Chapter 16

Rose's Point of View

Lissa wasn't in when I returned, and neither was Christian. I made my way towards the kitchen to grab a cold drink when I saw Dimitri sitting on the sofa, reading one of his Western novels. He must have just gotten off duty because he was still dressed in his Guardian clothes. My stomach did a back flip as I considered telling him about my pregnancy. This was ridiculous; how could I be pregnant when I'm a Guardian? How was I going to continue guarding Lissa? I knew that when Adrian found out, he would insist that I marry him and become his Guardian instead. I had to tell Dimitri, he was going to find out sooner or later, and I would prefer if he found out from me instead of from someone else.

'Hey,' I walked up to and sat myself opposite him. He lowered his book slowly and gave me a restrained smile. We hadn't talked in a long time and my heart raced nervously as I looked at him. He looked as handsome as always, albeit a little tired. It must have been a long day for him. And I felt horrible about making it worse.

'Can I talk to you?' I asked nervously, staring at my hands.

'Of course,' he said gently and my heart constricted painfully. I missed him so much. We saw each other every day, but the distance between us couldn't be further. Suddenly, his crime didn't seem so big anymore in light of what happened between Adrian and me.

'I don't know how to tell you this…' I started, 'I… I really didn't want this to happen. I'm really sorry about it… It just happened you know… You're never going to forgive me…' I knew I was rambling, but I didn't know how to broach the subject otherwise. 'I… I just wanted to tell you…'

'What is it Rose?' he asked, his voice was gentle but firm. A lump rose up in my throat and for a few seconds I couldn't speak. I knew that once I told him, I would lose him forever and I couldn't. He would hate me, and I couldn't think of anything worse. But I couldn't lie to him either. It wouldn't be fair on him and he would hate me even more if he found out from someone else.

'I need to tell you something…' I started up again, staring intently at the carpeted floor, not daring to look into his eyes. I knew it would kill me to see the betrayal in his eyes when I finally told him. 'I know you're going to be angry, I know you're going to hate me…'

'I could never hate you,' he said softly and I felt my tears start to fall. He reached out to wipe one of them away but I backed away from his touch. I couldn't let him touch me; it would only make all of this harder.

'What's going on?' he asked, confused and hurt by my rejection.

I let out a deep sigh, 'I wish this wasn't happening… But I wanted you to hear it from me first…'

Here goes nothing, I thought as I looked into his eyes and said the words that would change my world forever, 'I'm pregnant,'

It took a few seconds for him to register what I had just said. I could almost see the gears turn in his head as he realized what I was telling him. His expression changed from surprise to horror to pure, unabated fury. He was gripping the edges of the sofa tightly, his knuckles almost white.

'Adrian?' he croaked. Nothing I did could control the barrage of tears that ensued as I felt my heart slowly recede into my chest. It was as if it knew there was no turning back now.

'I don't know,' I cried hysterically, 'I wish it wasn't but how else could it happen?'

Dimitri was shaking with anger as he fought to control himself. I saw the warmth gradually die out of his eyes and I knew it was over between us. I knew we could no longer salvage our relationship. I knew that I had lost him. 'That's what I thought at Lissa's wedding; until she announced her pregnancy, and I thought that maybe I heard you wrong,' he stared at something behind, 'I thought that you were throwing up because Lissa was transferring her symptoms to you,'

'She was!' I protested, 'It's what I thought at her wedding too,'

He let out a cold bark, 'But you're pregnant too,'

'I'm sorry,' I sobbed, not knowing what else to say to him.

'Send my congratulations to Adrian,' he said frostily as he got up to leave. I grabbed onto his arm; the touch of his skin was like fire under mine.

'Wait,' I begged, 'I love you,'

He looked at me and it was as if the lights had gone out within him. His eyes were black with anger and his lips formed a thin, hard, unforgiving line. 'I can't do this anymore,' he said in the same cold tone that made me shudder, 'You never gave me a chance to explain what happened with Katrina,'

'Please,' I begged, 'Tell me now,' I just wanted him to stay and talk to me longer.

He rolled his eyes sarcastically at me as he pushed my hand away. I let out a strangled sob as he did; he had never rejected me like this before but I guess I deserved it. What did I expect? 'I don't think it matters now,' he said, turning away from me.

'Dimitri, please,' I pleaded, I needed him to talk to me, I couldn't just lose him like this, 'It was a mistake! I didn't mean for it to happen!'

'I'm sorry,' he said. I detected a hint of regret in his voice, 'I'm handing in my resignation papers,'

'You're leaving?' I choked out.

'I'm going home,' he said, his back still turned towards me.

'But this is your home,' I said brokenly.

'Not anymore,' and with that, he walked out of the front door, leaving me in a devastated heap on the floor.

