same thing.

JUSTIN P.O.V.
I throw my bag on the couch and sit down. Sighing, I look up at the ceiling.
Dean is out once again, so I have my apartment all to myself, but the point is exactly that I don't want to be alone right now because I feel alone.

My dad died and nobody told me. My mother hates me and thinks that I killed my father. And I thought that after all those years without seeing each other, they would have stopped hating me. Yeah, time passes, hate rests even after you have long forgotten the reasons why it started.

Maybe I could call Molly. Right... too bad I don't have her number.

I'm about to go take a beer out of the fridge, when I hear a knock on the door.
"Just a sec." I yell before getting up from the couch to open the door. "What... Brian?"
"Hey there Sunshine."
"What... what are you doing here?"
He smirks. "Shouldn't you invite me in?"
"Why would I? Last time you tried to fuck me..."
"Right, but now we have already fucked, so you can let me in..."
"Right. The one-fuck-for-customer policy." I step back and gesture him to enter. "Well then, come on in."
"So you're not a rude little shit all the time" he tells me while I close the door behind us.

"Brian, look, if you came here just so we could fight, then you can go home because I'm not in the mood for you."
He arcs an eyebrow. "You're not in the mood for me?"
"Yeah. Remember? We can't stand each other."
Brian sits down on the couch and looks at me. "Who said that I can't stand you?"
"Right. So you try to annoy the shit out of me just because you like me." I see him flinch at the word like and I roll my eyes. "Let's get something straight. I don't want to have a relationship with you. You're the last person I would ask to have a relationship with me if I wanted to have one. So you don't have to worry and you can spare me the speech about getting lost and not stalking you."

"Are you done?"
I sigh and close my eyes for a second. "Brian," I start opening them again, "What is it that you want from me?"
He just keeps staring at me in silence and I'm getting frustrated. "Brian?"
"What?"
"You wanted to fuck me. You got it. Now you can leave me alone."
He frowns and bites his lower lip. If I wasn't so not in the mood for him now, I'd think that he definitely looks cute. "I can't..." he whispers.
"You can't what?"
"I can't leave you alone because..." he stops for a second and I just look at him in disbelief. "Because Mikey said that I had to help you."
"Help me?" he nods. "Help me with what?"
"With you're father's death."
"I can't fucking believe it."
I turn my back on Brian and I hear him sigh and stand up. I close my eyes and I feel a pair of arms wrapping around my waist pulling me back.
"Brian leave me..."
"Would you shut the fuck up for once?" he whispers in my ear.
I put my hands on his to open his arms but Brian grabs my hands in his holding them tight.
"What are you doing?"
"I told you to shut up, Sunshine."
"Well, you can't come into my house and tell me to shut the fuck up. Who was the rude little shit?"
He chuckles and I can feel the vibration of his chest against my back and his breath tickles the skin on my neck.

I feel again like I did yesterday while he was kissing me. This feeling of losing control. I try to pull my hands out of his but Brian tightens his hold on me.
"Would you mind letting me go?"
"Yes."
"Brian..."
"Why do you talk so much?"
"Why are you here?"
"Told you."
I roll my eyes. "And why are you hugging me?"
"Mikey told me to help you."
"And you couldn't ask me if I wanted a hug?"
"No. You would have said no. Remember, you can't stand me."
I try to remember that it's true, that I don't want to be anywhere near him, but it's kind of difficult with his breath on my skin and his arms around me keeping me so close to him that I feel his chest arching in my back with every breath.
"Why you weren't at the Diner this morning?" Why the fuck did I ask that? I'm such an idiot.
"Missed me?"
"See... you can't be nice for more that ten seconds... is it just with me that you can't hold back your sarcasm or I bring the worst out of you?"
"I'm always sarcastic."
"Yeah... I know."
"But I have to say that with you it's more funny. You actually get angry and say something rude back to me. I like it."
"Sure. Who wouldn't like to act like three years olds?"
"See. Sarcasm. You're just like me."
"I'm nothing like you..."
"Mikey doesn't seem to think so."
"Well... fuck what Mikey thinks."
"He came to me a couple of hours ago telling me that little Justin was hurting and that I had to do something about it because apparently, we're both fucked up and we're both hated by our families so we should definitely bond."

