Chapter 7 – The Best Damn Thing

And yeah yeah yeah I'm a lot to handle. You don't know trouble but I'm a hell of a scandal. Me I'm a scene I'm a drama queen. I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen...

BRIAN P.O.V.

One love one shot. It's all we ever got. Boy you got me started. Now I'm not gonna stop. Now slide along side yeah baby that's right. I'm gonna show you the time of your life...

I don't understand why I keep trying if I know that at the end I'm just going to fuck up. I try to be caring and kind and as soon as he starts to look at me differently than his usual "you-are-an-asshole-leave-me-alone" stare, I say or do something and screw everything up! But it's not my fault! All he has to do is stand there, look me in the eyes, and I'm lost. Me... Brian Fucking Kinney feels lost looking in a pair of deep blue eyes. I don't understand myself anymore.

It has been a week since last time I saw him. I came back home and spent two days without going out, except to go to work. I even started to make my own breakfast so I don't have to go to the diner. I wonder if he knows how fucking much he affects me.

Mikey came over here the other day and told me that Justin was always looking sad. I told him that it was probably about his asshole father and he said that he didn't know because Justin wasn't talking to him. He said something like "I was trying to help and what would I get in exchange? You look fucking depressed and he hates me." After that, I found a joint and we smoked and drank until Ben came to pick him up. That was two days ago. Now it's Sunday and I have to go to Debbie's diner or she'll come here to drag me out and the last thing I want right now is to hear one of her lectures about me being the asshole and all that crap...

JUSTIN P.O.V.

I just wanna scream and lose control. Throw my hands up and let it go. Forget about everything and runaway, yeah. I just want to fall and lose myself. Laughing so hard it hurts like hell. Forget about everything and runaway, yeah...

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?"
I look at Dean and he just stares at me with a raised eyebrow.
"There's nothing wrong?"
"Uh-huh..."
"Why don't you just go out and find someone to fuck?"
I get up from the couch and Dean follows me into my room and when I lay down on my bed, he does the same.
"I don't get it."
I keep staring at the ceiling hoping that he'll go away if I don't answer him, but he knows me better than this. I feel a hand under my chin and find myself looking at him.

"I know the silent treatment and it's not going to work, Baby. Now. I was saying... I don't get what's up with you two..."
"I don't know..."
"Stop saying that you don't know what I'm talking about. You've been staying at home all week. You made me tell Deb that you were sick and when she said that she was going to come over and take care of you, I saved your ass. So now I want to know why you avoided the Diner and why Brian did the same because I don't get it."
I turn again to look at the ceiling hoping that if I don't pay attention to him, he'll go away, but unfortunately, Dean knows me too well. "Stop with the silent treatment because it's not going to work."

I get up from the bed and go in the kitchen. I pick a bottle of water from the fridge and when I turn around to sit on one of the stools, Dean is there staring at me.
"So?"
"Leave me alone, Dean," I tell him, sitting down and turning my back on him.
"It was him, wasn't it?"
"Who?"
"The guy you fucked the other day. It was Brian."
"I'm not going to talk about it with you."
Dean laughs. "You're sooooooo fucked."
"What?" I turn around to face him and he has a smirk on his face that reminds me of Brian. Lately, pretty fucking much everything reminds me of Brian.
"You like him."
"No, I don't."
"Yes you do and let me tell you something. Not every guy on the planet is like Seth."
"Dean..."
"You can't keep trying to push away everyone. You don't even know him, you just know what other people told you about him."
"I can see myself that he's an asshole."
"You say that I'm always an asshole too. But I'm not a real asshole with you..."
I look at him skeptically and he rolls his eyes. "What I'm saying is that even when I'm an asshole to you, I'm not as bad as with the others and it is because I love to play with you. You get angry and answer back and you're just so cute when you do that, that I can't help myself from playing with you and I'm sure that it's the same reason that Brian has."

I decide not to tell him that he just told me, for the millionth time, the same thing Brian told me. They're so alike. And I know that if I'm able to be friends with Dean, I should be able to be friends with Brian as well, but Brian is irritating in another kind of way. When I get mad at him, I'd like to slap him and push him up against a wall and then I'd like to kiss him. It's his fault. He keeps confusing me. First he's gentle then he's an asshole. And I never know which is the truth.