…

'Rose, Rose!' Lissa shook me as I slowly opened my eyes. I must have fallen asleep, crying.

'Rose!' Lissa insisted. Her sense of urgency flooded me and I sat up straight on the sofa. My hair was matted all along one side of my face.

'What happened? Are you okay? What's wrong?' I fired questions at her, as all the possibilities of Strigoi attacking her ran through my head.

'No, no, I'm okay,' Lissa's eyes were blood shot, 'Dimitri's been in an accident. We need to go,'

I felt my blood run cold as I stared at her blankly. Lissa shook me again, 'Rose, did you hear me? Dimitri's hurt, we have to go,'

I nodded at her silently as I rose from my bed. My mind was blank, as if it was trying to reject this piece of information. Lissa piled me into Christian's car whilst we sped towards the site of the accident. Eddie was on the phone to Lissa the whole time and from what I could gather from Eddie and Lissa, Dimitri had sped out of the house on his motorcycle, and Eddie saw him. Sensing something was wrong, Eddie followed him closely. A car had sideswiped Dimitri and knocked him off his motorbike. Eddie saw Dimitri's body slam into the side barriers on the freeway, and fall limp on the side. Then, as Eddie pulled over to help, a group of Strigoi started to advance towards Dimitri; but thankfully, because it was peak hour traffic, they retreated back into the shadows once a crowd of people started to gather around them. 'Hurry, the ambulance have been called, so Lissa we need you to come over to heal him before that,' Eddie said urgently.

I heard myself silently screaming.

…

Dimitri looked so lifeless when we reached him. I'm sure Christian broke every road rule in the book as he drove us towards the scene. Lissa promptly walked over to Dimitri and placed her hands on his chest; Christian, Alberta and Adrian worked at scattering the crowds and liaising with the police. I walked towards Lissa, feeling her Spirit pass through me. It filled me with hope; Dimitri will be okay. Lissa is a champion healer.

A few minutes later, Lissa opened her eyes and looked at me tearfully.

'What's wrong?' I demanded, my voice came out as a croak.

'I don't know what's happening, but he's still not waking up; I don't know why,' Lissa whispered.

'What do you mean?' I half-shouted, 'Why can't you heal him?'

'I don't know, Rose, I don't know. It's never happened like this before,' tears started to brim over.

I looked around frantically. There had to be a solution. 'Adrian!' I called out, rushing over to him, 'You have to heal Dimitri, you know how to heal right? Macca's taught you how to heal…'

'Rose,' Adrian gripped my shoulders tightly, 'I don't know how to heal better than Lissa…'

'HEAL HIM ADRIAN!' I screamed, 'You HAVE to do something! You HAVE TO!'

Adrian nodded and walked over to Dimitri, casting me tentative looks. He closed his eyes, and I held onto all the hope there was in the world.

'I'm sorry, Rose,' Adrian said after a few minutes, his shoulders slumped.

'No,' I cried, 'No, you're not trying hard enough!'

'Rose…' Lissa started. I could hear tears in her voice, 'We tried; I don't know…'

'NO!' I screamed at her, 'YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH!'

'Ma'am, we need you to step aside,' a blonde policeman intervened. I shouted something at him, and he and his colleague had to restrain me by force, as the paramedics arrived to take Dimitri away to the hospital. I was given a couple of pills to help me calm down, and once the police were satisfied that I wouldn't hurt myself or the people around me, drove me to the Royal Melbourne Hospital. Lissa kept trying to talk to me, but it was all background noise. I was broken inside – what could these humans do that Morois with special powers couldn't?

When we walked into the emergency room, Dimitri was lying unconscious on the starched hospital bed. His head was covered in bandages. It's your fault; a little voice said within me, if you hadn't told him, he would've been safe. Lissa went to speak with the doctors to find out his current situation.

'The doctor said that there's a lot of internal bleeding and that there's only a 10 percent chance that he will live,' Lissa sobbed, her words running into each other, 'They're going to operate on him and see what they can do,'

All I could do was stare at her. 10 percent chance. Operation. A car side swiped him. Speeding. I couldn't think straight. 10 percent chance.

I turned to look at the doctor. His eyes were bloodshot. It must've been a long day for him. He looked like he was in his mid-50s. His eyes were bloodshot, but kind and sympathetic. He must be used to dealing with distressed families. Distressed. Was that what I was? I wasn't sure. All I could hear in my head were 'operation and '10 percent chance'.

10 percent chance. That wasn't high at all.