I pull my hands away from his and push him back breaking free from his hold and turning around to face him.
"God. I hate you. You know that right? Did you fucking hear yourself?"
He smirks and fuck there's nothing more that I want to do than slap him.
"Are you always such a drama queen?"
"Mikey told you to come and you came. Now, get the fuck out. Little Justin is perfectly capable of taking care of himself."
"See... drama queen."
"Fuck you."
He rolls his eyes. "Just shut up."
"You..."
He takes a step forwards taking my head in both his hands and then puts his lips on mine.

I open my mouth in shock and he pushes his tongue inside. I grab his hands to pull him away but apparently, my body doesn't pay attention to what I want because next thing I know, I have my hands in his hair, pulling him close and deepening the kiss.

Without breaking the kiss, he takes two steps forward and I hit my back against the wall. "Mmm..." I murmur and Brian pulls away breathless like me. He looks at me and licks his lips.
"You ok?"
"Yeah... you just pushed me too roughly."
"Sorry."

BRIAN P.O.V.
I'm not sure what possessed me. He was talking and talking and he has such pretty lips and they are so fucking soft and he wouldn't let me kiss him last night and I was dying to kiss him while I was inside him so I just looked at him and next thing I knew, we were kissing.

Now, I know that he was shocked, but he opened his mouth and I pushed my tongue inside and he put his hands on mine and I thought "Ok, he's going to pull away" but then his hands were in my hair and he started kissing back. I sort of lost my control and I pushed him up against the wall.

He's breathless just like me and his lips are red and swollen and wet. "I want to kiss you again," I say before I can stop myself. He licks his lips unconsciously and I have my answer. No matter if now he tells me to fuck off, I know that he wants me just like I want him.

I swallow and he sighs. I still have my body pressed against his and I can feel his hard on just like I'm sure that he can feel mine.

"Justin?" I whisper and he looks at me with big blue eyes and for a moment I see fear there. It's just a second and then he pushes me away.
"Go home, Brian."
"Justin..."
"What?" he pulls himself away from the wall and walks to the other side of the room and I smile.
"Are you afraid that I'm going to jump you or that you're going to jump me?"
"Go home."
"You've already said that."
"Then do it."
"Why don't you answer me?"
"You still didn't answer my question" he says frustrated. "Why didn't you come to the diner today? Afraid that I'd ask to see you again or that you'd ask to see me again?"
Ok he's mad now. Great. All I'm able to do is make him angry.
"See?" he says after a while. "You don't answer my questions, why would I want to answer yours?"
"Don't you ever get tired of speaking?"

He sighs and walks over to me and grabs the sleeve of my jacket.
"What..."
He pulls me towards the door that he opens with the other hand and then pushes me out.
"Tell Mikey that you came to see how little Justin was doing and tell him that I don't need a babysitter. If I want to talk to someone who can understand me, then I'll call Seth. He was there when everything happened and he knows what it is like to be thrown out of your home. You didn't even tell your parents that you were gay, and before you ask, Debbie told me."
"It isn't any of my parents' business who I fuck."
"And I'm not any of yours." He slams the door and I stay there looking at it. It's so fucking silent all of a sudden but I can still hear him screaming that he's none of my business and he's fucking right... I know that...

I'm about to walk away when I hear Justin start to cry. I put my hand on the door and sigh. I'd knock and ask him if he's ok, but it's just a stupid question. He's a lot like me and I'd hate for someone to see me crying so I know that it's probably the last thing he'd like for me to do. So I turn around and walk away.

JUSTIN P.O.V.
When I slam the door in his face, I feel like I just threw away something that could have helped me. And I don't even know why I'm thinking this. About him of all people. But what I know is that I wanted that kiss and I wanted say "Do it" when he told me that he wanted to kiss me again. And I don't want all this. I don't want to let someone else come close to me just to be hurt again.

I slide down against the door until I'm sitting on the floor and before I can stop it, I start to cry.
I know that Brian is still outside and I know that he can hear me, but even if I'd like to have his arms around me again, I'm glad that he doesn't knock or say anything.