"I don't want to find an asshole. I want to find a guy that cares about me."
"Brian does."
"You just said yourself that we don't know each other. Why should he care?"
Dean shrugs. "There are times when you don't need to know everything about someone before caring about them. There are times when you care about someone because you'd like to get to know them better... to give them a try."
I smile at him. "Since when are you so wise?"
"Since you started to be a fucking drama queen."
I shove him playfully and Dean leans over and kisses me. He lays his forehead against mine and whispers, "You are good at it."
"At what?" I whisper back.
"At making assholes fall head over heels."
I laugh and shove him back again. "Stop it."
"I'm being serious here," he says laughing. "You like him. You need someone that you like."
"I like a lot of people."
"No you don't. Not in the same way."
"Dean, I can't stand him how can I..."
"Right. Because nobody has ever fallen in love with someone that they thought to hate or couldn't stand."
"I'm not in love with him," I say seriously.
Dean nods. "I know you're not now, but that's the reason why you keep pushing him away. You know that you could fall for him and you don't want to. But newsflash Blondie, nobody decide who to fall in love with."
"Now you sound like an old grandmother or Cosmopolitan."
Dean laughs and shakes his head. "Every time we start having a serious discussion about you, you make a joke, but it's not going to work this time. This time, you're going to shower, put on your sluttiest club clothes and come to Babylon with me tonight."
"Dean..." I start but he kisses me again.
"No buts... just your lovely butt in a tight pair of CK jeans."
He winks and then goes in the bathroom.

BRIAN P.O.V.

I'm talking about blue eyes... What's the matter... your heart got broken on the underground. Go find your spirit in a lost and found. Oh I've been watching how you behave. Not much like a lover more like a slave...

Deciding that I don't want to show how much I'm affected by Justin, I get in my club clothes and head towards Woody's.
As I walk through the door, I see what a big mistake I've made. Justin is sitting with Emmett, Michael and Dean and they're all laughing together. At least now I know that he didn't stay mad at Mikey.
I briefly think about just turning around and heading to Babylon, but when Dean lifts his head and our eyes lock, a devil smirk spreads on his face. I know that I'm fucked. He whispers something to Justin and I'm suddenly looking in the blue eyes that have haunted me for the last week. He has a strange look on his face, a mix between relief and annoyance and still, all I can see in the packed place, are his eyes looking straight at me.

I decide to walk over to them. I'm Brian Kinney and I'm not going to change my plans just because he's here. Fuck it!
As I take the first step towards the table, Justin turns around and when I get over to them, Emmett is clapping his hands saying, "You're going to have all the men at your feet. I just know it. You put on quite a show last time you came" I see Justin blushing and I find myself smiling.
"Em, I'm not drunk so I'm not going to dance with dozens of men."
"That's a shame," Emmett replies with a hand on his heart in mock offence.
Dean puts his arm around Justin's shoulders and looks straight at me still smirking. I wonder what the hell is going through his mind.
"I bet that he's going to put on a show without even being drunk."
Justin laughs and shoves Dean away and I found myself envious at the easy way they act with each other. I can feel Michael's eyes on me while I'm staring at Dean and Justin.

Dean laughs and kisses Justin on his lips and Justin blushes. I feel something that I refuse to acknowledge as jealousy and I'm glad when Mikey says "Well, I think it's time to hit Babylon."
I look at him. "Where's the Professor?"
"Away for a conference in Chicago. He left this morning."
"It looks like it's going to be just us single ladies... just like in Beyonce's new song!" I glare at Emmett and Justin does the same while Dean and Michael laugh.
"Don't you refer to me as a lady ever again," I warn him.
"Geez I was just joking. What the heck got you so moody?"
"Nothing," I quickly answer back.
"Thinking about it, I haven't seen you all week."
"Been busy," I tell him before turning back and going out of the bar.

********************************
As soon as we walk inside Babylon, I go over to the bar and then to the catwalk and Michael and Emmett quickly follow behind, but when I turn around looking for Justin, I don't see him. I frown and look down at the dance floor, uncaring of Emmett and Michael's eyes on me.