'Rose!' Lissa sobbed as she shook me, 'Please say something,'

So I looked into the doctor's kind eyes and begged, 'Please save him, he's all I've got,'

He nodded somberly and motioned for his team to go through the doors of the operating theatre. Lissa held onto me tightly, as I felt the brunt of her emotions hit me. I staggered towards a chair and sat myself down. Christian handed me some water and I took it, as I continued to stare blankly at the white hospital walls. I heard Lissa sobbing down the hallway, as Christian tried to soothe her. Alberta was pacing in front of me as Adrian sat next to me, not knowing quite what to say. I oscillated between wanting to scream, and wanting to cry; between wanting to take my sorrow out on the walls, and wanting to curl up in a ball so the whole world would fade away.

10 percent chance. I couldn't lose hugged me tightly He has to live. Dimitri, please, I silently begged, you have to live, what will I do without you?

…

5 hours later, the doctor walked through the doors of the operating theatre, looking tired and solemn. In my catatonic state, I didn't even bother walking up to him to ask how Dimitri was. Lissa hurled herself at the doctor, and fired away questions, not bothering to wait for the answer.

'Dimitri is okay for now,' the doctor said wearily.

'What do you mean for now?' Lissa demanded.

'He's out of the danger zone, but he will require intense monitoring over the next few days because anything could happen,'

Lissa breathed a sigh of relief and turned to me, 'Did you hear that Rose? He's okay, Rose, he's okay,'

I looked up at Lissa, and before I knew what hit me, felt sobs rack through my body. Lissa rushed over to hold me as she rubbed her hands up and down my back soothingly. 'It was my fault,' I sobbed as relief, anguish, frustration, and fear overwhelmed me.

'It's not your fault; how is it your fault?' Lissa reasoned, which only served to make me sob harder.

'Mrs. Ozera,' the doctor started - it was strange hearing someone call Lissa that, 'Mr. Belikov will be at the Intensive Care Unit for the next week, and I'm afraid I can only afford to let Ms. Hathaway and one other guest in at a time. Ms. Hathaway because she was listed as Mr. Belikov's next of kin,'

Next of kin. Was that what I was? Dimitri's next of kin?

Lissa nodded, 'Thank you so much, doctor. Thank you so, so much. You don't know how much this means to us,'

He nodded sagely, 'Remember, he still needs intensive care. He's not entirely safe. Anything could happen over the next week. He should wake in the next 24 to 48 hours; but when he does, I want you to take extreme care not to excite him too much. It could cause a rupture in his brain, and he may start hemorrhaging. We need him stabilized over the next week,'

Lissa nodded eagerly, 'I promise we'll look after him,'

The doctor nodded and left with his team. 'He's safe, Rose,' Lissa repeated to me, 'He's safe, we'll be able to see him soon,'

I shook my head, 'I can't. I can't see him,'

'What do you mean?' Lissa demanded, 'The doctor said you can see him, you're his next of kin. I'm sure he'll want to see you when he wakes up. You guys can put aside all this silly nonsense that you have been arguing about. We nearly lost him, Rose; these doctors did what Adrian and I couldn't do,'

'He won't want to see me, Liss,' I said brokenly, 'You heard the doctor, we can't excite him too much. We might lose him,'

'Well, I'm sure he'll be excited to see you, but I'm sure he won't be so excited that he ruptures a blood vessel!' Lissa was incredulous.

I shook my head, 'I need to go home, please look after him for me, Liss,'

As I got up to leave, Lissa held my shoulders and spun me around. 'What the hell is going on?' she demanded, as frustration and anguish coursed through the bond, 'Why don't you want to see him? Does Dimitri not mean anything to you anymore?'

Tears seeped out of the side of my eyes. 'Of course he does,' I whispered, 'But it's my fault he's lying on a hospital bed, broken. Dimitri's never broken. It's my fault,'

'Oh Rose,' Lissa sighed and pulled me into a hug.

We eventually came to a compromise. I would go over to the Intensive Care Unit, but I wouldn't be there when he woke up.

His eyes were closed, as if he were sleeping peacefully. He was covered in bandages, and was hooked up to a myriad of tubes. My heart squeezed painfully as I saw him lie there helplessly. The heart rate monitor was beeping steadily, indicating that he was alive.

'Oh baby,' I breathed out as Lissa quickly whipped out her mobile, 'Why didn't I think of this before!'

'What?' I asked, but Lissa merely smiled.

'Macca,' Lissa spoke into the phone, 'We really, really need your help… It's Dimitri. There's been an accident,'

Questions swirled around my head. Why couldn't Lissa heal now? Would Macca really be able to help? He's much more knowledgeable and a lot more powerful than Lissa and Adrian combined but…

'He's on his way,' Lissa informed curtly, 'Don't worry, Rose. We'll find a way to heal him,'

I sat silently next to Dimitri as we waited for Macca to arrive. His hand was warm as I held it between mine. He smelt exactly like the sterilized hospital sheets, but I managed to catch a whiff of his aftershave. Tears threatened to overwhelm me again as I imagined what it was like for him to leave the house after I broke the news to him, hop onto his motorbike and speed away into the night.

'It's okay, Rose, don't worry,' Lissa tried to comfort me as I tried to control my sobs.

'Liss, I have a confession to make,' I turned to her, my eyes avoiding hers. Lissa looked at me patiently as I squirmed in my seat and tried to compose myself, 'Liss, I'm pregnant,'

Lissa stared at me blankly for a few seconds, her eyes flitting back and forth between mine, taking a few seconds to register what I just told her. 'I just found out today,' I continued, 'I went to see Dr. Volkov. Before I told you or Adrian, I wanted to tell Dimitri first. I didn't want him to hear it from someone else. I told him,'

'I told him, Liss, I told him,' I started to sob, 'And he said he was going to hand in his resignation papers, he was going to leave. He said he didn't know how this was ever going to work,'

I held my head in my hands as the tears kept falling, 'And then he left the house. He hopped onto his motorcycle and sped off. And here he is now, Liss. Here he is now. It's all my fault, and I don't know what to do. I can't lose him,'

Lissa was silent for what seemed like forever as my sobs echoed around the room. 'I shouldn't have told him, I should've let him explain all those weeks ago,' I continued to rant, not knowing where this was taking me, 'We were so happy, Lissa, and now he's here. He's barely hanging on; I mustn't be here when he wakes up, I need to go home. He won't want to see me here,'

I stood up to leave, but Lissa held me down. She reached out to wipe my tears, still choosing to remain silent, whilst doing an amazing job of keeping her emotions from me. She was thoughtful like that – she knew I would pick up any judgment, even the slightest, on her part and it really wouldn't be helpful now. She hugged me tightly.

'Lissa, I don't know what to do,' I cried into her hair, 'I've broken him,'

'Shh,' Lissa said soothingly, rubbing circles on my back, 'It's okay, we'll bring him back, he's safe for now. The doctor said so remember? Shh, it will all be okay. You need to calm down, it's not good for your baby,'

'I don't want it!' I half shouted, pulling back from Lissa, 'Look what it's done!'

'Rose, the baby's innocent,' Lissa chided sternly. I slumped back into my chair and sighed defeatedly, 'I know. It's my fault. I shouldn't have gotten drunk and slept with Adrian,'

Lissa looked at me sadly for a few minutes when her phone beeped. 'Macca's here,' she said, as she got up to fetch him, 'I'll use compulsion on the nurses so they'll let him in,'

I turned to Dimitri's silent form on the bed and reached out to stroke his cheek. 'I love you,' I whispered softly, 'I know it doesn't make a difference to you now, but I love you. Please come back, please wake up. I promise if you do, I'll leave. I'll never bother you again, I'll never hurt you again. Just, please open your eyes. I'll go back to America, I'll give up guarding Lissa. Please Dimitri. I love you…'

I thought I saw his eyelids twitch, but that could've been my imagination. I stared at him for a few minutes, and saw nothing move again. His heartbeat was constant. At least there was that, I comforted myself, at least he's still alive.

I heard the door open a few minutes later as Lissa showed Macca in. Macca shook his head in disbelief at the sight of Dimitri and said, 'Okay, let's get down to business,'

I moved out of the way to let Macca sit beside Dimitri. Lissa held onto me tightly, whilst I maintained a death grip on her, willing with all my heart that Dimitri would wake up. Macca assumed the same position as Lissa did, and closing his eyes, placed both his hands on Dimitri's chest.

And again, nothing happened. The wounds didn't heal. Dimitri didn't open his eyes. I started to breathe heavily as panic rose within me. Macca opened his eyes and looked worried, 'He's blocking me out,'

'What do you mean?' I cried, semi-hysterically.

'I tried to walk his dreams, but I only managed to vaguely catch sight of him sitting next to a lake in what looked like remote wilderness in Siberia, before I was sent hurtling back into darkness,'

'What does that mean? Is he okay?' I heard my voice rising.

Macca rubbed his temples and furrowed his eyebrows, 'Sometimes, Rose. Rarely, but sometimes, when someone has lost the will to live, they can refuse everything, even magic, even Spirit. The reason why Lissa and Adrian couldn't heal him before was because the darkness surrounding him was too strong for them; hell, it was nearly too strong for me. I didn't get to see Dimitri for long, but he was staring at a deep, black lake. I vaguely heard him ask himself whether he should jump. When he turned and saw me, his eyes were black. I don't think I've ever seen Dimitri like that before. He knew you sent me, so he blocked me out. I couldn't get through to him. The doctors saved him physically – Dimitri's soul has less control over his physical wounds, but to aide his recovery, to actually save him, we need to heal his soul. But…'

There was a long pause, 'he won't be healed,'

'No,' a single word escaped my lips as I felt my knees crumple beneath me. I heard Lissa call out my name, but equally, I felt the darkness consume me. No.