Justin is dancing with Dean or to be more specific, they're almost fucking at the center of the dance floor. For the first time, I notice his black jeans and the blue t-shirt that hugs his torso tightly. It's strange that while we were at Woody's or walking to Babylon, I didn't look at anything but his eyes or his lips. Since when I don't look at an ass, just at a pair of eyes or perfectly shaped lips?

"They're hot," I hear Michael whispers to me.
I turn around and look at him. He smiles. "I know that you're jealous, but they're just friends."
"And how do you know that?" I ask before I can stop myself.
Mikey shrugs. "Because since I don't want to fuck Justin, I can look at them without being jealous and I can see that even if Dean wants him for more than a friendship, Justin doesn't want the same and Justin is that type of person that you want close even if you can't have them your way, so Dean plays along. You don't have to worry about them."
I sigh and turn to keep looking at Dean and Justin. Dean leans towards Justin's ear and whispers something and I see Justin nodding before turning around and starting to dance with another man. Dean leaves the dance floor with a tall blond heading for the backroom.

"Go talk to him."
I turn again to face him. "Mikey..."
"I'm serious. Go talk to Justin and try to be civil..." he kisses my cheek before turning towards Emmett. "Em, would you like to dance?"
I follow the line of Emmett's gaze and I see that he's staring at Justin.
"Emmett!" I almost shout.
"What?" he asks me.
"Stop it! Michael asked you a question. And try to keep your mouth shut. You're drooling."
Michael starts laughing and Emmett looks at him confused. "Stop staring at Sunshine if you care about your life" Mikey jokes and I glare at both of them before walking towards the stairs.

I glance at Justin one last time before heading towards the backroom. I spot Dean just after a couple of minutes. He laying again the wall and there is the blond guy on his knees sucking him off and he has his eyes closed. I'm not totally sure why I came here but I kind of felt the need to talk to him.
"Are you just going to stand there staring at me?" he asks suddenly.
"I..."
"Let me guess," he starts before opening his eyes staring straight at me. I can see why Justin would like to fuck him. I can't help myself from looking down at his dick going in and out of the trick's mouth. When I look up again, Dean is smirking. "You want to know if I want Justin." I don't answer him and he licks his lips becoming serious all of a sudden and pushes away the trick with a 'fuck off' before looking at me again. "I want him. I want him with everything I got. I want to be with him. I want to have him just for me... forever. I want to call him mine and know that it's the truth. I want to make love to him every night and in every fucking hour of the day if he wants to... I want to hold him when he's sad like I've been doing since I've known him. I want to be able to tell to the men like you that want him, that they can't have him. And..." he stops and briefly laughs, facing away, "most of all, I want to tell him that I love him and see the same thing in his eyes."

Dean looks back at me and I see sadness in his eyes. He shakes his head and sighs. "He's fucked up, Brian. He thinks that every man is going to treat him like shit that every man is going to cheat on him and that he'd never be enough for someone. It's Seth and his family's fault but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that he's fucked up and needs someone to trust..."
"He trusts you" and I don't know why I'm saying this while all I want is to have Justin all for me.
"It's not the same. I told him that I broke up with my boyfriend because I wanted him and that I was ready to give up tricking for him but he doesn't want that, not from me. I think that it's because he needs a friend sometimes and I'm his only friend, I know that he thinks about the gang as friends but it's not the same and not just because we fucked from time to time, but because I know what he's been through because I was there and if now we'd get together, he'd be alone when he needs a friend and I'm ok with this. I want so much more than this from him but I know that he can't give it to me and I'm ready to be just his best friend as long as I can be close to him. So, if you came here because you want to know if you can have Justin for you, then fuck off because he doesn't need you right now not if you keep thinking about him just like a trick not if you're not ready to let him in your life completely. He needs someone that he can feel is just his... so, if you'd like to have him, even knowing all this, then go out there and take him. I'm saying this like his best friend and not like someone that is hopelessly in love with him. But don't fuck it up. It's going to need time. He's going to need time. So be patient if you really want him but if you're just looking to fuck him again, then please leave him alone."

We look at each other in silence. I'm trying to think quickly about what Dean just said. I'm not like that... I'm not what Justin needs right now but deep down inside me, somewhere, I know that I can be that person if I want to. It's just too fucking complicated to think about a relationship with someone in a dark room and when you're Brian Kinney and people think that you're a selfish prick who doesn't care about anyone but himself.

"He's going to fuck that guy" Dean says out of the blue and I can see that he's disturbed at the thought just like I am. "You should do something about it. Start acting like you care and the rest will come along. Start to show him that maybe you remotely like him even if this is going to scare him away."
In a second, his usual smirk is back in place and I find it hard to believe that it's the same guy that just told me how to reach Justin.

Dean starts to walk out of the backroom but I stop him. "Hey..."
"What?"
I clear my throat. "Thanks."
He nods. "Don't hurt him or I'll kill you and I mean it" and then he leaves.

JUSTIN P.O.V.

And I feel so alive. I can't help myself. Stay there, come closer, it's at your own risk...

Dean left for a trick half an hour ago. I was stunned when he told me that he left his Jason just for me and that if I wanted to, he would have given up tricking even though tricking is a part of him and I thought that he would have refused to change that part for anyone. And it makes me smile sometimes to think that since I told him that I only want him like a friend, he keeps on tricking. I hope that one day he'll find someone that could love him back like he deserves.

I feel the hands of the guy I'm dancing with, travel down my spine until they're resting on my ass. I briefly think about pulling back, but then I smirk and let myself be carried away.
"I'm Damon" he whispers against my cheek and I nod.
"I'm Justin."
"Would you mind me kissing you?"
I pull back and stare into a pair of light blue eyes that are looking at me with lust and I find myself happy that even if he probably just wants to push me up again a wall and fuck me, he's being nice with me.

"I didn't think that someone was going to ask me if I minded being kissed."
Damon laughs. "We're not all asshole."
I nod and smile at him. "You can kiss me."
He smiles at me sweetly and then lowers his head until our lips are touching. I can feel his passion in the kiss and the erection against my thigh and as I let myself enjoy the sensation, I'm being pulled away.
"What the..." I turn around and I found myself looking in Brian's eyes. He has this stupid smirk on his face but that quickly change when he locks eyes with Damon. "Fuck off" he tells him.
"Look, Kinney..."
"I said fuck off" and before I can say anything, Brian drags me off of the dance floor and towards the exit.
"Brian!" I call but he doesn't answer me.
I sigh and let him drag me outside. As soon as we are back in the street, I push him away.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"I thought that you didn't kiss..."
"And why would think that? Because I didn't kiss you while we were having sex?"
I prefer to die than to tell him that he's the only one I can't kiss because with him a kiss is not just a kiss.
"Why were you grinding with that troll" he asks ignoring my question.
"It's none of your business."
I turn around to walk inside to find Dean, but Brian grabs my arm and pulls me towards the alley.
"Brian, what do you think you're doing?"
"I want to talk."
I laugh. "You? Talk?"
"Yeah."
He pushes me against the brick and put his arms on both sides of my head.
"Why are you always so angry at me?"
"Because you're irritating and annoying and I can't stand you."
He rolls his eyes. "Really?"
"Yeah."
He smirks. "You know, people say that the line between hate and love is tiny."
"Fuck what people say. I'm not gonna fall for you."
He nods and looks away for a second before turning his head towards me again. His eyes are more open than I've ever seen and he seems to be looking at me searching for something and after a couple of seconds he smiles.
"What?"
"Nothing." I look at him confused.
"Why did you drag me out of Babylon?"
He shrugs. "First you hate Dean because he's my best friend and we kiss, then you glare at every man in the diner that says hi or just looks at me... now you drag me out of a club because I was kissing someone else that I was probably going to fuck or let fuck me..." I see him wince at the last words and I can't help but smile, "you look like a jealous boyfriend."
He half laughs. "Yeah right, you wish."
I laugh and look deep into his eyes. "No, you wish."
"Please, you're forgetting who you're talking to."
"So are you."
He just keeps staring at me and I'm suddenly serious. "Do... do you like me?"
"Define like."
I look at him in disbelief. "You... you got to be kidding. I do not believe this!"
"How do you think I feel? I haven't slept, I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach. Fluttering..."
"Butterflies?" he doesn't answer me. "Oh no, no, no. This is not happening."
"No one is more surprised or ashamed than I am."
"You know, I adore all of God's creatures, but these butterflies? They've got to be murdered."
He looks at me in silence and then says "Fine. It wasn't that great anyway."
"Thanks."
Brian stares at me for a couple of minutes and then goes away.

BRIAN P.O.V.

Scar tissue that I wish you saw. Sarcastic Mister know it all. Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause... Push me up against the wall. Fallin' all over myself. To like your heart and taste your health. I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl. Give to me sweet sacred bliss. Your mouth was made to suck my kiss...

I've spent all my life believing that it was stupid to like someone for more than just one fuck, then I met someone that finally interests me for more than a one night stand, and he thinks that I'm not allowed to like him. Well. Fuck him. If I could help it, I'd stop thinking about him and wanting him right now.

I slid open the door to the loft and go straight to the JB bottle. At least, when I'll fall asleep totally wasted, I'll be able to keep his face out of my mind.

*************************

I wake up to a heavy pounding on the metal door. I look at the clock on the nightstand and I see that it's 4 in the fucking morning. My head still hurts from the drinking, but at least I'm more sober after four hours of sleep.

When the pounding doesn't stop, I get out of the bed and pull on a pair of sweatpants before going towards the doorway.

When I open the door, Justin passes under my arm and slip inside and next thing I know, he's pushing me up against the still open door and has started kissing me.
"Sunshine..."
He doesn't listen but just keeps kissing me and when the air is a necessity, he starts to lick down my neck. He's fucking drunk and will hate himself in the morning if keeps going.
"Justin..." I say more forcefully. "Justin! Wait!"
He keeps on kissing my neck. "Justin!"
"I want you to fuck me."
"You're drunk."
"I don't care."
"But I do."
He stops and looks me in the eyes for a second and a little smile creeps on his face.
It all lasts a second because then he starts to lick his way down my chest until my navel and then back up until he has my right nipple in his mouth.
"Fuck" I hiss.
He kisses me again on the mouth and then puts his lips against my ear and whispers, "I want you, Brian." Then I feel his hands starting to push down my pants. I try to push his hands away but fuck... he's just what I want... what I want so fucking bad. And he's here now and as soon as my fingers are in his hair, I stop thinking about all the rest and I know that now, I can't let him go.
"Jus..." I breathe out.
"Brian, just fuck me," he says and I take his head between my hands and crush my mouth on his, kissing him frantically.

When I pull back, it's just to close the door and then we're kissing each other all over again and Justin starts to walk backward towards the bedroom, pulling me with him.
"This is bad," I say against his lips.
"I know," he answers between kisses.

I pull the t-shirt over his head and unfasten his belt, pushing down in one move both his jeans and his underwear. He kicks his clothes away and then reaches for my pants again, pushing them down. The feeling of his bare skin against mine sends shiver up and down my spine.

I push him back and Justin falls on the bed, bouncing lightly, and I stop to look at his pale body spread on the blue sheets.
"I want you so fucking much," I say and he smiles and raises his left arm inviting me. I kneel down between his open legs and he slides his left hand behind my neck to pull me down on him and crushes our lips together.

We kiss like we could die and never see each other again and before we knew what's happening, I have two fingers inside of him and he's slipping a condom on my dick.

"Aah... Brian... just... fuck... do it..." he says moaning and I've never head a sound more beautiful than this.
I pull away my fingers and start to push inside of him and he puts his legs around my waist to pull me all the way inside him.
"Fuck. I can't believe how tight you are."
He pulls me down and kisses me and I knew that to kiss him during sex would have been great and it's just that... fucking great... it feels so fucking good...
I pull out and push inside again and he arcs his back and sighs. "You feel so good," he breathes out.
"You feel even better," I whisper on his lips before I kiss him again and again while I start to fuck him harder and faster.

We don't say anything else but we try to remember how to breathe while we're getting closer and closer to our orgasms. When I reach out to touch his dick, he slaps away my hand just like he did the last time. He whispers a "Don't need it" and then sighs and smiles and I can't help but kiss him and after a few more thrusts, we're both cumming.

I crush down on him and he puts his hands in my hair and I do the same. I turn my head to look him in the face but he's staring at the ceiling. "What happened?" I ask him, not sure why I feel the need to know, but he doesn't answer me.
"Justin?" he keeps on being silent and I caress his swollen beautiful lips and sigh. "Hey Sunshine?"
"It's nothing."
"What is nothing?"
"Don't want to talk about it."
"Okay."
I get up and head to the bathroom to start the shower for us, but when I come back in the bedroom, Justin is pulling on his jeans.
"What are you doing?"
"I know the rules. I'm heading home."
"If you know the rules, then you know that I don't fuck anyone twice."
"You just did."
"That's the fucking point" I scream at him.
He looks confused.
"There are times when I hate you so fucking much." He opens his mouth to reply but says nothing. "All you have to do is come to Pittsburgh and then boom! I'm not the same anymore. You can't talk about my rules when you're the one that makes me break all of them. I've never chased anyone in my life and still, I've spent the last two months trying to fuck you..."
"Well, you did it."
"That's not the point" I reply softly.
"Then what is it?"
"You only see what you want to see. Dean loves you but you just ignore it... I like you and you tell me to not like you because that's not what you want... you want to see your best friend in Dean, so he's not allowed to fall in love with you. You want to see me just like an asshole that wants to fuck you and that's all you see and that's because you can't handle things if they're something other than what you expect them to be. You're using the fact that normally I don't give a fuck about fucking someone, just so that way, you can think that it doesn't mean anything."
"Ok, I'm fucked up, so what?" he screams and now he seems really angry but this time I'm not going to back out.
"Why the fuck you can't accept that there are people that care about you?"
Justin doesn't answer but just looks away. I step on the bed and grab his hands pulling him down. "Brian..."
"Shut up."
He looks at me for a second but then lets me lay him down.
"What are you afraid of?"
"I'm not afraid."
I sigh and look at Justin while he just keeps staring at the ceiling. "Just answer one question..."
"What is it?"
"Why do you think that no one could truly love you? Who made you believe this?" I already know part of the reason, but I want to hear it from him.
He shrugs. "Everyone. My family, my friends, the guys... I'm just a little tired now. I think I'll take a break from it all..."
"From the feelings?"
"Yes."
"Is it working?"
He burst out in a bitter laugh. "Not so well."
"Why are you here?"
"Because you don't say that you love me and then cheat on me... you don't say that you're my best friend while all you want to do is fuck me... you're honest and you don't want anything serious from me." I bite my lips to stop me from saying that he's wrong. "But even knowing this..." he sighs and turns to face me. Looking right in my eyes, he whispers, "I can't trust you."
"You just said that I'm not like..."
"You're not, but every time I meet someone new I think that they're different, but it's always the same and I don't want to trust people anymore... It gives them the power to hurt me..."
"You shouldn't talk like this."
"Why? You do the same..."
"True but you're not like me. Debbie said that when she first met you, you were full of life and that no matter what you always gave people a second chance... even your parents... I think that people who are so trusting shouldn't become assholes like me. It would be better if there were more people like you than like me."
"Well, I don't want to be like that anymore."
"So as long as I don't want something serious with you, you're not going to push me away anymore?"
He looks at me for a second and then nods before furrowing his brow. "You said that you cared that I was drunk."
"I did."
We stay in silence and then he sighs again and sits up, starting to gather his clothes around the room.
"Where are you going?" I ask him while he's putting on his t-shirt.
"Home."
"You can stay."
"I don't want to..."
"Why?"
"You hate having people over..."
"I would have kicked you out if I wanted you out. Tell me the truth."
He seems uncertain for a second before shaking his head and starts to put on his shoes.
"Is it because it would mean something?" I ask before thinking about it. "Because I'd care?"
"It's just a fuck" he answer me.
"Then you can stay..."
"Don't do that..." he says turning to face me again.
"Do what?"
"Manipulate my own words to get what you want."
"I..."
"Doesn't matter."
He puts on his leather jaket. "I'll see you around," he throws over his shoulder before walking out my door.